Lord of the Movie: Fellowship of the Movie
by Mareth Rowe
Summary: An interesting parody of the famous LOTR series, in which Lizzo Baggins must travel with a company of nine to Mordor to destroy a deadly Movie of Power. Rated mostly for language and very small mention of pipeweed. I've only got the first fifteen chapte
1. Prologue: Story of the Movie

(Text appears on the screen, as it scrolls down, it is read out loud.)  
  
Narrator: Dearest Viewer, for those of you who loved Lord of the Rings, you will hate this movie. For those of you who thought no other movie could be made that would be better than Lord of the Rings, you will hate this movie (We mean no insult to the following: Lord of the Rings fans). Not only will you find it insulting, but you will also find it silly, stupid, and (if you catch yourself thinking so) funny. This movie totally makes fun of almost everything about Lord of the Rings or has been changed for our amusement. We found making this movie much more enjoyable than picking our noses and standing on our heads (We mean no insult to the following: nose pickers and head standers).  
Upon making this movie, we have noticed that we have made fun of things that are considered as offensive to others. We would therefore like to apologize to the following and ensure that no insults are bearing upon them. *Phone solicitors *Peter Jackson *Kristina Faricy *Rachel Boltz *Jessica Taylor *James Bartholomew *Megan Mahoney *Mumsy *Jennifer Walker *Kenneth, Andrew, and Noel Horton *Brittany Severance *Tom Selleck *Walgreens *Michael Boehm *Ashley Filbrant  
*David Bowie *Old lady who lives down the road who has  
been so nice as to let  
us use her yard as a very constructive sight for  
many battle scenes  
on account of all the leaves. *Old lady's yard (We would therefore like to state that the old lady has a very nice yard and we mean no disrespect). *Lawyers *Senior Citizens *Sears' Employees *Severely obese  
individuals  
We thank you for your understanding and let it be known that the above are entitled to a full-fledged apology (Except Bob Saggot and Elizabeth Horton, because they are both foolish people who do not deserve an apology because everything about them is true). So please, don't sue. (A brief pause) By the way, if you have taken anything that has been said seriously, we would like to give you our deepest sympathy because you are a retard. We suggest you either obtain a helmet or bang yourself over the head many times to rid us of your stupidity. Enjoy the movie.  
  
Narrator: (In a distant, very serious voice) The world is changed. I feel it in the water, I hear it in the Earth, I smell it in the air. Much that once was, is now lost-for none now live who remember it.  
  
(As we see the title of the movie, we hear Annoying Movie Goer speak)  
  
Annoying Movie Goer: Well that just gives it all away!  
  
Other Audience Member: Shh!  
  
Annoying Movie Goer: Don't "shush" me, you ninny!  
  
Prologue Narrator: It began with the making of the Great Movies.  
  
(We see the DVD's: Willow, The Tenth Kingdom, and Labyrinth. They are upon a wooden table-you could call it Elvish)  
  
Narrator: Three fantasy movies were given to the Elves, who would understand them better.  
  
(Elf#1 picks up Labyrinth; Elf#2 picks up Willow; Elf#3 picks up The Tenth Kingdom. The Elves study their movies for a while, each one looking at their procession with great awe and pride. Then, they start arguing)  
  
Elf#1: (Scowling and frowning at Elf#2) No way! Prince Jared is way more powerful than Willow ever was!  
  
Elf#2: (Eyeing Elf#1 with severe dislike) That's bull, and you know it!  
  
Elf#3: (Looking at their movie, looking very upset and tired) Why did I pick The Tenth Kingdom? It-doesn't-end!  
  
(We now see a stone table, containing seven Disney movies. One of them is Snow White and the Seven Dwarves, but the other six can be anything)  
  
Narrator: Seven Disney movies were given to the Dwarf-Lords-who had an exquisite imagination.  
  
(Dwarf#3 picks up Snow White, while the other six dwarves pick up the other movies. Each Dwarf is studying their prize with honor; the way Dwarves are, of course. But Dwarf#3 is studying his movie with great curiosity)  
  
Dwarf#3: (Motions over to Dwarf#2) Hey, dude! This dwarf on Snow White and the Seven Dwarves kinda looks like you!  
  
(Dwarf#2 looks at the movie in the hands of Dwarf#3 with a bit of a smile on his face. But his smile turns into a frown and eventually into a scowl as he studies the movie further. Infuriated, Dwarf#2 begins to slap Dwarf#3 in the face)  
  
Dwarf#3: (Screaming in pain, dropping the movie, and covering his face to escape the blows he is receiving) Ouch! It was a compliment! Ouch!  
  
(We now see the Nine Kings of Men. Each of them holds an action movie in their hands and is wearing a look of malice and power upon their faces)  
  
Narrator: And nine action movies were gifted to the race of Men-who, above all else, desire power.  
  
(Then, we see the Nine Kings of Men standing in an entertainment room, with beer mugs in their hands and watching an action movie, cheering as something explodes on screen)  
  
Narrator: (In a careless tone) And fiery crash scenes, slapstick comedy, and blonde girls in tube-tops  
  
(King of Man#1 shouts happily, spilling beer upon the floor. King of Man#2 ducks as King of Man#5 takes off his cloak and waves it around drunkenly, shouting with pride as he does so. King of Man#6 dashes into the room wearing a toga and shouting triumphantly. Next, we see a map of middle earth as the Narrator speaks)  
  
Narrator: For within these movies was the power to govern each race in Middle Earth-but they were all of them deceived-  
  
(We now see a recording studio, where the Narrator is sitting on a stool with the script in her hands to aid her as she reads the story into the microphone, but she stops as she sees that they have stopped recording. Annoying Studio Guy enters the room and walks up to the Narrator)  
  
Narrator: (A bit angry at the moment) What'd you stop it for? I was on a roll!  
  
Annoying Studio Guy: (Waving his hand, indicating he didn't mean anything) I'm sorry, miss-you're doin' great-but I kind of found something that really troubled me with what you said.  
  
Narrator: (Raises an eyebrow quizzically) Uh, okay. What?  
  
Annoying Studio Guy: Well, uh-(Looks at clipboard for support, then back at Narrator) I was just sittin' there, mindin' my own business, when I kind of heard you say, "But they were all of them deceived".  
  
Narrator: (Scowls) So?  
  
Annoying Studio Guy: Well, I don't think that sounds right-grammatically.  
  
Narrator: (Blinks at Annoying Studio Guy, as if expecting more. When nothing else is said, she frowns) What do you mean by that, exactly?  
  
Annoying Studio Guy: (Rubs his neck nervously) I mean, we know you're talking about them, but do you have to say it again?  
  
Narrator: (Shaking her head in curiosity) I-don't really know what you-?  
  
Annoying Studio Guy: (Saying this very quickly, trying not to be a bother) I'm just saying that it'd probably sound better if you said, "But they were all deceived" or "But all of them were deceived", ya know; as not to offend our grammatical audience.  
  
Narrator: (Angrily indicates the script in her hands as she speaks, occasionally glancing at the Annoying Studio Guy) Look, I'm just reading what I've got on this script! If you had such a problem with it, you shoulda talked to the scriptwriter!  
  
Annoying Studio Guy: (Looking very awkward at the moment, not wanting to admit he is embarrassed) Oh. Well-carry on.  
  
(Annoying Studio Guy leaves, and when he exits, the recording light comes back on. Narrator rolls her eyes before she goes back to reading)  
  
Narrator: For another movie was made.  
  
(We see Jauron-looking very normal, and quite human-like in appearance- examining many tapes and filmstrips: they are the Lord of the Rings footage he has saved. The Narrator speaks as he sorts)  
  
Narrator: Long ago, in a far-off place-you could call it New Zealand-Peter Jackson crafted a wonderful, awesome movie of epic proportions: Lord of the Rings. Despite the fact that he had made a great movie when everybody believed it impossible, Peter Jackson was not pleased with the ending of the movie. So, he sought to put all three films together on one, solitary DVD.  
  
(Jauron picks up a DVD and examines it, occasionally glancing at the filmstrips and tapes nearby)  
  
Narrator: Everybody believed it impossible and foolish. Nobody can place over nine hours of movie onto one disc! It was insanity to many, and many of the special effects and pre-existing filmmakers abandoned Peter Jackson in his plan. So, Peter Jackson was forced to do it alone, working hour after hour on crafting a nine-hour movie onto one DVD.  
  
(We see Jauron smile fondly as he pushes buttons at a massive computer. It is a few months from whence we saw him last, and he looks rather weary and different. Nobody is in the room other than him-silence clouds the area, interrupted occasionally by the sounds the computer releases as a button is pushed or something pops up on the screen)  
  
Narrator: And then, when everybody believed it inconceivable and mad, Peter Jackson had done the impossible. Using his supreme skill and craftsmanship with the computer, he had placed each film-unedited and in perfect condition-upon one disc.  
  
(Jauron takes the DVD out of the CD-drive and looks it over with satisfaction mirrored upon his weary face)  
  
Narrator: But a problem arose from the awesome movie: there was nowhere to play the movie. He tried a simple DVD player.  
  
(Jauron places the DVD into a regular DVD player. After a few seconds, the DVD player's drive opens up, spits out the movie, and explodes; fragments of machinery fly everywhere in the room. Jauron looks undaunted)  
  
Narrator: .but it didn't work. So, he tried placing it in a regular computer with a program to play DVDs.  
  
(Jauron places the movie into the CD-drive of a computer, clicking the play icon on the program to play DVDs. After a few seconds, the computer's CD- drive opens, spits out the movie, and explodes; fragments of computer machinery flies everywhere. Still, Jauron looks undaunted)  
  
Narrator: .but that didn't work, either. So, Jauron bought everything needed to build a very advanced computer, with the fastest boot-up rate and the ability to play long, strenuous hours of movies on it.  
  
(Jauron is smiling idly at a massive computer, looking very advanced in technology. There is no question at its abilities as we see it. Slowly, Jauron places the great movie inside the CD-drive and closes it. We see him click on the play symbol upon the computer screen. He waits for a few seconds. Suddenly, the computer starts sputtering and smoking. Jauron's eyes widen in disbelief)  
  
Narrator: .but he failed to realize that building a computer is quite difficult, and the ability to do so is given only to those that are highly skilled at it. So.it wasn't technically the fault of the DVD, but.  
  
(We see the CD-drive open, spit out the movie, and explode into a million pieces. This time, Jauron looks slightly frazzled)  
  
Narrator: .we cannot ignore the fact that his last plan didn't work, either. So finally, Jauron decided to do a very difficult task-most likely more difficult than making a computer, considering that this task had never been done before. But he was in a rut, and he was tired of things exploding on him, so he attempted it.  
  
(We see Jauron working on the disc, carefully etching a play and a stop symbol upon the disc)  
  
Narrator: What he planned was to place a play and stop symbol upon the DVD. In his mind, he believed that doing so would work, considering he was making a player within the movie, so it could deal with dispersing the movie and staying stationary at the same time. And so.after hours of toil and many boxes of Hostess doughnuts.he did it.  
  
(Jauron lifts up the movie with a smile upon his face, and we see that he is holding the DVD, but with a stop and play symbol blazing brightly upon the surface)  
  
Narrator: Peter Jackson managed to place a play and stop symbol upon the disc.  
  
(Jauron pushes the play symbol, and he flinches at first-as if expecting it to explode on him. But he recovers himself after a moment, suddenly realizing that the movie is playing through a small ray dispersing from the movie)  
  
Narrator: .and it actually worked.  
  
(Jauron smiles at the movie, expecting great things with this object now that he has overcome two difficult feats in two leaps)  
  
Narrator: Needless to say, Jackson wished to produce this object to the public-because that's the way a free-market economy works, right? Anyways, he sought out different stores all around the world to sell his work.all of them turning him down. For one thing, the movie was ridiculously over- priced, causing many economic physics to state that if Jackson attempted to sell the film, it would cause many of the richest billionaires to go bankrupt. Another reason was the fact that it was too difficult to make- Jackson had spent over three months working upon his work, and that was just the one disc; people didn't have that much time or money to do such a thing-besides, they had better things to do and sell.  
  
(We see Typical Store Manager opening up a large box of extra soft toilet paper. He looks about to make sure nobody is watching, then rubs a package of the toilet paper on his face adoringly)  
  
Typical Store Manager: (In a soft, reassuring voice) Oh, soft toilet paper- I love you.  
  
(We see Jauron standing a fair distance away, watching the scene with a disappointed look upon his face-he had been defeated by toilet paper. With that, he leaves the store)  
  
Narrator: And so, Jackson sought out the few, exile-driven Lord of the Rings fans. He believed that-if anyone was to accept his idea for the Lord of the Rings movie-it would be them. Them, who supported Jackson and lived by the three movies crafted by him, would surely accept his idea. But Jackson had been arrogant once more. The Lord of the Rings fans were great supporters of tradition, their society based upon the orthodox belief that one must watch the movies one at a time to appreciate the pure joy of it. Not only was Jackson's idea spurned, but it was most likely feared. Needless to say, the Lord of the Rings fans dismissed Jackson in an orderly fashion.  
  
(Jauron shouts as he is thrown out of a Lord of the Rings meeting area. He looks back at LOTR Geek#1&2 in shock)  
  
Narrator: (In a shrugging type of voice) Well.somewhat orderly.  
  
LOTR Geek#1: (In a very nasal type voice) And stay out, you big ingrate!  
  
LOTR Geek#2: (In a very geeky voice) Yeah! Blasphemer of tradition! "Three movies on one disc" indeed! What kind of animals do you take us for, Jackson? Gees!  
  
(LOTR Geeks slam the door to their headquarters, leaving poor Jauron sitting upon his bum in the street. A car rushes by and splashes a puddle right on Jauron. Cursing, the director hops out of the way. We hear Driver of Car yell as he drives away)  
  
Driver of Car: (Angrily) Get outta the road, ya geek! Go play Dungeons & Dragons or something!  
  
Narrator: (In a serious tone) It is fair to say that things were looking very rough for Jackson. He tried endlessly to sell his idea to different manufactures, but his idea wouldn't sell; and we mean everyone!  
  
(We see Jauron walk out of an Adult Film store, his eyes wide and his face pulled in a bemused expression)  
  
Jauron: (Looking back at the store) I guess they have even lower expectations.  
  
Narrator: It seemed to Jackson that the best thing to do was to give up-but that would be the end of the story and it wouldn't be much fun, so SHUT UP AND LISTEN! HEY! YOU, IN THE BACK! YEAH YOU! DON'T THINK I DON'T SEE YOU HEADIN' TOWARDS THE DOOR! SIT YOUR BUTT BACK DOWN MISTER! HEY! DON'T GIVE ME THAT LOOK! I SAW YOU SNEAK IN WITH YOUR CURLY HEADED BUDDY NEXT TO YOU! DON'T MAKE ME GET THE USHER! Anyways-(Seriously) when things were looking the worst for Jackson, he discovered a marvelous thing! He was able to transport himself into Middle-earth! What? (In a bemused tone) You want to know how he got there? Well, we had a really good reason for it-but we lost the original script and the footage we shot for that scene. So.let's make due with this drawing done by one of the editor's, six-year- old sons, shall we?  
  
(We see a horribly drawn stick-figure drawing, indicating Jauron standing next to a crooked rectangle, which is supposed to represent a door)  
  
Narrator: (In a quick, careless tone) Jauron was able to draw a door in the wall, and it seemed to transport him into another dimension.  
  
(We see the drawing change to a picture of Jauron falling into an abyss of many squiggly lines and spirals-even Jauron's eyes are spirals, supposing indicating the madness of it all)  
  
Narrator: (In the same careless manor) Well, once he stopped falling into the strange dimension, he found himself in Middle-earth.which he took up a home in.  
  
(The picture changes to Jauron standing on the ground, with many different, short stick-figures with squiggles on top of their head; there's also tall stick figures, with yellow lines drooping from their heads, indicating long hair. The sun is shining in the picture, which has a happy face in there. There are arrows pointing to the short stick figures that read, "Hobbits" and arrows pointing to the tall stick figures reading, "Elves". There's even an arrow indicating the sun. The picture fades as the Narrator speaks)  
  
Narrator: (Seriously) Once Jackson had entered Middle-earth, he began to seek out people to manufacture his movie. To his surprise and joy, many were interested in the movie. Not only were the people intrigued with how Middle-earth was interpreted, but the hobbits were quite pleased that pretty, skinny-built actors were chosen to play the main hobbits, while atrociously fat ones were chosen to play the ugly, passer-by hobbits. Jackson began to make plans to sell his movie to the loyal citizens of Middle-earth.until something really strange happened.  
  
(We see Jauron pull out the movie and stare at it intently-as if suddenly transfixed with it in a way he's never been before)  
  
Narrator: Jackson noticed that his movie had a mind of its own. Somehow in the production process, Jackson had caused the movie to think and act in a way only it could see fit. Yet, the movie was now transfixed upon its master-the one whom had created it could tell it what to do. It was only Peter Jackson who knew how to control it. The director suddenly realized what was before him now. Before, his life had been full of embarrassment and failure due to the movie; but now, the world was open for his taking-a world full of "yes". He had heard of the legendary "Movies of Power" bestowed upon the different races-why couldn't he have his own? More importantly, why couldn't he own all of them?  
  
(We now see a map of Middle-earth close in around Mordor)  
  
Narrator: Jackson retreated into the dark recesses of Mordor, gathering his followers and servants to work for him. And there, Jackson began his plots for power and dominance over all of Middle-earth. It was in Mordor- (We see Mount Doom explode in the distance)  
  
Narrator: .in the fires of Mount Doom-  
  
(We see Jauron in his Dark Lord form, looking very powerful and awesome as he extends his hands into the flames of the mountain, slowly withdrawing the movie from the flames)  
  
Narrator: .that Peter Jackson changed his title from a mere director to Jauron, the Dark Lord of Middle Earth and master to the movie. Into this One Movie, he sought to make it the master of all others. Into this Movie, he poured his cruelty.his malice.and his will to dominate all life.(In a careless voice, more to herself) Kind of makes all those judges of the Oscars second-guess themselves, doesn't it? Oh! Well, anyway.  
  
(We see Jauron's hand grasping the movie-now the One Movie of Power, with the language of Mordor around its rim)  
  
Narrator: (In a serious tone) One Movie to rule-them-all.  
  
(We now see the Minions of the Dark Lord closing in upon different towns of Men, burning as they go and fulfilling acts of evil for their master. Men and women are running around, trying to escape from the Minions of the Dark Lord)  
  
Narrator: (In a forlorn tone) One by one, each of the Free Lands of Middle- earth fell to the power of the Movie.  
  
Man#1: (Shouting over his shoulder towards the Minions of the Dark Lord, who follow his group closely) Okay! It was a great movie, but don't make us watch it again!  
  
Narrator: But there were some who resisted.  
  
(Now we see Soldier of Man#1 talking to Child#1 and Child#2)  
  
Soldier of Man#1: (In a friendly voice) Okay, kids! What do we say when a Dark Lord comes up to us and asks us to join forces with him?  
  
Child#1 & Child#2: (In confident voices) JUST SAY NO!  
  
Soldier of Man#1: (Patting each child on the shoulder to recognition) Very good children! And then run really fast because he's probably gonna want to kill you.  
  
(We have a sky-view of Elves and Men approaching Mount Doom, with Minions of the Dark Lord coming towards them with outstanding number, ready to defend their land)  
  
Narrator: A last alliance of Elves and Men marched to the slopes of Mount Doom. And there-they fought for the freedom of Middle Earth.  
  
(Minions of the Dark Lord hiss as they attack furiously, but the Elves take them down with their arrows. Still it is not enough. The Minions of the Dark Lord attack again, their black pikes and swords ready to attack. Noelrond begins to shout out orders for his Elven army)  
  
Noelrond: Elven Army! Position yourselves!  
  
(Elves march to the front of the group, gripping their swords tightly and waiting for the command as the enemy approaches. When the enemy is only a few feet, Noelrond shouts the command)  
  
Noelrond: (In a demanding tone) NOW!  
  
(The Elves in the back shoot arrows at the approaching force, while the Elves in the front swing up their swords and cause the approaching enemy to fall)  
  
Noelrond: (In an encouraging shout) Good! Now line up and do it again-if at all possible.  
  
(Now we see the actual hand-to-hand combat between Minions of the Dark Lord, Men, and Elves. As you may have guessed, many of the Men and Elves are winning, stabbing Orcs and goblins. Then, we see Soldier of Man#1 bending near the fatally wounded body of Soldier of Man#2)  
  
Soldier of Man#1: (Sobbing) Oh, daddy! Daddy! Don't leave us, daddy!  
  
Soldier of Man#2: (Sits up weakly) I'm-not-your dad-kid.  
  
Soldier of Man#1: (Stops sobbing and looks highly embarrassed) Oh, I'm sorry, sir! (Goes to Soldier of Man#3, who is also fatally wounded. Starts sobbing again) Oh, daddy! Don't leave us daddy! Please live, daddy!  
  
Soldier of Man#3: (Weakly) I'm-not-your dad. I'm-your-brother.  
  
Soldier of Man#1: (Stops sobbing and looks embarrassed again) Sorry, dude. I'll just come back when I've found dad. (Pats Soldier of Man#3 on the shoulder)  
  
Soldier of Man#3: (Moans painfully) Ow! It burns! Why won't this end?  
  
Soldier of Man#1: (In a carefree tone) Don't worry! I'll be back in no time. (Gets up and leaves. Soldier of Man#3 watches Soldier of Man#1 leave, looking very upset)  
  
Soldier of Man#3: (In a weak tone) I-am-so-telling mom-about this!  
  
Narrator: Victory was near.  
  
Robsildur's Father: (Raises sword triumphantly) Yes! I'm goin' to Disneyland!  
  
(Noelrond-who has just finished off a ferocious looking Orc-looks to the distance and his face falls. For a moment, the fighting seems to stop)  
  
Narrator: But the power of the movie could not be undone.  
  
(Jauron advances towards the opposing force, the movie on a chain around his neck as he comes towards the army. He approaches slowly, with powerful strides)  
  
Noelrond: (Angrily) Ah crap.  
  
Narrator: Once Jauron pushed the unique play chip upon the DVD, he was virtually indestructible.  
  
(Jauron pushes play chip and comes towards the army. The opposing army looks at him with wide mouths, both frightened yet shocked at the awesome figure this Dark Lord is)  
  
Soldier of Man#4: (Stammering as he speaks) Uh, hi, Jauron-mister Dark Lord, dude. Perhaps we could talk about this before you do anything rash?  
  
(Jauron raises his massive sword and swings it with almighty strength at the forces in front of him. Men and Elves go flying and they shout out in pain)  
  
Soldier of Man#4: (Shouting as he flies away) I guess this means we won't be talking!  
  
(Jauron seems unstoppable. Every time somebody tries to advance upon him, he tosses them aside with a swish of his sword. With a determined look on his face, Robsildur's Father advances towards the awesome creature that is Jauron. Robsildur sees what his father is doing and shouts for him to stop, but Robsildur's Father appears to not have heard. Instead, he advances upon Jauron, determined to defeat this creature even though it is virtually impossible. With one motion, Jauron disposes of Robsildur's Father, who goes flying and hits a rock wall)  
  
Robsildur's Father: (Weakly) Ouch. (Slides down wall and dies)  
  
Robsildur: (Runs to his father's aid, only to find that he is too late. He takes off his battle helmet as his eyes fill with tears at the sight of his dead father) Father! (Weeping, he pulls his father close to him, wishing he could come alive and ease the pain building inside him)  
  
Narrator: It was in this moment-when all hope had failed-when Robsildur, son of the King-  
  
(Jauron advances upon Robsildur, who looks up into the face of the one who killed his father. For a moment, he is petrified by fear at the awesome build of the enemy)  
  
Narrator: .took up his father's sword!  
  
(Robsildur takes the broken blade resting next to his father's body as Jauron extends a massive hand towards him, ready to take the life of the King's son as well. Robsildur shouts as he swings the broken blade in an upward motion and accidentally cuts the chain that bears the Movie of Power. Jauron unleashes an inhumane shriek as the movie leaves his neck and falls slowly to the earth. The camera follows its slow descent towards the ground. Once it hits the ground, Robsildur looks up at Jauron)  
  
Robsildur: Holy snikies!  
  
(Jauron begins to emit a white light from him, and the earth begins to shutter violently. The camera moves across the faces of the soldiers who are fighting-each one with a look of confusion and fear upon their faces. The light grows brighter)  
  
Robsildur: (Screams as the light grows and shields his head) Not the hair!  
  
(Jauron suddenly explodes in a flash of white light and smoke. The power of his explosion causes every man fighting to fall down upon the ground. The camera then follows the descent of Jauron's helmet as if falls to the ground. It hits the earth with an almighty crash)  
  
Narrator: Jauron, the enemy of the free lands of Middle Earth, was defeated.  
  
(Amidst the destruction of the battlefield, we see Soldier of Man#5 and Soldier of Man#6 sit up and look at one another with awestruck faces. For a while, nothing is said, their own shock enveloping their emotions.  
  
Soldier of Man#5&6: Wow-that was so-AWESOME! (They begin to hoot as they high-five one another and laugh)  
  
(Robsildur removes his hands from his hand and spots the Movie of Power just a few inches from him. In one instant, he grabs it. The Movie of Power is steaming from the amount of power it has siphoned towards its master. Robsildur stares in wonderment at the movie)  
  
Narrator: The Movie passed to Robsildur, who had this one chance to rid evil from the world forever.  
  
(We then see Robsildur riding through a forestland with his troops. The camera closes in upon the movie, which is worn upon a chain about his neck)  
  
Narrator: (In a disgusted tone) But the hearts of Men-are easily corrupted. (In a small voice) Damn Men.  
  
(Robsildur wears a grimace upon his face, as we see him imagine a castle, a burger and fries, bags of money, a new television, and even a very pretty girl)  
  
Narrator: And the Movie-had a will of its own.  
  
(The camera suddenly spots a goblin-like creature hiding in the trees. With a sickening growl, it jumps upon Robsildur, who grunts as he is thrown off his horse. The camera then catches the new battle between the goblins and the Men. Robsildur looks around him, and pulls off the movie as if by instinct. Then, he looks at it-as if suddenly realizing what he has done. Then, he pushes the play-chip and vanishes with a faint whoosh. The camera then follows the pursuit of the invisible man as he runs from the battle and into the lake, occasionally giggling stupidly. There is a splash as he jumps into the river and begins to swim to safety. We get an underwater view as the movie leaves Robsildur, and he becomes visible)  
  
Robsildur: (In an underwater, gurgling type voice) Ah crap!  
  
(In vain, Robsildur tries to grasp the movie, but it is too far from his grasp. The camera then shows two goblins spot Robsildur, and they draw back their arrows and shoot. Back to underwater vision, Robsildur's face suddenly pulls as he is hit in the back with the arrows. One air bubble passes from his mouth before he dies)  
  
Narrator: It betrayed Robsildur-to his death. (We see the movie sink into some seaweed and eventually vanish) And some things-that should not have been forgotten-were, well, lost. (We zoom out to see the woods, peaceful, years after the battle had taken place) History became legend-legend became myth.  
  
(We see the recording studio again, and the Narrator shouts out as she realizes that they had stopped recording again. When Annoying Studio Guy comes in the studio, she eyes him with severe anger)  
  
Narrator: Now what? I was getting to the really good part!  
  
Annoying Studio Guy: Sorry, miss, but some people in the studio-well, just me-have a problem with the statement you just made.  
  
Narrator: (Sighs angrily) Well, what is it this time?  
  
Annoying Studio Guy: (Turns the clipboard in his hands continually as he talks) Well, you just said, "History became legend-legend became myth". Uh- aren't legend and myth the same things?  
  
Narrator: (Very frustrated at the moment) I don't know! Get a freakin' dictionary!  
  
Annoying Studio Guy: Yes, but-!  
  
Narrator: (Shouting, almost beside herself in rage) Here's a question: Why must you keep annoying me with stupid questions?! I'm tryin' to read this damn script and you just keep coming in here with stuff that doesn't even concern me! Why won't you just leave me alone!  
  
Annoying Studio Guy: (Bursts into tears of resentment that cause the Narrator to raise her eyebrows skeptically) I-just wanted-to-be-important! I-I know when I'm-I'm not wanted-! C-Carry-on! (Buries his face in a tissue as he leaves the studio)  
  
Narrator: (Biting her cheek slightly, she sees the light indicating that they're recording again and she continues) And then-(We now go back to underwater vision, where the movie rests peacefully at the bottom of the river, buries slightly in sand) when chance came-the movie ensnared a new bearer. (A hand scoops up the movie with the sand)  
  
(We see the movie resting perfectly in Jenolum's grimy hand as she hisses over it)  
  
Jenolum: My precccioussssss.  
  
(The camera runs along the Misty Mountains as the Narrator speaks)  
  
Narrator: It came to the creature, Jenolum, who took it deep into the Misty Mountains. And there-it consumed her.  
  
(The camera focuses upon the pitiful Jenolum, who sits upon a rock in the middle of an underground lake, ogling at the movie she has claimed as her precious)  
  
Jenolum: (Occasionally stroking the movie adoringly and hissing as she talks) It came to me! It is my love! My own! My love! My precioussssss!  
  
Narrator: The movie brought to Jenolum unnatural long life. For five hundred years, it poisoned her mind. And in the gloom of Jenolum's cave- that smelly, fish strewn, craphole-it waited.  
  
(The scene blacks out and is replaced with a forest in the early evening, an eerie breeze lifting the dying leaves of a beech tree)  
  
Narrator: Darkness crept back into Middle Earth. Rumor grew of a growing evil-whispers of a nameless fear in the east.  
  
(The camera catches the setting of a sun)  
  
Narrator: When it was sure that it wasn't just another reopening of Montgomery Ward, the movie had confirmed: its time had now come.  
  
(Back in the Misty Mountains, we see the movie bounce off the rocks, clinging loudly as it goes)  
  
Narrator: It abandoned Jenolum.  
  
(The screen blacks out momentarily, but comes back to see the movie lying on the dirt of the caves)  
  
Narrator: But something happened then that the movie did not intend. It was picked up by the most unlikely creature-  
  
(We go back to the recording studio, and the Annoying Studio Guy is watching the Narrator apprehensively)  
  
Annoying Studio Guy: A hobgoblin?  
  
Narrator: (Looks up angrily) No, not a "hobgoblin"! Though-that is weird.  
  
(We go back to see the hand of Milbo Baggins touch the movie)  
  
Milbo Baggins: (Sounding very curious) What the heck is this?  
  
(Camera zooms out to catch the face of Milbo Baggins, who is eyeing the movie with curiosity)  
  
Narrator: A hobbit. Milbo Baggins, of the Shire.  
  
Milbo Baggins: (Straightening her glasses, possibly to be sure that her eyes are not deceiving her in the dark of the caves) A movie? A DVD? Hmm? Lord of the Rings-must be a cult classic. (Studies movie carefully) Strange. These two symbols look like a play and stop button. How odd.  
  
(Milbo Baggins looks up abruptly as she hears Jenolum cry out in rage and sadness)  
  
Jenolum: LOST! LOST! MY PRECIOUS IS LOST!  
  
(Uncertain of the danger she is crossing into, Milbo Baggins places the movie in her pocket, while breathing in an out with fear. The camera zooms out to run across the Misty Mountains again)  
  
Narrator: But there would come a time when hobbits would shape the fortunes of all. (The camera still runs across the mountains, even as the Narrator talks, unaware that they are still recording) Boy, what a relief! I'm so tired! My butt's killin' me from sittin' on that stool all day! Can I get some water before I go change? I would just like to-What? (A pause) What do you mean we're still recordin'? (Another pause) But you just-(One more pause and a gasp) Oh crap! Ah, son of a-! (A clicking noise is heard as the recording stops) 


	2. Scene One: Fifty Years Later

Scene One (The camera runs along an old map of Middle Earth, and we hear Milbo Baggins muttering to herself)  
  
Milbo Baggins: Let's see-some day-by Shire reckoning, of course. It is in the Shire-no duh-and in BagEnd. The third age of this world-wish it were the fourth, this year has been really crappy, after all.  
  
(The camera looks up from the map and we see an extremely messy hobbit house. The title of the movie shows on the screen and the camera moves through the house and towards the room where an old Milbo Baggins sits at a desk. She is hunched over a book, writing something and muttering incoherently to herself. The camera catches what she is writing and she says it out loud)  
  
Milbo Baggins: What A Freakin' Weird Journey: A Hobbit's Tale. By: Milbo Baggins. (She smiles fondly at the title) Yes, that will do quite nicely. (Turns the page and puts the end of her quill to her lips, thinking about what to put next) Now, where to begin?  
  
(Milbo Baggins sits there for a moment, biting on the end of the quill, till it finally explodes. She curses and stands up abruptly)  
  
Milbo Baggins: (Angrily) Damn it! Oh dear! That's the fifth one this week!  
  
(Milbo Baggins throws the quill to the ground and goes to another desk. There, she pulls out a drawer. The camera catches over fifty quills in there, and she pulls one out carefully. Cursing slightly, she returns to the desk, and ponders again. Finally she's had an idea)  
  
Milbo Baggins: (Rather brightly) Ah yes! (Dips the quill and begins to write and she reads it out loud) "Concerning Hobbits" (Once again, she ponders for a while. Then, she nods and begins to write)  
  
(The camera zooms out to see hobbits working in gardens and going about their business. Milbo Baggins talks while this goes on)  
  
Voice of Milbo Baggins: Hobbits-are stupid little creatures, with really hairy feet and are often characterized as "freaky little midgets" to the big folk. You'll also find that we are a sensitive bunch. No, we're not femmy-just pansies. They are never really characterized as great warriors- nor among the very wise.  
  
(We see Hobbit#1 pulling at a humongous pig, which won't move)  
  
Hobbit#1: (In a pleading tone) Come on, Bayley! We gotta take you to the butcher so we can kill and eat ya!  
  
Voice of Milbo Baggins: We are a simple folk, and scarcely anyone has heard of hobbits-the jerks they are!  
  
(Hobbit#1 pulls and tugs to try and get the pig to move, but it's in vain. Hobbit Woman#1 and Hobbit#2 walk by, arm in arm. Hobbit Woman#1 pats the pig on the back reassuringly, but walks past simply. Hobbit#1 stares after the couple angrily)  
  
Hobbit#1: Fine! Don't help me, you jerks!  
  
(We now see Hobbit#12&13 working in a garden in front of their hobbit hole)  
  
Voice of Milbo Baggins: But hobbits could care less for what goes on in the outside world, for as long as things are okay here, what's the worry, right? One could confide that a hobbit's safe hold is his hobbit hole.  
  
Hobbit#12: (Wipes his brow and begins to head towards the house) I'm takin' a break for a moment, dude. Want a soda or something?  
  
Hobbit#13: (Pointedly) Man, you know I'm watchin' my health! Just get me a beer or something! Don't you know soda rots your teeth?  
  
(With a small snicker, Hobbit#12 walks towards the house and opens the door- to find a big pile of dirt come out instead. Hobbit#12 stares at the hobbit hole blankly for a while, realizing that the hole's caved in)  
  
Voice of Milbo Baggins: (In a dismissive voice) .which may or may not be such a good thing.  
  
Hobbit#12: (Angrily shouting back at Hobbit#13) Ah, damn it! Dude, it's caved in again!  
  
(Muttering to himself angrily, Hobbit#12 grabs a shovel leaning against the house and begins to shovel some of the dirt out of the hole. We go back to see Milbo Baggins laughing heartedly. Suddenly, there is a knock at the door)  
  
Milbo Baggins: (In a lazy type voice) Lizzo, someone's at the door! (Dismissing the matter simply, she goes back to writing)  
  
(We see Hobbit Woman #2 conversing with Hobbit#3. Hobbit Woman#2 looks adoringly at Hobbit#3; she is obviously flirting with him)  
  
Voice of Milbo Baggins: In fact, many would clearly state that a hobbit's real passion is for food...  
  
(Hobbit#4 walks by with a tray of cupcakes, and Hobbit#3 grabs one eagerly. Hobbit Woman #2 scolds at him)  
  
Hobbit#3: (Looks awkwardly at Hobbit Woman #2) Uh, want one?  
  
Voice of Milbo Baggins: .which is a rather unfair statement, considering hobbits have also developed a keen knowledge for the brewing of ales.  
  
(We see Hobbit#16 leaning against an ale barrel, quaffing from a large mug. He sways drunkenly and is obviously quite drunk)  
  
Hobbit#16: (Singing in a very slurred tone) I'm-so-drunk! Yes, I'm as drunk-as I can be. Oh-I'm soooo drunk-and it's only eleven thirty-I'm so.(Trails off incoherently and falls over backwards, the barrel coming with him. We hear him hiccup before continuing) Pardon me-(Hiccup)-good sir.  
  
Voice of Milbo Baggins: .and the smoking of pipeweed, which would probably explain why our people are so small.  
  
(We see Hobbits#5&6 playing chess as they smoke their pipes)  
  
Voice of Milbo Baggins: (In a content, soft voice) But our real love is for the peace and quiet-yeah, we're kind of boring.  
  
(Now the camera spots hobbits working in a big garden, plowing at the earth in the sun)  
  
Voice of Milbo Baggins: We hobbits also love freshly tilled earth.  
  
(The camera focuses on Kram Gamgee, who is planting new flowers into the earth of the BagEnd garden)  
  
Voice of Milbo Baggins: .for all hobbits have a love for things that grow.  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Looks adoringly at the flowers for a moment) Ah, those are nice. WHY DON'T MINE LOOK LIKE THAT?!  
  
(Kram Gamgee looks behind her and the camera spots a bed of dead or dying flowers. We now see hobbits putting up tents and banners in a nice plain)  
  
Milbo Baggins: But in all my long years, it has become quite clear to me, that there is no harm in celebrating a simple life.well, unless you're at a funeral, then it's just really awkward.  
  
(Hobbits#7, 8, and 9 are putting up a banner. It is a difficult task, and they keep moving back and forth)  
  
Hobbit#7: Easy! Easy!  
  
Hobbit#8: Tip it to the left, man!  
  
Hobbit#9: No! The right! Tip it to the right!  
  
(Finally, the banner begins to ease up and it looks as if everything's going as planned)  
  
Hobbit#8: Careful.careful!  
  
(The banner is raised and we see the message, "Happy 111th Birthday, Milbo Baggins!" The hobbits cheer at their success)  
  
Hobbit#7: Yeah! We did it!  
  
Hobbit#8: (Puts a hand on Hobbit#9's shoulder) I love ya, man.  
  
Hobbit#9: (Raises his eyebrows at Hobbit#8) Dude, quit sayin' that to me!  
  
(The hobbits look up at the banner. The camera focuses on the banner as well. Then, the banner falls off the post)  
  
Hobbits#7, 8, & 9: AH, DAMN IT!  
  
(We go back to Milbo Baggins, who looks up irritably when there is another knocking at the door)  
  
Milbo Baggins: (In an agitated mood) Dang it, Lizzo! Get the stupid door! (When there is no answer, she looks around and throws down the quill angrily) Great! Where is that girl? LIZZO!  
  
(The camera zones out to Lizzo Baggins, who is sitting beneath a tree reading a book entitled: Fantasy World-The Best Way For the Crazy Person. She reads peacefully, and looks up only when she hears Kendalf singing in the distance)  
  
Kendalf: (Sounding very distant, as he has just entered the Shire, and singing) This is the road that never ends, it just goes on and on, my friends. Some people started building, and didn't want to stop-so they'll just keep on building. Why? Maybe because-(Repeats the song)  
  
(Lizzo Baggins stands up quickly, and a smile crosses her lips as she realizes who is singing)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (In a breathless whisper) He's here!  
  
(The camera goes to Kendalf, who is driving a small cart on a path towards Hobbiton. Kendalf is still singing the same song. Occasionally, the camera will go back to Lizzo Baggins, who is running through the woods to meet up with Kendalf. Finally, she does meet up with him at the edge of the forest. When she speaks, Kendalf stops the cart)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Crossing her arms and smoothly saying what she has to say) You're late.  
  
Kendalf: (Looks up at her quizzically) A wizard is never late, Lizzo Baggins. Nor is he early. He arrives precisely when he means to.  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Frowns slightly) So-did you mean to arrive late or something, because I can just tell Milbo that-  
  
Kendalf: (A bit impatient with her) Yeah? Well, I'm old! I'm late with everything! I'm late with pooping, I'm late with walking, I'm late with eating, I'm late with drinking.Why, the only thing I'm not late for is parking in the handicapped spot, and sometimes that's taken too! I'm old, Lizzo, what's your excuse? Heh? You got an excuse?  
  
(They look at each other for a while, a bit uncomfortable with this conversation. Then, they begin to laugh)  
  
Kendalf: (Laughing) Eh-we're both idiots.  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Jumps on the cart to see Kendalf and shouting with joy) It's wonderful to see you again, Kendalf!  
  
(Kendalf shouts as the cart tips violently towards Lizzo Baggins' side. Lizzo Baggins embraces Kendalf, and he does the same. When she looks up, Kendalf is smiling into her face)  
  
Kendalf: You didn't really think I'd miss your aunt's birthday, did you?  
  
Lizzo Baggins: Well, at first we expected you would-that's when we started hating you for being such a butthead-but now you're here! I'm so happy!  
  
(Camera zooms out to see the cart going down the road while Kendalf speaks)  
  
Kendalf: So, how is ol' Milbo, anyway? (Zoom back to see Kendalf talking to Lizzo Baggins) I hear it's going to be a party of special occasions. Is it true you guys have a piñata?  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Shaking her head in amusement at the silliness of her aunt) You know Milbo. Half the Shire's been invited!  
  
Kendalf: (Shocked) Good gracious!  
  
Lizzo Baggins: And the other half's coming anyway-bunch of dorks.  
  
(Kendalf and Lizzo Baggins start laughing, and we zoom out again to see the cart entering the town. Hobbits will occasionally glance up at the cart, staring at the unknown visitor passing through their town. The camera focuses upon Hobbit#10 and Hobbit Woman#3. Hobbit Woman#3 is carrying a basket of laundry to hang on the line, and Hobbit#10 looks towards the road to see the cart go by)  
  
Hobbit#10: (Eyes widen in happiness and he stops Hobbit Woman#3) Look, dear! It's Kendalf! Blimey, I haven't seen him in ages! (Starts waving towards the cart) Kendalf! Kendalf! Over here, Kendalf!  
  
Hobbit Woman#3: (Not looking pleased as she shoots a warning glance at Hobbit#10) Uh, honey, we hate him remember?  
  
Hobbit#10: (Face darkens as he remembers) Oh yeah! (Starts booing and cursing at the cart as it drives away from him) BOO! BOO! Go back to-to- (Face pulls into a look of dumbness for a moment) to, wherever the heck you wizards come from! (Shakes his fist angrily)  
  
(As we hear Milbo Baggins narrate, we zoom to watch the cart traveling on a dusty path on the edge of a very beautiful plain)  
  
Voice of Milbo Baggins: And so, life goes on in the Shire. Change comes slow-if it comes at all. Hobbits are devoted to tradition and it has been that way for hundreds of years. There has always been a Baggins, here under the hill.  
  
(We zone out to see Milbo Baggins look up from her writing and look forward dazedly)  
  
Milbo Baggins: (In a dazed tone) .and there always will be.  
  
(Go back to see Lizzo Baggins talking to Kendalf in the cart again)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (In a concerned tone) To tell you the truth, Milbo's been acting very strange lately. I mean, (Looks at Kendalf with an amused expression) more than usual.  
  
(As Lizzo Baggins talks, the camera goes back to Milbo Baggins, who is looking at maps and scrolls in her writing room)  
  
Voice of Lizzo Baggins: She's taken to locking herself in her study, and pours over old maps when she thinks I'm not looking. Though-she often forgets that we live in the same house together and that I'm a horrible snoop, so I know she's acting odd.  
  
(Milbo Baggins puts down a map and puts her hands to her side. Suddenly, her eyes widen and she begins groping at herself as she realizes something's missing)  
  
Milbo Baggins: (Worriedly) Where's it gone?  
  
(In a frenzy, Milbo Baggins begins to search, throwing articles of clothing around the room as she tears pockets to look for what she's lost. Then, she stops as she puts her hands in her left pocket pants and she lets out a sigh of relief. She pulls out-her car keys)  
  
Milbo Baggins: (Relieved) Well, that's a relief! I thought I'd lost those! I need them in order to mosey on by the market and-  
  
(Milbo Baggins stops speaking as she places her hand in her right pocket pants and pulls out the Lord of the Rings DVD. For a while, she stares at it)  
  
Milbo Baggins: (In a dazed tone) I-really ought to put this in a case.  
  
(We go back to Lizzo Baggins, who is staring off in wonderment)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: She's up to something.  
  
(Kendalf is staring at her in suspicion, but when Lizzo Baggins looks up at him, Kendalf looks away quickly)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (A mischievous smile curling upon her lips) All right, then, keep your secrets!  
  
Kendalf: (Raises his eyebrows at Lizzo Baggins) Excuse me?  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (With dignity in her voice) We Baggins were very well thought of, before you came along!  
  
Kendalf: (Still acting surprised) Good gracious! When did you become the snappy one?  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Still with dignity) Never had any adventures or did anything unexpected!  
  
Kendalf: (Rolling his eyes and looking a bit agitated) If you're referring to that incident with the dragon, I was barely involved. (Silent for a moment as he ponders at what to say next) All I did was give your aunt a little nudge out the door.  
  
(A flashback occurs, and we see a Milbo Baggins screaming as Kendalf throws her out of her house. When she lands on the grass outside, Milbo Baggins looks up, her glasses slightly askew)  
  
Milbo Baggins: (Shouting back at the house) Uh, I guess this is a "no" on tea?  
  
(Go back to see Kendalf looking at Lizzo Baggins)  
  
Kendalf: (Shrugging as he thinks of it) Well, maybe a bit more than a nudge.  
  
Lizzo Baggins: Well, whatever your excuse, you've been officially labeled as a "disturber to the peace" around here. I told you that you never should have had that party one year ago! For two reasons! It's given you a nasty impression and it was a hell of a job to clean up!  
  
Kendalf: (Looking at her with a sly smile) But didn't you have fun?  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Angry) No! I kept begging you to let me leave, but you wouldn't listen!  
  
(She stops talking as Hobbit Child#1 & 2 start running towards the cart, shouting gleefully)  
  
Hobbit Child#1: Kendalf! Kendalf!  
  
Hobbit Child#2: Fireworks, Kendalf! Fireworks! Please, Kendalf!  
  
(Both children moan sadly as the cart goes by without even stopping)  
  
Hobbit Child#2: (Severely disappointed) Aw man!  
  
Hobbit Child#1: (Shaking their fist at the cart) You insensitive jerk! I stood up for you when my dad called you a really nasty name! Maybe I should go and tell him he was right after all!  
  
(Lizzo Baggins looks at Kendalf, who looks as if he hasn't noticed anything)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (In a sympathetic tone) Oh, come on, Kendalf!  
  
Kendalf: (In a low tone) In a minute, Lizzo.  
  
(Kendalf closes his eyes, and the camera focuses upon the back of the cart. Immediately, sparks of color and light erupt from the cart and the children jump for joy. Then, they start screaming as a rocket comes out of the cart and starts zooming towards them. Immediately they turn and run away)  
  
Hobbit Child#1: (Shouting over their shoulder as they fight to outrun the firework) Sorry! I didn't mean anything I said! I'm a hobbit! I say some really retarded stuff!  
  
(We come back to Lizzo Baggins, who is standing up slightly, ready to leave the cart-but not before saying something to Kendalf)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: Kendalf, you are a disturber to the peace and nobody likes you.  
  
Kendalf: (His face darkens) Hey! You know.you're not exactly the "pick of the litter yourself, missy!"  
  
Lizzo Baggins: But I'm glad you're back. (Jumps off cart and waves goodbye to Kendalf)  
  
Kendalf: (Waving as he goes) Well, I'm not, Lizzo! I hate this place! (Looks forward to the road ahead of him and smiles) I hate this place.  
  
(We follow Kendalf's trip as he rounds a hill and comes to a hobbit home. He stops in front of the gate and gets out his staff. He gets out of the cart and looks adoringly at the small house of Milbo Baggins)  
  
Kendalf: (Blissfully) Ah, BagEnd.  
  
(As he goes through the gate, we see a sign on the gate that reads: "No admittance except for party business-and pizza deliveries". Kendalf knocks upon the door of the house with his staff)  
  
Milbo Baggins: (Shouting bitterly from the house) NO THANK YOU! We don't want any visitors, well-wishers, or distant relations!  
  
Kendalf: (Shouting as well) And what about very old friends?  
  
Milbo Baggins: NO LAWYERS EITHER!  
  
Kendalf: (In a slightly angry and offended tone) Milbo Baggins, open this door before I curse you and your home and make you wish you never lived to be one hundred and eleven!  
  
(There is a click and a grumbling from Milbo Baggins as she opens the door. When she sees who's at the door, she gasps)  
  
Milbo Baggins: Kendalf?  
  
Kendalf: (Smiling) Milbo Baggins.  
  
Milbo Baggins: (Running up to him and hugging him) My dear Kendalf!  
  
Kendalf: (Pats the head of his long-lost friend) It is good to see you again, old friend.  
  
(Kendalf pulls Milbo Baggins away to have a good look at her. He peers into the eyes behind her glasses)  
  
Kendalf: (Rather suspiciously) You haven't aged a day.  
  
Milbo Baggins: (Modestly) What can I say? For a hobbit, I live a pretty healthy life. Oh-and the Botox helps a lot. (Stands to open the door and admit Kendalf inside her home) Come on in, Kendalf! It must've been a heck of a journey.  
  
Kendalf: (Sighing gratefully) You've no idea! You know what it's like traveling out there-try traveling during hunting month. (Takes off hat to indicate a hole where an arrow has pierced it)  
  
(Kendalf comes inside the home, along with the camera. Because of its size, Kendalf must bend slightly to avoid hitting his head on the ceiling. Milbo Baggins closes the door and latches it. After this is done, she looks at Kendalf and holds out her hands to take his staff and hat)  
  
Milbo Baggins: (As she carries the staff and hat away) Tea, or maybe somethin' a bit stronger? I've still got a bit of my old vineyard left. 1296, very good year-almost as old as I am! (Laughs as she places the hat on the coat-rack) It was laid down by my father-and he was a very big alcoholic, so we've got enough to go around!  
  
(Milbo Baggins proceeds towards the kitchen, and the camera focuses upon Kendalf)  
  
Kendalf: (Shouts after her) Just tea, thank you.  
  
(Kendalf sits down on a small chair, but it breaks. For a while, he just sits on the floor, his eyes wide in shock)  
  
Milbo Baggins: (Shouting from the kitchen) Just make yourself comfortable, Kendalf! Just don't sit on that chair in the corner, the one next to the door! It's kind of broken.  
  
Kendalf: (Picks up a broken leg and frowns at it. He says this quietly) No kidding. (Slowly, he gets up and straightens his robes)  
  
Milbo Baggins: (Shouting from the kitchen) Don't have much, you know, after planning for the party. They practically ransacked my house for food-and it still isn't enough to feed everyone at the party.  
  
(Kendalf is walking around and he sees an old map on a table. Slowly, he walks up to it and studies it. The camera focuses on the map, which is the map used by the company Milbo Baggins traveled in almost fifty years ago. Kendalf smiles at himself, probably reminiscing the time. Camera goes to Milbo Baggins, who is standing in the entrance to the kitchen from the living room)  
  
Milbo Baggins: I can make you some eggs if you'd like-  
  
(Milbo Baggins stops speaking as she sees that Kendalf gone. The camera shows the empty living room. Milbo Baggins frowns at her guest's unexpected leave)  
  
Milbo Baggins: (Rather bitterly) Well, isn't that rude? "Say, let's go in somebody's house and bother them! Better yet, let's ditch 'em when they're making tea!"  
  
Kendalf: (Appearing behind her with a slight smile upon his face) Uh, just tea, thank you.  
  
(Milbo Baggins screams, takes the knife she has in her hand and throws it behind her. Kendalf shouts as he ducks and the knife flies over him and lands in the wall behind him. Kendalf gets up, eyes wide in shock. Milbo Baggins is breathing in and out-experiencing a great fright)  
  
Milbo Baggins: (A bit angry) Don't ever sneak up on me! I panic when people do that!  
  
Kendalf: (Looks at the knife behind him) No duh!  
  
(There is a knock at the door, and Milbo Baggins squeezes against the wall and indicates to Kendalf to be quiet)  
  
Milbo Baggins: (Whispers hoarsely to Kendalf) I'm not at home! (Puts a hand to her forehead angrily) Oh-it's the stupid, Sacksville-Bagginses! How could I-?  
  
(Milbo Baggins stops talking as she hears Drug-Dealing Hobbit#1 talking)  
  
Drug-Dealing Hobbit#1: (Talking in a hippy-like, drugged-out tone) Hey, Milbo! We got some major stuff in the back of our cart, man! Heard you were havin' a party and had to drop by, man-!  
  
(Quickly, Milbo Baggins rushes to the door, flings it open, and sees the people at the entrance. They are Drug-Dealing Hobbits#1-3, clad in street- wear and jive-talking. Aware that Kendalf is right behind her, Milbo Baggins addresses the Drug-Dealing Hobbits angrily)  
  
Milbo Baggins: What do you think you're doing at my hobbit hole? (In a low whisper, so the wizard doesn't hear) Seriously, guys, I told you to come Thursday-Thursday!  
  
Drug-Dealing Hobbit#1: (In the same hippy tone) Sorry, dude, but a change in plans. We had to perform a run at Bree, and we figured it'd be best to stop by your house, man!  
  
Drug-Dealing Hobbit#2: (In an extreme, jive-talking tone) Yeah, man! My brothers and me heard that you was holdin' a shindig at the hole, man! We's just had to hop on by and see the rizzo, if you know what I'm sayin'?  
  
(Everybody stares at Drug-Dealing Hobbit#2 in confusion. Finally, Drug- Dealing Hobbit#3 speaks up)  
  
Drug-Dealing Hobbit#3: Er-I think what he was tryin' to say is that we heard you were having a party, and so we decided to hop on by and give you our best offer.  
  
Milbo Baggins: (Intrigued) Best offer, eh? (Notices that Kendalf is standing right by her and talks in a very stern tone) I mean-what can you possibly offer me?  
  
Drug-Dealing Hobbit#1: Some major Old Toby, man! We picked it up on the banks of South-farthing last night, man! We figured it'd be the highlight of your party if you know what I mean, man!  
  
Milbo Baggins: (In a very stern tone) I don't care where you got your "Old Toby"! I don't want you to BRING that stuff around here again! We folk of the Shire are not interested about what's in your CART! We're a drug-free community, good sir! So, get out and I don't want to see you AROUND here again! So leave and never come BACK!  
  
(With a quick wink at the drug-dealers, Milbo Baggins slams the door in their faces. Kendalf is staring at Milbo Baggins with his arms crossed)  
  
Kendalf: (Rather sternly) You don't really think I bought that, did you?  
  
Milbo Baggins: (With a small scowl) Well-even you can't say that it wasn't a good argument!  
  
Kendalf: (Raising an eyebrow) Can't I?  
  
(Suddenly, there is another knock at the door. This time, we hear Mrs. Sacksville-Baggins speaking)  
  
Mrs. Sacksville-Baggins: (Knocking at the door) Milbo! Milbo Baggins!  
  
(Milbo Baggins indicates for Kendalf to be quiet and they listen)  
  
Mrs. Sacksville-Baggins: (Knocking at the door angrily) Milbo, get your butt out here before I come in there and-and do something really stupid! And you know me! I can be a real idiot sometimes! Milbo! Milbo Baggins! (A small pause) Fine! If you hadn't invited me to your party, I'd be really pissed!  
  
(Milbo Baggins waits until she can't hear anything more, then looks out of the peep-hole and sighs in relief-Mrs. Sacksville-Baggins is gone. Milbo Baggins then looks at Kendalf)  
  
Milbo Baggins: (Angrily) They have never forgiven me for living this long! (Goes into the kitchen angrily, Kendalf following her) I have got to get away from these confounded relatives! I just had to deal with the Chubbs this afternoon, and they live in the hick town of the Shire! (Shudders)  
  
(Kendalf sits down on a chair near the table as Milbo Baggins looks out of the window)  
  
Milbo Baggins: (Blissfully) I want to see mountains again, Kendalf! Mountains! Then find someplace quiet where I can finish my book. (Suddenly remembers the tea) Oh! Tea!  
  
Kendalf: (Watches Milbo Baggins as she bends to pick up the steaming kettle from the fire) So, you mean to go with your plan?  
  
Milbo Baggins: (Bringing kettle over to table) Yes, yes, of course; everything's in order. (Begins to pour the boiling water into the teapot)  
  
Kendalf: (A bit firmly) You know, Lizzo suspects something.  
  
Milbo Baggins: (Laughs slightly) Of course she does! She's a Baggins! Not some-Bracegirdle from Hardbottle!  
  
Kendalf: (Eyes widen in shock) I should hope she's not a recovering alcoholic!  
  
Milbo Baggins: (Stops pouring water as she snaps her gaze back up at Kendalf. As she explains, she carries the kettle back to the fire) No, Kendalf! "Bracegirdles" are relatives of mine and "Hardbottle's" a town in the Shire! Gees! (Narrows her eyes at him) "Recovering alcoholic" indeed!  
  
Kendalf: (In an agitated tone) Well, it's not my fault you hobbits have weird names for everything! Who names their kid "Milbo" anyway?  
  
Milbo Baggins: (Rubs her hands) What I was trying to say is that Lizzo is nobody's fool!  
  
Kendalf: (In a firm tone) You will tell her, won't you?  
  
Milbo Baggins: (Pushing the matter aside with an impatient wave of her hand) Yes, yes!  
  
Kendalf: She's very fond of you, you know.  
  
Milbo Baggins: (Looks out of the window, as if hurt suddenly) I know. I'd bet she'd come with me if I asked her.  
  
(The camera now goes to Kram Gamgee, who is in a field. She looks up when she hears Lizzo Baggins approaching)  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Waving excitedly at Lizzo Baggins) Hello, Lizzo!  
  
Lizzo Baggins: Hey, Kram.  
  
Kram Gamgee: Hey, I was thinking of something today-don't really know what brought it in my mind, actually.  
  
Lizzo Baggins: Well, what is it?  
  
Kram Gamgee: You know how you're attached to Miss Milbo, Lizzo?  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Nods) Of course.  
  
Kram Gamgee: Well, if Milbo were to leave on some kind of adventure-away from the Shire-would you go too?  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Silent for a while. Then, she starts laughing) Gees, Kram, I'm a Baggins but I'm not that crazy!  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Laughing as well) Yeah that would be quite dumb, eh?  
  
(Camera zooms back to Milbo Baggins and Kendalf. Milbo Baggins is still looking out of the window dazedly, while Kendalf watches her with concern)  
  
Milbo Baggins: (Sighs) But I feel that her heart is still in love with the Shire.  
  
(We see Lizzo Baggins lying on the ground in the field, stroking the grass fondly)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Tenderly speaking to the grass) Hello there, Shire. Who loves the Shire? I love the Shire. Yes I do! You're such a pretty Shire, now aren't you? Yes you are. Yes you are.  
  
(Kram Gamgee is staring at Lizzo Baggins with raised eyebrows. She shakes her head. Then, Kram Gamgee silently pulls out a camera, and begins to laugh as she means to take a picture of Lizzo Baggins being tender to the Shire)  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Giggling as she zooms in) Heh.heh.heh.Christmas card!  
  
(Go back to Milbo Baggins and Kendalf)  
  
Milbo Baggins: And what is there not to love about the Shire? The woods, the fields, the little rivers-the excellent health care. (A small pause as she stares out of the window) I'm old, Kendalf.  
  
(Camera focuses on Kendalf's face as if pulls into a look of confusion. The camera then shows Milbo Baggins putting her hand in her left pants pocket and fidgeting with something in there)  
  
Milbo Baggins: I know I don't look it, but I sure do feel it.  
  
(Camera goes back to show the hobbit's face, and she looks extremely weary as she sits in a chair across the table from Kendalf)  
  
Milbo Baggins: (In a tired tone) I feel thin, stretched-like butter scraped over too much bread.  
  
Kendalf: (With an uncertain shrug) Or corn on the cob, if you prefer that better.  
  
Milbo Baggins: (In an agitated tone) Whatever food item you prefer! (Looks towards the window with longing on her face) I need a holiday, Kendalf. (Camera zooms in upon her face) A long holiday-and I don't expect to return.  
  
(There is a great moment of silence as the camera shows both Kendalf and Milbo Baggins. Kendalf looks quite concerned for his friend, who looks very tired-as if she had never rested in her life. Finally, Milbo Baggins snaps her head up and looks at Kendalf with a smile upon her face)  
  
Milbo Baggins: But anyways, it's going to be a great party. I hope you did bring your fireworks?  
  
Kendalf: (Eyes shift towards the door to indicate something outside) In the cart, of course.  
  
Milbo Baggins: (With a sly grin upon her face) Excellent! (Camera closes in upon her face as she speaks) Kendalf, my old fart of a friend, this is going to be a night to remember. 


	3. Scene Two: Milbo's Party

Scene Two (A sudden firework goes off in a frenzy of color in the evening sky of the Shire. Cheers erupt from the hobbits on the ground, who are attending Milbo Baggins' birthday party. And it is a grand party indeed. Music is playing, hobbits are dancing, and Kendalf is lighting firework after firework. The camera catches Lizzo Baggins dancing with a group of hobbits, and then we see Milbo Baggins greeting people at the entrance to the party. Phatty Boldger comes up to her, and Milbo Baggins extends a hand in greeting)  
  
Milbo Baggins: (In a cheery voice) Phatty Boldger! It is good to see you again.  
  
Phatty Boldger: (Stares at Milbo Baggins for a few minutes) Patty.  
  
Milbo Baggins: (A bit confused) Excuse me?  
  
Phatty Boldger: My name is "Patty Boldger".  
  
Milbo Baggins: (Looking a bit awkward) Sorry, but on the list it looks as if it is pronounced as-  
  
Phatty Boldger: (Tears coming to his eyes as he starts shouting) Just because it has an "h" after the "p", it doesn't necessarily mean that it's pronounced as "fatty"!  
  
Milbo Baggins: I'm sorry-I only assumed-  
  
Phatty Boldger: (Shouting hysterically, occasionally choking on his tears) Oh! I see-you assumed! Everything makes much more sense now that I know you've assumed! Thank God you assumed, Milbo! I thought I was in big trouble! I've had to live my whole life with people assuming that they knew how to pronounce my name! My high school life was hell with everybody saying, "Hey, Fatty!" or "How's it going, Fatty?" And there's nothing like getting that salesperson on the phone who asks, "Excuse me, Fatty, would you like to save fifty percent on auto insurance?" No wonder I have a low self-esteem!  
  
(Phatty Boldger runs away sobbing, and Milbo Baggins watches him go, looking highly embarrassed)  
  
Milbo Baggins: Oh, I guess I'd best go sort that out. (Goes after Phatty Boldger)  
  
(The camera catches the face of Kram Gamgee, who is sitting at a table watching Corey dance, with a blissful look on her face. When he looks at her, Kram Gamgee looks away. She is then accompanied by Lizzo Baggins, who is breathing heavily from dancing)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (In a sly tone) Go on, Kram! Ask Corey for a dance!  
  
(Kram Gamgee looks over towards Corey, looks away again, and clears her throat) Kram Gamgee: (In a shy voice) Er-I think I'll just get another ale.  
  
(Kram Gamgee makes to leave-swaying slightly from all she's had to drink- but Lizzo Baggins grabs her shoulders firmly to stop her)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Slyly) Oh no you don't!  
  
(Lizzo Baggins pushes Kram Gamgee into Corey. Before they can even begin dancing however, a horrible retching sound is heard and Kram Gamgee pukes all over Corey's front-apparently, Kram Gamgee has had a lot to drink. Corey shouts out and runs off, an embarrassed Kram Gamgee chasing after. Lizzo Baggins laughs and sits on the table)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (In a very blissful tone) Ah-sometimes, I wish I had somebody to dance with in my life.  
  
Hobbit#11: (In a friendly tone) Hey, Lizzo! Wanta dance?  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Shouting at him, making him draw back slightly) Does it look like I wanta dance, ya curly-headed freak?  
  
(Another firework goes off, accompanied by many hoots and hollers from the hobbits. We then see Milbo Baggins, telling a story to Hobbit Child#3, 4, & 5)  
  
Milbo Baggins: (In a dramatic tone) So there I was, surrounded by three monstrous trolls. And they were all arguing on ways they were going to cook us! Either to turn us on a spit, boil us in water, or sit on us and squash us into jelly!  
  
(Hobbit children gasp)  
  
Hobbit Child#4: (Licking their lips) Mmm, jelly.  
  
Milbo Baggins: Well they were all arguing and arguing and finally-  
  
(Milbo Baggins stops talking as Hobbit Child#3 raises their hand)  
  
Hobbit Child#3: (Slowly) Uh, Miss Milbo, I don't mean to interrupt, but you've told this story over fifty times already.  
  
Hobbit Child#4: (Eagerly) Ooh! Tell us the story of the goblins in the Misty Mountains!  
  
Hobbit Child#5: Tell us the story about the Elves in Rivendell!  
  
Hobbit Child#3: Tell us the story about the battle of the five armies!  
  
(Camera closes in on Milbo Baggins as she stares at the children)  
  
Milbo Baggins: (After a moment of thinking) Did I mention that there were three trolls?  
  
Hobbit Child#3, 4, & 5: (Very disappointed) Aw, man!  
  
(Camera focuses on Kendalf, who is by the cart and picking up two very nice fireworks. He laughs at the size of them and walks off, unaware that Jessie Brandybuck is hiding behind the cart. Once he's gone, Jessie Brandybuck punches the side of the tent next to her)  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Whispering hoarsely) Rippin! Rippin! Rippin! Get out here!  
  
(Rippin Took emerges from the tent, her hair rather disheveled from its ponytail. She looks rather angry that Jessie Brandybuck disturbed her)  
  
Rippin Took: (In an agitated tone) Dude, what'd you call me out for? I was makin' out with this really hot guy!  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Eyebrows raising in shock) Uh, Rippin-you do know that this is a family reunion, right?  
  
Rippin Took: (Obviously not getting it and shrugging) What's your point?  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Rolling her eyes) Look, let's just get this over with!  
  
(Both hobbits make towards the cart. Rippin Took tries to jump in the cart, but she's too short. Jessie Brandybuck pushes her in, accidentally grabbing the other's buttocks)  
  
Rippin Took: (Frowning at Jessie Brandybuck) What'd you grab my butt for?  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Hissing) Just get the freakin' firework! (Looks over her shoulder to make sure Kendalf is preoccupied)  
  
(We see Kendalf lighting a firework in front of Hobbit Children#6 & 7. The firework emits sparking butterflies, which the children jump to try and catch. But the children start screaming as the butterflies burn their hands. Kendalf looks around awkwardly, and slips away into the crowd. That's when we come back to see Jessie Brandybuck and Rippin Took at the cart. Rippin Took holds up a firework to show to Jessie Brandybuck)  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Whispering) No, no, no! The big one!  
  
Rippin Took: (Throws down the firework she has angrily) You know, Jessie, there's tons of "big ones"!  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: Well, grab the biggest one!  
  
(Rippin Took lets out a small giggle of triumph as she holds up a monstrous firework with the head of a dragon. Jessie Brandybuck's jaw drops as she sees the massive size of the firework, barely having the wits to nod. Rippin Took jumps from the cart and runs towards another empty tent. Jessie Brandybuck stands around for a moment or two longer, and then follows. Then, we focus on Milbo Baggins, who is back greeting people at the entrance. Mrs. Bracegirdle comes, with Hobbit Child#8, 9, 10, 11, & 12; she also holds Hobbit Child#13 in her arms)  
  
Milbo Baggins: (Laughing as she greets Mrs. Bracegirdle) Ah, Mrs. Bracegirdle! How are you doing?  
  
Mrs. Bracegirdle: (Smiling slightly) Just fine. Just fine.  
  
Milbo Baggins: (Dodging out of the way as the children accompanying her run towards the party) Good Lord! Are all these children yours?  
  
Mrs. Bracegirdle: (Looks at the child in her arms) Some are-the other ones came with the house.  
  
Milbo Baggins: Okay. (Looks off to the side awkwardly) Enjoy the party, why don't ya?  
  
(Mrs. Bracegirdle walks off into the party. The camera then focuses on the face of Milbo Baggins, which pulls into a look of sudden fright as she hears something. Immediately, she runs over to Lizzo Baggins, who is talking to Hobbit#12)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: I'm just sayin' that if you're gonna say stupid stuff, you might as well be removed from society and be cast to live in the slums! That's all I'm sayin'!  
  
(Hobbit#12 nods intelligently, in deep thought with what was just said. Milbo Baggins tugs at Lizzo Baggins' shirt and she turns to see her)  
  
Milbo Baggins: (In a worried whisper) It's the Sacksville-Baggins!  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Jaw drops) What? I thought they weren't coming!  
  
Milbo Baggins: (Looking behind her nervously) It's the force of hated beings! They know they're hated at this party, so they come towards it! It's all logic.  
  
(Lizzo Baggins looks to the side as if to say, "Uh, okay")  
  
Milbo Baggins: (Desperately) Quick! Hide!  
  
(Lizzo and Milbo Baggins run towards an empty tent, and the camera shows Mrs. Sacksville-Baggins and Mr. Sacksville-Baggins. They are looking very angry at the moment, seeking out Milbo Baggins, who is hiding in the empty tent with Lizzo Baggins. The camera focuses on the two hiding in the tent. Once they're sure that their enemies are gone, they sigh and Lizzo Baggins laughs quietly)  
  
Milbo Baggins: (Looking at Lizzo Baggins sympathetically) You're a good kid, Lizzo. And I-I am very selfish.  
  
(Surprised, Lizzo Baggins looks as if she is going to object, but Milbo Baggins stops her)  
  
Milbo Baggins: (In a simple tone) Yes, I am. I don't know why I took you after your mother and father died in that freaky merry-go-round accident, but I assure you it was not out of charity. I suppose that-out of all my distant relations-you were the one Baggins who showed true spirit.  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (With a smile and in a happy tone) Well-that's nice. And to think I was going to get angry at you for forgetting that it was my birthday as well. (Hugs her aunt warmly) You have a great birthday, Aunt Milbo. I'm going to find Kram.  
  
(And with that, Lizzo Baggins leaves, flashing a grateful smile at Milbo Baggins before going. Once Lizzo Baggins is lost in the crowd of partying hobbits, Milbo Baggins begins to laugh to herself)  
  
Milbo Baggins: (In the same laughing tone) Works every year! (Sips gratifyingly from her mug)  
  
(Now we see Rippin Took lighting the fuse to the dragon firework from inside of a tent. When she is done, she looks up triumphantly to Jessie Brandybuck)  
  
Rippin Took: (Smiling gleefully) Done!  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Angrily pushes the firework towards Rippin Took) You idiot! You're supposed to stick it in the ground!  
  
Rippin Took: (Pushes the firework back to Jessie Brandybuck) It is in the ground!  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Pushes it back to Rippin Took) No it isn't!  
  
Rippin Took: (Pushes it back to Jessie Brandybuck) This was your idea!  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Pushes it toward Rippin Took) Yeah, well it was your idea to light it in the tent!  
  
(For a moment, nothing is heard but the fuse traveling up rapidly. Then, Jessie Brandybuck and Rippin Took suddenly look at each other with fear in their eyes)  
  
Jessie Brandybuck & Rippin Took: (Shouting with fear) "LIGHT IT IN THE TENT"?  
  
(The camera travels to the outside of the tent as the firework goes off, leaving a trail of orange sparks behind it. Many of the hobbits stop what they're doing to look at the firework. We hear Hobbit#13, 14, & 15)  
  
Hobbit#13: Ooh!  
  
Hobbit#14: Ah!  
  
Hobbit#15: That is so cool!  
  
(Then, the firework sprouts wings and many of the hobbits scream as it assumes the shape of a dragon)  
  
Hobbit#15: That's not cool!  
  
(The screams resume as the dragon form turns towards the party and we see many hobbits running away. We then see Lizzo Baggins look up and her face contorts into one of supreme fear. She runs towards Milbo Baggins, who doesn't have a clue what is going on)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Looking behind her and shouting) Milbo! Watch out for the dragon!  
  
Milbo Baggins: (Rolls her eyes in agitation) Very funny, Lizzo, but we all know that there hasn't been a dragon in these parts for over a hundred years!  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Looks behind her again and shouts) DUCK!  
  
(Lizzo Baggins pulls down Milbo Baggins, just as the dragon form passes over them. When it has gone by, they look up-Milbo Baggins with her glasses askew)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Angrily points towards the dragon form) And I suppose that is some other flying, fire-breathing creature?  
  
Milbo Baggins: (Straightening her glasses) Maybe.  
  
(The camera follows the dragon form as it flies away from the party, over a distant forest. We see some of the hobbits' anxious faces as they watch what this form will do next. Then, we see the dragon form explode in a burst of colorful sparks. There is a great gasp of understanding from the hobbits and an amperage of cheers-it was just a firework)  
  
Hobbit#13: Well, that's a relief.  
  
(Suddenly, many of the hobbit holes and trees in the distance catch on fire. Some of the hobbits give groans of dismay while others just curse out loud) Hobbit#13: (In a rather blank tone) Well-that sucks.  
  
(We now see Rippin Took and Jessie Brandybuck standing in the place of the old tent, covered in soot and looking extremely astonished. Jessie Brandybuck takes off her glasses to wipe the muck off them with her sweater. When she puts them back on, she looks at Jessie Brandybuck with an open mouth)  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: Whoa-that was so awesome!  
  
Rippin Took: Yeah. (Smiles mischievously at Jessie Brandybuck) Let's get another one.  
  
(But their grins are replaced with looks of horror, as Kendalf appears from behind them and places a firm hand on both of their shoulders)  
  
Kendalf: (In a slightly angry tone) Jessie Brandybuck-and Rippin Took. I should've known.  
  
(The scene shifts and we see Jessie Brandybuck and Rippin Took standing and washing dishes in a humongous bucket of water and suds. Sitting in a cozy chair, with a steaming cup of tea in his hands, Kendalf watches them with suspicious eyes)  
  
Rippin Took: (Looks at Kendalf and smiles) Uh, Kendalf-they say you look older than you are, but I disagree entirely!  
  
Kendalf: (Angrily) Keep scrubbing, Rippin!  
  
(Rippin Took looks away angrily, and Jessie Brandybuck scolds at her)  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Muttering it so that only Rippin Took will hear) Brown- noser.  
  
Rippin Took: (Glaring at her) Shut up!  
  
(We see Lizzo Baggins enter the tent, and she laughs as she spots Jessie Brandybuck and Rippin Took washing the dishes. They both glare at her)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Folding her arms and raising an eyebrow at them) I should've known that you two would be stupid enough to pull something like that!  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Brandishing a wet plate at her angrily) Hey! We're not stupid! (Puts plate back in tub)  
  
Rippin Took: (Speaking with dignity) Yeah! Our shrinks say that we're just undereducated individuals that happen to have a small case of Attention Deficits Disorder! So, there!  
  
Kendalf: (Smiles at them mockingly) Sounds like you two need new shrinks.  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Frowning at Jessie Brandybuck and Rippin Took) Well, you two almost ruined Milbo's birthday party!  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Laughs out loud as she looks at Lizzo Baggins) Don't worry about that, Lizzo. I think your aunt's got that covered.  
  
Lizzo Baggins: What's that supposed to mean, exactly?  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: What do I mean? (Laughs again) What I mean is that those little tales that your aunt tells at parties are usually the cause of her downfall from society! Like that story about those singing Elves she told everyone last year. (Hands Rippin Took a clean plate to stack)  
  
Rippin Took: (Taking the plate and placing it next to her) Or that one story about how-on this day-she came into that town floating on a barrel; suffering from a severe cold that caused her to say, "Fank ooh, ferry much."  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: And I don't care how suspenseful it is! That story about the spiders that attack the company of Dwarves scares the willies out of me!  
  
(There are suddenly many calls for Milbo Baggins to make a speech from outside the tent, and Lizzo Baggins smiles)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: I don't know, you guys. I think that Milbo's gonna do somethin' that's really cool.  
  
Rippin Took: (Raises an eyebrow at Lizzo Baggins) Oh really? What is it?  
  
Lizzo Baggins: I don't know! But I'm pretty sure it's gonna blow this whole party way out of the water. (Looks through the entrance to watch Milbo Baggins)  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Looks at Rippin Took with a sly grin on her face) Yeah, but I bet it's not gonna be as cool as our firework act!  
  
(Jessie Brandybuck and Rippin Took high-five each other. Then, they see Kendalf giving them a stern look, so they look away and continue their work. The camera then focuses on Milbo Baggins, who is approaching the platform in front of an old oak tree and is preparing to make a speech)  
  
Milbo Baggins: (Looking very pleased at the turn-out of the party) My dear Baggins and Boffins!  
  
(Cheers go from the crowd)  
  
Milbo Baggins: Tooks and Brandybucks!  
  
(More cheers, even whistles)  
  
Milbo Baggins: Grubbs!  
  
(Hearty cheers)  
  
Milbo Baggins: Chubbs!  
  
(Even heartier cheers)  
  
Milbo Baggins: Bracegirdles!  
  
(Hoots and hollers)  
  
Milbo Baggins: Boldgers!  
  
(We see a large group of fat hobbits, two of them smashing their bellies together, who are hooting and hollering louder than anyone)  
  
Milbo Baggins: And Proudfoots!  
  
(We see Proudfoot, sitting in a chair, his really hairy and big feet resting on the table)  
  
Proudfoot: (Lifting his mug and shouting) PROUDFEET!  
  
(There is much laughter of this, and the camera closes in on Kram Gamgee, who is laughing too)  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Laughs for a moment before suddenly looking confused) I don't get it.  
  
(We go back to see Milbo Baggins continuing with her speech)  
  
Milbo Baggins: Today's my one hundred and eleventh birthday!  
  
(There is a great burst of cheer)  
  
Hobbit#14: Man you're old!  
  
Milbo Baggins: Now, one hundred and eleven years is a long time to spend around such admirable hobbits.  
  
Hobbit#15: Yeah! We're admirable!  
  
(Many cheers accompany the hobbit's comment)  
  
Milbo Baggins: (Laughing lightly) Now, I know less than half of you as well as I should like-and I like less than half of you as well as you deserve.  
  
(A brief, awkward silence)  
  
Hobbit#13: Uh-YEAH!  
  
(More cheers accompany the comment. Milbo Baggins frowns slightly at this reaction. Then she shakes her head)  
  
Milbo Baggins: (Nervously, putting her hands in her pockets) And now-now I must-I fear that-that-  
  
(Nothing is said as the camera closes in on Milbo Baggins' face, which is perspiring slightly as she babbles stupidly. We then see the tent in which Lizzo Baggins, Jessie Brandybuck, Rippin Took, and Kendalf)  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Grinning as she watches Milbo Baggins make a fool of herself) All right! She's got cold feet! This is so sweet!  
  
Rippin Took: (In a mocking tone) So, when's this "super cool thing" supposed to happen, Lizzo?  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Scolding at Jessie Brandybuck and Rippin Took) She'll say it! Just wait for a while.  
  
(Camera closes in on Kendalf's face, which is pulled into a look of suspicion as he looks at Milbo Baggins. We go back to Milbo Baggins, who looks very nervous at the moment, occasionally pushing the glasses up the bridge of her nose)  
  
Milbo Baggins: (Mumbling to herself) I've been putting this off for far too long! (Straightens up bravely) I-I regret to announce that this is the end!  
  
(Camera goes to Lizzo Baggins' face, which looks puzzled)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: What is she-?  
  
(Go back to Milbo Baggins)  
  
Milbo Baggins: I'm going now-and I bid you all a-a very fond farewell.  
  
(Milbo Baggins looks towards, Lizzo Baggins, who looks quite concerned at the moment. Milbo Baggins smiles weakly)  
  
Milbo Baggins: (In a quiet tone) Goodbye.  
  
(With a sudden whoosh, Milbo Baggins disappears. There is a great gasp heard throughout the crowd. The camera catches Hobbit#16 stand up)  
  
Hobbit#16: (Eyes widened in fear, pointing towards the stage) Is that what happens when you turn one hundred and eleven? I'm one hundred and ten right now! I'm screwed!  
  
(The camera goes back to Lizzo Baggins' shocked face. Then it goes to Jessie Brandybuck and Rippin Took at the basin, looking towards the party with wide eyes)  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Shrugs) That was cool, but not as cool as the firework we set off.  
  
Rippin Took: Still that was very weird! Right, Kendalf? (Looks over to talk to Kendalf, but finds his chair empty) Kendalf?  
  
(We now see the steps of BagEnd, and the camera travels up the stairs as an invisible Milbo Baggins travels up the stairs towards her house, giggling slightly. The camera follows her as she opens the door and goes inside. Once the door closes, she reappears, holding the movie and laughing. Energetically, she tosses the DVD in the air and catches it. Then, Milbo Baggins puts the movie in her pocket again and proceeds to the living room, where a bag lies ready for traveling. As she enters a room, she jumps when she hears Kendalf speak up from a corner by the fireplace)  
  
Kendalf: (Looking very angry at the moment) I suppose you think that was terribly clever?  
  
Milbo Baggins: (Looks at Kendalf and laughs) Oh, come on, Kendalf! Did you see their faces?  
  
Kendalf: (Very serious at the moment) There are many magical movies in this world, Milbo, none of them to be used likely!  
  
Milbo Baggins: (Turns around and speaks with a bit of agitation) It was just a bit of fun! (Bows her head as she realizes that she's been wrong) Oh, you're probably right-as usual. (Muttering to herself) Stupid Kendalf, and his stupid metaphors. (Goes over and grabs a pair of socks to put in her pack. Looks up at Kendalf) You will keep an eye on Lizzo?  
  
Kendalf: (Nodding solemnly) Two eyes.  
  
Milbo Baggins: (Looks a bit disappointed) Just two?  
  
Kendalf: (Frowning) I've only got two eyes, Milbo!  
  
Milbo Baggins: (Puts the socks in the pack) I'm leaving her everything- except the dune buggy! I really like that!  
  
Kendalf: (Looks darkly at Milbo Baggins as she packs) And what about this movie? Is that staying too?  
  
Milbo Baggins: (Rolling her eyes and pointing behind her) Yes, yes! It's over there! In a case on the mantle-piece!  
  
(Kendalf nods as he looks towards the mantle, but Milbo Baggins suddenly looks up and puts her hands in her pockets)  
  
Milbo Baggins: (In a slow tone) No wait-it's here in my pocket. (Takes it out, and the camera closes in on her as she smiles fondly at the movie) Well, isn't that odd now? And yet-why not? Why shouldn't I keep it?  
  
Kendalf: (Shows him going toward Milbo Baggins cautiously) I think you should leave the movie behind. Is that so hard?  
  
Milbo Baggins: (Turns around sharply, and looks off to the side) Well, yes.  
  
Kendalf: (Looks shocked for a moment and scolds) Uh-you weren't supposed to answer that!  
  
Milbo Baggins: (Looks back at the movie, a certain hunger in her gaze) Now that it comes to it, I don't feel much like parting with it! It's mine! I found it! It came to me!  
  
Kendalf: (In a soothing tone) There's no need to get angry.  
  
Milbo Baggins: (Snaps at him) Well if I am angry, it's your fault.  
  
Kendalf: (Scolds) Hey, you can blame me for anything else, but don't trap me in your personal insanity!  
  
Milbo Baggins: (Stroking the movie adoringly) It's mine; my own; my preciousss.  
  
Kendalf: (Eyes go wide) "Precious"? It's been called that before-but not by you!  
  
Milbo Baggins: (Shouts out angrily and turns to face him and starts walking away) What business is it of yours what I do with my own things?  
  
Kendalf: (Getting progressively angrier) Well, when you start talkin' like Jenolum, I get worried! I think you've had that movie long enough!  
  
Milbo Baggins: (Defensively) You want it for yourself!  
  
Kendalf: (Shouting so loud that Milbo Baggins draws back into the shadows) MILBO BAGGINS! DO NOT COMPARE ME TO A CHEAP CONJURER OF TRICKS! I AM NOT TRYING TO ROB YOU! (Quickly puts a candlestick in his pocket and looks around to be sure nobody saw anything. Then he looks at Milbo Baggins and gives her a weak, convincing smile) I'm trying to help you.  
  
Milbo Baggins: (Tears coming to her eyes as she runs to hug Kendalf) Kendalf-you scared the crap out of me! Don't do that again!  
  
Kendalf: (Patting Milbo Baggins on the shoulder and drawing her away to talk with her) All of your long years-your freakin' long years that question to me if you're really as old as you say you are-we have been friends. Let me help you. Let it go.  
  
Milbo Baggins: (Nods, as if coming to her senses) You're right, Kendalf. The movie must go to Lizzo. (Smiles at Kendalf) Well, it is late, and the road is long-damn road. (Puts cloak on and gets ready to leave, only to stop as Kendalf speaks)  
  
Kendalf: (In a stern tone) Milbo, the movie is still in your pocket.  
  
Milbo Baggins: (Laughs slightly at this and draws the movie out of her pocket) Oh yes-I forgot about that.  
  
(Milbo Baggins looks at it with longing before she slowly shifts her hand and lets the movie drop to the ground. When it has landed, she nods firmly and steps outside. The camera goes outside, along with Kendalf, who is watching her from the doorframe. She breathes in contently, looking at the stars)  
  
Milbo Baggins: (In a satisfied tone) I've thought of an ending for my book. (Turns to look at Kendalf) "To quote a Wiseman, 'Sweet dreams are made of this-who am I to disagree? I've traveled the world and the seven seas- everybody's looking for something. Some of them want to abuse you-some of them want to be abused-'"  
  
Kendalf: (Angrily) Milbo, you idiot! That's not a Wiseman! That's the Eurhythmics!  
  
Milbo Baggins: (Looking very disappointed) Damn, I thought as much! The one good ending I wanted and it could bust me for plagiarism! (Sighs) Well, now what do I do?  
  
Kendalf: (Thinks for a moment, then smiles brightly) How about, "And she lived happily ever after-to the end of her days"?  
  
Milbo Baggins: (Scowling at Kendalf) Yes but, I'm not happy! I've left the movie behind, and I already feel older! But-(Shrugs reasonably) I suppose it works for the kids.  
  
(Kendalf smiles and takes Milbo Baggins' hand, shaking it firmly)  
  
Kendalf: (Smiling broadly) Good luck, old friend.  
  
(Milbo Baggins smiles back, and the camera follows her as she exits through the gate and walks down the path, singing jovially)  
  
Milbo Baggins: This is the road that never ends, it just goes on and on, my friend. Some people started building, and didn't know when to stop-so they'll just keep building. Why? Maybe because-(Repeats song, and we soon hear her go away)  
  
Kendalf: (Camera focusing on his face as he watches his friend leave) Till we meet again, old friend.  
  
(Camera goes back to the movie, which is still on the floor. Kendalf comes inside the house and glares at the movie)  
  
Kendalf: (Rolling his eyes) I suppose I'd pick up that danged movie!  
  
(Kendalf reaches to pick it up, but just before his fingers touch the disc, we see the flaming Eye of Jauron flash with a hiss. Kendalf draws back suddenly)  
  
Kendalf: (Looking awkwardly towards the movie) Or maybe, I'll just leave it where it is.  
  
(We now see Kendalf sitting in front of the fire, in deep thought, smoking a pipe as he ponders. As he remembers what Milbo Baggins said, we see the fire's flames)  
  
Voice of Milbo Baggins: It's mine; my own; my preciousss.  
  
Kendalf: (Looking in surprise at the pipe he has in hand) What is in this pipe weed? (Suddenly remembers and looks quite frightened) Wait a moment! "Riddles In the Dark"!  
  
(We suddenly hear Lizzo Baggins shouting as she runs towards BagEnd)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Sounding quite worried) Milbo! (Runs inside the house, looking around quickly) Milbo! (Looks down and picks up movie, studying it carefully)  
  
Kendalf: (Appearing to not have noticed Lizzo Baggins, and whispering to himself) "My-My precious"?  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Looks up towards Kendalf, with a disappointed look on her face) She's gone, hasn't she? (Kendalf doesn't answer, so she comes towards him) She talked about leaving for so long-but I never thought she'd do it; partly because some things she says is full of crap. (Looks at Kendalf and frowns) Kendalf?  
  
Kendalf: (Looks up at Lizzo Baggins, then glances at the movie in her hands. He smiles) Milbo's movie. Milbo has gone to live with the Elves- for some weird reason. She's left you BagEnd.  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Eyes go wide) No way! No way! (Starts dancing around) Woo hoo! Party at BagEnd-and bring a keg! Lizzo Baggins' rock house! Woop! Woop!  
  
Kendalf: (Smiles) Yes, I don't know what got in her head to leave you her house.  
  
(Kendalf holds up an open DVD case, indicating for Lizzo Baggins to put it in. When she does, he closes it with a snap)  
  
Kendalf: .along with all her possessions. (Holds the case in front of Lizzo Baggins for her to take) The movie is yours now.  
  
(When Lizzo Baggins takes it slowly, Kendalf puts a hand on her shoulder)  
  
Kendalf: (In a small tone) Keep it somewhere out of sight, Lizzo.  
  
(We now see Kendalf begin to leave the house, Lizzo Baggins following him uncertainly)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (In a confused tone) Where're you going?  
  
Kendalf: (Not even looking back) I have to leave town for a moment.  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Shocked) What? But-you've only just arrived? Why are you leaving?  
  
Kendalf: (Grabbing his hat and staff) Questions. Questions that need answering-and I'm out of razors.  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Very confused) But-I don't understand!  
  
Kendalf: (Finally stopping and looking at Lizzo Baggins with mild concern) Neither do I.  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Looking off to the side uncertainly) Well-if you don't understand and I don't understand, then wouldn't the logical thing to do would be to forget about it?  
  
(Lizzo Baggins stops speaking and looks really awkward as Kendalf bends near to speak to her)  
  
Kendalf: (Speaking very low and seriously) Keep it secret. Keep it safe.  
  
(Kendalf pats her shoulder and leaves. The camera focuses on Lizzo Baggins, who looks confused only for a few minutes. Then, she looks down at the movie and smiles mischievously. Then, we hear Kendalf shout from outside)  
  
Kendalf: (In a warning tone) NOT IN YOUR UNDERWEAR!  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Looks up and looks very disappointed) AW! BUT NOBODY EVER LOOKS THERE! 


	4. Scene Three: PHONE SOLICITORS!

Scene Three (Now we see the land of Mordor. For a while, the camera passes over the horror that walks its land-the fires burning and the machines cranking. From out of the horrible fortress of the Dark Lord, we suddenly hear a frightening shriek-the shriek of the pathetic creature Jenolum)  
  
Jenolum: (Sounding quite agonized) SHIRE! BAGGINS!  
  
(Mount Doom erupts in rage, and we see the gates of Mordor open to allow the Nine Phone Solicitors to ride out. At first, we only see their hooded faces, looking very serious as they go to fulfill their master's deed. Then, we see the camera pull out and see them riding on-bicycles; as we see this, the dramatic music abruptly stops and we hear the "Wicked Witch of the West Theme". In the cavern they pass through, there is a sign that has an arrow pointing towards their destination and reads, "All Phone Solicitors, ride this way to perform evil tasks". As they go, we hear the Eye of Jauron shout)  
  
Eye of Jauron: BRING OUT THE PHONE SOLICITORS!  
  
(Now we see Kendalf riding towards his destination and he looks towards Mordor. His eyes widen as he sees Mount Doom erupting in the distance)  
  
Kendalf: (Looking very nervous) Uh-that can't be good.  
  
(Now we see the palace of Robsildur. Inside, we follow Kendalf as he makes to go towards the study, but the Secretary looks up from filing her nails and raises her eyebrows at him)  
  
Secretary: (Causing Kendalf to stop in his tracks to look at her) Uh, excuse me sir, but where do you think you're going?  
  
Kendalf: (Frowning at being questioned) I must go to the study to read some scrolls of Robsildur.  
  
Secretary: (Nodding) Right. Take a number. (Indicates the roll of numbers next to the desk and resumes filing her nails)  
  
Kendalf: (Looking quite scandalized) Number? I have to take a number now?  
  
Secretary: (Looks up at Kendalf and scolds) That's right, Mister-? (Shakes head slightly, indicating she doesn't know Kendalf's name-and doesn't want to know, as a matter of fact)  
  
Kendalf: (Quite mad at the moment) Kendalf, the old but extremely attractive! I refuse to take this kind of treatment!  
  
Secretary: (Laughs) Get used to it, bucko! That's the way it is around here!  
  
Kendalf: (Banging his fist on Secretary's desk, causing her to look up at him with surprise) Damn it, woman! Don't you understand? I must read the scrolls of Robsildur! The fate of Middle Earth may depend upon what I may find out! (Breathes in and out for a few minutes, looking very angry)  
  
Secretary: (Looking as if Kendalf is really taking up her time) Yeah, you and the rest of Middle Earth! (Rips off a number and gives it to him with a smile) I think you can wait like everybody else, Mr. Kendalf. (Kendalf takes the number) You're number fifty-five.  
  
(Kendalf looks at his number, and glares at the Secretary, but she's reading a magazine and appears to have not noticed. Kendalf goes and sits next to Waiting Man#1, muttering occasionally to himself. Then, Kendalf looks at Waiting Man#1)  
  
Kendalf: (In a dark tone) They say the strength of Men failed with the finding of the One Movie of Power-I think it came with this damn secretaries!  
  
Secretary: (Through a microphone) Number thirty-seven!  
  
(Now we see Kendalf enter the study of Robsildur, followed by a torch- bearing Castle Guider. Kendalf is looking around the study, immersed in the many scrolls on the shelves, while the Castle Guider is talking to him)  
  
Castle Guider: Okay, here is where the scrolls of Robsildur are kept. If you need anything or if you get bored, there's coffee and cake in the dungeons. And if you hurry (Points at him enthusiastically) we got a mean game of Twister goin' on. (Leaves)  
  
(Kendalf goes to a shelf and starts skimming over the tittles of scrolls, muttering the titles to himself as he goes along)  
  
Kendalf: Okay, we got, "First Dog", "First Cat", "First Arranged Marriage", "First Love", "First Game of Tennis", "First Pet: See 'First Dog'".(Eyes widen as he sees what he wants) Ah! Here we are! History of Gondor's King: Robsildur! That's what I'm talking about! (Grabs scrolls, and begins to look through the text. Finally, he reads out loud what he's found) "Year 3434, of the second age-concerning the finding of the One Movie of Power-and tax raises concerning BINGO" (Eyes narrow as he tries to read) "It has come to me-this movie shall be an heirloom, aiding my kingdom for years to come. No harm shall come to it-it is precious to me". (Frowns slightly as he keeps reading, and the camera closes in on the Elvish script written on the parchment) "The markings around the disc begin to fade-words last written here. A secret now only fire can tell"? (Looks up in curiosity)  
  
(Now we see Hobbit#17 back in the Shire, chopping wood with a disgruntled look upon his face, his dog on his side)  
  
Hobbit#17: (In an angry voice) They always said, "You'd make a great lawyer!" And now look at me! I'm fifty-six years old, chopping wood, and living with my parents! Gees, my life bites! (Dog begins to bark at something approaching the house. In a very disgruntled voice) What, Tessy? (Looks up and we see his face pull into a look of fright) Oh.  
  
(Adelphia is on his bike, occasionally ringing the bell menacingly, looking at the house and at Hobbit#17. The dog eventually cowers back into the house. Once this happens, Adelphia looks straight at Hobbit#17, whose mountain is open and looking quite shocked)  
  
Adelphia: (In a hissing voice) Ssssshire. Bagginsssss.  
  
Hobbit#17: (In a quivering voice) There are-are no Bag-Baggins around here, sir. They-They're all in Hobbiton! (Adelphia hisses, and Hobbit#17 points in to the right) That-That way! And-And I'll have you know that-that I already have-have a good long distance plan!  
  
(Adelphia hisses and bolts off on his bike towards the destination the hobbit indicated. Hobbit#17 watches him leave and then runs in the house, locking the door. We go into the house to, seeing him lean against the door and wiping his brow)  
  
Hobbit#17: (In a slightly strangled voice) Oh-I hate phone solicitors! 


	5. Scene Four: Dark Secrets Revealed

Scene Four (We are now in Hobbiton, outside The Green Dragon, a local tavern. We hear Jessie Brandybuck and Rippin Took singing in the tavern. Soon, we go inside, to see them standing on a table, root-beer mugs in hand and singing loudly. Lizzo Baggins is walking around them as well, having just gotten some drinks for some friends, and sings too)  
  
Jessie Brandybuck & Rippin Took: (Singing) We are the champions, my friend! And we'll-keep on fighting till the end! We are the champions-we are the champions! Something-Something-because something-the champions! Of the world!  
  
Rippin Took: (Sings loudly) And many more!  
  
(The tavern breaks up in laughter, and Jessie Brandybuck & Rippin Took pat each other on the back)  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Laughing) We are so dumb!  
  
Rippin Took: I know.  
  
(Now we go to Kram Gamgee, who is sitting with Mr. Gamgee, Gaffer, Hobbit #18 & 19, but is looking at Corey. But whenever he looks at her, she'll look away shyly. But when he looks away, she looks at him. Finally, he looks up at her and frowns)  
  
Corey: (Shouting) WHAT? Want to barf on me some more?  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Biting her lip) Sorry. (Looks back to listen to Mr. Gamgee speaking)  
  
Mr. Gamgee: (In a mysterious tone) There's some queer folk coming into town lately. I mean-weirder than them shemales that came here a year ago. That was-a very hard time for all of us.  
  
(Mr. Gamgee looks at Hobbit#18 & 19, who nod darkly)  
  
Gaffer: (Butting in, looking very bitter) I'll bet it was the work of that Milbo Baggins! Nutty, she was! I mean-nuttier than walnuts! (Whispers slightly as Lizzo Baggins comes closer to the table with their drinks) And that young Lizzo isn't too normal, either.  
  
(Lizzo Baggins comes over to hear what he just said, and Kram Gamgee frowns and looks as if she's about to comment, but Lizzo Baggins is smiling as she hands people their drinks)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: And I'm proud of it, Gaffer! (Sits down next to Kram Gamgee)  
  
Gaffer: (Points angrily at Lizzo Baggins) You ain't proud of anything while I'm around.  
  
Mr. Gamgee: (Putting his hand on the Gaffer's shoulder) Gaffer, I think it's time you took your medication and get to bed.  
  
Gaffer: (Shakes Mr. Gamgee's hand off his shoulder) You don't think anything while I'm here! And quit calling me "Gaffer"! It sounds like something you say when you're halking a loogie! (Makes coughing sound as he speaks) Gaf-fer! Gaf-fer!  
  
Mr. Gamgee: (Choosing to ignore the Gaffer's words, he speaks to Lizzo Baggins) Well, whatever things are coming around here, they are of no concern to you. Keep yourself out of trouble and you won't get into trouble.  
  
(Mr. Gamgee nods and talks to Hobbit#18. Suddenly, Lizzo Baggins shudders and Kram Gamgee looks at her with a raised eyebrow)  
  
Kram Gamgee: What is it, Miss Lizzo?  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Looking puzzled) I just felt as though what Mr. Gamgee said wasn't true. Weird, eh?  
  
(They both shrug and resume drinking. Next, we see Kram Gamgee walking Lizzo Baggins back to BagEnd. Lizzo Baggins turns to Kram Gamgee and smiles)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Scratching her neck) Well, 'night, Kram.  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Hands in her pockets) Hey, you want to watch a movie or something?  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Yawning) Nah, I think I'll just hit the hay, Kram. I'm kind of beat, you know. Doing nothing all day really takes a load off you. (Turns to go, but Kram Gamgee keeps talking and so she turns around to listen)  
  
Kram Gamgee: Well, maybe I could trim your rosebushes or something? I kind of forgot to do that today, after all.  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Looking off to the side awkwardly) It can wait, Kram. (Turns to leave, but Kram Gamgee grabs her sleeve and holds her back)  
  
Kram Gamgee: Maybe I should trim them anyways tonight, you know. They can get really nasty when they're not trimmed.  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Beginning to get annoyed) Kram, it is almost ten o'clock at night. How the heck do you expect to trim rose bushes when there's no light?  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Silent for a moment, thinking of what to say) I've been known to have a very keen night-vision.  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (More to herself than to Kram Gamgee) Yes, but not a very keen sense of independency.  
  
Kram Gamgee: I'll trim the rosebushes tonight and you can go to bed. That way, I won't have to do it in the morning and-  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Shaking Kram Gamgee's hand from her sleeve and stepping back angrily) Damn it, Kram! Will you just leave me alone! I would like to go to bed! I don't want you to trim my rosebushes! I don't want to watch a movie! I don't want to hear about your "keen night vision"! All I want to do is get some sleep! Why won't you just go home like most normal individuals?  
  
(There is a silence as Kram Gamgee looks at Lizzo Baggins with a bit of a shocked expression. Then, tears begin to come out of Kram Gamgee's eyes as she speaks)  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Pleading as she sobs) I can't go home! I've got nowhere else to go! If-If I go home, they're gonna ask where the rent money is! Lizzo- (Pulls Lizzo Baggins very close to her face) I don't have the rent money! There's nothing I can do! (Sobs some more)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Rolling her eyes and sighing angrily) Every rent day! (Pulls out a twenty dollar bill from her back pocket) Here's twenty bucks. Tell them that Lizzo Baggins of BagEnd took care of it for you.  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Stops sobbing immediately and takes the money with a smile) Thanks, Lizzo! You're a real pal! I'll remember you for this, Lizzo. (Walks away, whistling a tune)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Shaking her head as Kram Gamgee makes her leave) Why are life's best friends so stupid?  
  
(Lizzo Baggins finally turns and goes through the gate towards her house. Yawning occasionally, she opens the door to BagEnd. The camera closes in about her face as she enters and closes the door behind her. But when she looks about the house, her eyes widen and she gasps)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (In shock) What the-?  
  
(The camera goes along BagEnd, which is a mess of loose papers and fallen picture frames. The camera goes back to Lizzo Baggins, who has her hands on her hips in frustration)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Angry) Dang it! I left the stupid fan on again! I hate it when I do that!  
  
(Frustrated, Lizzo Baggins turns on the lights and goes over to a box fan on a table in the corner on high power. Angrily, Lizzo Baggins turns off the fan and looks about the disheveled house. She sees that there is still a fire burning in the fireplace)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Angrily) Nice to know that Rippin didn't put out the fire before she left! Idiot! (Sighing) Well, I don't want to clean all of this up now! Oh-maybe I'll just watch a movie.  
  
(Lizzo Baggins goes over to the television, and pulls out a DVD case from the shelf-we clearly see that the case has no label or indication of what lies inside. Then, the camera goes outside, as a force moves towards BagEnd-it's as if we are looking through their eyes. Then we see Lizzo Baggins open the case simply and we go back to the force moving towards the house, moving faster now, the door coming closer. Back to Lizzo Baggins, we see her pull out a DVD eagerly. But before she can do anything, we hear the door slam open and she spins around wildly and looks at the door with an open mouth-for at the door stands Kendalf, looking very distraught and frightened. When he sees what Lizzo Baggins is holding, his eyes go wide)  
  
Kendalf: LIZZO, NO! (Coming over to her angrily, snatching the movie from her grasp)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Looking a bit surprised and frightened at Kendalf's behavior) Kendalf, what is-?  
  
Kendalf: (Brandishing the movie before her angrily) You stupid, hobbiton fool! You almost killed us all! (Without hearing another argument, he throws the DVD in the fire)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Shouting) What're you doing?  
  
Kendalf: (Ignoring Lizzo Baggins as he bends towards the fire and frowns) I don't understand! Why is the Lord of the Rings DVD melting?  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Angrily) Because it's not the Lord of the Rings DVD!  
  
Kendalf: (Straightening up quickly and fixing Lizzo Baggins with a piercing stare) It isn't?  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Very angry at this point) That's right! You just destroyed my Editor's Choice version of Dumb and Dumber! (Goes over to a trunk, opens it, and pulls out a locked box. Once she has it, she looks at Kendalf with an angry stare) Do you really think I'd be so stupid as to watch a movie you told me to keep secret and safe? Please! (Puts the box on a table, pulls a key from her pocket, and opens the box. She carefully pulls out the Lord of the Rings DVD and shows it to Kendalf) This is the Lord of the Rings DVD.  
  
Kendalf: (Taking the DVD with shaking fingers and breathing in with relief) Oh-thank Merlin! (Turns around and throws the DVD into the fire as well)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Shouting angrily) Hey! What is it with you burning everything I own! (Picks up a spoon from the table and shows it to Kendalf) What about this? Want to burn this too?  
  
Kendalf: (Looks at the spoon for a while) Maybe later. (Keeps talking even as Lizzo Baggins puts the spoon back on the table) Right now, we have more important matters to worry about.  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Suddenly stares at him with a curious expression) "More important matters"? Like what? I don't-  
  
(Lizzo Baggins stops speaking as Kendalf grabs the tongs for the fireplace. Carefully, Kendalf uses the tongs to grasp the Lord of the Rings DVD, which is in perfect shape-despite the heat of the fire-and pulls it out of the fireplace. Lizzo Baggins stares at the DVD in disbelief, while Kendalf is staring at it with a mixture of fright and seriousness upon his face)  
  
Kendalf: (Turning to Lizzo Baggins) Hold out your hand, Lizzo.  
  
(Lizzo Baggins frowns at Kendalf, as if to say, "Are you crazy?" but he quickly reassures her)  
  
Kendalf: It's quite cool.  
  
(When Lizzo Baggins hesitantly holds out her hands, Kendalf gently drops the DVD into her palms. Then, a sizzling sound is heard and Lizzo Baggins screams in pain as the still hot DVD burns her hands. Kendalf merely shrugs as he puts the tongs away)  
  
Kendalf: (Reasonably) Well, it seemed cooler.  
  
(When Lizzo Baggins begins to study the DVD, Kendalf speaks anxiously)  
  
Kendalf: Look closely, Lizzo. What do you see?  
  
(Camera closes in on the DVD, which looks just like an ordinary movie in Lizzo Baggins' hands. Then, we see Lizzo Baggins' face, which looks bewildered)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (After studying the movie for some time, shaking her head) Nothing. I see nothing.  
  
(We see Kendalf wipe sweat off his brow in relief and turn to leave)  
  
Kendalf: Well, that was close.  
  
Lizzo Baggins: Wait! I see something!  
  
Kendalf: (Eyes widening in fear) Aw, and I was so close too!  
  
(The camera now sees the DVD, but with the Elvish script around the disc. We see Lizzo Baggins' face studying the DVD in curiosity, trying in vain to read the script)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Looking very stumped at this) It is-some form of Elvish- (Looks more closely) or my Aunt Penny's cursive writing. (Squinting her eyes at the DVD) I cannot read it.  
  
(We close in at Kendalf, who closes his eyes in dismay)  
  
Kendalf: (Sadly) There are few who can. (Turns to face Lizzo Baggins, who looks up at him for support) It is the language of Mordor-which I will not utter here.  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Eyes go wide at mention of the evil land) Mordor? Uh- (Looks off to the side, as if suddenly stuck about something) is that the place with the emus or the severe evil?  
  
Kendalf: (Raising his eyebrows) The severe evil.  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Nodding) Oh! Wait-(Looks at Kendalf nervously) that's not good.  
  
Kendalf: (The camera closing in about his face as he speaks) In common tongue, it reads: One Movie to rule them all, One Movie to find them, One Movie to bring them all, and in the Darkness bind them.  
  
(Now we see the DVD lying perfectly still upon a wooden table, devoid of Elvish script and looking peaceful. We hear Kendalf speaking solemnly)  
  
Kendalf: This is the One Movie.  
  
(The camera then goes back to see Kendalf sitting at the table, eying the Movie as he speaks, looking very traumatized at the moment, as Lizzo Baggins prepares tea for him. She brings it up to him with a bottle of whiskey)  
  
Kendalf: This movie was cut from the neck of Jauron himself, over five- hundred years ago.  
  
(Lizzo Baggins pours some whiskey into Kendalf's tea)  
  
Kendalf: This movie was meant to do evil, much like its master.  
  
(Lizzo Baggins pours more whiskey into the tea)  
  
Kendalf: Who knows what doom that this Movie plans to unfold.  
  
(Lizzo Baggins tips the whiskey bottle upside down, pouring the contents into the tea. Kendalf looks up and snaps angrily at her)  
  
Kendalf: (Angrily) Lizzo, will you cut it out? I'm a wizard, not an alcoholic! I want to find a solution to this problem-not get drunk! (Takes the tea)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Frowns at Kendalf as she puts the whiskey away) Well, sorry! I thought it would help!  
  
Kendalf: I just find it very misfortunate that the Movie is here-and that I had not seen it for all the years your aunt held possession of it.  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Sits down across from Kendalf, looking quickly at the Movie) Milbo found it! In Jenolum's cave!  
  
Kendalf: (Looks at Lizzo Baggins) Yes, for years your aunt held the Movie, but it can wait no longer. It has begun to hear its master call. Its master wishes to gain possession of the movie again, his eye seeking it forever. The movie will do anything to get back to its master.  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (As if trying to catch Kendalf in a loophole of his own words) But-he was destroyed! Jauron was destroyed! Right?  
  
Kendalf: (Leaning in very close to Lizzo Baggins, so she will not miss a word) No, Lizzo. The spirit of Jauron endured. His spirit lies within the Movie and the Movie survived. It lies in Mordor, commanding what forces will work for him-whatever workers will work for many cans of Spam.  
  
(Lizzo Baggins shudders)  
  
Kendalf: The Movie-above all else-wishes to return to its master. It was made to serve Jauron and it will do anything to get back to him. Once Jauron has it within his grasp-he will be able to assemble a force great enough to abolish every form of life on Middle Earth. Lizzo!  
  
(Lizzo Baggins, who is looking at the movie, looks up quickly, with a frightened look upon her face)  
  
Kendalf: (Desperately) He must never find it!  
  
(We see Lizzo Baggins' hand grab the Movie)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Briskly) All right. (We see her coming out of the kitchen, clutching the Movie in her hands as she vents out ideas) We'll put it away- and never speak of it again. (Moves away from the kitchen, Kendalf following her)  
  
Kendalf: (Irritably) Well, with that sort of talk, why don't we just put it in the trash?  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Turns around to face Kendalf angrily) You have a better idea? Now, (Turns around and proceeds to walk away) nobody knows it's here.  
  
(Kendalf suddenly clenches his teeth, and looks off to the side nervously. Lizzo Baggins detects that something is wrong and she turns around slowly to face Kendalf who is looking around the house, trying to not look guilty)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Nervously) Do they, Kendalf?  
  
Kendalf: (Turning away from her and wringing his hands) Well, some people may know.  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (In a stern tone) Kendalf-  
  
Kendalf: (Unable to hold it in any longer, and turning around to explain) Oh, it was the Great Wizard's Council and everybody was showing off with, "I cured this!" or "I saved that!" or "I didn't kill this person!" I felt like such a goon, so I might have mentioned something about your aunt finding a movie that could turn her invisible.  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Scolding at Kendalf) Well, that's just great, Kendalf! Now everybody knows that the Movie is here! Nice one, Kendalf! Now, we're all screwed!  
  
Kendalf: (His face suddenly putting up a finger brightly) Not necessarily! You see, half of the wizards there didn't believe me and the other half that did are dead. Wow, I never thought that would actually be a good thing.  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Sighing in relief, putting a hand on her heart) Oh, thank goodness, Kendalf! I thought for a moment that we weren't safe.  
  
Kendalf: (Pulling on a serious face again) We are not safe, Lizzo. For one other knew that Milbo had the Movie. I looked everywhere for the creature Jenolum-but the enemy found her first. (Looking off as if in a horrified trance) I don't know how long they tortured her-making her watch endless episodes of Full House-  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Putting a hand to her mouth in horror and backing away) A torture no creature should have to face!  
  
(We suddenly see Jenolum in front of a television screen, in a dark room, screaming and shrieking at the horrible footage she must watch. We hear Kendalf speaking)  
  
Kendalf: But amidst the stupid life lessons that don't really mean anything and the corny jokes, the words were uttered:  
  
Jenolum: (Shielding her eyes as she shrieks) SHIRE! BAGGINS!  
  
(We go back to BagEnd, where the camera is now focused on Lizzo Baggins' horrified face as she realizes the horrible truth)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: "Shire. Baggins"? That-That would lead them here!  
  
Kendalf: (Camera going in on his scowling face) Well-no duh, Lizzo! State the obvious, why don't you?  
  
(We see Sprint, Verizon, and AT&T riding towards the shire on their bicycles, and Hobbit Gatekeeper, comes outside in evening hat and holding a lantern in front of him to see the horseman that are trying to get to Hobbiton)  
  
Hobbit Gatekeeper: (Shouting and squinting to get a better view of the strangers) Who goes there? I warn you-I've got insurance!  
  
(Sprint, riding in front of the other Phone Solicitors, hisses and pulls out his monstrous blade, ready to strike down the Hobbit Gatekeeper while he rides. Hobbit Gatekeeper frowns slightly)  
  
Hobbit Gatekeeper: (More to himself) Why do I always shout first? It just gives them more time to get a sword out and kill me. Well (Shrugs), I'm an idiot.  
  
(We hear Hobbit Gatekeeper scream as Sprint's sword goes into the air and he brings it down. But before we can see anything, we see Lizzo Baggins, back at BagEnd. Her eyes go wide and she begins to hand the movie to Kendalf, pleading him to take it)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: Take it, Kendalf!  
  
Kendalf: (Coiling back slightly, as if being handed a snake) No, Lizzo.  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Pleading) Take it, Kendalf!  
  
Kendalf: (Putting his hands in front of him, indicating that he wants nothing to do with the Movie) I cannot take such a thing from you, Lizzo.  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Desperate) I'm giving it to you!  
  
Kendalf: (Shouting, his eyes going wide) Don't-tempt me, Lizzo!  
  
(Lizzo Baggins draws the movie back, looking stunned at Kendalf's behavior. He pulls his look into an understanding look as he explains) Kendalf: Understand, Lizzo, that I would use this movie to do good-against the powers of evil. But through me-(Shudders) it wields a power too great for my craft.  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Shouting, looking very scared) But it cannot stay in the Shire!  
  
Kendalf: (Scolds at her again) You just love stating the obvious, don't you Lizzo? Of course it can't stay in the Shire!  
  
(Lizzo Baggins looks to Kendalf for some answer, but he says nothing. Instead, he fixes her with a stare as if she must find the answer herself. Lizzo Baggins suddenly looks as if she understands and she looks down at the Movie. Then, she looks up at Kendalf with a prideful stare)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (In a quiet voice) What must I do?  
  
(We see Lizzo Baggins begin shoving different articles of clothing and materials into a shoulder bag, while listening to Kendalf talk, who is helping her pack as well)  
  
Kendalf: (In an urgent voice) You must leave the Shire!  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Looking up at Kendalf with a pleading stare) Where? Where do I go?  
  
Kendalf: (Pulls out a pair of socks from a drawer and looks at Lizzo Baggins with an angry look) I don't know-somewhere outside of the Shire!  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Putting apples in the bag) Yes, but where outside the Shire, Kendalf!  
  
Kendalf: (Putting his hands on his hips in frustration) Does it really matter where you go?  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Giving him an incredulous look) To me it does! If I don't know where to go immediately, I'm likely to be sitting here all night wondering where to go! And by the time I've figured out a destination, I'll be dead or something worse!  
  
Kendalf: (Sighing angrily and coming up to her) Fine. Go to-Bree. (Drops the socks, and Lizzo Baggins bends to catch them)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Raising an eyebrow at Kendalf) Is that even a real town?  
  
Kendalf: (Rolling his eyes and turning away) Yes! Yes! It's a real town!  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Putting the socks in her bag and mumbling) Bree.Bree.  
  
(Lizzo Baggins takes a brick-which she believes to be a loaf of bread-and wraps it in paper. Too worried to care less, she looks up at Kendalf suddenly)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Worriedly) Are you coming as well?  
  
Kendalf: (Turns around and faces Lizzo Baggins) No, Lizzo. I must seek help from the head of my council-Andraman, the older and most gorgeous one. Trust me, Lizzo. (Smiles faintly) He will know what to do. I will meet you at an inn called, "The Prancing Pony".  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Mumbling) "Prancing Pony". (Looks up and speaks to Kendalf) And will the Movie be safe there?  
  
Kendalf: (Sarcastically) Hmm! Let's see! Bree's full of a whole bunch of drunks and Men! I don't think so, Lizzo!  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Closes the bag and looks agitated at Kendalf) You know, you don't have to be so sarcastic about it!  
  
Kendalf: But-it's so much fun!  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Suddenly realizes she is packing a brick and scolds at it) Why am I packing a brick? (Throws it behind her and we hear it thud to the ground. Slides bag onto shoulder, then grabs her cloak while mumbling to herself) Bree-"Prancing Pony"-drunks and Men. I can cut across country and get there faster-maybe before tea tomorrow. (Puts the Movie in her pants pocket and looks up at Kendalf)  
  
Kendalf: (Smiling down at her) It is so strange, how after all of these years, hobbits still tend to surprise us. It's not often when one goes on such an adventure-but then again, you are almost like another Milbo Baggins, Lizzo.  
  
(Lizzo Baggins smiles at him, but quickly stops when she hears a rustling from out of an open window. The camera shows the window, then shows the face of Kendalf, looking very apprehensive at the moment)  
  
Kendalf: (Whispering) Lizzo, get-! (Looks towards Lizzo Baggins, but frowns when he sees that she's not there. He looks around for a while, hoarsely whispering) Lizzo? Lizzo?  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (We hear her from the floor, whispering) Down here, Kendalf!  
  
(Kendalf looks down and we see Lizzo Baggins ducking underneath a chair)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Still whispering) I heard a noise and ducked instinctively.  
  
Kendalf: (To himself) And I chose you to go on this mission?  
  
(We see Kendalf grab his staff and slowly proceed to the window. Once he is there, he looks down into the bushes, which are shaking slightly. In one motion, Kendalf pokes into the bushes roughly with the staff. We hear Kram Gamgee grunt in pain. We see the face of Lizzo Baggins suddenly go from a look of pure fright to a look of bewilderment. In a swift motion, Kendalf reaches into the bushes and pulls into the house a very nervous looking Kram Gamgee. She looks at Kendalf for a while, who looks furious)  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Smiling faintly and stammering) Uh-hello, Kendalf. Er-nice robes. (Squeaks as Kendalf pushes her roughly into a chair) Yikes! Not so roughly!  
  
Kendalf: (Getting very close to Kram Gamgee's face, who draws up into the chair with fright) Confound it all, Kramwise Gamgee! Have you been eavesdropping?  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Getting up from the floor and looking at Kram Gamgee angrily) Kram! I told you to go home!  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Ignores Lizzo Baggins as she stammers her story to Kendalf) I haven't been dropping any eaves! I was-just trimming that grass under the window there! (Points out the window with a shaking finger)  
  
Kendalf: (Raising an eyebrow in disbelief) So late at night?  
  
Lizzo Baggins: You'd be surprised, Kendalf. She was trying to get me into to letting her trim the rosebushes tonight as well.  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Looking down and wringing her hands) I-I heard some raised voices-  
  
Kendalf: (Bending near to Kram Gamgee and making her look into his face) What did you hear? SPEAK!  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Stammering as she speaks) No-Nothing important! That is-I heard a great deal about a-a Movie-some Dark Lord-and something about the end of the world, but other than that-nothing! Honest, I swear!  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Smiling in spite of the situation) So, basically everything.  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Begging Kendalf) Please, Mister Kendalf-don't turn into anything unnatural-and don't tell my parents! They'll kill me!  
  
(For a while, Kendalf just looks very angry. Finally, he smiles as he comes up with an idea. He laughs and looks at Kram Gamgee with a cynical smile upon his face)  
  
Kendalf: I think I may know what to do with you, Kramwise Gamgee.  
  
(We suddenly see Kram Gamgee hanging upside down in a tree, screaming hysterically. Lizzo Baggins and Kendalf are close by, watching)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Turns to look at Kendalf) Uh, Kendalf, why don't we just- take her with us?  
  
Kendalf: (Looking up into the tree and nodding) Yeah, I suppose that would be easier. 


	6. Scene Five: The Treason of Isengard

Scene Five (Kendalf is leading Lizzo Baggins and Kram Gamgee on a path in a wooded area of the Shire. It is just a few hours after sunrise. Kram Gamgee is carrying the supplies, and they are both dressed in traveling cloaks. Kendalf walks beside his horse and is giving the hobbits some last minute instructions)  
  
Kendalf: (In a quiet voice) Be sure to keep off the road, you two. The Dark Lord has many spies. (Looking around suspiciously) Birds.beasts.(Looks at the hobbits) Sears' employees.  
  
(Lizzo Baggins gasps and Kram Gamgee looks scandalized)  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Angrily) And to think I bought my lawnmower from them!  
  
Kendalf: (Bending near Lizzo Baggins, putting a hand on her shoulder) Lizzo, about the Movie-never push the play chip. Do not be fooled by it. The forces of the Dark Lord are drawn the Movie-they will be able to find you. The Movie-remember-wants to get back to its master. It wants to be found.  
  
(Lizzo Baggins nods, looking very nervous about what lies ahead. Kendalf gets up and goes to his horse. Before he mounts, he turns to say one more thing to the hobbits)  
  
Kendalf: And never use, "Baggins" as your real name, Lizzo! It is not safe outside of the Shire.  
  
(Kendalf mounts the horse and rides off. Lizzo Baggins watches him leave, looking as though she wishes he wouldn't. Finally, Kram Gamgee comes up to her-frowning as she watches Kendalf leave)  
  
Kram Gamgee: (In an angry voice) How come he gets a horse, and I'm the county mule? (Angrily indicates the many packs upon her back)  
  
(Lizzo Baggins looks at her friend, knowing that Kram Gamgee doesn't really understand anything of what is taking place, then nods and begins to walk through the forest-towards Bree. Kram Gamgee follows her, and the camera zones out to see them traveling at a distance. Next, we see them crossing a river using stones. Lizzo Baggins is doing fine, but Kram Gamgee keeps slipping and falling, cursing each time she does so. Then, we see the hobbits crossing a field with a single scarecrow in it. Lizzo Baggins is walking undisturbed, but Kram Gamgee suddenly stops and looks around)  
  
Kram Gamgee: (In a distant voice) This is it.  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Turns around and frowns at Kram Gamgee) This is what?  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Waits for a while before speaking) If I take one more step- it'll be the farthest from home I've ever been. Lizzo Baggins: (Not really seeing how this is supposed to be important) Yeah, but we'll be closer towards our goal. So-one's more important than the other, Kram.  
  
(Kram Gamgee bows her head sadly, obviously wishing to go back. Lizzo Baggins takes sympathy upon her, and comes up to her friend, putting a comforting hand upon her shoulder)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (In a comforting voice) Aw, cheer up, Kram. It's not so bad. Just remember what ol' Milbo used to say!  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Scrunches up face as she tries to remember) Uh-"Kram, you'd better trim those hedges better next time before I give true value to your name and cram those hedge clippers up your-"  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Shouting and gesturing wildly for Kram Gamgee to quit speaking) No! The other thing! (Begins to walk with Kram Gamgee) "It's a dangerous thing-"  
  
(We hear Milbo Baggins continue the speech, and see Lizzo Baggins and Kram Gamgee stopped under a big tree. Lizzo Baggins is lounging in the tree and Kram Gamgee is cooking over a fire)  
  
Milbo Baggins: Going out your front door. You step onto the road-and if you don't keep your feet-there's not knowing where the hell you'll be swept off to.  
  
(The camera gets a good shot of Kram Gamgee's cooking, which is slightly burnt. Lizzo Baggins looks down and starts laughing)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: Nice science project, down there, Kram.  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Looking up at Lizzo Baggins irritably) You know, it'd help a bunch if you'd get down here and help me-hint, hint!  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Lazily leaning back on the branch) Yes, but-that requires work, and I don't like work. I'm much happy with you doing everything. Now (In a demanding voice) work, slave! Work! (Laughs slightly)  
  
(Kram Gamgee sighs and takes the pan off the fire. Then, she digs into the pack and pulls out a map of the Shire. She studies it for a while and frowns)  
  
Kram Gamgee: (In an agitated voice) Okay, according to this map, "North"- doesn't exist.  
  
(Suddenly, Lizzo Baggins hears the singing of Woodelves, and she sits up)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Whispering excitedly) Kram! (Kram Gamgee folds the map and looks at Lizzo Baggins) Do you hear that? Kram Gamgee: (Listens for a moment and then her eyes widen) Yeah. (Looks at Lizzo Baggins)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Excited) Woodelves!  
  
(We see Lizzo Baggins and Kram Gamgee running through the forest and they hide behind a big log. We hear the Woodelves singing grimly. The hobbits poke their heads from the log and look at the great spectacle. The camera shows a line of Woodelves singing and going towards the west, still singing. Then, we come back to the hobbits, who watch in awe)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (In a whisper) They are going towards the west-where they will leave Middle Earth. Their lives are almost over, now.  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Looks a bit saddened) I don't know why but-it makes me sad.  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Looks at Kram Gamgee with raised eyebrows) Well, how could it not make you sad? They're singing like Enya! That's gotta be depressing!  
  
(Kram Gamgee nods in understanding and they watch the Woodelves continue passing. Then, we see the hobbits lying down under the tree again ready to get some sleep. At least, Lizzo Baggins is attempting to get some sleep, but Kram Gamgee is tossing and turning angrily)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (With her eyes closed and sounding annoyed) Kram, if you move one more time, I'm going to tie you to the ground and call a bunch of wolves to you.  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Irritably) I can't help it, Miss Lizzo! Every time I try to get comfortable, there's a big root in my back.  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Sighing angrily) Try to imagine you're back home in your bed. With soft pillows and a feather mattress. Picture yourself home-in the Shire.  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Silent for a while, then tosses and turns again) Great! Now I miss home! I don't think home ever had the feeling that you were getting kicked in the back every time you lied down. (Groans pitifully) Oh, this really sucks, Miss Lizzo!  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Smiles in spite of herself) Goodnight, Kram.  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Grabs some bread from her pack and begins to eat it, looking at the sky. Then she lets out a sigh of disgust) This bread's no good, Miss Lizzo-it's moldy.  
  
(The camera shows us a wonderful view of the shire, the night beginning to blanket it. Then, we hear a sudden hiss and we see Cingulair watching the land from a cliff. Then, we see Kendalf riding into Isengard, and we hear Andraman speaking in his solemn voice) Andraman: Jauron and his foes awake from the east-the shadow of doom is upon us. (We see Kendalf in front of Andraman's palace, and Andraman is waiting for him on the steps, his staff in hand) And Kendalf, the old but extremely attractive, rides to my aid. (Goes up to Kendalf, who is looking at Andraman in extreme pride) That is why you have come, is it not, Kendalf?  
  
Kendalf: (Takes off his hat and bows his head with nobility) Andraman-the older and most gorgeous one.  
  
(We now see Andraman and Kendalf walking around outside the palace, conversing with each other)  
  
Andraman: (In a solemn voice) So, the Movie of Power has indeed been found?  
  
Kendalf: (In a disappointed voice) Yes, I'm afraid so, Andraman.  
  
Andraman: (Looking towards the distance, with a malice in his look) So, it is indeed true.  
  
Kendalf: (Not noticing Andraman's behavior and looking very upset) Yes, and under my nose in the Shire! I'm so stupid! (Smacks himself in the head) Stupid!  
  
Andraman: (Looking at Kendalf with a mocking smile) It appears as if your love for the Halfling's leaf has shone through.  
  
Kendalf: (Looking at Andraman with a quizzical stare) I have no idea what that means, but I'm guessing that it's not good. But, with the right amount of time-  
  
Andraman: (With a laugh in his voice, causing Kendalf to stop in his tracks) Time? What time do you think we have?  
  
Kendalf: (Looks down at watch) My watch tells me a quarter to three, but I may have passed through a time zone, so I'm not too-  
  
Andraman: (Angrily) That was a rhetorical question, you idiot! You weren't supposed to answer that!  
  
Kendalf: (Looks at Andraman and rolls his eyes) Well, maybe if you would've told me that, I wouldn't be so stupid about it! Duh!  
  
(Now we see Andraman and Kendalf in the palace. Andraman is sitting in a chair by a black table, talking to Kendalf with a dead serious tone. Kendalf listens intently, not wanting to miss a word from the head of the council)  
  
Andraman: Jauron is assembling a force that will be strong enough to stand against the forces of Middle Earth. Jauron is growing restless. After years of being torn away from his Movie, he senses that it has been found. His great eye-writhed in flame-sees all. It pierces earth, sea, sky, and flesh.  
  
(Kendalf looks behind him nervously, and draws his robes tighter about him, afraid that forces are watching him. Andraman continues, looking a bit satisfied that he has made Kendalf uncomfortable)  
  
Andraman: You know of what I speak of, Kendalf. Once the Movie is returned to Jauron-he will wield a power too great for anybody to smother. Much destruction will come upon Middle Earth.  
  
Kendalf: (Suddenly suspicious) You know this? How?  
  
Andraman: (Smiling at Kendalf) I have seen it.  
  
(We now see the Palantir on a shale table, covered by a silvery cloth. As we hear Kendalf and Andraman approach, the camera catches the sight of them. Kendalf looks a bit agitated)  
  
Kendalf: (Scolding Andraman) The Palantir is a dangerous tool, Andraman! It must never be used!  
  
Andraman: (Looking at Kendalf with a quizzical expression) Why? Why should we-(Pulls the cloth off the Palantir, and the camera shows its misty-like appearance entrapped within the orb) fear to use it?  
  
Kendalf: (Snatching the cloth away from Andraman, who is smiling, and speaks angrily) I'll tell you why! There are other Palantirs out there besides ours-lost in the world! We may not know who else may be watching! (Moves over to cover the Palantir again. Then, he looks at Andraman again) Didn't you ever pay attention to those films they made us watch in wizard's school?  
  
(Kendalf puts the cloth back on the Palantir, but we immediately see the Eye of Jauron flash before us with an angry hiss, then vanish immediately. Kendalf looks at the Palantir for the longest time, very bemused. Then, he looks back at Andraman, who is speaking as he sits on his throne of black shale)  
  
Andraman: (In a flat voice, as if what he's saying is no big deal) Jauron's forces are on the move. (Looks at Kendalf with a strange smile curling upon his lips) The Nine Phone Solicitors have ridden from the gates of Mordor.  
  
Kendalf: (Coming towards Andraman, with a frightened look upon his face) The-The Nine Phone Solicitors?  
  
Andraman: (Continuing, disregarding the fear that Kendalf shows) They have crossed the Bywater Bridge on Midsummer's Eve. Kendalf: (Eyes going wide in fear) They've reached the Shire?  
  
Andraman: (Casually, the camera closing in about his face as he speaks) They will find the Movie-and kill the one who carries it.  
  
Kendalf: (Camera coming back to his horrified face) Lizzo!  
  
(Immediately, Kendalf turns to leave and warn the hobbit, but the doors suddenly shut with a big BANG! Kendalf turns around toward Andraman, who is smiling at the act he has done. Kendalf turns towards another set of doors, but Andraman uses his power to shut those off as well. Kendalf tries again and again, but each time he does, Andraman closes the doors. Finally, when all of his exits are barred, Kendalf turns to stare at Andraman, who is smiling in dead calm)  
  
Kendalf: (Looking at Andraman and looking a bit awkward about the situation) Uh, Andraman, I can't really warn Lizzo if you're barring my way off. I need to-Wait a moment! (Suddenly sees that Andraman is really acting strange and goes closer to him) Is this about that time that I pulled your pants down in gym in high school? Because I said I was sorry about that!  
  
Andraman: (Angrily) No! Though, (Looks off to the side darkly as he remembers the event) I haven't forgotten about that. But anyways, (He looks at Kendalf with an amused look) you cannot expect a hobbit to contend with the power of the Movie, Kendalf. There is no other way of stopping him. (Leans forward anxiously) Kendalf, we must join with him. He will reward us beyond our wildest dreams. There is no other way, Kendalf. Join me, my old friend.  
  
Kendalf: (Looks scandalized at first, but then pulls a look of pure venom upon his face as he speaks) Tell me, Andraman, (Camera closes in about his face as he speaks) when did Andraman the Wise suddenly reason with madness?  
  
Andraman: (Camera goes in on his angered expression and he stands up and points his staff at Kendalf, who goes flying) Since I got here, Kendalf!  
  
(Kendalf crashes into the wall and slides down painfully, only just able to hold onto his staff. His hair is in all sorts of directions and he angrily gets to his feet and points his staff at Andraman, who goes flying the other way)  
  
Kendalf: You screwed up my hair, you jerk!  
  
(Andraman lands against the wall, but immediately comes to his feet again. He glares at Kendalf, and with one swish of his free hand, the Kendalf's staff flies from his grip)  
  
Kendalf: (Watching hopelessly as the staff leaves his grip) MY STAFF!  
  
Andraman: (Looking hysterical) YOU SCUFFED UP MY BEST ROBES! YOU'LL PAY FOR THAT, KENDALF!  
  
(Andraman raises the staffs, and looks ready to strike, but we suddenly go forward and see both Kendalf and Andraman gasping for breath, battered and looking exhausted. Atop the screen, we see, "Five seconds later." Kendalf is breathing through an oxygen mask, and Andraman is grasping his knees and breathing in and out with exhaustion; he has a black eye. Kendalf's robes are torn up and he is bleeding from the head)  
  
Kendalf: (Speaking in gasps through the mask) Thanks-for the oxygen- Andraman.  
  
Andraman: (Gasping and waving to Kendalf as if it is no big deal) You looked like you needed it, Kendalf.  
  
Kendalf: Andraman-we can't keep-doing this, man. We'll both-kill ourselves.  
  
Andraman: (Nodding) Yeah. What if I-get my guards to-take you away-kicking and screaming?  
  
Kendalf: (Breathes in and out and finally nods) Yeah that sounds-good.  
  
Andraman: (Shouting) GUARDS!  
  
(Guards of Isengard#1&2 enter the room. Andraman waves carelessly at Kendalf, telling the guards to take him away. Guards of Isengard#1&2 grab Kendalf from under the arms and begin to carry him off. Kendalf begins to shout and let himself drag)  
  
Kendalf: (Shouting at Andraman) NO! NO! ANDRAMAN! YOU COWARD! YOU- CANNOT-WIN! THIS-ISN'T-OVER! 


	7. Scene Six: Flight from the Shire

Scene Six (Now we are back in the Shire, in a cornfield. Kram Gamgee emerges from the cornfield, looking a bit disgruntled with how unlucky she has been upon this journey so far. She looks over her shoulder and her eyes go wide suddenly as she realizes that Lizzo Baggins isn't there. She looks around frantically, afraid that she has lost her friend. She begins running through the field shouting)  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Sounding frightened) Miss Lizzo! Miss Lizzo! Lizzo! LIZZO!  
  
(Lizzo Baggins runs in front of Kram Gamgee, wondering where the shouting has come from. She looks at Kram Gamgee with an agitated glance)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: Kram, I'm here! Quit shouting!  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Breathing in and out with relief) I thought I'd lost you.  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (A bit confused at this) Why would you ever worry about something like that? You left me at Disneyland for a whole day before you came to look for me!  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Looking off to the side nervously) It's just something Kendalf said.  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Suddenly looking a bit dark, wondering what the wizard could've said) What did he say?  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Puffs up with dignity as she speaks) "Don't you leave her, Kramwise Gamgee!" And I don't mean to!  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Smiling gently) That was nice.  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Smiles also and comes towards Lizzo Baggins) Yeah. Take away the, "Or I'll hunt you down and rip your face off your skull" and it'd be a regular Kodak moment.  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Smiling at Kram Gamgee's superstitions) Kram, we're still in the Shire! What could possibly happen?  
  
(A sudden rustle in the corn by them is heard and Jessie Brandybuck and Rippin Took, both carrying an armful of vegetables, run out of the corn and bump into the bewildered Lizzo Baggins and Kram Gamgee. The camera goes to Rippin Took, who has fallen on Lizzo Baggins, and is looking at her with extreme surprise)  
  
Rippin Took: (Studying Lizzo Baggins with an amused expression upon her face) Lizzo! (Looks at Jessie Brandybuck, who has gotten off of Kram Gamgee) Jessie, look! It's Lizzo Baggins!  
  
Jessie Took: (Looking quite surprised) Oh! Hello, Lizzo! Kram Gamgee: (Looking a bit angry at the unexpected pop-up of Jessie Brandybuck and Rippin Took) All right, Rippin! Get-!  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Camera goes to her as she angrily pushes Rippin Took off her with no effort at all) GET OFF ME, RIPPIN!  
  
(Rippin Took screams as she is thrown off and lands with a hard crunch on the ground)  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Looks quite surprised at Lizzo Baggins) Uh-off her.  
  
(Lizzo Baggins straightens out her sweater and cloak, and Rippin Took goes up to her with a sly smile upon her face)  
  
Rippin Took: (To Lizzo Baggins) Thank goodness we found you guys! Here, hold these! (Begins to pile the vegetables in her arms into Lizzo Baggins' arms)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Looking very suspicious) Why?  
  
Rippin Took: (Still piling the vegetables in Lizzo Baggins' arms) Uh, we were doing a bit of shopping and we couldn't carry all of these by ourselves.  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Raising her eyebrows at Rippin Took quizzically) Shopping, in a garden?  
  
Rippin Took: (Paying no mind to this problem) Yeah-it was "Fresh Produce Day". Find a garden and go nuts.  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Her arms full of vegetables that Jessie Brandybuck has given her, suddenly realizes what has been done and looks furious) You guys weren't shopping! You've been stealing in Bob Saggot's crop!  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Looks at Kram Gamgee with a scowl) Well, duh!  
  
(We suddenly hear Bob Saggot call from in the cornfield, and the hobbits turn in fear as they hear his voice)  
  
Bob Saggot: (In that gentle voice) Have you guys been stealing from my crop? That's not cool, you guys. Am I going to have to give you the lesson on stealing?  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (In a frightened voice) RUN FOR IT!  
  
(All four hobbits run into the corn in the opposite direction; Lizzo Baggins in front, Jessie Brandybuck behind her, Rippin Took behind her, and Kram Gamgee further back than them all)  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Yelling at Rippin Took) I don't understand why he's so upset! It's only a few carrots!  
  
Rippin Took: And some cabbages. And those sacks of potatoes! And the mushrooms we lifted last week! And those copies of Opra Magazines we lifted the week before!  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Frowning) We didn't steal any copies of Opra Magazine!  
  
Rippin Took: (Looks off to the side) Of course not.  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Shouting back at Rippin Took) What I was trying to say, Rippin, is that he's clearly overreacting and-  
  
(Camera goes to Lizzo Baggins' face when she stops, throwing up her arms and looking petrified as she looks down)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Shouting) STOP!  
  
(Jessie Brandybuck and Rippin Took stop just in time to keep from bumping into Lizzo Baggins. They all look down and gasp. The camera goes out to see them standing on the edge of a very steep hill-they had almost fallen off)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Camera coming back to the hobbits as she speaks calmly to them) Okay-don't panic! If we-slowly-and-carefully-move back-maybe we could-climb down.  
  
(We see Kram Gamgee running away from the field, the voice of Bob Saggot following her)  
  
Bob Saggot: (In his gentle voice) I remember when I was hosting America's Funniest Home Videos-  
  
(Kram Gamgee is screaming as she looks behind her and running like a madman. Lizzo Baggins, Jessie Brandybuck, and Rippin Took look behind them as Kram Gamgee comes closer. They all look frightened-she'll run into them causing them to fall)  
  
Lizzo Baggins, Jessie Brandybuck, & Rippin Took: (Shouting) LOOK OUT, KRAM!  
  
(Screaming hysterically, Kram Gamgee doesn't hear them, and she runs into them, causing them to fall. Lizzo Baggins is grabbing onto Jessie Brandybuck's sweater sleeve, and she goes with her. Rippin Took goes down, because Kram Gamgee ran into her first, who quickly follows. The camera goes out as we see the hobbits tumble down the hill, each one screaming in pain as they go. Finally, the camera goes to the bottom of the hill, where Lizzo Baggins falls first on her back. She lets out a grunt of pain, and then hears Jessie Brandybuck shouting as she follows)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Looking up in horror) Oh no!  
  
(Jessie Brandybuck lands on top of Lizzo Baggins, who grunts in pain. Then, they hear Rippin Took following and they both look up in fright. Rippin Took falls on Jessie Brandybuck's knees, causing her to scream in pain)  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Painfully) SERIOUSLY, RIPPIN! YOU NEED TO LAY OFF THE DING-DONGS!  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (In a strangled voice) Pain.  
  
(Then, they hear Kram Gamgee coming and they all scream. Kram Gamgee falls on Rippin Took's stomach, causing her to scream out)  
  
Rippin Took: OW! KRAM!  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: This really bites, guys!  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (In a small voice) My spine. (She looks behind her by tilting her head back and her eyes widen as she realizes that she was only inches away from landing headfirst into a stinking pile of poop. She sighs) Well, that was close.  
  
(Kram Gamgee gets off of the pile and starts straightening her clothes, while Jessie Brandybuck looks at her hand, which has poop on it)  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Shouting angrily as she flicks the stuff off her hand) For you maybe!  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Shouting as she pushes both Jessie Brandybuck and Rippin Took off of her, who scream as they fly off) GET OFF ME, YOU NINNIES!  
  
(Lizzo Baggins gets up casually and straightens her cloak out, and Kram Gamgee comes over to her with a surprised look upon her face)  
  
Kram Gamgee: Dear Lord, you're strong!  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Smiles, but looks back at Jessie Brandybuck with anger on her face) That tells me to never trust a Brandybuck and a Took!  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Cleaning her glasses, she looks at Lizzo Baggins with a dignified look) Yeah? Well, that was a detour! (Puts glasses back on and moves towards Lizzo Baggins) You know, a shortcut!  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Folding her arms and rolling her eyes) Oh yeah? A shortcut to what?  
  
Rippin Took: (Camera goes to her face as it brightens up and she points to the path) Mushrooms!  
  
(The camera goes to a bunch of wild mushrooms, beautiful in size. Jessie Brandybuck, Kram Gamgee, and Rippin Took run to them. The camera watches their debate, with Jessie Brandybuck on one side, Rippin Took on the other, and Kram Gamgee in the middle, behind the mushrooms. Rippin Took takes out a brown sack from her pocket excitedly)  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Rubbing her hands together with anticipation) Hoo, hoo! Jackpot!  
  
Rippin Took: (Suddenly looks up at Jessie Brandybuck) Wait a moment, Jessie! Are these those weird mushrooms we picked last time? Those were those really trippy ones that really caused damage to your central nervous system! I found that out the hard way! I served them at the Took Annual Family Reunion! (Shudders at the memory) That was not a pretty sight. When they realized what happened, they called me a druggy and I had to go to rehab for five weeks!  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Looks at her with surprise) That's where you were? I thought you went camping!  
  
Rippin Took: (With a shrug) In a way, I kind of did. Only, instead of a tent, it was a white padded room with no windows. And instead of toasting marshmallows over an open flame, we ate canned pea soup in a cafeteria that smelt like pee. And instead of going hiking with your best buddy, I was playing ping-pong with a man named Carlos-who liked to talk to his hand.  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Reassuring them) Don't worry, you guys! I'm a gardener! These mushrooms are good!  
  
Rippin Took: (Excitedly, beginning to pick mushrooms and putting them in the bag) Awesome.  
  
Kram Gamgee: Hey, can I have some, you guys?  
  
Rippin Took: (Looking at Kram Gamgee angrily) Get your own!  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Agitated) But I don't want to!  
  
(We now see Lizzo Baggins looking down the road, suddenly uneasy as she remembers what Kendalf told her about the road. We can still hear Jessie Brandybuck, Kram Gamgee, and Rippin Took bickering)  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Begging) Come on, Rippin!  
  
Rippin Took: (Annoyed) All right, Kram! You can have some! Kram Gamgee: What about this one?  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Angrily) No! I called that, you meathead!  
  
(Lizzo Baggins is still looking down the road with much worry upon her face)  
  
Kram Gamgee: What about this one, then?  
  
Rippin Took: No! It's too big and-Oh wait, it's a rock. You can have it.  
  
(Finally, Lizzo Baggins turns to her friends)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (In a reasonable tone) I think we should get off the road.  
  
(But the three hobbits haven't heard her, still bickering about the mushrooms. Lizzo Baggins shakes her head and looks towards the road. Suddenly, the leaves about them stir and the camera shows the road in front of her suddenly becomes encompassed by a fierce hissing noise. We see Lizzo Baggins suddenly look alive with terror)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Shouting) I REALLY THINK WE SHOULD GET OFF THE ROAD! (Turns to Jessie Brandybuck, Kram Gamgee, and Rippin Took) GET OFF THE ROAD!  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Looking a bit bemused) Lizzo, what's going on?  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Recognizing the terror in her friend's eyes, she immediately knows what must be wrong) Uh oh.  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (In a quick tone) Quick! Follow me!  
  
(The four hobbits, Lizzo Baggins in lead, Kram Gamgee behind her, Jessie Brandybuck behind her, and Rippin Took behind her, run across the road and into the forested area. Lizzo Baggins jumps behind a humongous fallen tree and looks up at her friends)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (In a frightened whisper) Hurry up, guys! Get behind this tree!  
  
(They follow immediately, Jessie Brandybuck and Rippin Took looking a bit confused as they crouch behind the tree and hide. Then, Rippin Took suddenly sniffs the air and wrinkles her nose)  
  
Rippin Took: Aw, man! (Looks at Jessie Brandybuck angrily) Jessie, did you fart?  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Looking scandalized) No, I did not!  
  
Rippin Took: (Giving her an incredulous stare) I know a fart when I smell one, Jessie! You farted!  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Getting very angry) I did not! You farted!  
  
Rippin Took: (Looking shocked) I did not fart!  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Annoyed) Oh, quit lying, Rippin!  
  
Ripping Took: (Angry) I didn't fart! You-  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (In a heated whisper) Will you both just shut up? And we all know it was you, Rippin!  
  
Rippin Took: (Banging her fist on the ground in anger) I did not fart! It was-  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Whispering) Shut up!  
  
(The hobbits fall silent as Adelphia rides up behind the tree, on his bicycle, occasionally ringing the bell in a threatening way, and looking ominous in his black robes. He can sense that something is here-but he doesn't know what or where. We close in on Lizzo Baggins, who looks behind her in a hole rotted through the tree, and she sees Adelphia get off the bicycle and land on the ground with a hard thud. Sweat falling from her brow, Lizzo Baggins turns around and tries to still her trembling body, closing her eyes to still the beating of her heart. Kram Gamgee leans nearer to Lizzo Baggins, putting a hand over her mouth to keep from screaming. We see Rippin Took look at her shoulder and her mouth opens in fear as she sees many bugs crawling upon her sweater. She wants to start screaming, but remembers the force behind her, so she starts pointing at the bugs and opens her mouth and silently screams. Above her in print, we see, "Silent screaming". Then, we see Jessie Brandybuck look over at Rippin Took, point at her, and start to laugh silently; we see a print above her read, "Silent hysterical laughter". The camera goes back to Lizzo Baggins, who looks petrified, trying to remain calm and breathe silently, hoping that the force will turn and go away. In a last attempt for help, she puts her hands in her pants pockets and pulls out the Movie. We see Adelphia suddenly look up, as if it heard something. Lizzo Baggins slowly moves her finger towards the play chip, but stops as Kram Gamgee puts a hand on her shoulder. Adelphia is looking around wildly, wondering what happened. Rippin Took then takes her bag of mushrooms and throws it in some distant bushes. The noise distracts Adelphia and he runs towards the noise hissing wildly)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Waits until the hissing is gone and whispers) Go!  
  
(The hobbits run away from the log, following Lizzo Baggins)  
  
Rippin Took: (Rubbing bugs off her shoulder) Get 'em off me! Get 'em off me!  
  
(Lizzo Baggins leads them into a well bushed area, where they rest and breathe a great breath of relief-their escape had gone unnoticed. Jessie Brandybuck looks at Rippin Took)  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Concerned) Rippin, are you all right?  
  
Rippin Took: (Nodding) Yeah. I'm chilled to the bone, but I'm fine.  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: Good. (Begins to slap Rippin Took in the head)  
  
Rippin Took: (Putting up hands and squeaking in pain) Ouch! Jessie! Ouch!  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Angrily as she smack Rippin Took) Stupid, Took! You owe me some mushrooms!  
  
Rippin Took: (Moves away from Jessie Brandybuck and goes to Lizzo Baggins with a confused expression. She points back towards where they came from) What was that?  
  
(Lizzo Baggins doesn't answer; unaware of what it was herself. Instead, she looks at Kram Gamgee, who looks frightened, but just as confused as she. Then, Lizzo Baggins looks down at the Movie-remembering the effect it had on her. Then, we see that it is nightfall, and we see Sprint riding through the forest, looking for the Movie, hissing as he finds his search in vain. Then, Sprint accidentally hits a huge rock, causing him to crash his bike to the ground; he curses as he hits the ground. Then, we see Lizzo Baggins poke her head out from behind a bush and motion behind her that the coast is clear. She runs to the next bush, Kram Gamgee, Jessie Brandybuck, and Rippin Took following closely, all wearing traveling cloaks. We close in on Lizzo Baggins' face, which is pulled into a look of horror as she pears over the bush in front of her)  
  
Kram Gamgee: (In a frightened whisper) Do you see anything, Lizzo?  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Shaking her head and whispering) No-we're good.  
  
(We see the hobbits move closer behind the bush)  
  
Rippin Took: (Very confused) What is going on? I've got an episode of Sanford and Son I want to catch!  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Moving towards Lizzo Baggins suspiciously) That black rider was looking for something-or someone. Lizzo? (Lizzo Baggins looks at her in dismay) Are you having tax problems again? Because I can help you with those!  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Agitated) No!  
  
Rippin Took: (Looking towards the distance and whispers suddenly) Get down!  
  
(The hobbits duck behind the bushes in the nick of time, for in the distance, AT&T rides, stopping to look around. When he finds nothing, he vanishes in the distance with an angry hiss; but he goes down the hill too fast, and we hear him screaming as he accidentally rides down the hill, followed by a heavy rustle of bushes. Slowly, Lizzo Baggins peers over the bushes)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Speaking quietly to Jessie Brandybuck, who is listening with her hand on her chin) I have to leave the Shire. (Jessie Brandybuck's eyes widen in surprise at this, and Lizzo Baggins looks at her) Kram and I must get to Bree.  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Nodding as she thinks) Right. (Suddenly has an idea) Bucklebury Ferry!  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Angrily) Are you still hungry?  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Agitated) No! It's a ferry around here that can get us to Bree! I know the best route! (Camera closes in on her as she looks behind her) Follow me.  
  
(The hobbits get up and follow Jessie Brandybuck through the forest towards the left. When they emerge into a clearing, they are suddenly met up with Verizon, who brakes his bike so abruptly that it rears back; as it's in the air, Verizon takes the moment to ring his bell. The hobbits begin screaming at the size of this rider)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Her mouth open in fear) Uh, Jessie, I don't like this route!  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Shouting) RUN FOR IT!  
  
(Screaming, the hobbits run past the rider, who doesn't have enough time to stop them all. But he manages to trap Lizzo Baggins, who begins to run in a circle to confuse the rider. Verizon follows her, hissing in anger)  
  
Verizon: (In a hissing voice) Hold still, damn it! I can't turn very well on these things!  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Not even looking over her shoulder) No!  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Shouting in the distance) LIZZO!  
  
(Lizzo Baggins makes a break for freedom to her friends, and she makes it, Verizon spinning in a circle out of control, too confused to trap her. We see Lizzo Baggins running away as if with wings on her feet, and then we see Verizon come after her in hot pursuit, hissing all the way. Then, we see the other three hobbits running towards the ferry-Jessie Brandybuck in lead, Rippin Took behind her, and Kram Gamgee bringing up the rear. We see Jessie Brandybuck jump over the gate first, then Rippin Took. Kram Gamgee tries to jump as well, but she can't. She tries again, straining and tying with all of her might. Rippin Took comes back, grabs Kram Gamgee by the hands, and pull her over)  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Looking up and smiling faintly at Rippin Took) Thanks, Rippin.  
  
Rippin Took: (Shrugging) No problem.  
  
(We see Jessie Brandybuck jump on the ferry first, bend down and get everything ready. Rippin Took and Kram Gamgee follow quickly, both breathing hard from running and fear. Jessie Brandybuck doesn't look up as she fiddles with the rope securing them to the bridge)  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: Are we missing anyone?  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Camera closes in on her face as she looks behind her and gasps) Lizzo!  
  
(We see Lizzo Baggins running towards the ferry, her friends shouting for her to hurry, and being pursued by Verizon, who is hissing as he gets closer and closer. The ferry begins to drift away, and Lizzo Baggins runs along the bridge and makes a jump for the ferry. For a moment, we think she'll make it-but she misses it by inches and falls into the water with a splash. She screams and gasps before going under)  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Shouting in fear) LIZZO!  
  
(Camera shows Jessie Brandybuck pointing towards the water and looking at Rippin Took angrily)  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: That is why we don't release the rope until everybody is on the ferry, Rippin!  
  
(We see Verizon on the dock, looking down towards the water. The camera goes towards the place where Lizzo Baggins fell, and then we see Lizzo Baggins come back to the surface, swimming frantically, obviously having a horrible time keeping afloat. Kram Gamgee eagerly kneels down on the ferry and near her)  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Overcome with joy) Lizzo-you're alive!  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Sputtering and splashing about the water) Yeah, I'm alive! Now could you please help me out before I drown?  
  
(Kram Gamgee grabs Lizzo Baggins by the hands and pulls her out of the water. Lizzo Baggins looks towards the dock with a horrified look upon her face. The camera goes to the dock, where Verizon is rearing his bike back in anger and hissing wildly)  
  
Verizon: (Hissing) WATER BAD FOR PHONESSSSSS!  
  
(We then go back to the hobbits on the ferry, Lizzo Baggins lying down and looking back at the dock as it edges away)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (To Rippin Took) How much further to the next crossing?  
  
Rippin Took: (Camera goes to her face as she begins rowing away, still looking towards the land they came from with a terrified stare) The Brandywine Bridge! Twenty miles!  
  
(Camera goes back to Lizzo Baggins, who is breathing in and out with relief as the land floats away from them. We then see Verizon turn from the docks and run back to the forest-joining Adelphia, Sprint, and AT&T, who are riding on their bikes and ringing their bells simultaneously. The hobbits look at one another, wondering exactly how long they have till they come back)  
  
Rippin Took: (A bit nervously) So-who wants to play Twenty Questions?  
  
(All of the hobbits look at her, with looks that ask if Rippin Took is insane. She raises her eyebrows at the hobbits and looks shocked)  
  
Rippin Took: What? 


	8. Scene Seven: Bree & Jimagorn

Scene Seven (Now we see the wooden gates of Bree. It is raining heavily, and then we see our hobbit friends in the forest, hoods on and soaking from the rain. Rippin Took looks at Jessie Brandybuck and frowns)  
  
Rippin Took: Don't you find it odd that it started raining like this the moment we got here?  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Her eyes going wide) Hey, yeah!  
  
(Lizzo Baggins, who is in lead, looks both ways across the road before speaking)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Whispering) Okay, let's go!  
  
(They run across the road and Lizzo Baggins knocks upon the gates three times. We hear Gatekeeper of Bree speak)  
  
Gatekeeper of Bree: (Sounding very ill-tempered at being disturbed) Just a minute! This better be important! I'm watching Roseanne!  
  
Rippin Took: (Brightly) They've got cable!  
  
(We hear an eye flap open and the hobbits look up towards the gate as the Gatekeeper of Bree speaks)  
  
Gatekeeper of Bree: (In a confused voice) What're you kids doing out in the middle of the night? Don't you know the times when the gates close?  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Correcting) We're actually hobbits.  
  
Gatekeeper of Bree: (In a disbelieving tone) Hobbits? No, you're too tall!  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Brightly) We're halflings!  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Rolling his eyes) Don't ask.  
  
Gatekeeper of Bree: (Suspicious) Well, what brings you four to Bree?  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Shouting over the pouring rain) We wish to go to The Prancing Pony. Our business is our own!  
  
Gatekeeper of Bree: (Startled at this reaction) Sorry, it's not my fault! You don't have to get so snappy with me, little one. (Opens the gate, and the hobbits come in gratefully. We follow them inside, and the Gatekeeper of Bree closes the gate behind them and keeps speaking to them) I have to ask everyone, you know! Lot of strange folk about, you know. Can't be too careful.  
  
(Gate wobbles violently in the strong gust of wind)  
  
Rippin Took: (Muttering to Jessie Brandybuck) Oh yes, and we all know that gate will help loads!  
  
(Jessie Brandybuck stifles a laugh, and Lizzo Baggins looks at the Gatekeeper of Bree to ask him a question)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: Uh, where is The Prancing Pony, by the way?  
  
Gatekeeper of Bree: (In a friendly tone) It's down Hickman's street, little one! You cannot miss it! (Points the destination)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: Thank you.  
  
(The hobbits proceed into the town, the rain pouring down. The camera catches many of the townspeople, who look very disgruntled. Many of the townspeople are eating carrots and they glare as the hobbits pass. The camera goes in towards the hobbits as Rippin Took speaks)  
  
Rippin Took: (In a curious tone) Do you think these people get lots of constipation?  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Turning towards Rippin Took and whispering hoarsely) Rippin!  
  
Rippin Took: (Wondering what the big deal is) What? I've seen at least ten people in this town eating carrots! That can't be good for you!  
  
(Camera goes to Lizzo Baggins, who is followed by Kram Gamgee)  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Looking around at the street they're on) I don't see any "Prancing Pony" inn on this street!  
  
(Lizzo Baggins looks forward, and Kram Gamgee looks as well. Kram Gamgee's jaw drops in shock)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (In a flat voice) Oh-good Lord!  
  
(We then see what's in front of them: a pony dressed in woman's clothing and a basket in its mouth. The Showman is shouting in a cheery voice, despite the rain)  
  
Showman: Step right up and see the Prancing Pony! She's been bred to frolic in the fields and prance around! For five dollars, we'll let you talk to her for a whole twenty minutes. We're not so sure she'll talk, but you never know! Step right up! Step right up!  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Camera going back to her and Kram Gamgee) Uh-maybe I should've said, "The Prancing Pony Inn".  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Nodding) Yeah, I think so too.  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Goes up to Citizen of Bree#1, who is watching the pony) Uh, excuse me? Where is The Prancing Pony Inn?  
  
Citizen of Bree#1: (In a friendly tone) Down Hermit street, little one.  
  
Lizzo Baggins: Thank you.  
  
(The hobbits turn around and begin to go the other way. As soon as the pass the sign for Hermit street, Kram Gamgee speaks up)  
  
Kram Gamgee: You know-I don't know what Kendalf was so worried about! Bree's not such a bad place!  
  
(Suddenly, we hear a crashing as Citizen of Bree#2 angrily shouts. The hobbits stop dead to hear)  
  
Citizen of Bree#2: AND IF YOU COME NEAR MY BLENDER AGAIN, BOB, I SWEAR TO GOD I'LL CUT YOUR THROAT OUT WITH MY WIFE'S PINKING SHEARS!  
  
(The hobbits look at one another nervously)  
  
Kram Gamgee: (In a rather small voice) Well, once you get past the occasional emotional outburst, Bree's not a bad town.  
  
(The hobbits resume walking, and they finally arrive at the end of Hermit street, where the camera distinctly shows The Prancing Pony Inn right ahead of them. Happy to see the inn, the hobbits walk towards the inn. The camera follows them inside, and they remove the hoods off their cloaks and shake their heads of the water that collected upon their hair. Jessie Brandybuck cleans her glasses, and Rippin Took wrings her ponytail of water. Lizzo Baggins is looking around, water dripping from her bangs. The camera gets a good look of the inn, which is full of Men who are laughing and getting drunk. Nervously, Lizzo Baggins goes up to the counter to talk to the Owner of the Inn, who has his back turned towards them and is talking to Citizen of Bree#3)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (In a small voice) Excuse me.  
  
Owner of the Inn: (Not noticing the hobbit) And so I told her, "You'd better quit it!"  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Overlooking the fact that he ignored her the first time) Uh, excuse me.  
  
Owner of the Inn: (Noticing that the Citizen of Bree#3 gave him a funny look) Yes I did, man!  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Beginning to get impatient) Uh-excuse me!  
  
Owner of the Inn: (Sounding a bit agitated) Oh, so are you calling me a liar, is that it, man? (The Citizen of Bree#3 shrugs simply) Gees! I don't even know why I bother talking to you! All you ever do is-  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Really peeved at this point and shouting) HEY! WHY DON'T YOU JUST SHUT UP AND TURN AROUND AND HELP ME FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!  
  
(Citizen of Bree#3 walks away from the Owner of the Inn, who turns towards Lizzo Baggins finally. He pulls a smile upon his face as he sees the young hobbit)  
  
Owner of the Inn: (Friendly) Good evening, miss! What can I do for you?  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Thankful for finally getting some service) I would like to rent four hobbit-sized rooms, please.  
  
Owner of the Inn: (Looks at her with a frown, then at the friends accompanying her. He laughs as he speaks) Miss, I'm afraid those rooms are reserved for hobbits, only.  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Assuring him) We're halflings.  
  
Owner of the Inn: (Looking at her with a strange expression) Uh, all right then. I guess I can arrange that, Miss-? (Waving his hand indicating that he needs to know her name)  
  
(Lizzo Baggins lets her eyes dart around the bar as she tries to think of a name to give the Owner of the Inn. Finally, her eyes catch Citizen of Bree#4, who is sitting on a stool with his underwear completely showing)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (In a hurried tone) Underwear!  
  
Owner of the Inn: (Gives her a peculiar look) Excuse me, miss?  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Turning back to the Owner of the Inn) Underwear. My name is Miss Underwear! (Gives the Owner of the Inn an angry expression) Got a problem with that?  
  
Owner of the Inn: (Afraid of losing business, he shakes his head) No, no!  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Nodding firmly) Then in that case, there is a man by the name of Kendalf that is waiting for us here. Can you please tell him that I have arrived?  
  
Owner of the Inn: (Thinks for a while) Kendalf? Kendalf? (Lizzo Baggins looks a bit nervous as he remembers, afraid that he won't. But finally, he snaps up and smiles as he remembers) Oh right! I remember Kendalf, the old but extremely attractive! Black hair and everything!  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Gripping the edge of the counter in happiness) You know Kendalf!  
  
Owner of the Inn: (Smiling) Yeah! Haven't seen him for six months, but I remember him.  
  
(Lizzo Baggins' jaw drops as he says this and the Owner of the Inn turns away to refill a mug)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Shouting at his back) Thanks for giving my hopes up, buddy!  
  
Owner of the Inn: (Happily) Don't mention it, miss.  
  
(Frustrated and confused, Lizzo Baggins turns to her friends. Kram Gamgee looks worried. Jessie Brandybuck is just confused. Rippin Took is smiling at Lizzo Baggins)  
  
Rippin Took: (In a mocking tone) Underwear, Lizzo? Oh, am I Miss Brassier now?  
  
(Jessie Brandybuck laughs, but Kram Gamgee leans towards Lizzo Baggins nervously)  
  
Kram Gamgee: (In a nervous whisper) What do we do now?  
  
(Now we see Lizzo Baggins and Kram Gamgee sitting at a table-across from Rippin Took, who we don't see at the moment. They have their traveling cloaks off and are holding mugs of root beer)  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Irritably at Lizzo Baggins) I don't think that sitting in a bar, drinking root beer, and doing nothing is going to solve this problem!  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Shrugs) Solves my problem. You know me-I'm lazy. Whatever floats my boat usually works. (Drinks root beer, and Kram Gamgee shakes her head)  
  
(Now we see Rippin Took, about to take a sip from her drink, but she sees Jessie Brandybuck come back with a pint. Rippin Took's jaw drops as she sees Jessie Brandybuck sit down next to her, looking at her prize)  
  
Rippin Took: (With a bit of a disgusted look on her face) What the hell is that?  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Pointing eagerly at the drink) This-my friend-is a pint.  
  
Rippin Took: (Still looking disgusted) Dear Lord! Even I wouldn't waste my money on something so ridiculously huge!  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Waving the drink in front of Rippin Took) Oh-wouldn't you?  
  
(Rippin Took keeps looking at the drink, and eventually we hear her thoughts)  
  
Rippin Took: (Her thoughts) So much root beer-so much root beer! (Jumps up and speaks out loud) I'm getting one! (Goes over to bar excitedly)  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Laughing as he watches Rippin Took disappear within the crowds) Works every time!  
  
(We go back to Lizzo Baggins and Kram Gamgee. Kram Gamgee looks very worried as she looks into her drink, not touching it. Lizzo Baggins is about to take another sip of her root beer, but stops when she sees her friend looking so miserable)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (In a gentle tone) Kram, what's up? You've been like this since we rented our rooms! You wouldn't even talk to me when we were checking out the rooms! Something wrong?  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Doesn't look at Lizzo Baggins as she speaks, but looks into her drink) I don't understand, Miss Lizzo. (Looks at Lizzo Baggins with a confused expression) Of all things I can't understand-this one troubles me most! Where is he? He said he'd be here! At this inn-in this town! Didn't he, Miss Lizzo? Didn't he?  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Nodding slowly) He did.  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Frustrated) Well then, where the heck is he?  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Shaking her head softly) I don't know, Kram. Maybe he got detoured?  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Mumbling slightly, not intending for Lizzo Baggins to hear) Maybe he just decided to leave us here as a practical joke.  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Looks at Kram Gamgee with a serious expression) You know that Kendalf would never do something like that! Never! Don't you dare think something like that, Kram! Never again! He didn't abandon us! He's a wizard, Kram! He's not like us hobbits, who care about nothing and have little to do with our lives. Wizards are always out and about, looking for something to solve or something to do. He's just-a bit delayed, that's all.  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Speaking in a low and heated whisper) Well I don't like him being delayed, Miss Lizzo! That's no ordinary movie you carry in your pocket! From what I heard in that bush, it's really dangerous! This is a very dangerous thing-we can't compete with it, Lizzo, and you know that, don't you? (Lizzo Baggins looks away) Don't you, Lizzo?  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Looks at Kram Gamgee again, with an expressionless face) He'll come, Kram. He'll come. A wizard is never late. Nor, is he early. He arrives-precisely when he means to.  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Sniffs irritably) Well, if he means to arrive this late, he doesn't have a very good sense of judgment!  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Trying to keep Kram Gamgee calm) Kram, he'll come when he comes! We'll just have to wait a few more days! (Drops her voice to a whisper) I will keep the Movie safe in my pocket-nobody in this town will ever know its here. Just relax, Kram.  
  
Kram Gamgee: (In a hysterical voice) Relax? Relax? How can I relax? I'm in an inn where they offer booklets on creating your own will and testament! (Looks towards left, and whispers) That man has done nothing but stare at us since we arrived!  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Looking as well, suddenly aware of everything) What? Where?  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Rubbing her forehead angrily) You can't miss him!  
  
(Lizzo Baggins looks for the man, and sees Citizen of Bree#5, who is staring at them, resting his chin on his hand. He is a skuzzy looking man, and it is no wonder why Kram Gamgee is worried about this. Lizzo Baggins looks at Kram Gamgee with a reassuring smile)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Quietly) Don't worry, Kram, I'll take care of it. (Stands up, looks at Citizen of Bree#5 and starts shouting angrily) HEY! BUDDY! (Citizen of Bree#5 jumps as she shouts at him) YEAH, I'M TALKIN' TO YOU BUDDY! WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM HUH? YA LIKE OGLING AT PEOPLE, HUH? LIKE STARIN' AT THEM AND MAKIN' THEM NERVOUS HUH? WHY DON'T YOU JUST TAKE A FREAKIN' PICTURE? IT'LL LAST YA LONGER! (Citizen of Bree#5 quickly gets up, obviously scared out of his mind, and leaves the tavern) THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT! GET OUTTA HERE! (Breathes in and out for a while before looking at Kram Gamgee again with a smile upon her face) There, that wasn't that hard, was it?  
  
Kram Gamgee: (A bit nervous after Lizzo Baggins' outburst) Uh-I wasn't talking about that guy-I was talking about that guy in the corner. (Points towards the left)  
  
(Lizzo Baggins looks towards the corner, and sees Jimagorn, hunched up in the corner and staring at them from the hood of his cloak. We cannot see his face, but we know he's staring at the hobbits. Lizzo Baggins looks at Kram Gamgee angrily)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Angrily) Have you ever heard of "pointing"?  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Shocked) Yes! But I don't like doing it! It's very rude!  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Looking at Kram Gamgee dead into the eyes as she talks) No, what I just did to that guy in the tavern was rude-you acted out of common idiocy! Gees!  
  
(Camera goes over to the staring Jimagorn, who does not even move as he stares. Finally, a bit nervous about this, Lizzo Baggins taps the Owner of the Inn on the arm as he walks by their table)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (In a whisper as the Owner of the Inn looks at her) Excuse me, but there is a man in the corner who's just been staring at us since we got here. Don't look over!  
  
(But the Owner of the Inn looks over anyways. Lizzo Baggins and Kram Gamgee let out small outburst of anger)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Throwing up her arms in anger) Okay, go ahead and look you freakin' idiot!  
  
(Kram Gamgee places her hands over her eyes in disgust. The Owner of the Inn looks back at Lizzo Baggins with a dark look upon his face)  
  
Owner of the Inn: (In a whisper, glancing back at Jimagorn) Pay no attention to him, Miss Underwear. He's one of them rangers that roam the land. Sometimes he'll come-many times he'll go-and you can never be too sure what he's thinking, if he thinks at all. What his real name is, I'm not too sure, but around here-he's known as "Gazer".  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (A bemused expression upon her face) "Gazer"?  
  
Owner of the Inn: (Nodding darkly) Yeah. Half the time he doesn't even know he's staring at you. Just pay him no mind, miss. (Walks away)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Looks at a still nervous Kram Gamgee) See, Kram? There's nothing to be afraid of. The guy's just gazing!  
  
Kram Gamgee: (In a small voice) I don't know, Miss Lizzo. He's been staring too long at us to be really "gazing".  
  
(Lizzo Baggins looks at the table and the camera shows her taking the movie out of her pocket. As she holds it in her hands, she closes her eyes and all of the sounds from the tavern seem to die out. Instead, we hear the Eye of Jauron whisper evilly-the camera closes in about Lizzo Baggins' face)  
  
Eye of Jauron: (In a hissing type voice) Bagg-ins. Bagg-ins. Baggins. Baggins! Baggins!  
  
(Lizzo Baggins' eyes snap open as she hears Rippin Took speak jovially)  
  
Rippin Took: Baggins? Sure I know a Baggins! (Camera shows her pointing over to Lizzo Baggins' table, with a pint-sized mug of root beer in front of her) She's over there! Lizzo Baggins!  
  
(We go back to the horrified look on Lizzo Baggins, and she jumps up to stop Rippin Took from saying anymore. Kram Gamgee watches her in bewilderment)  
  
Kram Gamgee: Lizzo, what're you-?  
  
(But Lizzo Baggins doesn't seem to notice as she runs over to Rippin Took, who is talking to Citizens of Bree#5, 6, & 7)  
  
Rippin Took: (Going on and on as if she hasn't said anything unusual) Yep, and she's single! (Gets a sly look on her face) If anyone's interested!  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Grabs Rippin Took, spins her around to face her, and starts shaking her) SHUT UP, RIPPIN! IN THE NAME OF ALL THINGS HOLY-SHUT-UP!  
  
Rippin Took: (Spilling root beer all over the place and looking quite surprised at her friend's behavior) Lizzo! Stop it! (Gets agitated and roughly pushes Lizzo Baggins away) Get away, Lizzo!  
  
(Lizzo Baggins screams a small scream before falling back and the camera shows her hands accidentally go up and let go of the Movie, which flies into the air in slow motion. We see Lizzo Baggins fall to the ground in slow motion, and then go back to the Movie, which is turning slowly in the air. Then, it starts to fall, and we get an overhead view of Lizzo Baggins reaching up to grasp it, but accidentally pushing the play chip. With a sudden whoosh! she's invisible. A gasp goes up from the bar. We see Rippin Took look suddenly shocked)  
  
Rippin Took: (In a frightened voice) Lizzo?  
  
(We go to the table where Jessie Brandybuck and Kram Gamgee are sitting and they look horrified at what has just happened)  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Totally shocked) Oh-my-gosh!  
  
Kram Gamgee: (In a quick, frightened voice) What're the odds of the Movie landing like that?  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (In a small voice) Not good. (Then, a smile curls upon her lips and she starts laughing at Kram Gamgee) Ha, ha! You owe me five dollars!  
  
Kram Gamgee: (In an angry tone) No way! That was so unfair!  
  
(We now go to Lizzo Baggins, who is in an area where everything is misty and slightly windy. She looks frightened out of her mind. Then, we see Verizon suddenly turn their head as he senses that the Movie is being used. We then see him, Adelphia, Sprint, and AT&T begin to ride to Bree. Back to Lizzo Baggins, she suddenly sees the dark forms of the nine Phone Solicitors around her, unable to distinguish them)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Shouting over all of the wind as she draws back in fear) This really sucks! I don't like this at all!  
  
(We see the bright glow of the flames surrounding the Eye of Jauron upon Lizzo Baggins as she looks behind her)  
  
Eye of Jauron: (In an evil, overpowering voice) You cannot hide.  
  
(Lizzo Baggins turns and looks in front of her and screams. For in front of her, in perfect shape and easy to distinguish, is the flaming Eye of Jauron, coming towards her slowly as it speaks)  
  
Eye of Jauron: (In a goofy type voice) I SEE YOU! (As we see Lizzo Baggins draw back and slowly take out the Movie, he resumes his evil voice) There is no other way-other than the void. (Shaking slightly, Lizzo Baggins draws the Movie to her and starts to move her finger towards the stop chip) Other than-death.  
  
(Lizzo Baggins pushes the stop chip, and she's back in The Prancing Pony, under a table. Sweating from fear, she breathes in and out, looking around to be sure nothing from what just happened remains. When she sees that everything is good, she sighs with relief)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Lifting the Movie to her face and fixing it with a surprised stare) You're a powerful little bugger, ain't you?  
  
(Suddenly, Jimagorn's hand reaches down under the table and pulls out Lizzo Baggins roughly from the table. Lizzo Baggins gasps in fear. We see her being pushed against a wall, and the bent form of Jimagorn speaking to her in a whisper)  
  
Jimagorn: You draw far too much attention to yourself, Miss Underwear.  
  
(Jimagorn roughly pushes Lizzo Baggins up the stairs. Then we see the inside of an empty room, there is a poster that reads: "You are here-GET USED TO IT!" The door clicks as it is unlocked. Once opened, Jimagorn pushes a frightened Lizzo Baggins inside. Once inside, Jimagorn slams the door shut, and Lizzo Baggins scrambles to her feet, still clutching the Movie, and looking infuriated and frightened)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Angrily, trying to keep her voice free of fear) All right, bucko! What do you want?  
  
Jimagorn: (Comes over to her) A bit more caution from you; that is no trinket you carry!  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Casually placing the Movie back into her pockets and looking at Jimagorn indignantly) I carry nothing.  
  
Jimagorn: (Laughing slightly, going to the window) Indeed? (Goes over to the candles, and makes to extinguish them) I can make myself unseen-it is not that hard. (Winces in pain as he extinguishes the candles using his index finger and thumb. With his other hand, he makes to draw back the hood of his cloak) But to disappear entirely-(Removes hood and camera closes in about his face, looking quite sly) that is a rare gift indeed.  
  
(Jimagorn is of a very lanky type build, nothing that would really qualify him as the hero of the bunch. His hair is quite strange: short and brown, but flipped slightly in the front; you could call it a wave. He always has a sword with him, and he has a fondness of touching himself. Lizzo Baggins looks suspiciously at the other)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Glaring at him) Who are you?  
  
Jimagorn: (Looking annoyed) Are you frightened?  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Shouting) Well, duh! You practically drag me up here and know practically everything about me, when I've never seen you before! Naturally, people are accustomed to be afraid of these types of situations!  
  
Jimagorn: (Whispering) Not frightened enough.  
  
(Lizzo Baggins' eyes go wide at this statement. Suddenly we hear a clopping up the stairs-like many people running towards the room. In one motion that causes Lizzo Baggins to draw back in fear, Jimagorn draws out his sword and looks to the door. The camera goes to the door as it slams open, and Kram Gamgee, Rippin Took, and Jessie Brandybuck enter the room. Kram Gamgee has her fists up, Rippin Took carries a fork, and Jessie Brandybuck has a chair)  
  
Kram Gamgee: (To a startled Jimagorn) Let her go! Or I'll have you, long shanks! And I warn you! I know Kung Fu!  
  
(Kram Gamgee gets into a Kung Fu position, ready to fight. Jimagorn merely blinks at her for a moment, and lightly taps her on her extended hand. Kram Gamgee falls back, causing Rippin Took and Jessie Brandybuck to fall back as well)  
  
Rippin Took: (In a sarcastic voice) Nice "Kung Fu", Kram!  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Angrily) Yeah? Well-you grabbed a fork!  
  
Rippin Took: (Brandishing the fork at Kram Gamgee) It was the only thing within reaching distance that was sharp and pointy-and have you ever sat on one of these things?  
  
(The fallen hobbits get back up, grumbling to themselves. Jimagorn is smiling faintly as he sheathes his sword and speaks to Kram Gamgee)  
  
Jimagorn: You have a stout heart, little one. But even that will not save you.  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (In an angry tone) Look, buddy! If you're going to kill me, go ahead and kill me! But leave my friends out of-!  
  
Jimagorn: (Frowning) Why the hell would I want to kill you?  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Looking confused and angry) Well-if you don't want to kill Lizzo, then why'd you drag her up here so forcefully?  
  
Jimagorn: (In a snappy voice) I do everything forcefully! (Shivers suddenly) Man, it's cold in here! (Goes over and slams down the open window so much that it shatters. Looks down at his pants and scolds) Damn it! These pants are way too big for me! They always come loose! (Pulls up pants forcefully, and his eyes suddenly go very wide and his mouth is snapped shut. He stares foreword for a very long time)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Uneasily) Uh-are you all right, sir?  
  
Jimagorn: (In a squeaky type voice) Oh sure! Just-pulled my pants up too much! Ouch! (Suddenly snaps back to attention and fixes Lizzo Baggins with a serious stare) There is no point in waiting for the wizard now, Lizzo. (Camera closes in on his face as he looks out of the window with his eyes) They're coming.  
  
(Now we see the Gatekeeper of Bree look disgruntled as there is a heavy pounding upon the gate. He's shouting as he goes to see who's there)  
  
Gatekeeper of Bree: (Shouting as the pounding proceeds) JUST A MINUTE, YA BUNCH OF SPAZZES! (We see him open the vision flap and gasp)  
  
(There is a bang as the gate is banged down on top of the Gatekeeper of Bree, and Verizon, Adelphia, Sprint, and AT&T ride into the town, on top of the gate, ringing their bells menacingly)  
  
Gatekeeper of Bree: (From under the gate in a strangled voice) Ouchies!  
  
(We follow the Phone Solicitors as they ride towards The Prancing Pony Inn, where they dismount and pull out their swords. AT&T brings up the rear)  
  
AT&T: (In an amused voice) Hey! Did you guys see that Prancing Pony on Hickman street? That was so awesome!  
  
(The Phone Solicitors go inside the inn, their swords ready and they're heads moving as they look around. We see the Owner of the Inn, in his pajamas and leaning up against a wall. He looks petrified as the Phone Solicitors pass him)  
  
Owner of the Inn: (In a shaky, quiet voice) Oh, this sucks! This really sucks!  
  
(Now we see Jessie Brandybuck sleeping in a bed, snoring happily)  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (After each snore) Ham.  
  
(Then we see Rippin Took sleeping as we, looking a bit angry in her bed)  
  
Rippin Took: (Talking in her sleep) No, mom! I don't wanta mow the lawn today! Make Ted do it!  
  
(Then we see Kram Gamgee sleeping, a content smile upon her face as she talks in her sleep)  
  
Kram Gamgee: I'm-too sexy-for my clippers, too sexy-for my clippers, too sexy-for my clippers-  
  
(The camera zones out and shows the room where the hobbits are staying. Then, we see the Phone Solicitors with their swords raised, ready to kill)  
  
Adelphia: (In front and in a hissing voice) Sprint! Verizon! Take those beds! We'll take these ones!  
  
AT&T: (In the back, and in a normal, nervous sounding voice) Uh, Adelphia? I was just thinking-since we're not really getting anything out of this- maybe we should just go away and not kill the hobbits?  
  
Adelphia: (In a normal, angry voice) You know what, AT&T? I'm gettin' really tired of your crap!  
  
Sprint: (In an agitated voice) Yeah, AT&T! Why must you ruin everything for us?  
  
Verizon: (Also angry) Yeah! Like last year, when we were gonna get out of health checks, but you reminded them! I found out I had type two diabetes because of you! (Suddenly draws out blood tester) Oh yeah! I have to check my blood sugar.  
  
Adelphia: (Very angry at this turn out) Can we just get this over with? I've got movie rental due back before eleven!  
  
(Quietly, the Phone Solicitors move towards the beds. We see Sprint lift up his sword gracefully)  
  
Sprint: (In a feminine type voice) Okay, guys! All in sync!  
  
Verizon: (Looks at AT&T, whose next to him) Okay, that's the last time we send Sprint to choreography camp!  
  
AT&T: (In a whisper) Ditto.  
  
(The Phone Solicitors raise their swords silently, and-at the same time- they plunge their swords into the beds. They do this repeatedly, silently. We then see Jimagorn looking out of the window, touching his chest, from across the street. He watches apprehensively. Then, Sprint grabs the covers and pulls them back. He starts screaming and hissing as he finds nothing but pillows and feathers under there)  
  
Sprint: (Hissing) The hobbits have turned into feathers!  
  
AT&T: (Turning down the covers of the bed he's at and discovering the same thing) No, you idiot! We've-been-fooled!  
  
(They start hissing in pure anger, and we back across the street, where we see Jessie Brandybuck, Rippin Took, and Kram Gamgee all sitting up in the same bed. They are looking out of the window in fear-hearing what has just happened)  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Nervously putting on her glasses) What the hell is that?  
  
Rippin Took: (Sounding confused) I don't know. At first I thought it was Kram snoring but-I don't know.  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Giving Rippin Took a dirty look) What? Don't even get me started on what sounds are made by whom, Rippin!  
  
(The camera then shows Lizzo Baggins sitting on the edge of the bed and looking nervously at Jimagorn)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Nervously) What are they?  
  
Jimagorn: (Looks at Lizzo Baggins and gives a grim smile) They used to be Men. Great kings, actually. But then the Dark Lord, Jauron, presented them nine action movies of power, and they took them without thought- blinded by their greed. (Looks out of the window at the Phone Solicitors coming out of inn) They were no longer who they were anymore-their movies had changed them greatly. Now, they are a more horrible force than anything in this world.  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Her eyes going wide in fear) You-You don't mean-!  
  
Jimagorn: (Quite smoothly) Yes, Lizzo. (Camera closes in about his face as he says the name) Phone solicitors.  
  
(The hobbits gasp with fear, and Jimagorn looks out of the window as if nothing had been said. As he explains to the hobbits, we see the Phone Solicitors ride away from the town of Bree, and become scattered over the lands outside of it)  
  
Jimagorn: They are an unspeakable force-neither living nor dead. They know no value of life-for they honestly do not have one. Their sole purpose is in aiding the Dark Lord, Jauron in Mordor. He has sent them to find the One Movie of Power and return it to him. They are tied to it-never ending their search for it. They will never stop hunting you.  
  
(We see the Phone Solicitors riding out of Bree upon their bicycles, cycling heavily upon a worn path in the forest. Suddenly, Sprint, who is in the back, yells out for the rest to hear)  
  
Sprint: (Awkwardly) Uh-guys! I need some help back here!  
  
(We see Sprint struggling slightly, as he has his long robes stuck in the chain of the bicycle. Adelphia sounds very agitated as he gets off his bike and heads over to the other to help)  
  
Adelphia: (Angrily) I don't understand why you don't just hem up your robes like the rest of us!  
  
Sprint: (With dignity) Hey! Longer robes make me feel taller!  
  
Adelphia: (Angrily) You don't need to be any taller than you already are, you nitwit! (Gets Sprint's robes from the chain and moves back to his horse)  
  
Sprint: (In a whining voice) I don't understand why we don't all have horses! They had those in the original movie!  
  
Adelphia: (In an awkward tone) We've been through this, Sprint-the movie crew's on a tight budget! (In a distinguishable whisper while making a slicing pattern over his neck) Drop it!  
  
(We see the Phone Solicitors take off upon their bikes again. Suddenly we approach the next day, and Jimagorn is leading the hobbits into the forest. Jessie Brandybuck is behind them all, pulling on her traveling cloak angrily)  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Agitated) Uh, guys! When I say I'm not ready, I'm usually not ready!  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Following Jimagorn at a fair distance) Where're you taking us?  
  
Jimagorn: (With a fierce look upon his face) Into the wild!  
  
Rippin Took: (Brightly) Las Vegas?  
  
Jimagorn: (Looking behind him with a sneer) No! The forest, you dork!  
  
(Rippin Took shuts her mouth, obviously upset at being called a, "dork". Kram Gamgee, runs up to Lizzo Baggins)  
  
Kram Gamgee: (In a low tone, so Jimagorn won't hear) How do we know that this "Gazer" fellow is really a friend of Kendalf?  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Looks at Jimagorn for a moment and whispers back to Kram Gamgee) Something tells me that a servant for the Dark Lord would be fairer in complexion, and Jimagorn isn't really the brightest coin in the chest- besides, he touches himself too much.  
  
(At that moment, Jimagorn strokes his chest lovingly. Lizzo Baggins and Kram Gamgee sneer and shudder)  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Still whispering) Yeah, well-where's this Gazer taking us?  
  
Jimagorn: (In a blank tone) Rivendell, Miss Gamgee. That's right, I can hear you.  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Looking at Rippin Took with an excited look) You hear that, Rippin? We're going to go see the Elves!  
  
Rippin Took: (Looks excited as well) Wow! Maybe they'll give us candy canes and presents!  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Looks at Rippin Took for a while and angrily exclaims) You idiot, Rippin! Those are Christmas Elves!  
  
Rippin Took: (Sounding disappointed) AWE, MAN!  
  
(The camera zooms out and we see the hobbits and the Man traveling at a distance along the forested area. Then, we go up and see Jimagorn taking a leaf off the tree and sniffing it strongly. Lizzo Baggins stops behind him and watches him with raised eyebrows. He lets out a breath of relief)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Awkwardly) Er-what exactly was that for?  
  
Jimagorn: (Turns around and shrugs) I like the smell of leaves!  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Looking off to the side) Uh, okay-I guess.  
  
(We suddenly hear a bustling behind Lizzo Baggins and Jimagorn. The camera shows Rippin Took, Kram Gamgee, and Jessie Brandybuck opening up Kram Gamgee's cooking supplies' bag and start getting items out)  
  
Jimagorn: (Shouting towards them, with an amused expression upon his face) Ladies! We do not stop until nightfall.  
  
(Rippin Took, Kram Gamgee, and Jessie Brandybuck looked outraged)  
  
Rippin Took: (Hysterically) But what about breakfast?  
  
Jimagorn: (With a frown upon his face) You-already had it.  
  
Rippin Took: (Rolling her eyes) Well we had one, yes. But what about second breakfast, hmm? (Puts up two fingers with an intelligent look upon her face)  
  
Jimagorn: (Laughing as he turns around and continues through the forest) Second breakfast! Ha! Second-that's so-HA! You hobbits crack me up.  
  
(Rippin Took looks a bit angry that Jimagorn laughed at her, but Jessie Brandybuck puts a hand on her shoulder as Kram Gamgee sadly puts away the frying pans)  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Quietly) Uh-I don't think he's heard of second breakfast, Rip.  
  
(Jessie Brandybuck begins to walk away, but Rippin Took looks very shocked as she runs up to her friend)  
  
Rippin Took: (Desperately) What about elevenes? Luncheon? Afternoon tea? Dinner? Supper? Brunch? (Turns Jessie Brandybuck around so she can face her) Tell me he's heard of brunch!  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Shaking her head) I wouldn't count on it.  
  
(Suddenly an apple is thrown by Jimagorn, and Rippin Took catches it with a stunned look upon her face. She scolds down at the apple)  
  
Rippin Took: (To Kram Gamgee, who is passing by) Is this supposed to be second breakfast?  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Putting a hand on Rippin Took's shoulder) Nope-it's supposed to be a snack; and something to make you shut up. (Pats Rippin Took on the shoulder briskly and keeps walking)  
  
Rippin Took: (Looking down at the apple angrily) WEAK!  
  
(We see them traveling through stinking bogs, the hobbits slapping their faces as mosquitoes bite them. Then, later that night, we see Jimagorn come towards where they're camping, lugging a dead deer over his shoulders. Jessie Brandybuck and Rippin Took, who are tending the fire, look at Jimagorn with surprise at his prize)  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Really surprised) Wow, Jimagorn! I didn't know you could hunt game!  
  
(Jimagorn puts the dead deer down and Jessie Brandybuck studies it intently)  
  
Jimagorn: (Rubbing his hands) Yeah, convenient, eh? I found this dead next to the sewage plant.  
  
(We see Jessie Brandybuck coil away from the deer and Rippin Took wrinkle her nose in distaste. We go forward, to see Lizzo Baggins, sleeping next to Rippin Took, and having a horrible time sleeping, tossing and turning in her cloak. Jimagorn has his back to her and is keeping watch)  
  
Jimagorn: (Calmly) Try and get some rest, Lizzo. We have a big journey ahead of us.  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Frustrated, she sits up) I can't sleep! It's cold! It's wet! The ground's hard! And that smell is enough to drive me nuts!  
  
Jimagorn: (Calmly) Then move away from Rippin.  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Looks at the sleeping form of Rippin Took and nods in understanding) Oh! 


	9. Scene Eight: Mordor Comes to Isengard

Scene Eight (As the Narrator speaks, we see Andraman waving his fingers over the Palantir)  
  
Narrator: (In a dramatic voice) Meanwhile, at Isengard, the treason is thick and traitors are around every corner. We find Andraman-WHOAH! (Losing their dramatic flare instantly) Take a look at those nails! How queer! I think my aunt has nails that are the exact shape! Weird! Oh, I mean-(Clears throat and continues dramatically) We find Andraman using the dangerous Palantir to perform evil acts for the Dark Lord.  
  
Andraman: (Waving his hand over the Palantir and speaking telepathically to the orb) Lord Jauron, the power of Isengard is now yours to control.  
  
(We see the Eye of Jauron pop up inside the Palantir)  
  
Eye of Jauron: (In goofy voice) Ooga booga! Oh, I mean-(In powerful voice) build me an army worthy of Mordor!  
  
(We now see Andraman sitting in his black shale throne, watching the door. Then, Orc#1 and Orc#2 enter the palace, dragging their feet and slobbering slightly. They look at Andraman)  
  
Orc#1: (In a scratchy voice) What business from Mordor, my lord? What does the Dark Lord command?  
  
Andraman: (Camera closes in about his face as he looks up with an evil look upon his face) We have work to do.  
  
Orc#1: (Turns to Orc#2) We came all the way from Mordor for that?  
  
Orc#2: (In a criticizing voice) I told you that Andraman was going to labor us!  
  
(We now see the area around Isengard full of Orcs, and they are chopping down trees. Of all the Orcs, we focus on Orc#3, who's standing on a tree as it falls and starts singing like he's a Broadway star)  
  
Orc#3: (In the tune of, "Singing In the Rain") Chopp-in' down trees! Fillin' the world with evil! I'm cra-ppy again-!  
  
Orc#4: (We hear him shouting at Orc#3) Man, get off the damn tree!  
  
(Now we see Andraman, staff in hand, watching the trees falling with an insane gleam in his eyes. Beside him is the bent form of Orc#1, who looks up at him and smiles with his crooked, yellow teeth)  
  
Orc#1: (In the same scratchy voice) Trees are strong, my Lord. Their roots go deep-plus they're inexpensive. Andraman: (With an evil smirk) Tear them all down.  
  
(As the trees go down, we suddenly hear a bunch of shouting of protests. Andraman and Orc#1 look behind them to see what's going on)  
  
Andraman: (Angry) Aw, no! It's Green Peace!  
  
(We see the great mob of Green Peace Members, everyone of them wearing Green Peace T-shirts and carrying some signs of protest. The camera focuses on the three people in front: Green Peace Member#1, 2, & 3)  
  
Green Peace Member#1: (Carrying a sign that reads, "Trees rule!" and angrily shouting) Andraman! You're performing the murder of innocent trees! These trees have called this land their home far before you can even relate, man!  
  
Green Peace Member#2: (Carrying a sign that reads, "I'm a tree hugger!") Yeah! Stop killing Mother Middle Earth, man!  
  
Green Peace Member#3: (Carrying a sign that reads, "Phish rules!") FIGHT THE POWER, MAN!  
  
(As the protesters scream, we go back to Andraman and Orc#1)  
  
Orc#1: (In a hissing, hungry voice) Should I kill them, my Lord?  
  
Andraman: (In a hurried tone) No! You don't want to eat vegetarians-too stringy. (Pulls Orc#1 towards him as he walks away and speaks to him in a low, stern tone) You swear to me that you brought me your best, and strongest Orcs?  
  
Orc#1: (Gives Andraman a disgusting smile) Of course, my liege. These Orcs have a great sense of moral fiber and are strong-you will not be disappointed in them.  
  
(We go across the land, where trees are being cruelly cut and their limbs broken. We see Orcs#5, 6, & 7 working on the same tree. Orc#5 bends over to pick up some tools, and Orc#6 looks at Orc#7 and smiles mischievously. Orc#6 picks up a broken limb, sneaks up behind Orc#5 and hits him square across the butt. Orc#5 gets up immediately and glares at Orcs#6&7, who are laughing hysterically)  
  
Orc#5: (Folding his arms and saying in a feminine type voice) Well-you guys are so immature.  
  
(We go up to the tower of Isengard, and see Kendalf suddenly come awake. He looks miserable-his hair is untidy and blood is caked on his head. Slowly, he sits up and rubs his eyes, suffering from a major headache)  
  
Kendalf: (To himself) Aw, where am I? Oh, yes, I remember now. (Sighs) Stupid Andraman. (Looks around groggily) I suppose I've been here for a few days. Ah well, I suppose it can't get any worse.  
  
(The camera zooms out to show that Kendalf is actually in the tower of Isengard. We hear him speak)  
  
Kendalf: Well-this sucks.  
  
(It starts raining at that moment) 


	10. Scene Nine: Mishaps on Weathertop

Scene Nine (Back to our hobbit friends and Jimagorn, they arrive at an ancient watchtower; it is only a few more hours until sunset. For a while, the five people just stand there looking up at this wondrous sight. Then, the camera goes in on Jimagorn, who is grasping his chest again)  
  
Jimagorn: (In a distant sort of voice) This is the great watchtower of our people.  
  
Rippin Took: (Whispering to Jessie Brandybuck) Obviously must not have been that great-on account it's been destroyed.  
  
(Jessie Brandybuck stifles a laugh, and Jimagorn angrily turns around)  
  
Jimagorn: I heard that!  
  
Rippin Took: (Pointing at Jessie Brandybuck) It was her!  
  
(Now we go inside the tower, where each of the hobbits is practically collapsing from exhaustion against the stone walls of the tower, overjoyed that they've actually stopped. Jimagorn takes something wrapped in brown cloth from his pack and unrolls it on the ground. Lizzo Baggins, who is nearest to him, looks stunned at what's inside: swords. Mere daggers to Jimagorn, but nice swords for the young hobbits)  
  
Jimagorn: (Begins to thrown swords towards the hobbits) These are for you. Keep them close and use them wisely-not as knives for cutting meat or props for practical jokes.  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Looks at Kram Gamgee with dismay) Aw, man!  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Looks back at Jessie Brandybuck with a bit of a scold) What'd you look at me for? What've I ever done to you?  
  
Jimagorn: (Getting up, and putting his hand on his own sword handle) I'm going to have a look around.  
  
(Lizzo Baggins, who is unsheathing her sword and looking at it, suddenly looks up at Jimagorn in an apprehensive mood)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: Now? You're going to leave me here? With Jessie and Rippin- with swords? Do you want to kill me or something?  
  
Jimagorn: (Not paying this any mind) It is for your safety that I must look around, Lizzo Baggins. People have not inhabited this tower for years. The enemy may be here as well-or we might have a really pesky squirrel problem.  
  
(Jimagorn gets up and leaves, and a very nervous Lizzo Baggins watches him go. Then, we see that the sun has gone down upon the land, and Lizzo Baggins is sleeping within her cloak in the tower. There is the cracking of the fire in the background, and it causes Lizzo Baggins to awaken groggily. We hear Jessie Brandybuck, Kram Gamgee, and Rippin Took talking as they tend the fire)  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Sounding frustrated) Darn! My tomato's burst!  
  
Rippin Took: (In a reasonable tone) Well, it sucks to be you, doesn't it?  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: You can have some of mine, Kram.  
  
(We hear Lizzo Baggins thinking as she raises her head slightly, but doesn't sit up, still relaxed)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: Hmm, sounds like they're cooking. (Lays her head back down and begins to doze again. Suddenly, her eyes snap open, looking terrified at what this must mean, and her thoughts are suddenly screaming with fear) COOKING? FIRE? OH, CRAP!  
  
(Lizzo Baggins sits bolt upright, and she sees Jessie Brandybuck, Kram Gamgee, and Rippin Took bent over the feared fire and cooking. They all look up when she sits up)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Shouting with fear in her eyes) WHAT'RE YOU DOING?  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Smiling as she indicates the items on her plate) We've got tomatoes, mushrooms, and nice, crispy bacon.  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Holding up a fresh plate as Lizzo Baggins jumps up and runs over to them) We saved some for you, Lizzo.  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Disregarding the offer for the fear of getting caught) HAVE YOU ALL GONE MAD? DO YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THIS MEANS? STOP-(Suddenly sees the plate Kram Gamgee is offering her, and she snatches it away from her) I'll take that, by the way! (Shouting again, and we see her foot begin stomping on the fire) PUT IT OUT, YOU FOOLS! PUT IT OUT!  
  
(The hobbits exclaim angrily as the fire goes out, their food items ruined from the fray. We see Lizzo Baggins breathing in and out, and Jessie Brandybuck practically up to her face, angered by the loss of food)  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Angrily prodding a finger into Lizzo Baggins chest) Lizzo, what the hell has gotten into you?  
  
(Lizzo Baggins and Jessie Brandybuck suddenly look petrified as they hear a horrible hiss from outside the tower. We see Kram Gamgee run to the side of the tower to see what's going on. She gasps and looks back at her friends, looking horrified)  
  
Kram Gamgee: Guys! It's them! It's the phone solicitors! Four of them! They must've caught up with us!  
  
(Lizzo Baggins runs over, and pushes Kram Gamgee back into the tower. She looks out of the tower and we see her face go pale from fear)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: Oh my God.  
  
(The camera shows a sky view of the land below, with Sprint, Adelphia, Cingulair, and Motorola ride towards the tower. When we go back to the tower, Lizzo Baggins is looking back at her friends, and angrily pointing down)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Shouting angrily) That is why we don't light a fire when phone solicitors are after us!  
  
Rippin Took: (Shouting with fright) I'M SCARED! (Practically jumps on Jessie Brandybuck for support) Jessie, hold me!  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Staring at Rippin Took, not really knowing how to react to this) Uh, Rippin, we've talked about this.  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Looking at Lizzo Baggins and looking hysterical) What're we going to do, Lizzo?  
  
(Lizzo Baggins quickly unsheathes her sword, and the other hobbits follow suit, Rippin Took finally getting off Jessie Brandybuck)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Shouting and pushing Kram Gamgee away) GO! We've gotta find Gazer! He'll be able to help!  
  
(We see the hobbits run up some crumbling stairs to the second floor of the tower. Many times, they'll look behind them, expecting to see a Phone Solicitor on their tail. The camera follows them into the second floor of the tower, and they realize that there's nowhere else to really go-this is all to the tower, despite going down. Frantically, they look around)  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Sounding very scared) Where's Gazer?  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Trembling with fear, her sword shaking as she holds it up) I don't know! There's really nowhere else to go! It's only two floors!  
  
Rippin Took: (In a terrified voice) Maybe he left us here!  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Turning to Rippin Took angrily) If that's true, then it's all your fault, Rippin! That remark you made about the tower really ticked him off!  
  
Rippin Took: (Tears coming to her eyes) I know!  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Suddenly hearing something coming up the stairs, she looks behind her frantically) Somebody's coming!  
  
Rippin Took: (Stops crying and runs next to Lizzo Baggins) It's Gazer! GAZER! GAZER! Hurry up dude! Up here! Come on, Gazer!  
  
(The camera shows the entrance to the second floor, and we see Sprint come up the stairs, black robes billowing. Then, we see the horrified looks of Lizzo Baggins and Rippin Took)  
  
Rippin Took: (In a small voice) That's-not-Gazer.  
  
(The hobbits back up soundlessly, their swords raised in defense. Then, out of nowhere, Rippin Took speaks)  
  
Rippin Took: (Rather obviously) Well, I don't know about you guys, but I'm takin' the shorter one.  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (In a shocked voice) There's a shorter one?  
  
Rippin Took: (Furrowing her brow at the other) Yeah! Don't you see her?  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Raising her eyebrows at this) Wait a minute! Her? How can you-?  
  
Rippin Took: (Rather annoyed that nobody gets it) Oh come on! She's right in front of us, with the short brown hair, brown eyes, wearing the blue sweater, and she's got the atrociously hairy feet!  
  
(Lizzo Baggins' eyes widen and she looks behind her, speaking rather angrily at what Rippin Took is proposing)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Angrily) That's ME, you idiot!  
  
Rippin Took: (Awkwardly) Oh, sorry, Lizzo! Well-then I'll take the fat one right next to her with the pans.  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Also offended at this) Hey! I'm Kram! I'm Lizzo's best friend!  
  
Rippin Took: (Bemused) Well, what about you? (Points her sword at Jessie Brandybuck)  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Rather logically) Uh-I'm your cousin and best friend, Jessie! You don't want to kill me. Rippin Took: (Pointing the sword at herself) Well-what about me?  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Rather logically again) You don't want to kill yourself either, Rippin!  
  
Rippin Took: (Lowering sword to her side in frustration) Well, now I'm confused!  
  
(Lizzo Baggins gasps as she sees their enemies making to surround the hobbits. The hobbits make ready to defend one another. But the other three Phone Solicitors join up with Sprint. In one motion, they draw their swords and advance upon the hobbits-knowing that one of them has something they want)  
  
Sprint: (In a happy voice) Okay! All in sync now!  
  
Motorola: (To Adelphia) Ya know, you'd think you'd get used to that-but you don't!  
  
(At the same time, the Phone Solicitors draw their blades back, getting ready to ambush and destroy the hobbits. The camera goes in on Kram Gamgee's suddenly determined face)  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Shouting) BACK YOU DEVILS! (Runs forward and swings sword at Sprint)  
  
Rippin Took: (Shouting back at Kram Gamgee) BILLY! DON'T BE A HERO! COME BACK TO ME!  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Looks at Rippin Took with an incredulous look) I love that song!  
  
(We go back to Kram Gamgee, who is trying to fight off Sprint, but with one tricky maneuver with his sword, he causes her to loose balance and fall down. She falls upon the ground, going unnoticed. We then see Jessie Brandybuck and Rippin Took close in together before Lizzo Baggins, ready to defend their friend. But with one swipe of his sword down the middle, Sprint causes them to separate. We then see the frantic look upon Lizzo Baggins' face)  
  
Rippin Took: (Off to the side) RUN, LIZZO!  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Shouting as well) GET THE HECK OUT OF HERE, LIZZO!  
  
(But before she can even think about making a break for freedom, Lizzo Baggins trips over a rock in the middle of the floor as she steps back from the advancing Sprint. Her sword flies out of her hand, and she quickly crab-walks away from Sprint. Lizzo Baggins leans against a wall of fallen stones, looking around frantically, realizing that she is trapped and that there is no way she can possibly escape-unless.More as an afterthought, Lizzo Baggins puts her hands in her pants pockets and draws out the Movie. For a moment, she just stares at it in her hand. Then, we see Adelphia look over at her, and push past the other Phone Solicitors and draw out a long dagger; slowly, he proceeds to Lizzo Baggins, who looks up and gasps as she realizes who's coming)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (In a rather loud tone) Hey, Rippin! Look what I found! It's your Movie of Power! What's it doing here?  
  
(But Adelphia looks unconvinced, advancing faster than before. Probably figuring there is no other way, Lizzo Baggins quickly pushes the play button and disappears-right when Adelphia was right next to her. He quickly starts hissing in anger. Then, we see Lizzo Baggins back in the misty world of the Movie, looking around nervously as she sees that every one of the Phone Solicitors that surrounds her can see her perfectly)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Shouting) Uh-this is the exact opposite of what I wanted!  
  
(Lizzo Baggins coils back with disgust as she sees the decaying forms of the once kings, leering at her with their empty sockets and stone-cold expressions. The shrunken faced form of Adelphia is seen speaking to Lizzo Baggins, in a cold voice)  
  
Adelphia: (Trying to sound considerate, but failing miserably) Lizzo, give me the Movie. Relieve yourself of this burden and give the Movie to me. Don't worry about it! Just-let it go.  
  
(Adelphia extends a skeletal hand towards Lizzo Baggins, who starts straining as if something is being pulled from her. We see Lizzo Baggins' hand-the one holding the Movie-begin to slowly go towards Adelphia's, who is hissing slightly. Lizzo Baggins begins to shout out from the pain of trying to keep the Movie away)  
  
Adelphia: Lizzo, let it go! You are obviously too weak for this burden. Give it to power-give it to strength-give it to ones able to except it-give it to me.  
  
(Adelphia looks as if he will be able to grasp the Movie from Lizzo Baggins. But, as if a new strength has built up in her, she screams and pulls the Movie towards her)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (With her eyes closed and shouting furiously) NO! YOU CAN'T HAVE IT!  
  
(Adelphia hisses in rage as he raises the long dagger)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Opening her eyes and seeing the dagger) Wait! Maybe we could talk about this-!  
  
(Adelphia hisses as he plunges the dagger into Lizzo Baggins' left shoulder. Lizzo Baggins starts screaming in pain, still clutching the movie. Then, the dagger is suddenly taken away, and Lizzo Baggins begins to gasp for breath as she opens her eyes again, wondering what has happened. We see Jimagorn, in the regular world, shouting and fighting the Phone Solicitors with his sword. He runs over to Adelphia and starts waving the torch he carries in front of the evil form. Through Lizzo Baggins' eye, we see him in the misty world, fighting the Phone Solicitor as if in slow motion. Then, we see Lizzo Baggins, her face contorted in pain as she slowly pushes the stop chip on the Movie. When she reappears into the regular world, she starts screaming in agony, clutching her shoulder to possibly ease the pain. We see Kram Gamgee see Lizzo Baggins and suddenly look horrified)  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Shouting) LIZZO! (Begins to run towards her, followed by Jessie Brandybuck and Rippin Took)  
  
(We see Jimagorn stabbing Cingulair repeatedly, each time accompanied by a hiss, but no sign of weakness)  
  
Jimagorn: (Agitated) Why won't you die?  
  
(We go back to see Kram Gamgee, Jessie Brandybuck, and Rippin Took approach, the agony-ridden Lizzo Baggins. Kram Gamgee looks at Lizzo Baggins with great worry)  
  
Kram Gamgee: Lizzo!  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Opening her eyes and looking at Kram Gamgee) Oh, Kram-this really sucks!  
  
(Kram Gamgee lifts Lizzo Baggins' head, while Jessie Brandybuck and Rippin Took look at their fallen friend in fear)  
  
Rippin Took: (Whispering to Jessie Brandybuck) Uh-I guess this isn't a really good time to admit to Lizzo that I accidentally burnt her only picture of Milbo in the fire we started tonight?  
  
(Lizzo Baggins lets out a horrible scream of pain)  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Looks at Rippin Took and whispers) Uh-no. Not a good time at all.  
  
(We see Motorola running away from Jimagorn, who is screaming hysterically as he chases after him with a raised torch and sword. Motorola disappears down the tower stairs with a hiss. Jimagorn stops, and takes a breather. Sprint slowly advances from behind)  
  
Jimagorn: (Glaring after Motorola) I hate phone solicitors.  
  
(Jimagorn swings the torch back behind him, catching Sprint totally off guard. Sprint catches on fire and begins screaming hysterically. Hissing and screaming, Sprint runs and jumps out from an opening in the tower. Jimagorn runs after him and watches the last Phone Solicitor disappear)  
  
Jimagorn: (A smile curling about his lips as he shouts after him) Hey! Next time, try and use the stairs!  
  
(We go back to Kram Gamgee, who is still holding up Lizzo Baggins' head. Kram Gamgee looks towards Jimagorn)  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Looking very nervous) GAZER!  
  
(Jimagorn turns and sees the hobbits, and his face pulls into a look of fear. Sheathing his sword, he runs over to join the hobbits. Kram Gamgee moves out of the way, and Jimagorn studies the screaming Lizzo Baggins. The first thing he sees is the fallen dagger of Adelphia. Jimagorn picks this up and studies it)  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Sounding desperate) Help her, Gazer!  
  
Jimagorn: (In a bitter tone as he studies the dagger) She's been stabbed with a Phone Soliciting blade-the worst of its kind. (The dagger disintegrates in his hands)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Sarcastically) Well, that's nice we know what I've been stabbed with! Now can you do something to ease my excruciating pain? (Screams in utter agony)  
  
Jimagorn: (Picks up Lizzo Baggins with one movement, speaking to the other hobbits) This is beyond my skill to heal-she needs Elvish medicine.  
  
Rippin Took: (Running after Kram Gamgee and in front of Jessie Brandybuck) "Elvish medicine"? Can we get that at a local Walgreens?  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Shaking her head) No-not since certain rights. We'll have to go to Rivendell.  
  
Kram Gamgee: (In a desperate tone) But-we're six days from Rivendell! She'll never make it!  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Looking at Kram Gamgee, and speaking weakly) Uh-Kram-you're- not-helping!  
  
Jimagorn: (Whispers to the wounded Lizzo Baggins he carries) Hold on, Lizzo- and please have enough strength to walk on your own! (Scrunches up face at how heavy Lizzo Baggins is)  
  
(We see them run out of the tower, and running into the forests-heading blindly towards their destination of Rivendell. The camera passes over each of their face, each one questioning the possibilities of making it there-with Lizzo Baggins alive) 


	11. Scene Ten: A Strong Army

Scene Ten (We go back to Isengard, which has recently developed an underground fortress of Orcs working for the traitor Andraman. Isengard is a wreck- almost completely devoid of trees and light. The tower stands ominous in the night. We then see a butterfly fly towards the tower. The butterfly then flutters over towards Kendalf, who is leaning on the side of the tower, snoozing. The butterfly goes up to Kendalf's face, and that's when he reaches up and catches it. He opens his eyes and looks at the butterfly, which is resting peacefully into his palm. He smiles at it)  
  
Kendalf: Mmm.dinner. (Then, his eyes go wide and he sits bolt upright as he comes up with an idea) Wait a moment! I could use you! That's right! I could use you to get help for me! Of course! (Pulls the butterfly close and begins to mutter at it. Then, he releases the butterfly, which flies away immediately) Go on, butterfly! Go get help!  
  
(We see the butterfly fly away from the tower from whence it came, and begin to fly towards a new destination. Then, a sudden hawk's cry is heard and we see a hawk come down and scoop up the butterfly within its talons)  
  
Kendalf: (We hear him angrily shout from the tower) AW, DAMN IT!  
  
(From the tower, the camera plunges down into the pits where the Orcs are making many things-all designed for evil, of course. We see trees falling into the pits. As one of the trees is falling into the pit, we see Orc#8 look up and scream as the tree lands on top of him. Then, we see Orc#9 look down into the pit, biting his lip)  
  
Orc#9: (Shouting down at Orc#8) Sorry, dude! I didn't mean it-(Looks behind him and gives Orcs#10, 11, & 12 the thumbs up. They high-five each other) I swear I'll be more careful next time!  
  
(We see Orc#1 and Andraman walking through the area, Orc#1 showing and explaining things to Andraman)  
  
Orc#1: (As they walk by a weapon making area, where Orcs#13&14 are working) This, my master, is where the weapons are being made for our army. They are stronger, my lord, and they are able to tear into flesh easily. These weapons are as strong as the ones that build them!  
  
(Orc#1 and Andraman walk away and then we see Orc#13 stop working, wipe his brow, and start talking to Orc#14)  
  
Orc#13: (In a feminine sounding voice) Okay, so-as I was saying before, dear-some club soda will usually get that blood stain off your table cloth, darling.  
  
Orc#14: (In the same sounding voice) That's what I thought!  
  
(Now we see Orc#1 and Andraman walking past an armor building area. Orc#1 waves lazily at the area-obviously wanting to get to the really good part of the plan)  
  
Orc#1: This is where the armor is being built, my lord, to protect our army. The ones who build these are among the wisest of the Orcs and it takes creatures of great skill and mental abilities to build such protection for our armor.  
  
(As they walk past, we see Orc#15 scoop up some melted metal from a big stone bowl in the center into a stone cup held with tongs. He looks at it with malice, and we see him sneak over to Orc#16, who is sleeping. Orcs#17&18 silently come over to Orc#16 and both start pulling his pants out so that Orc#15 can pour the contents of the stone cup into Orc#16's pants. We then see Orc#1 and Andraman come up to the place where they are creating the actual army. We get a look of muddy forms in the fetal position, with many other Orcs trying to dig them out. As we go back to Orc#1 and Andraman again, we see that this is the thing that Orc#1 was really looking forward to)  
  
Orc#1: (Waving over the scene) And this, my liege, is the part where the real genius comes in. The rest of the Orcs are idiots when compared to something like this, my lord.  
  
Andraman: (To Orc#1) Aren't they idiots compared to anything?  
  
Orc#1: (Nodding intelligently) Yes, I suppose so. But this, my lord, is where the army that is to serve you is being created!  
  
(Andraman smiles evilly as he watches the scene. We see Orc#19 digging a wooden pole into the mud, to uproot the muddy form of Uruk-hai Member#1. Then, the camera closes in on Uruk-hai Member#1 as he tears a clenched fist from the mud. Orc#19 leans near to the Uruk-hai Member#1, who senses his presence and immediately grabs his throat. Orc#19 starts choking and gasping as his air supply runs low)  
  
Orc#19: (In a strangled voice) Yep! It's-a-boy!  
  
(We then see Orc#1 take a step to help, but Andraman extends a hand for him to stop. Orc#1 watches the scene, clenching his teeth to suppress the horror it feels. Then, we see Orc#19's eyes roll into his head as he dies. Then, we see the Uruk-hai Member#1 throw aside the dead Orc, and then slowly get up from the mud and mess. Then, Uruk-hai Member#1 rises fully from the mud and stands, growling and slimy. He extends a muscled arm and starts growling. We see Andraman and Orc#1 step towards the Uruk-hai Member#1. Andraman is smiling at the Uruk-hai Member#1)  
  
Andraman: (With a crooked smile and a nod) I think I expect great strength from this one.  
  
(As Uruk-hai Member#1 looks at himself, he suddenly pulls his look into a look of disgust and starts speaking)  
  
Uruk-hai Member#1: (In a feminine voice) Oh my gosh! I feel so dirty! I'm all slimy and gross! EWWWW! Could I get a towel or some soap or something? Icky! I feel so nasty!  
  
(Andraman and Orc#1 look at one another with surprised glances)  
  
Andraman: (Reasonably) Well, maybe over time.  
  
Orc#1: (Nodding head in agreement) Yeah, I was just thinking that. 


	12. Scene Eleven: Flight To the Ford

Scene Eleven (The camera is looking through Lizzo Baggins' eyes as they focus on the scene that lay before her. She is on her back in some forested area. It takes a while to distinguish the statue forms of Trolls in front of her. The camera shows Lizzo Baggins' face, which is perspiring heavily and looking very pale as she struggles to survive. Then, we're looking through her eyes again as Kram Gamgee comes up to her and speaks)  
  
Kram Gamgee: (In a trying to be happy voice) Look, Miss Lizzo! It's Miss Milbo's trolls!  
  
(We see Lizzo Baggins and Kram Gamgee. Lizzo Baggins tries to sit up, but can't seem to find the strength. Kram Gamgee is kneeling by her, pulling her face into a look of forced cheerfulness)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Weakly) Kram-not a-good-time-for-that! OUCH! (Closes her eyes in pain and grasps her left shoulder)  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Fearful) Miss Lizzo? (Puts her hand on Lizzo Baggins face and her eyes widen as she looks towards Jimagorn) She's going cold!  
  
(The wind begins to blow as we see Jimagorn standing in the clearing they have stopped to rest at and wondering what to do for Lizzo Baggins. Besides him stands Rippin Took and Jessie Brandybuck, who look over when Kram Gamgee shouts about Lizzo Baggins' condition. Rippin Took, holding the torch, steps towards Jimagorn)  
  
Rippin Took: Is she going to die?  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Scandalized and slapping Rippin Took on the shoulder) Rippin!  
  
Rippin Took: (Gasps in pain, starts rubbing her shoulder, and speaks to Jessie Brandybuck in an angry tone) I'm just asking!  
  
Jimagorn: (Looks over towards Lizzo Baggins with a grim look) She's passing into the shadow. She'll become one of them soon.  
  
(Lizzo Baggins shouts out in pain, and Rippin Took looks at Jimagorn blankly)  
  
Rippin Took: Yeah, but-not dead?  
  
(We see Lizzo Baggins speaking to Kram Gamgee, who looks very worried)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Weakly) Kram-are-you-interested in-changing-your long- distance-plan?  
  
(We see Kram Gamgee's eyes go wide and she looks at Jimagorn with a frantic stare)  
  
Kram Gamgee: (In a frantic tone) YA GOTTA DO SOMETHIN' FAST, GAZER!  
  
(We see Jimagorn start to think hard. Finally, he comes up with an idea)  
  
Jimagorn: Kram!  
  
(Kram Gamgee jumps up and runs towards Jimagorn, who speaks low and very clearly to Kram Gamgee)  
  
Jimagorn: Do you know of the plant Athelas?  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Her face pulls into a look of confusion) Athelas?  
  
Jimagorn: (In a hurried tone) Kingsfoil?  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Still looks confused) Kingsfoil?  
  
Jimagorn: (Rolls his eyes) Short plant with white flowers?  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Suddenly understands and starts nodding) Kingsfoil! Aye, that's a weed!  
  
Jimagorn: (In a low hurried tone) We're going to need it. It will help slow the poison-I think there might be some growing in this forest.  
  
(They run off into the forest, going separate ways, while Rippin Took and Jessie Brandybuck watch them go. Rippin Took folds her arms and stares after them with a sort of glare)  
  
Rippin Took: (In a pouting type of voice) How come it's Kram who always gets asked the gardening questions?  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (In an obvious and angry tone) Because she's a gardener, Rippin!  
  
Rippin Took: (Turning to face Jessie Brandybuck angrily) Well-anybody could be a gardener! (Bends and picks up a round object off the ground. When she speaks, it is in a surprisingly intelligent voice) This is a rare bulb of a lily plant-later to grow into a beautiful yellow flower.  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Takes one look at the round object and back at Rippin Took) Uh-Rippin-that's a rock.  
  
(Now we see Jimagorn in the forest, searching through many bushes and muttering to himself)  
  
Jimagorn: Come on, Athelas! Athelas! Here, Athie, Athie, Athie! (As he pulls back a bush, his eyes narrow in satisfaction) Ah ha! Athelas!  
  
(We see the plant in Jimagorn's palm, connected to the bush. He draws out a small dagger and makes to cut the plant, but suddenly a sword blade rests about his neck and he stops dead. We hear Narwen speak)  
  
Narwen: (In an amused voice) What's this? A Ranger, caught off his guard?  
  
Jimagorn: (In an annoyed voice) This is neither the time nor the place, Narwen!  
  
(We go back to see Lizzo Baggins lying down, looking horrible. She turns her head towards the camera and her eyes widen as the area around her gets very bright)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (In a shaking voice) Whoa-it got all bright in here all of a sudden.  
  
(We see Narwen ride into the clearing, white light all around, on a white horse. She stops the horse and gets off. Then, she steps towards Lizzo Baggins and we can see her perfectly. She speaks to Lizzo Baggins in a distant type voice)  
  
Narwen: Lizzo-I am Narwen. Quit being such a pansy and come back to the light. Lizzo.  
  
(We see Lizzo Baggins turn her head back upright and the light begins to fade. Tears of pain come out of her eyes as the pain comes back to her)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Weakly) This-sucks! Owie!  
  
(We see Narwen bend towards Lizzo Baggins and starts to look at her condition. Jimagorn is nearby, the Athelas plant still clutched tightly in his hand. Then, we see Rippin Took and Jessie Brandybuck watching the scene with wide, curious expressions. Kram Gamgee joins them from the forest, her arms full of thin leaves, and is staring at Narwen)  
  
Rippin Took: (Quietly) Who is she?  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (In a suddenly suspicious tone) More importantly, what is she?  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Quietly) Jimagorn says she's an Elven friend of his.  
  
Rippin Took: (Looks at the leaves in Kram Gamgee's hands and scolds) Are those willow leaves?  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Looks down with guilt) I couldn't find the one plant Jimagorn wanted, so I just grabbed these-I just wanted to look important.  
  
(We go back to Jimagorn, Narwen, and Lizzo Baggins. Lizzo Baggins gasps in pain as Jimagorn puts the crushed up Athelas plant over her wound. Narwen is speaking in a low tone to Jimagorn)  
  
Narwen: (Shaking her head) This does not look good. She's not going to last.  
  
(Lizzo Baggins lets out a shout of pain. Kram Gamgee, who moved over towards the group a while ago, scolds at Narwen)  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Angrily) Uh-yeah-you're not helping!  
  
Narwen: (Ignoring Kram Gamgee) We have to get her to my father.  
  
(Jimagorn lifts Lizzo Baggins effortlessly and begins to carry her to Narwen's horse. We go back to Jessie Brandybuck and Rippin Took who look a bit confused)  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (In a worried tone to Rippin Took) What're they doing?  
  
(Rippin Took shrugs in confusion and we go back to Jimagorn, who is putting Lizzo Baggins on the horse in the sitting position. Lizzo Baggins slouches slightly, fighting to stay conscious. Narwen is speaking to Jimagorn in a hurried, low tone)  
  
Narwen: You left four phone solicitors behind you-where the other five are- (Shakes her head in dismay) I don't know.  
  
Jimagorn: (In Elvish, and the translation on the bottom of the screen) Stay with the hobbits. I will ride to Rivendell.  
  
Narwen: (In a worried Elvish language; the translation on the bottom of the screen) No! I will ride faster!  
  
Jimagorn: (Scowling as he speaks to her in Elvish) Are you calling me fat?  
  
Narwen: (Angrily in Elvish) No! You're in perfect shape, but I can ride her to Rivendell!  
  
Jimagorn: (Shaking his head at once and speaking in Elvish) No. It is not safe, Narwen!  
  
Narwen: (In an agitated Elvish language) That's what you said about driving! I can use the power of my people to protect myself-oh, and her. (In English, shaking her head) I do not fear them!  
  
(Jimagorn still looks hesitant, and Narwen touches his face to reassure him. Jimagorn grabs her hand and we hear his thoughts)  
  
Jimagorn: Damn! The sexy touch! (He blinks once and speaks to Narwen) All right, then. (Narwen gets on the horse, behind Lizzo Baggins. Once on, Narwen grasps Lizzo Baggins across the stomach, to hold her in place. We go back to Rippin Took and Jessie Brandybuck, who have their mouths open in disbelief)  
  
Rippin Took: (In a heated whisper) What is Gazer doing?  
  
(We go back to Jimagorn, who is standing next to Narwen's horse and speaking to Narwen)  
  
Jimagorn: (In a stern tone) Narwen, ride hard! Don't look back!  
  
(Narwen nods her head, kicks the horse in the sides, and tells the horse to go in Elvish tongue. In a matter of minutes, Narwen and Lizzo Baggins are out of sight, and Jimagorn stares after them, touching his chest and looking worried. Kram Gamgee throws down the willow leaves in her hands and walks up to Jimagorn angrily)  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Shouting at him) What're you doing? Those phone solicitors are still out there!  
  
Jimagorn: (Stares at Kram Gamgee for a while and scowls) You're point being.?  
  
(We see Narwen and Lizzo Baggins riding towards Rivendell quickly. The camera closes in on Lizzo Baggins, whose head is bobbing up and down uncontrollably as they ride towards Rivendell. Suddenly, Lizzo Baggins smiles weakly)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (In a kind of far-off voice) Want to know what's funny? Every time I blink I pass out. (Blinks, and then snaps her head up with a laugh. Blinks again, and does the same thing. Blinks again and does the same thing)  
  
Narwen: (In a stern tone) Stop that!  
  
(We see the horse plunging towards the distance, and then we see Adelphia ride up next to Narwen on his bicycle, ringing his bell in a threatening way; we hear the sound of many bicycle bells ringing randomly to proclaim that the other Phone Solicitors are behind her. Narwen gasps slightly, but doesn't falter in speed. Narwen doesn't look behind her, and we get an overhead view of all Nine Phone Solicitors closing in on Narwen in a triangle type movement. Then, we suddenly go to Television Geek#1, who wears a T-shirt that reads, "Star Wars Rules!" and is watching the movie on a big screen TV and eating popcorn. He is joined by Television Geek#2, who wears a T-shirt that reads, "Stop Reading My T-Shirt!" and has his hands in his pockets)  
  
Television Geek#2: (Looking at Television Geek#1) Hey, dude. (Looks at the screen) What're you watchin'?  
  
Television Geek#1: (Looks back at Television Geek#2) Lord of the Movie. (Points to screen and explains) See, Narwen-that Elven chick on the white horse-is trying to outrun the phone solicitors-those black robed dudes on the bicycles-so that she can get Lizzo-that other, small chick on the white horse-to Rivendell. (Takes a handful of popcorn and shoves it into his mouth and resumes watching the movie)  
  
Television Geek#2: (Watches the movie for a while, then frowns, and speaks angrily) Well-that's no fair! Everyone knows that demon bicycles run faster than regular horses!  
  
Television Geek#1: (Looks at screen, frowns as well, and speaks angrily) Hey, yeah! Rip off!  
  
(We go back to the movie, where Narwen is almost totally surrounded by the Nine Phone Solicitors. Adelphia, who is right next to her, extends a hand towards Lizzo Baggins, who stares at him though barely open eyes-too weak to practically keep them open. The camera shows Narwen's face pulled into a look of pure worry as she shouts for the horse to go faster in the Elvish tongue. The horse bolts into the forest, where the Nine Phone Solicitors follow her without a moment's hesitation. Undisturbed, Narwen's horse bounds into the forest, running towards the ford that will lead to Rivendell. We see AT&T bump into a great root and totally wipe out)  
  
AT&T: (In a painful voice) Ouch! Go around me! Go around me, please!  
  
(Motorola apparently hasn't heard, because he rides his bike right over AT&T. AT&T gives a great shout of pain)  
  
Motorola: (Shouting behind him) Out of my way, jerk-off!  
  
AT&T: (Angrily) You should talk, stupid! And by the way, they didn't say anything about putting spikes on your tires!  
  
(We suddenly see Sprint riding through the forest, just a few feet behind Narwen and her horse. But, we suddenly see Sprint's flowing black robes catch in his chain and he stops quickly, shouting in worry)  
  
Sprint: (Shouting to the others) MAN DOWN! I'M DOWN! GO ON WITHOUT ME!  
  
(The other Phone Solicitors proceed in their hot pursuit, and it looks like they might catch the Elf and the wounded hobbit. But we see Narwen approach a ford, and the horse crosses the shallow river and goes to the other side, where Narwen turns the horse around to face the Nine Phone Solicitors, who show up out of the forest and rear their horses at the water in front of them. Narwen's face is contorted into a look of daring as she watches as eight Phone Solicitors pull up to the opposite side of the ford, all ringing their bells in anger. We see Sprint join the others, his robes obviously torn on the bottom, and he joins in ringing his bell. Lizzo Baggins looks at them as well, looking horribly weak. Then, we see Adelphia speak to Narwen from across the ford, in his scratchy, hissing voice)  
  
Adelphia: Give up the halfling, She-Elf! Or-save on long distance! (Brandishes a fist at Narwen)  
  
Narwen: (Pulls out sword and glares at the Nine Phone Solicitors as she shouts) If you want her-COME AND CLAIM HER!  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Looking back at Narwen and speaking weakly) Uh, Narwen-I don't think-we're-shooting for that-goal!  
  
(We see the Nine Phone Solicitors pull out their black swords in one motion all at the same time. Then, Adelphia first, the Nine Phone Solicitors begin to slowly pedal their bikes into the shallow river, towards Narwen and Lizzo Baggins. Narwen looks down into the water and begins to say a chant in Elvish, as she speaks, her voice echoes. When she says the last line, the camera catches Narwen look up with malice. Then, from up the river and turning the corner, rushing water horses start bounding down the river, catching the Nine Phone Solicitors totally off-guard. We see Adelphia look at the water horses)  
  
Adelphia: (In a normal voice) Ah, crap.  
  
(The water horses then run over the Nine Phone Solicitors, who hiss as they go under. Then, the water horses disappear down the river, taking the Nine Phone Solicitors with them, we occasionally hear the sound of bicycle bells ringing. Then, we see Elven Boy and Elven Father sitting in inner tubes, floating graciously down the river. Then, Elven Boy looks up as he hears a rumbling come from up the river)  
  
Elven Boy: (In a curious voice) What the heck's that sound?  
  
(Elven Father looks up the river as well. Then, we see the water horses coming from up the river, tumbling the Nine Phone Solicitors with them. Elven Boy and Elven Father shout hysterically as the water horses run over them. After a few seconds, the Elven Boy and the Elven Father wash up on the shore, still in the inner tubes. Their faces are contorted into looks of shock. They look at one another)  
  
Elven Father: (In a small voice) Well-that was interesting.  
  
Elven Boy: (Nods and suddenly his eyes go wide and he stares at his father) Oh no! Dad! Mom and sis are just down the river from us!  
  
(Both Elves get up and start shouting as they run on the shore down the river. Then we see Lizzo Baggins suddenly close her eyes and her head droops onto her chest-she begins to gasp for breath. Narwen looks down and her eyes widen in fear. She sheathes her sword, and turns Lizzo Baggins around so that she can face her. Tears come to Narwen's eyes as she speaks)  
  
Narwen: (In a pleading tone) No! Lizzo, no! Don't give in! Don't give in!  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Opens her eyes and lifts her head barely so that she can speak weakly to Narwen) But-I-want-to.  
  
(Lizzo Baggins closes her eyes and her head drops back as she slips into unconsciousness. Narwen's eyes fill with tears, which drop onto her face as she stares at the hobbit. Then, her face works into a look of anger as she speaks to the hobbit)  
  
Narwen: Oh! I see how this is! Wait till I get across the ford-only a few more miles to Rivendell-and then die! You big wussy! You better wake up before I start kicking some major hobbit butt! (The camera zooms out to show Narwen shaking Lizzo Baggins at a distance. She starts shouting) Lizzo? LIZZO!  
  
(Camera blacks out) 


	13. Scene Twelve: Rivendell

Scene Twelve (The camera shows Lizzo Baggins, lying in a bed and in a clean white shirt, suddenly stir. There is white light surrounding the area as she awakens and starts speaking)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (In a distant voice) Where-Where am I?  
  
(We hear Kendalf speak gently, as Lizzo Baggins stirs some more)  
  
Kendalf: You are in the house of Noelrond. It is ten o'clock, on the morning of October the twenty-fourth-if you wish to know.  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Shielding her eyes as she stirs and squints) Agh! Why's it so bright?  
  
Kendalf: (In an suddenly awkward tone) Oh! Sorry about that! I've obviously turned the lights up a bit too much. Let's just turn those down a bit-sorry.  
  
(Lights dim back to normal, and Lizzo Baggins remove her hand from her eyes as she opens her eyes, blinks several times, and looks to her right. Her eyes widen immediately)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Surprised) Kendalf!  
  
(We see Kendalf sitting on the right side of Lizzo Baggins' bed. The window is open, and we see many leaves falling from outside. Kendalf is smiling at Lizzo Baggins and nodding)  
  
Kendalf: (In a gentle tone) Yes-it is me, Lizzo.  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Covers her eyes as she speaks) Whoa, Kendalf, I just had this bogus nightmare. I had this "Movie of Power" and I was trying to outrun these phone solicitors. One of them tried to take the Movie, but I told them they couldn't have it, and then one of 'em stabbed me in the shoulder and-  
  
Kendalf: (Smiling grimly) Uh, Lizzo, that wasn't a nightmare-it was true.  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Angrily) Ah, crap!  
  
Kendalf: (Still smiling) But I am here-and you are lucky to be here.  
  
(Lizzo Baggins suddenly grasps her left shoulder, which is fully healed by now, and looks worried)  
  
Kendalf: (Seriously) For a moment, we thought we had lost you.  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Sits up and looks at Kendalf with a concerned stare) Well- it if wasn't a dream-what happened, Kendalf? Why didn't you meet us at Bree?  
  
(Camera closes in on Kendalf's face as he thinks of what to say)  
  
Kendalf: (Still smiling) I was-delayed.  
  
(We go to a flashback. Andraman is up in the tower where Kendalf has been taken prisoner, tossing him around with his staff)  
  
Andraman: (Angrily) The friendship of Andraman is not so easily handed!  
  
Kendalf: (As he goes flying) No kidding!  
  
(Andraman causes Kendalf to go to the edge of the tower, the part of his body touching the tower being his feet. Kendalf looks down from the tower and gasps)  
  
Kendalf: (In a desperate tone) Uh-Andraman-I don't think this is the way to gain friends!  
  
(Kendalf shouts as Andraman causes him to go flying once more. When Kendalf has landed, Andraman moves towards him, brandishing the staff before him threateningly)  
  
Andraman: (In a menacing voice) Join with him, Kendalf. (His face brightens as he speaks next) If you do, you get a free twenty-dollar gift certificate for Subway!  
  
Kendalf: (Looks off to the side in thought) That is tempting. (Shakes his head and angrily speaks, the camera closing in on his face) I mean, no! There can be only one Lord of the Movie-one who can use it-and he does not share power!  
  
(Kendalf jumps up and jumps off the tower. We see Andraman smiling evilly as he shouts after Kendalf)  
  
Andraman: You just made my job a lot easier, Kendalf! (Looks off side of tower and his face pulls into a look of fury) What the-?  
  
(Kendalf is on the back of the Eagle King, flying away from the tower and shouting after Andraman)  
  
Kendalf: Bye, Andraman! You suck!  
  
Andraman: (Camera closes in on his face as he seethes) So you have chosen death.  
  
(We see Kendalf fly away from Isengard and they fly over some mountains capped with snow)  
  
Kendalf: (Singing as he flies) And I'm as free-as a bird now! And this bird you cannot change! And this bird you cannot-change! Lord knows I can't-  
  
Eagle King: (Angrily) Will you shut up? I hate that song!  
  
(We go back to Kendalf at Rivendell with Lizzo Baggins, who is staring at him in concern)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: Kendalf?  
  
(Kendalf looks at her)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Concerned) Did something bad happen at Isengard?  
  
Kendalf: (Shakes his head reasonably) No-it was pretty much the same as last time.  
  
(We suddenly hear Kram Gamgee exclaim from outside the room)  
  
Kram Gamgee: Lizzo!  
  
(Lizzo Baggins looks over to her left as Kram Gamgee runs into the room, grasping Lizzo Baggins' hand in relief)  
  
Kram Gamgee: Lizzo!  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Smiling at the sight of her friend) Kram!  
  
Kram Gamgee: (In an ecstatic voice) Oh, bless it, you're awake! (Pulls Lizzo Baggins into a tight embrace) I'm so happy!  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Suddenly letting out squeaks of pain) Ow! Kram, still hurts! Still hurts, Kram!  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Quickly pulls away from Lizzo Baggins) Sorry, Lizzo, but I'm so happy to see that you're okay!  
  
Kendalf: (His face pulled into an amused smile) Kram has been by your side this whole time.  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Looks at Kram Gamgee with a suddenly angered look) So, where'd you just go when I woke up?  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Shocked and angry) I had to go to the bathroom, Lizzo!  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Still angry) Couldn't you have held it in?  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Snappy) Well, that's easy for you to say! You've got a bedpan!  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Suddenly smiles and raises her eyebrows in joy) I have a bedpan? Sweet!  
  
Kendalf: (We see him smile and nod) Noelrond has been worried about you as well, Lizzo.  
  
(Kendalf nods to somebody next to him, and we see the tall Noelrond, smiling at Lizzo Baggins)  
  
Noelrond: (In a gentle voice) Welcome to Rivendell, Lizzo Baggins.  
  
(Now we see Rivendell, the trees almost bare because of the many leaves falling. In the distance, we see a waterfall. Then, we see Lizzo Baggins, in her usual clothes, walking around the area, with Kram Gamgee behind her. Lizzo Baggins looks much better than before)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Breathing in the air with a content sigh) Ah-Rivendell is such a remarkable place, Kram.  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Catches a falling leaf and frowns at it) Yeah, but these falling leaves are really annoying.  
  
(We suddenly see Rippin Took and Jessie Brandybuck talking. Rippin Took looks behind her and her face lightens up)  
  
Rippin Took: (Overcome with joy) Oh my gosh! Lizzo!  
  
(We see Lizzo Baggins and Kram Gamgee again. Lizzo Baggins sees Rippin Took and looks very happy. Kram Gamgee is angrily brushing some leaves off her sweater)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Jovially) Rippin!  
  
(We see Rippin Took and Lizzo Baggins run towards each other in slow motion, their arms extended ready to embrace each other. Then, when Rippin Took is close enough, Lizzo Baggins raises her hands towards Rippin Took's throat-her face goes into a look of anger and joy. Suddenly, Rippin Took stops running and her eyes go wide from Lizzo Baggins strangling her. Everything returns to normal speed)  
  
Rippin Took: (In a choked voice) Air-supply-going-short!  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Angrily shouting) THIS IS FOR LIGHTIN' A FIRE, YA FREAKIN' MORON!  
  
(Jessie Brandybuck runs up to Rippin Took and rips her away from Lizzo Baggins' grasp. Lizzo Baggins looks at Jessie Brandybuck with anger)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: You're responsible too, you idiot!  
  
(Lizzo Baggins makes a lunge for Jessie Brandybuck, but Kram Gamgee grabs Lizzo Baggins by the shoulders and holds her back. Kram Gamgee looks surprised at her friend's actions)  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Still shocked) Lizzo, there's-!  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Narrows her eyes at Kram Gamgee) And you for letting them! (Smacks Kram Gamgee across the head)  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Rubbing her head and going on with what she was saying before) Lizzo, there's somebody else who wishes to see you.  
  
(Kram Gamgee waves to somebody behind her, and Lizzo Baggins looks over and her eyes widen in joy)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Shouting) MILBO! (Camera follows her as she runs up to Milbo Baggins, who has her back to Lizzo Baggins) MILBO! MILBO! MIL-  
  
(Lizzo Baggins suddenly stops shouting and lets out a shout of disgust as Milbo Baggins faces her-looking much older than before. Her glasses are thicker, her hair is white, and wrinkles are clearly visible all over her face. For a while, Lizzo Baggins just stares at Milbo Baggins)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Awkwardly) Uh-Milbo! You've-You've aged-terribly.  
  
(We suddenly see Milbo Baggins' book open to the first page on Lizzo Baggins' lap)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Reading out loud) What A Freakin' Weird Journey. A Hobbit's Tale by: Milbo Baggins!  
  
(We see Lizzo Baggins look up and smile at Milbo Baggins, who is standing next to the window, bent over a walking stick. Lizzo Baggins starts flipping through the pages and making comments in an amazed voice)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: This is amazing, Milbo!  
  
Milbo Baggins: (Pointing a finger at Lizzo Baggins and walking over to her leaning on the cane) I meant to go back, you know. (In a distant, reminiscing voice) See the wonders of Mirkwood, see the Lonely Mountain again, visit Laketown-(Camera closes in on her suddenly angry expression as she clenches a hand into a fist) Get that little boy that owes me money. (We see her sitting next to Lizzo Baggins) But-alas-age has finally caught up with me.  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Smiling and speaking with a reasonable tone) Yes-you are quite old.  
  
(We see Lizzo Baggins turn a page and suddenly get a look of longing upon her face. The camera shows the page she is looking at-a map of the Shire. We go back to see Milbo Baggins looking at her niece with sympathy)  
  
Milbo Baggins: (In a gentle tone) You miss the Shire, don't you?  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Still looking at the page) All my life, I wasn't in the Shire. (Looks at Milbo Baggins) I was off on some adventure with you.  
  
Milbo Baggins: (Looking a bit angry) Hey! It's not my fault you ruined your life with pansy fantasies!  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Ignoring this and looking forward in wonderment) Whoever knew that my adventure would turn out to be quite different. (Suddenly looks over at Milbo Baggins with a serious expression) I'm not like you, Milbo. I'm not at all like you. In fact, some of the things you do scare the crap out of me! I'm not like you-and I never will be.  
  
Milbo Baggins: (In a quiet tone and touching Lizzo Baggins gently on the face) My dear girl-you know that that's not true.  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Nodding in a reasonable way) Yes, I know.  
  
(Now we see Kram Gamgee on a balcony, bags around her. She is looking in them, and she suddenly lets out an angry sigh-not aware that Lizzo Baggins is coming up behind her with her hands in her pockets)  
  
Kram Gamgee: (In an agitated voice) Now what have I forgotten? And it's not aspirin because I packed that first!  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (In an amused voice) Packing already?  
  
(Kram Gamgee stands up immediately, puts her hands in her pockets, and looks at Lizzo Baggins)  
  
Kram Gamgee: (In a simple tone) Don't want to be unprepared.  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (With a smile on her face) I thought you wanted to see the Elves, Kram?  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Looking offended) I do!  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Walks by Kram Gamgee and still talking) "More than anything"!  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Looking after Lizzo Baggins with the same offended stare) I did! Quit putting words in my mouth! It's just-(Suddenly she curses and starts wiping fallen leaves off her sweater) Curse these danged leaves! Haven't these Elves ever heard of a rake? (Suddenly remembering what she was going to say, and she looks behind her anxiously. When she speaks to Lizzo Baggins, she goes quite close and speaks in a low tone) We did what Kendalf wanted, right? We got the Movie as far as Rivendell and I was thinking-seeing as how you're on the mend-(Lightly punches Lizzo Baggins on the left shoulder)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Looking at Kram Gamgee angrily as touches the mended wound) Uh-ow!  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Going on as if nothing odd had been done) I figured we'd be off soon.  
  
(Lizzo Baggins looks at Kram Gamgee for a while, unsure of what's supposed to happen now herself. To distract herself, she walks towards the edge of the balcony and looks out towards Rivendell. Kram Gamgee follows her with concern)  
  
Kram Gamgee: (In a concerned voice) Lizzo?  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Finally looks at Kram Gamgee, gives a weak smile and nod, and speaks) You're right, Kram. We did what Kendalf set us out to do. (Pulls out the Movie and shows it to Kram Gamgee) The Movie will be safe in Rivendell.  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Flinching slightly at the sight of the Movie) Yikes! Put it away! It's awful intimidating!  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Carelessly putting the Movie back in her pocket and giving Kram Gamgee a determined look) I am ready to go home.  
  
(Now we see Noelrond and Kendalf. They are inside and looking out of the window down at Lizzo Baggins and Kram Gamgee)  
  
Noelrond: (In a solemn tone) Her strength returns.  
  
Kendalf: (In a matter-of-fact tone) That wound will never fully heal.  
  
Noelrond: (Turning around and looking at Kendalf with a raised eyebrow) Are you sayin' something about my healing skills?  
  
Kendalf: (Putting up his hands, showing he meant no offense) No! No! I'm just saying that she'll still be wounded-in a mental sense.  
  
Noelrond: (Walking past Kendalf and down the stone hall) Still, to come as far to Rivendell, carrying the Movie, and living to tell the tale takes remarkable strength. She has proven herself strong in the face of evil.  
  
Kendalf: (In a stern tone) It was a thing she never should have had to face. (In a sympathetic tone) We cannot ask her of anymore, Noelrond.  
  
Noelrond: (Turning around immediately, and fixing Kendalf with a stern stare) Kendalf, the enemy is moving! Jauron is seeking out forces to destroy those against him! His eye is fixed on Rivendell!  
  
(Noelrond opens the shutters to the window next to him, where-very faintly- we can see the Eye of Jauron loom in the distance. Noelrond points at it angrily)  
  
Noelrond: That is really annoying my people!  
  
Eye of Jauron: (In a far-off shout, we can barely hear it) Sorry!  
  
(Noelrond slams the shutters shut and looks at Kendalf with a stern stare)  
  
Noelrond: And now you tell me that Andraman has betrayed us-(Allows himself a small smile as he moves away) our list of allies grows thin. (We see him approach a small table bearing wine. He looks brightly at Kendalf) Wine?  
  
Kendalf: (Looking at Noelrond, wondering how he could think of wine at a time like this, and shakes his head slowly) Er-no thanks. (Speaks seriously as Noelrond pours a glass of wine for himself) It is worse than we think, Noelrond! Andraman is assembling an army of both Orc and Elf that can travel in day-and fight just as viciously.  
  
Noelrond: (Forgets the wine as he looks at Kendalf with an angry stare) How is that supposed to help us?  
  
Kendalf: (Putting up his hands again) I'm just the messenger! I didn't encourage this or anything!  
  
Noelrond: (Sighing angrily) They are coming after the Movie! It is the power of this object that is causing this. (Looks at Kendalf seriously) You know what must be done, Kendalf.  
  
Kendalf: (Suddenly looking very uncomfortable) Noelrond, are we so sure about this?  
  
Noelrond: (With dead calm) There is no other way, Kendalf.  
  
Kendalf: (Shaking his head angrily and beginning to walk away) That's what you think!  
  
Noelrond: (Shouts after Kendalf, causing him to stop) Kendalf! The Movie cannot stay here!  
  
Kendalf: (Hopelessly looks at Noelrond) Are you sure?  
  
Noelrond: (In a snappy tone) Yes, I'm sure!  
  
(Kendalf looks out of a window and we see what he's looking at. From the forest, we see Mikomir ride into the town. Mikomir is in traveling clothes, his eyes behind his glasses awing at the spectacle that is Rivendell-he wears the Horn of Gondor across his neck and carries a shield across his back. Then, we see Megolas leading a white horse into Rivendell. Megolas is looking around as if home, a contents smile across her face-she has Elven hunting clothing on and she carries a bow and a quiver full of arrows. Then, we see the small form of Brimli, looking around darkly and grasping a big axe. We hear Noelrond speak and go back to Kendalf looking out of the window)  
  
Noelrond: This situation affects all of Middle-Earth-it is up to them to decide its fate. (We see Noelrond speaking to Kendalf in a slightly worried, yet still firm voice) The time of the Elves is over-my people are leaving these shores-partly because of the serious falling leaf problem. And to whom will you look to when we are gone? The Dwarves? (Gives a sarcastic laugh) They spend their time in their caverns seeking riches-they care nothing for the welfare of others.  
  
Kendalf: (Looks at Noelrond and speaks seriously) Then-our hope will lie with Men.  
  
Noelrond: (Suddenly getting a dark look over his face and speaking with venom) Men? Men are weak.  
  
Kendalf: (In an agitated tone) Well-we can't turn to you and we can't turn to Dwarves, Noelrond! We're kind of limited in options, man!  
  
Noelrond: (Angrily as he walks away) Have you forgotten about Men, Kendalf? Men practically bring all of their problems upon themselves. (Camera closes in upon his face as he speaks) It is because of Men that the Movie still lives! (Darkly) I was there, Kendalf-five-thousand years ago-  
  
Kendalf: (We see him looking at Noelrond with wide eyes) Five-thousand years ago? Dear Lord, you're old!  
  
Noelrond: (Annoyed) Can I tell the story now?  
  
Kendalf: (Nodding) Yes, yes! (Whispering to himself) Man! Five thousand years!  
  
(We experience a flashback and see Noelrond back on the battlefield of Mordor and looking up dramatically. We hear Noelrond speak as we see Robsildur take the Movie and look at it intently)  
  
Voice of Noelrond: I was there when Robsildur took the Movie. I was there when the strength of Men failed.  
  
(Robsildur is running his hand over the Movie, and we see Noelrond come up to him and speak)  
  
Noelrond: Robsildur! (Robsildur looks up at him) Follow me!  
  
(We see Noelrond leading Robsildur to the center of Mount Doom. As Noelrond is narrating, the past Noelrond is urging Robsildur to hurry up, who is going slow and looking at the Movie)  
  
Voice of Noelrond: I led Robsildur to the very center of Mount Doom-the birthplace of the Movie-the one place it could be destroyed!  
  
(The past Noelrond looks at Robsildur and shouts)  
  
Noelrond: CAST IT INTO THE FIRE!  
  
(We see Robsildur look at the Movie in his hands, not moving an inch towards the edge. Noelrond still stares at him)  
  
Noelrond: (In an annoyed tone) I'm-waiting! Destroy it, Robsildur!  
  
Robsildur: (Camera shows him look up at Noelrond with an evil grin upon his face) No.  
  
(We see Robsildur turn around and walk away. Then, we see the past Noelrond watch Robsildur walk away, with disbelief upon his face)  
  
Noelrond: (Shouting angrily) ROBSILDUR! YOU SUCK!  
  
Voice of Noelrond: It should have ended that day.  
  
(We see the present day Noelrond turn and look at Kendalf, who looks as if he understands now)  
  
Kendalf: (In a distant voice) Wow. (Looks up at Noelrond) Men really screwed up, didn't they?  
  
Noelrond: (Darkly) Yes. Robsildur kept the Movie. (Camera shows his face as he explains to Kendalf angrily) And now the title of kings is broken. The race of Man is scattered-leaderless-a big mess of crap!  
  
Kendalf: (In an assuring voice) There is one, who can rule them.  
  
Noelrond: (Suddenly shaking his head and looking hopeless) He went off that path long ago, Kendalf. He has chosen exile.  
  
Kendalf: (Turning away and muttering angrily) Stupid Jimagorn and his stupid exile! 


	14. Scene Thirteen: Council of Noelrond

Scene Thirteen (Now, we see Jimagorn in the halls of the House of Noelrond. It is night, and the moonlight streams into the windows. Jimagorn is leaning against a pillar, contently reading a book entitled, How To Live Your Life In Exile and Be Happy. Then, we see Mikomir enter the halls, at first not seeing Jimagorn. Mikomir looks at a painting of Robsildur cutting the Movie off from Jauron's neck. Then, he looks at Jimagorn, who looks up and smiles)  
  
Mikomir: (In a friendly tone, straightening his glasses) You don't look like an Elf.  
  
Jimagorn: (With a sarcastic smile and tone) Nice job spotting that.  
  
Mikomir: (Shrugs and smiles, missing the insult) I pride myself on it. (Looks at Jimagorn for a moment and raises his eyebrow) It is not usual to see a Man in the House of Noelrond.  
  
Jimagorn: (Smiling simply) Friends of friends are welcome.  
  
Mikomir: (Nodding) Ah. (Still stares at Jimagorn, who closes the book) Who are you, anyways?  
  
Jimagorn: (Smiling) I am a friend of Kendalf, the old but extremely attractive.  
  
Mikomir: (Putting his hands in his pockets as he nods in understanding) Ah. I met Bob Dylan once. (Awkwardly looks over towards a statue of an Elven woman bearing a tray. Slowly, he walks over to the statue, and the camera shows the broken sword of Narsil. He gasps in surprise and wonderment) The blades of Narsil! (We see him grab the handle of the sword and hold it up with pride) The blade that cut the Movie from the neck of Jauron! (Begins to run a finger along the blade) Incredible. (Gasps in pain as he cuts himself) Hmm, maybe I shouldn't have done that. (Looks down at his cut finger and smiles slightly) Still sharp.  
  
(Mikomir looks over to Jimagorn, who opens the book and begins to read again. He looks at the handle he holds and scolds angrily)  
  
Mikomir: But nothing but a broken blade!  
  
(Mikomir drops the sword and walks off. The camera follows the handle as it hits the ground. We see Mikomir stop before the exit, glance over at the handle, but walk off. Jimagorn stares after him, closes the book again, and sets it on the floor. He gets up, walks over to where the blade has fallen, picks it up, and carefully puts it back on the tray, bowing his head)  
  
Jimagorn: (In a low voice) Believe me-all of us are not that stupid.  
  
(Once Jimagorn has placed the handle back on the tray, he steps back, touching his chest and looking at the statue. Then, we see Narwen walk up behind him gracefully, wearing beautiful white robes)  
  
Narwen: (In a concerned tone) Why do you fear the past?  
  
Jimagorn: (His face working into a look of fear) Because it's scary-full of mayhem-and no hair gel!  
  
Narwen: (In a reassuring voice) You are Robsildur's heir-not Robsildur himself.  
  
Jimagorn: (Looking at the statue, a distant look upon his face) The same blood runs through my veins. (Turns around and faces Narwen) Believe me, Narwen! I've had medical checks! I have AB negative-and so did Robsildur! That's a rare blood, Narwen-too rare to be coincidence. I am destined for the same fate!  
  
Narwen: (Grasping his hands with comfort and giving him a comforting stare) Your time will come! You will be faced with the same evil-and you will defeat it. This shadow does not pass over us. Not over you-not over me.  
  
(We see Jimagorn and Narwen in the gardens, standing facing one another on a bridge. They are holding hands)  
  
Narwen: (In a reminiscing voice) Remember when we met?  
  
Jimagorn: (In a content voice) Of course. (Face pulls into a look of fear as he remembers something) Wait a moment! Is today our anniversary?  
  
Narwen: (Looks at Jimagorn angrily) No!  
  
Jimagorn: (Letting out a breath of relief) Oh! That's good. I mean-(Sees the angry look on Narwen's face and speaks in a lovelorn tone) Oh, drat! I've been really looking forward to it!  
  
Narwen: (Looking past this as she touches Jimagorn's face lovingly) You were a different person then. You did not have the fears you carry now.  
  
Jimagorn: (Touches her hand) Yeah-I was kind of an idiot back then.  
  
Narwen: (Looking up at him) Do you remember what I told you?  
  
Jimagorn: (Face goes into a look of contentment as he recites) Yes-"Get the heck away from me, you weirdo".  
  
Narwen: (Angry) No! The other thing!  
  
Jimagorn: (Suddenly remembering and his eyes go wide) Oh yeah! You said you would-bind yourself to me-seeking a mortal life.  
  
Narwen: (Smiling as she looks into Jimagorn's eyes) And to that, I hold, for I would rather spend one lifetime with you-than the rest of the lifetimes of this world alone.  
  
(Narwen takes off the Evenstar pendant she wears, and puts it gracefully into Jimagorn's hand)  
  
Narwen: I choose-a mortal life.  
  
Jimagorn: (Looking down at the jewel and then back at Narwen with a disbelieving stare) You cannot give me this!  
  
Narwen: (The same smile playing upon her face) It is mine to give to whomever I wish to-like my heart.  
  
Jimagorn: (Looking concerned at Narwen) But-what about your father?  
  
Narwen: (Rolls her eyes) Uh-Jimagorn-my father has known you for years and he still thinks we're friends. Besides (Smiling mischievously) if he does find out, who cares?  
  
Jimagorn: (Eyes go wide as he speaks) I care! If Noelrond found out about this he'd kill me! And I don't know about you, but I kind of steered clear of that path long ago. I would like to uh-(Thinks for a moment) not die.  
  
Narwen: (Looking into Jimagorn's worried eyes) As long as I have it within my power-that will not happen.  
  
Jimagorn: (Gives her a sly look) You're so sexy when you're tough. Now I know why I love you.  
  
Narwen: (In a sly voice) Kiss me, heir of Gondor!  
  
(Camera goes back and shows Jimagorn and Narwen kissing. Then, we go to the next day, to the Council of Noelrond. We see Noelrond speaking seriously, looking around at the council as he talks)  
  
Noelrond: Evil has awoken from Mordor again. There is no hope in stopping it-you cannot avoid it. Everybody is bound to this one evil-this one force!  
  
Kendalf: (To Lizzo Baggins in a low voice) Well, that's very depressing!  
  
Noelrond: It will be up to you to decide what is to come. (Looks over to his right) Lizzo.  
  
(We see Lizzo Baggins, who is sitting next to Kendalf, look up anxiously)  
  
Noelrond: .bring forth the Movie.  
  
(Lizzo Baggins looks at Kendalf, who nods and puts a hand on her shoulder to encourage her. Lizzo Baggins stands up and slowly walks to a stone table in the center of the council. Slowly, she pulls out the Movie and puts it gently upon the table. The camera fixes itself upon the Movie, resting peacefully on the surface. We hear many members of the council gasp in wonderment. Then, we hear a clicking sound of somebody taking a picture. We hear Noelrond speak)  
  
Noelrond: (Sternly) Sir, no pictures, please.  
  
Photographer: (In an embarrassed tone) Sorry.  
  
(We then see Mikomir looking at the Movie, with a sudden look of longing)  
  
Mikomir: (In an audible whisper) So it is true.  
  
(Everybody-Megolas, Brimli, Kendalf, Lizzo Baggins, Jimagorn, and Noelrond- look at Mikomir, who gets to his feet and is still looking at the Movie. Jimagorn, who is standing away slightly from the group, is staring at Mikomir with mounting distrust)  
  
Mikomir: (In a far-off voice) So it is true? Of all my years, I never thought-But it is so! All of the lore and teachings have not been in vain, after all! It is true! The Movie exists-(Goes off on his impressed view of the Movie)  
  
(We suddenly see Noelrond's face, which is looking at Mikomir, and we hear his thoughts)  
  
Voice of Noelrond: (Thoughts very annoyed) There he goes again! Saying that mumbo-jumbo that nobody really understands anyways! Good Lord, he's boring! But I'm just gonna nod my head and pretend I understand. Yeah, that sounds good.  
  
(We see Lizzo Baggins, who looks a bit anxious, and we hear her thoughts)  
  
Voice of Lizzo Baggins: (Her thoughts more concerned as she looks at Kendalf) I wonder what Kendalf's thinking-he's had to live through so much, you know. He's lived through much more horrible stuff than me.  
  
(We see Kendalf, who is listening to Mikomir with a stone expression on his face, and we hear his thoughts)  
  
Voice of Kendalf: (Thoughts in a cheery tone) I could really go for some potato chips.  
  
(We go back to Noelrond, who is speaking sternly to Mikomir)  
  
Noelrond: Whatever you are getting at, Mikomir, I suggest you stop right now. Remember that this Movie is a Movie of evil-a Movie of Mordor.  
  
Mikomir: (Shaking his head) It is a gift! (In a desperate, convincing tone) This Movie has gotten into our grasp-we have it now! Why not use this Movie against Jauron? It could give us great aid!  
  
Megolas: (Looks at Mikomir suspiciously) Wait a moment! Wasn't it Men who got us into this whole mess, anyways?  
  
Mikomir: (In a dismissive tone) And, on behalf of Men everywhere, I apologize for that! (Looking around at the council) Have you all forgotten exactly what Gondor has done for you? For years we have shed the blood of countless individuals-all of your lands kept safe! Gondor could use this Movie to craft a defense against Jauron-one more powerful than he can imagine.  
  
Jimagorn: (Looking at Mikomir seriously) You cannot wield it! None of us can!  
  
(Mikomir glares at him, but Jimagorn continues)  
  
Jimagorn: The Movie was crafted by Jauron alone-it has only one master. It answers to nobody else-it knows nobody else.  
  
Mikomir: (Coming up to Jimagorn and speaking with a mocking tone) Oh, really? And what would a Ranger know of such matters?  
  
(Before Jimagorn can even think of replying, Megolas is standing up and glaring at Mikomir)  
  
Megolas: (Speaking angrily as she speaks) This is no mere Ranger you speak to!  
  
(Mikomir looks at her quickly)  
  
Megolas: (Pridefully) He is Jimagorn! Son of Jimathorn!  
  
Mikomir: (Eyebrows raise skeptically) Jimagorn?  
  
Megolas: (Obviously infuriated) An heir to the throne of Gondor!  
  
(We see Jimagorn put a hand over his eyes, rubbing them in frustration. Megolas looks at Jimagorn, shrugs, and looks sorry)  
  
Megolas: (In a far calmer tone) Sorry, Jimagorn-I had to say something.  
  
Jimagorn: (In a frustrated tone) Sit down, Megolas.  
  
(Megolas sits down and Mikomir is looking at Jimagorn with a mocking smile)  
  
Mikomir: (Speaking to Jimagorn in a seething voice) An heir to Gondor, hmm? (Laughs) There is no king in Gondor. (Glares at Jimagorn as he goes to sit down) Gondor needs no king.  
  
(Mikomir sits back down, occasionally glancing at Jimagorn, who looks ashamed of something. We go suddenly to Kendalf as he speaks)  
  
Kendalf: (In a hopeless tone) Jimagorn is right-we cannot use it.(Angrily) thanks a lot, Jimagorn!  
  
Jimagorn: (Shocked) What?  
  
Noelrond: (Camera shows his serious face as he speaks) Then we have only one choice: the Movie must be destroyed.  
  
(We see Lizzo Baggins look at Noelrond nervously, and then we see Brimli look at the Movie, a fierce fury building in her face)  
  
Brimli: (In a growling type voice) What're we waiting for, then?  
  
(Before anybody can stop her, Brimli is on her feet, raising the axe. With a fierce shout, she brings it down on the stone table-making to destroy the Movie by chopping it apart. But the axe suddenly shatters and Brimli is thrown back. At that moment, we go to Lizzo Baggins' face, which looks terrified as the Eye of Jauron flashes on screen. Lizzo Baggins winces at the sight of the eye, and clenches her hands in fear. Kendalf looks at her worriedly. We then see Brimli get up and look at the stone table. The camera shows pieces of axe on the table-but the Movie is still in perfect shape. We see Brimli looking at it with narrow eyes)  
  
Brimli: (Angrily) Oh, so that's how it is, eh? Let's see how ya like the Knife of Balin!  
  
(Brimli pulls out a long knife and brings it down upon the Movie, but it bounds back up towards her, because the Movie is not affected. Lizzo Baggins winces again as she sees the Eye of Jauron again. Brimli's face pulls into a look of puzzlement and she hits the movie repeatedly. Lizzo Baggins starts screaming as Brimli does this, and finally she shouts out angrily)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: WILL YOU STOP ALREADY! I THINK WE GOT THE POINT!  
  
(Brimli stops and looks towards Noelrond as he speaks)  
  
Noelrond: (Camera shows his face looking serious) The Movie cannot be destroyed by any craft that we have here. The Movie must be taken to Mordor and tossed into the Cracks of Doom in the center of Mount Doom. Then-and only then-will the Movie be destroyed. (Face brightens up and he rubs his hands together) Right then-any volunteers?  
  
(The camera shows the council sitting still, many looking at one another in a mixture of fear and wonder. Finally, we see Mikomir take off his glasses and rub his eyes in concentration as he speaks)  
  
Mikomir: (In a simple voice) Nobody simply walks into Mordor.  
  
Jimagorn: (Puts up a finger and speaks brightly) Well, they do, but they usually end up dying-or turning into Orcs.  
  
Mikomir: (Putting his glasses on and looking around at the council) There is an evil in Mordor that does not sleep. (Puts his fingers into an O shape) A great eye-  
  
(Lizzo Baggins suddenly looks up with fear)  
  
Mikomir: .watches over the land-lidless and writhed in flame. (He puts his hand down and speaks with great hopelessness) There is no way that we can cross into that land and come back out again. (With a laugh, he starts shaking his head) It is folly.  
  
(We see Megolas stand up angrily and look at Mikomir)  
  
Megolas: (Angrily) Hey, moron! Have you heard nothing of what Noelrond has said? (Looks about at the council and sounds desperate) The Movie must be destroyed!  
  
(We see Brimli look up at Megolas furiously)  
  
Brimli: (In an angry voice, causing Megolas to look down at her) And I suppose you think that you're the one to do it?  
  
Megolas: (Thinking for a while before angrily speaking to the Dwarf) Well-I didn't think that at first-but now that it comes to it, maybe I am, shorty!  
  
Brimli: (Fury burning in her eyes) "Shorty"?  
  
(We see Mikomir pleading to the council)  
  
Mikomir: Anything that goes in Mordor stays in Mordor-that's the way it is and it always will be!  
  
(We see Brimli glaring at Megolas)  
  
Brimli: (Shouting to the council) I WOULD RATHER BE DEAD THAN SEE SOMETHING OF SUCH IMPORTANCE IN THE HANDS OF AN ELF!  
  
(Everybody-except for Lizzo Baggins and Kendalf-begin to argue with each other: Megolas with Brimli and Mikomir with Jimagorn)  
  
Megolas: (In a mocking tone) Dwarves suck!  
  
Brimli: (Spitting back) Elves bite!  
  
Megolas: Dwarves smell!  
  
Brimli: Elves smell worse!  
  
(We see Mikomir prodding a finger into Jimagorn's chest-egging him onto a fight)  
  
Mikomir: (In a mocking tone) What the heck is with your hair, Jimagorn? It looks ridiculous!  
  
Jimagorn: (In a warning voice) You can say anything you want about me but leave the hair out of this!  
  
(Kendalf gets up and moves towards the arguing council, leaving Lizzo Baggins to sit alone)  
  
Kendalf: (Shouting angrily) You idiots! While you bicker and fight Jauron is in his tower making plans against us! YOU'LL ALL BE DESTROYED!  
  
(But the council remains arguing, and the voices fade out as we see Lizzo Baggins looking at the Movie. The camera shows the movie, which has flames in the disc and is hissing evilly. The camera goes back to Lizzo Baggins, who is watching in horror)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (In a small voice) That's-not-good.  
  
(As the voices of the bickering councilmen are heard again, Lizzo Baggins looks up and suddenly pulls on a look of determinations-she knows what she has to do now. Quickly, she stands up)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (In a desperate tone, and shouting) I will take it!  
  
(But the council doesn't hear her, arguing too loudly. We see Megolas holding up Brimli by her throat. Kendalf is angrily speaking to Megolas)  
  
Kendalf: (In an angry tone) Megolas, put Brimli down!  
  
Megolas: (Glaring at Brimli) Not till she takes back what she said about my mama!  
  
Brimli: (In a strangled angry voice) Never!  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Shouts again to try and be heard) I will take it!  
  
(Still, nobody hears her)  
  
Megolas: (Tightening her grip on Brimli's neck) Take it back!  
  
Brimli: (In an even more strangled voice) Ne-ver!  
  
(Finally, Lizzo Baggins loses her patience)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Camera shows her face pull into a furious look as she shouts hysterically to the council) HEY! WHY DON'T YOU JUST SHUT UP, TURN AROUND, AND FREAKIN' LISTEN TO WHAT I HAVE TO SAY, DAMN IT!  
  
(Everybody turns to look at the furious hobbit with surprised looks upon their faces. Finally, Megolas releases Brimli from her grasp. The camera shows Lizzo Baggins as she speaks more calmly)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: I will take the Movie to Mordor! Though-(She looks off to the side awkwardly) I don't know the way.  
  
(We see Kendalf smiling and walking up to Lizzo Baggins. Once near to her, he puts a hand on her shoulder)  
  
Kendalf: (In a reassuring voice) Then, I will go with you, Lizzo-and offer any aid that I can.  
  
(Lizzo Baggins smiles up at Kendalf, and Jimagorn comes up to Lizzo Baggins as well. He kneels before her and takes her hand)  
  
Jimagorn: (In a friendly tone) And I will go too-considering I have nothing better to do. You shall have my sword.  
  
(Lizzo Baggins smiles at Jimagorn. Then, we see Megolas come up to Lizzo Baggins with a determined look)  
  
Megolas: And you shall have my bow!  
  
(Brimli follows Megolas)  
  
Brimli: (In a determined voice as well) And my axe!  
  
(Both of them stand behind Lizzo Baggins, who smiles at both of them. Then, Mikomir comes over to Lizzo Baggins with a determined look as well)  
  
Mikomir: (With his nose in the air with pride) And you shall have my severe paranoia and my desire to burn things!  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Frowns at Mikomir) Why would I want that?  
  
Mikomir: (Scowling at Lizzo Baggins) Well, why the heck would you want Jimagorn's sword, Megolas' bow, and Brimli's axe?  
  
(Suddenly, we see a bush behind where Lizzo Baggins was sitting shutter and Kram Gamgee pokes her head up from it)  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Looking a bit angered) HEY!  
  
(Kram Gamgee runs out from behind the bush and next to Lizzo Baggins)  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Folds her arms indignantly) Lizzo's goin' nowhere without me!  
  
Noelrond: (With a bit of a smile as he looks at Kram Gamgee) I see it impossible to separate you-even when she is summoned to a secret council and you are not.  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Looking up indignantly) Hey! I wasn't eavesdropping! I was gardening! And I'll have you know that your fallin' leaf problem has reduced your gamekeeper to tears!  
  
(We see Rippin Took and Jessie Brandybuck poke their heads out from the entrance to the council. They look at one another once, and then both run towards the council)  
  
Rippin Took: (Shouting) Hey! We're idiots!  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Shouting as well) We're going too!  
  
(Both of them run next to Lizzo Baggins, who is smiling fondly at both of them)  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (To Noelrond) You'd have to send us home tied up in a sack in order to keep us from Lizzo!  
  
Rippin Took: (Indignantly to Noelrond) And we already checked-you're out of sacks!  
  
Noelrond: (A bit agitated with this turn of events) Why do you two even care? This could have less concern towards you!  
  
Rippin Took: (A bit appalled by this question) Lizzo's been our friend for years! It's gonna take a lot more than this to keep us from her!  
  
Noelrond: (Smiling slightly) You guys don't know the way back to the Shire, do you?  
  
Rippin Took: (Shaking her head) Not a damn clue. (Camera closes in on her face as she speaks with dignity) Besides, you need people of great intelligence upon this sort of mission.quest.thing.(Smiles and nods) shindig!  
  
(Everyone looks at Rippin Took, who looks quite satisfied)  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (In a sarcastic voice) Well that rules you out, Rip!  
  
Rippin Took: (Looks at Jessie Brandybuck in an angry way) You want me to cut you, Jessie? 'Cause I'll cut ya!  
  
(We see Noelrond smile fondly at the company)  
  
Noelrond: (In a solemn tone) Nine people to go. Let it be so. You will be the Fellowship-of the Movie! (Suddenly smiles) Hey! Just like the title of this movie! (Points up, where the title of the movie is displayed in great golden letters)  
  
(We see Tom Selleck suddenly)  
  
Tom Selleck: (In a proud voice, smiling) And I'll go too!  
  
Rippin Took: (Runs towards Tom Selleck, with a look of great wonderment upon her face) Oh my God! It's Tom Selleck!  
  
Tom Selleck: (Nodding and smiling still) Yes-wait a moment. (Looks down at Rippin Took) This is the casting place for Runaway Two, right?  
  
Rippin Took: (Shaking her head and frowning) No-this is Fellowship of the Movie. (Points out the door) You want the room down the hall and to the left-next to the water cooler.  
  
Tom Selleck: (Looks at Rippin Took for a while) Oh-well, bye then. (Smiles at the council once more and turns around and walks away)  
  
(Jessie Brandybuck, her mouth open in shock, goes up to Rippin Took and starts smacking her. Rippin Took covers her head and exclaims in pain for a while)  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Angrily) You idiot! You just lost us Tom Selleck! I'm gonna-!  
  
Rippin Took: (Still shouting in pain) Ow! It's not that big of a deal anyways! Anyone's who's had more than one guest appearance on Friends isn't that big of guest star anyways! Ow! 


	15. Scene Fourteen: The Start of A Journey

Scene Fourteen  
  
(Now we see the outside of Rivendell, just a few moments after sunrise. We see Jimagorn kneeling before a statue of an Elven woman, and it looks as if he's paying his respects. We hear Noelrond speak from behind him)  
  
Noelrond: (In a very solemn tone, and we see his face) Your mother would do anything to protect you. She thought you'd be safe in Rivendell. (We see Jimagorn sadly touch the face of the statue of the Elven woman) But in her heart, she knew you'd be hunted all your life. (We see him stop behind Jimagorn, who doesn't turn around) The press have the clutch of steel, I'll tell you what! They never stop annoying you! Gees-let loose one little fib during the Second Age and the press still hasn't let me forget about it! So annoying!  
  
(At that moment, we see Press Reporter hop from behind the bushes and start taking many pictures of Noelrond & Jimagorn)  
  
Press Reporter: (As he takes his pictures) Sweet.these will do the people at the Enquirer proud-right after I trade 'em into the Globe!  
  
Noelrond: (Angrily turning around to face the reporter) Hey, want a really good scoop? (Picks up the reporter by the scruff of the neck) It's by the garden, next to the fountain! You might find somebody that actually gives a damn!  
  
(Noelrond throws Press Reporter away from the scene. Once he does this, Noelrond straightens his robes and proceeds to talk to Jimagorn)  
  
Noelrond: (Solemnly) We can repair the Sword of Kings-make it a sword again. But only you have the strength to wield it.  
  
Jimagorn: (Quite honestly and firmly as he looks at the statue's face) I don't want that right-I have never wanted it.  
  
Noelrond: (In a firm tone) Well-too bad! You have the right! (When Jimagorn does not answer) You are all that is left, Jimagorn! There is nobody else of that blood line! You are the only hope this world has!  
  
Jimagorn: (Furrowing his brow at the Elf) I thought you hated me because I was-er-seeing your daughter.  
  
Noelrond: (Firmly) I do.I only care for the salvation of Middle-Earth.  
  
Jimagorn: (In an incredulous tone) What? I saw you a few days ago cursing Middle-Earth to eternal damnation because you couldn't find a parking spot here!  
  
Noelrond: (Drawing himself up importantly) Well-this is the freakin' third age! You'd think they would have a decent parking spot somewhere!  
  
(We see the saddened look of Jimagorn as he stares at the statue some more. Then, we see Milbo Baggins unrolling a sheet of brown cloth upon a wooden table in her room excitedly; Lizzo Baggins is in the room with her, looking excited. Inside the cloth is the sword Sting, sheathed)  
  
Milbo Baggins: (In an excited tone) I thought I'd have some use for this! (Picks up the sword and shows it to Lizzo Baggins) The sword Sting. You can take this. (Lizzo Baggins looks at her hesitantly, but Milbo Baggins is urging her) Yes, yes! Go and take it! You will have a use for it!  
  
(Lizzo Baggins takes the sword, wonderment upon her face as she looks at it. Lizzo Baggins unsheathes it, and she looks up and down the blade. Milbo Baggins has her face worked into a look of pure excitement)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Smiles at Milbo Baggins) It's so light!  
  
Milbo Baggins: (Nodding) Yes. Made by the Elves, you know! (In an excited tone) It starts to play a Sting song whenever Orcs are near-and those are times when you must be extra careful.  
  
(Lizzo Baggins slowly sheathes the sword, not looking too happy at the prospect of meeting Orcs. But Milbo Baggins doesn't see this-having bent down to pick up a glittery shirt, which we suppose is mithril; she brandishes it to Lizzo Baggins excitedly)  
  
Milbo Baggins: (Excitedly) This is a pretty thing!  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (In a happy tone) It certainly is.what is it? Is it some sort of armor?  
  
Milbo Baggins: (Shaking her head out of her daze) Hmm? Oh! This is for me, Lizzo! I was going to wear this to dinner tonight and I wanted to look fancy-this vest and pants combo is rather cliché, after all. Do you like it?  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Blinks once at the other) Er-it's nice.  
  
Milbo Baggins: (Happily) I thought so! (Throws the dress aside and pulls out the real mithril shirt) Mithril! Worn by great Dwarfish princes, ya know! It's as light as a feather-but strong as dragon scales! Take it!  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Taking it hesitantly and looking at Milbo Baggins) Milbo, I cannot take all these things you give me!  
  
Milbo Baggins: (With a wave of her hand) Oh, just take it, Lizzo! I assure you that no use shall come of them with me-they'll probably just gather dust while I'm around. (In an excited tone) Well, try it on! Try it on! See if it fits!  
  
(Smiling, Lizzo Baggins begins to unbutton her shirt, but Milbo Baggins gives a firm shout)  
  
Milbo Baggins: (Covering her face with her hands) Gees, Lizzo! Don't try it on right in front of me! I'm not some kind of a mirror! I already saw that Jimagorn fellow prancing about Rivendell, touching his chest all the time! I don't need to see yours!  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Embarrassed as she buttons up her shirt) Sorry, Milbo! I'll just change in the bathroom.  
  
(Lizzo Baggins picks up the mithril shirt, and pulls the chain about her neck off; it is the chain holding the Movie of Power. We see Milbo Baggins see the Movie and her face pull into a look of longing. When she speaks, Lizzo Baggins stops unbuttoning and looks at her aunt with worry)  
  
Milbo Baggins: (In an innocent tone, and pointing to the Movie) Oh-my old Movie. (Looks at the Movie for a moment) It has been so long. I don't suppose there'd be any real harm-if I-held it for a moment?  
  
(Lizzo Baggins suddenly realizes what she has done and places the chain about her neck again and down her shirtfront, shielding the Movie from the hungry eyes of her aunt. Suddenly, Milbo Baggins looks angered. Then, with a hiss-her eyes go wide and she shows fangs as she reaches out to grasp the Movie. Lizzo Baggins jumps back and looks at Milbo Baggins with fear)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (In an angry tone) Is that something that happens when you turn one-hundred and eleven or something? Because if so-!  
  
(Lizzo Baggins stops speaking abruptly as her aunt goes back to normal, and suddenly looks saddened-tears forming from her eyes under her thick glasses)  
  
Milbo Baggins: (In a very sad tone) I'm sorry, my girl. I did not mean for you to carry this burden upon you. I've been a fool. (Sits upon the bed and the tears begin to fall) I'm sorry for everything! (Begins to weep pathetically)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Sitting next to Milbo Baggins, putting an arm around her, and speaking in a comforting tone) Aw, don't talk that way, Milbo! You were young and stupid when you found the Movie! Now you're-(Thinks for a moment) older and stupider than before.  
  
(Milbo Baggins lets out a howl of misery, and Lizzo Baggins squeezes her shoulder, looking very nervous about what is coming up-as if suddenly realizing the seriousness in this situation. Then, we see Noelrond standing at the gates leaving Rivendell and speaking to the company)  
  
Noelrond: (Serious) The Movie-Bearer is on a quest-a quest that will involve you eight other companions to protect her and watch over her.  
  
(We see the company, looking determined, Lizzo Baggins in front, looking a bit apprehensive)  
  
Noelrond: (Solemnly) Understand that those who go, go of their own free will. Those who travel with the Movie-Bearer, no oath, no bond is set before you to go further than you will.  
  
Brimli: (In a practical tone) Really? Well, in that case, I'd love to go on this quest, but I've got a family reunion I've gotta get goin' to and-!  
  
Megolas: (Bitterly) Oh, pipe down, you insolent Dwarf! You said you'd go, and you're going! (Whispers very quietly to the Dwarf) Besides, I tried that same method a few hours ago-it doesn't work.  
  
Noelrond: (To the company) The enemy is watching for you-so go carefully. May the blessings of Elves-  
  
(We see Megolas' face brighten)  
  
Noelrond: Dwarves-  
  
(We see Brimli look prideful)  
  
Noelrond: (Waving his hand as if it is no big deal) .and the other stupid races-  
  
(We see the faces of Mikomir and Jimagorn look at one another in curiosity)  
  
Noelrond: .go with you.  
  
(We see the face of Noelrond look at the company once more. Jimagorn glances over towards Narwen, who is breathing in and out slowly, obviously trying to hide the emotional pain she feels. Jimagorn quickly looks away and we hear his thoughts)  
  
Voice of Jimagorn: (His thoughts very questioning at the moment) I wonder what she's thinking at the moment?  
  
Voice of Narwen: (We see her face looking very pained, and we hear her angry thoughts) You'd better come back single or I'm going to get really pissed off!  
  
(Now we focus on the front of the company, where Lizzo Baggins is walking cautiously, right next to Kendalf, who has a comforting hand on her shoulder. We then see them come closer to the gate leading away from the beautiful city, and then we see Lizzo Baggins look at Kendalf with a bit of a nervous glance)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (In a whisper) Mordor, Kendalf? Is it left or right?  
  
Kendalf: (Looking forward grimly) Left, Lizzo.  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Groans slightly) I should've known. Left has never been my friend!  
  
(We see the company of nine pass through the gates and head towards the left. Then we catch the company going across the bridge leading out of the actual town of Rivendell, then we see them traveling across some open plains at a distance. Then, we hear Kendalf speaking and we see the company resting on the ruined plains of Hollin. While he speaks, Kram Gamgee is spearing a freshly cooked sausage on her fork and depositing it on her plate)  
  
Kendalf: We will cross the road of Hollin, take a left somewhere along the trip-got me if I ought to know-and then we'll wander around, keeping as far away from Isengard as we can control-and then it's on to Mordor.  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Who can't help but overhear, and speaks in a low, sarcastic voice) Well, whoopee freakin' doo!  
  
(Kram Gamgee then goes over to where Lizzo Baggins is sitting, which is by a rock and watching something in front of her. Kram Gamgee offers some of the food on her plate to Lizzo Baggins, who quickly refuses it and continues to watch the thing in front of her. The camera then sees what she's watching: Mikomir is trying to teach Rippin Took and Jessie Brandybuck how to sword fight. Over on a cluster of rock, Jimagorn watches humbly, stroking his chest fondly)  
  
Mikomir: (To Jessie Brandybuck) Very good parry, Jessie! Quite good on your first try! You've gotta work on your battle face, though!  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Quizzically) My battle what, now?  
  
Mikomir: (Simply) Your battle face! You've got to be able to draw fear into your opponent, little one!  
  
Jimagorn: (Practically) Besides, it makes you look sexier.  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Frowning at Jimagorn) And that's beneficial, why?  
  
Jimagorn: (Simply, shrugging) Oh, it's not! But it makes you look sexier. (Thinking to himself for a moment) Or-maybe that just works for me.I've gotta look into it.  
  
Rippin Took: (In a low tone to Jessie Brandybuck) I'll give you something to look in, Jimagorn.it's called a mirror, and you won't be happy with the results!  
  
(Jessie Brandybuck gives a small laugh at the other hobbit's statement. Then, we see Brimli coming up to Kendalf to converse with him)  
  
Brimli: (In a rather proud and obnoxious voice) If I didn't know any better, I'd say we were taking the long way to Mordor!  
  
Kendalf: (Looking at Brimli with a bit of a quizzical stare) Forgive me, Brimli, but I was just being a bit more considerate on the mental state of our Movie Bearer-I do not believe she will want to see a big ball of fire and brimstone any time soon!  
  
Brimli: (Ignoring his statement and continuing with a proud voice) Kendalf, if we go through the Mines of Moria, we can meet up with my cousin, Malin. I guarantee that he will give us a warm welcome! (Rubbing her hands together ecstatically) I hear he's got a satellite!  
  
Kendalf: (Shaking his head firmly and in a stern tone) No, Brimli. I will not go through the Mines of Moria unless I have no other choice.  
  
Brimli: (Looking a bit scandalized) You find something wrong with my cousin or something, Kendalf? 'Cause if so-!  
  
Kendalf: (Rather agitated) Of course I find nothing wrong with your cousin, Brimli! In fact, I think-!  
  
(Suddenly, Megolas-who is watching the distance-sees something and shouts out)  
  
Megolas: (In a bit of a worried tone) Something is moving across the sky really fast!  
  
Brimli: (Looking over as well and sniffing) Oh, it's just a wisp of cloud!  
  
Megolas: (Still unconvinced) It's moving too fast to be cloud!  
  
(We see Jimagorn look upwards towards the sky and his face suddenly pulls into a look of fear)  
  
Jimagorn: (Shouting out) Crebain from Mordor! Hide!  
  
(The company is scattering under bushes, Kram Gamgee is putting out the fire with a bucket of water and she's about to dart under a bush, but suddenly remembers her pots and pans. Without thinking twice, she's about to go back and get them, but Lizzo Baggins quickly grabs her by the arm and begins to pull her away)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (In a frightened tone) Come on, Kram!  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Reaching towards her treasured cookware) But-my pans-!  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Pulling Kram Gamgee under the bush) Forget it, Kram!  
  
(The camera then shows the area of Hollin empty as every member of the company is well hidden. Then, the shadows and the cries of many birds is heard as the crebain fly over the plain. It takes about five seconds for them to fly over, and then Rippin Took, who is hiding with Jimagorn under a fallen tree, pokes her head out to look around, but instantly, Jimagorn pulls her back in, still looking towards the sky)  
  
Jimagorn: (Hissing to Rippin Took) You fool! They're coming back!  
  
(We then see the crebain fly over once more, this time depositing bird poop across the area. The sound of a machine gun is heard as they fly over. Once they're gone, everyone in the company emerges from their hiding places, wrinkling their noses at the poop-strewn area. We see Kram Gamgee run from her hiding place and scoop up her pots and pans, totally covered with bird poop)  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Tears coming to her eyes) Why? WHY, GOD? Why this horrible fate that my treasured pans have come to? My best, non-stick cooking wares! Why, Lord, why?  
  
(We now see Kendalf, as he stoops to pick up a small piece of paper that wasn't there before. Kendalf's face pulls into a dark look as he reads what's on the paper. The camera shows the writing on the paper reads: "Payback")  
  
Kendalf: (Throwing the paper down bitterly) Andraman! (To the company) We cannot linger here. Those were spies from Isengard! We must take the route of Caradhras!  
  
(The company looks towards the mighty peak that is Caradhras. Then, we see Lizzo Baggins, who has her mouth open in shock)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (More to herself than to others) Hmm. Nice road-deadly road. (Looks towards Caradhras) Safe and humble road-deadly mountain with no life, no food, and no water. (Looks over to Kendalf with an angry look upon her face) Forgive me for saying this, Kendalf, but aren't we supposed to take the safest route possible?  
  
(We see the company traveling up the Caradhras, the snow on its banks causing the company to practically wade through the mess. It is particularly difficult for Lizzo Baggins, who suddenly falls backwards. She curses as she goes and is lucky enough to have Jimagorn stop her fall just in time. When Lizzo Baggins has stopped falling, Jimagorn carefully helps her to her feet)  
  
Jimagorn: (In a concerned tone) Are you all right, Lizzo?  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (In a disgruntled voice, as she wipes snow from her clothes) Yeah, yeah. I'm freakin' fine. (Face pulls into a look of sudden fear as she realizes something's missing. Frantically, she pats herself down, searching for it)  
  
Jimagorn: (In a confused tone) Lizzo, what is-?  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Frantically) The Movie! Where is the Movie?  
  
(Both Lizzo Baggins and Jimagorn look toward the path in front of them, and we see the Movie, still on its chain, resting in the snow. Then, something picks it up, and we see the face of Mikomir as he hold the Movie up so that he can look upon it, a strange look upon his face. We then see Lizzo Baggins and Jimagorn looking at Mikomir with severe distrust upon their faces)  
  
Mikomir: (We see his face as he stares at the Movie intently) It is so strange-how we suffer so much for such a small thing.  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (We see her face, still pulled into a look of distrust as she speaks) Yeah.ironic, ain't it? Now-can I have the-?  
  
Mikomir: (See his face as he still stares at the Movie, a strange want in his eyes) So strange-very strange-(Reaches up to grasp the Movie, but stops as Jimagorn shouts)  
  
Jimagorn: (His face pulled into a look of severe dislike) Mikomir! (Once Mikomir looks at him, he speaks in a stern tone) Give the Movie back to Lizzo!  
  
(Mikomir looks at the Movie one last time, looking a bit angered at being torn away from its power. But, to get Jimagorn off his back, he slowly walks up to Lizzo Baggins and hands the Movie to her, with a queer smile upon his face)  
  
Mikomir: (In a false friendly tone) There you go, little one.  
  
(Not bothering to comment, Lizzo Baggins snatches the Movie from Mikomir. For a while, we see Mikomir eye Lizzo Baggins with a small hint of dislike, but it quickly vanishes as he smirks and turns to proceed back up the mountain. We see Jimagorn watch him go, and he slowly takes his hand off the hilt of his sword. Lizzo Baggins looks after Mikomir, feeling very uncomfortable with the event that just took place, and then starts to walk again as Jimagorn gently nudges her to proceed with the company. Then, the scene suddenly changes, and we see the Crebain flying towards Isengard. They swoop downward towards the pits where the Orcs are working. We see Orc#20 running in a big wheel)  
  
Orc#20: (In a breathless voice) Oh, this-sucks! I don't-even know-why I'm- doing this!  
  
(Then, we see the Crebain fly over to Andraman, who is simply standing on the edge of a cliff overlooking his forces. The Crebain immediately begin to caw and squawk, and we see Andraman's face pull into a sudden look of anger)  
  
Andraman: (Eyes narrow maliciously as he speaks) So, you have chosen the deadly road of Caradhras, Kendalf. (The camera closes in about his face as a strange smile plays upon his face) But if the mountain defeats you-where will you go? (We see Kendalf wading in waist deep snow of Caradhras, fighting against the wind and snow flurries blowing against him) How far will you go if the mountain overthrows you? Will you tread a more dangerous road?  
  
(We see the company, heads bowed and hoods of their cloaks up to overcome the nightmare of the snow and wind. Everyone seems to be having trouble with this-except Megolas, who is walking on the snow and squinting towards the horizon and ahead of everybody in the company. We see Kram Gamgee, who is almost sinking in the snow, glaring at the Elf)  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Mumbling) Showoff.  
  
(We then focus on Megolas' face as it eyes the horizon. Suddenly we hear the voice of Andraman ringing through the air as he says a chant)  
  
Megolas: (Yelling over all the wind) There is a harsh voice upon the air!  
  
Kendalf: (Looks up immediately) What does it sound like, Megolas?  
  
Megolas: (Listens for a few more seconds) Kind of like a really bad Celine Dion album.  
  
Kendalf: (See his face as it pulls into a look of pure fear and he shouts) ANDRAMAN!  
  
(At that moment, a big bank of snow comes off the mountain above them and falls into the abyss. The company stops in their tracks, every face looking petrified. As another bank of snow falls, we see Jimagorn yelling over the voices)  
  
Jimagorn: He's trying to bring down the mountain!  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Looking at Jimagorn with a scowl) And we want to know this why?  
  
(We now see Kendalf dig himself up from the snow and stand on the edge of the mountain, staff in hand and yelling out towards the horizon, trying to throw back the power of Andraman. But we see Andraman on the tower of Isengard, hands extended and chanting as he looks out towards the horizon, pure venom upon his face. Then, we see a lightning bolt come from the sky at Caradhras and hit the peak of the mountain. There is an almighty rumble as the snow from the top begins to plummet towards the company. Kendalf looks up and hops from the cliff edge into the company. Lizzo Baggins screams and grabs Kram Gamgee by the head to shield her from the snow. The camera goes out to see the snow finally land and cover the company. We see that for a few seconds, nothing heard but the wind howling across the mountain. Then, we see Andraman looking severely pleased and turn away from the horizon-his work done. Then, we see the mountain again. Suddenly, we Kendalf's burst from the snow. The rest of the company follows suit, everyone inhaling the air that had been deprived from them for a few precious moments)  
  
Rippin Took: (After breathing in and out for a few moments) Whoa-that was quite a rush. (Face brightens up) Can we do that again?  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Looks at Rippin Took with a shocked expression) NO!  
  
Mikomir: (After pulling Brimli to the surface, shouts towards Kendalf) We must get off the mountain! We must turn back and make for the Gap of Rohan! Jimagorn: (Waving his hand in objection) No! The Gap of Rohan takes us too close to Isengard!  
  
Mikomir: (After a moment of silence) And we don't want to go to Isengard?  
  
Brimli: (Shouting towards Kendalf) Kendalf! Why do we go across the mountain when we could go under it? Let us go through the Mines of Moria!  
  
(Kendalf looks quite confused as he considers the situation. He knows that they can't stay here-but he knows that if they go through Moria, disaster awaits them. As he thinks, we hear Andraman speak evilly)  
  
Andraman: (We see his face as he looks through an ancient book) You dare not go through Moria. You know what disaster waits there. (We see the page he's looking at, which is the entrance to Moria) You know what the Dwarves awoke in there. The Dwarves dug too deep and they found-treasure; butt loads of treasure. But they also found something else. (Turns the page and we see the Balrog) Shadow-and flame.  
  
(We go back to see Kendalf's face suddenly look calm as he considers an option and he looks towards Lizzo Baggins)  
  
Kendalf: (In a calm tone) Let the Movie-Bearer decide.  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Her eyes widen as she looks at Kendalf) Dude! I don't even know where we're going! What difference is it to me if we go through Moria or not?  
  
Mikomir: (Shouting as he looks at the shivering forms of Rippin Took and Jessie Brandybuck) We cannot stay here! It will be the death of the hobbits!  
  
Rippin Took: (Shivering as she looks over weakly towards Mikomir) Th-Thanks for con-considering us!  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (After much thinking and looking quite worried towards Kendalf) We will go through the mines!  
  
Kendalf: (Staring at Lizzo Baggins with the same calm expression and then we hear his thoughts) Traitor! (Then, we see him smile grimly and speak to the company) Then-so be it. 


	16. Scene Fifteen: The Entrance of Moria

Scene Fifteen  
  
(We see the company traveling on the rocky path to the Walls of Moria. Even though no snow is present, it is rather damp and cold, so the hoods on the cloaks of the company are still drawn up. Kendalf leads the company, looking up at the rocky mountains around him)  
  
Kendalf: (Leaning against a rock and shouting back) Lizzo! Lizzo, come and help an old man!  
  
(Lizzo Baggins, who was traveling behind Megolas, runs up to Kendalf to help, and he pushes himself up)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (As she helps Kendalf get back on his feet again) You're not old, Kendalf.  
  
Kendalf: (With a small laugh) Lizzo, you don't have to work so hard as to flatter me on this trip.  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Lets out a sigh of relief) That's good, because I was beginning to run out of things to flatter you with. I had to pull that little thing about your age out of my "brown-nosing box".  
  
Kendalf: (Decides to let this pass with a brief scold) How is your shoulder?  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Looks up a Kendalf reassuringly) Better than it was.  
  
Kendalf: (Not even looking at Lizzo Baggins) And the Movie?  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Quickly looks at Kendalf with a questioning stare) Yes-that occasionally sucks from time to time.  
  
Kendalf: (Stopping Lizzo Baggins and speaking to her in a hoarse, serious whisper) You feel its power growing, don't you? It weighs down upon you- causing you to wonder if you can even carry it. Well, you are not the only one that carries a burden. There are others, Lizzo Baggins, who have a want or need for the Movie-for one reason or another.  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Looking very nervous) Well-then whom do I trust?  
  
Kendalf: (Giving her a piercing stare) Trust yourself, Lizzo Baggins. The only one who can control your actions and how you approach them is yourself.  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Touching her shoulder as she speaks) Well-sometimes I can be very convincing! I cannot always trust myself, Kendalf!  
  
Jimagorn: (Walking by the two, sees Lizzo Baggins touching her shoulder, and scolds) Hey! Stop touching yourself! (Presumes walking, and looking quite smug as he strokes he chest) That's my job!  
  
(We now see Brimli's eyes widen as she points ahead of her)  
  
Brimli: (In an astonished voice) Look! The Walls of Moria!  
  
(The camera shows the great Walls of Moria. The company stops in their tracks to stare at the marvelous spectacle. We see Jessie Brandybuck and Rippin Took staring with open mouths)  
  
Rippin Took: (In a low voice, so that only Jessie Brandybuck can hear, singing) All and all you're just a-nother brick in the wall.  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Laughing and punching Rippin Took in the arm) You dork.  
  
Rippin Took: (Rubs her shoulder and glares at Jessie Brandybuck) Spaz!  
  
(We see the company crossing the murky waters that lead towards the Walls of Moria. We see Lizzo Baggins gasp with fear as her foot slips and falls into the mud. Kram Gamgee, who's following, scolds at her)  
  
Kram Gamgee: (In a sarcastic tone) Oh no! Mud! Of all the God-awful things that could befall the company of nine, Lizzo Baggins had to have stepped in mud! Oh my gosh! How tragic! How horrible! (Face falls into a look of anger as she faces Lizzo Baggins) Get a freakin' grip, you pansy!  
  
(Lizzo Baggins scolds at Kram Gamgee, and we see Brimli walking up against the Walls of Moria, her axe out and smiling)  
  
Brimli: (In a proud tone) These walls were built years ago by my people- strong as stone. (Lightly taps the stone with the axe)  
  
Megolas: (Looking up at the walls and scowling) Well, they're nice, I'll admit that. But the walls aren't really anything good if you can't get inside.  
  
(Brimli glares at Megolas, but Kendalf speaks, veering away from any brewing argument)  
  
Kendalf: (Looking up at the walls, a cunning look upon his face) These walls, as Brimli so kindly mentioned, are constructed to be strong. The way in is a very cunning way indeed. (Goes to a part of the wall and runs his hand along it, muttering to himself) Let's see-evening-full moon-should be able to get through-Ah ha!  
  
(The company lets out exclamations of surprise as the moonlight falls upon the wall where Kendalf stands, for there is the great Doors of Durin outlined in silver light. We see Rippin Took and Jessie Brandybuck staring at the door with astonished stares)  
  
Rippin Took: (To Jessie Brandybuck) Dude, that is so much better than our club's entrance.  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Nodding in agreement) Yeah-with this one you don't even need a key-just draw a door and nobody will come in.  
  
Kendalf: (Pointing the staff at the Elvish script above the door and reading it) It reads, "The Doors of Durin, Lord of Moria. Speak, friend, and enter".  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Digging a finger in her ear, showing stupidity) Uh-what d'ya suppose that means?  
  
Kendalf: (Turing to Jessie Brandybuck and answering simply) Well, it's quite simple-so that probably explains why you don't get it-(Jessie Brandybuck nods in an understanding way) but it means if you're a friend, you speak the password and the doors will open! (Puts the staff up to the door, below the anvil, and speaks in a commanding tone) Annon edhellen, edro hi ammen! (When nothing happens, he looks about awkwardly and speaks another thing) Fennas nogothrim, lasto beth lammen!  
  
(As nothing happens, we see the faces of the company. Lizzo Baggins looks a bit nervous, while the other three hobbits just look confused. Jimagorn is touching himself again; Mikomir is scowling at him; Brimli looks a bit embarrassed; Megolas just looks annoyed with this, obviously not very eager about taking a Dwarf's route. We see Kendalf hopelessly push against the doors, looking a bit confused. As he mutters to himself, we close in on his face)  
  
Kendalf: (Obviously making it a point not to be overheard) Nothing can force them from the outside but the spell command. Though, nothing from inside can force them outwards.  
  
Rippin Took: (In a simple, curious tone) What're you going to do then?  
  
Kendalf: (Shouting angrily, causing Rippin Took to look quite upset at the insults) Knock your head against these doors, Rippin! (Turns around to face her, looking a bit angered) But if that does not shatter them, and I am allowed a little peace from foolish questions, (Takes a breath to calm himself) I will seek for the opening words.  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Shrugging) I don't know, Kendalf. I liked that idea about banging Rippin's head against the door! She's got a pretty hard head-it'd probably work, you know. (Rippin Took angrily punches her in the shoulder) OUCH! I was just saying!  
  
(Now we see the company still outside the wall, Kendalf trying in vain every form of "Open" in every language. Lizzo Baggins is sitting beside a rock next to the door, looking a bit bored and upset that nothing's working. We then see Jimagorn and Kram Gamgee talking. Kram Gamgee is removing the reins of Bill, the pony-with a sad look upon her face)  
  
Jimagorn: (In a serious tone) The mines are no place for a pony, Kram. He'll have to go.  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Patting the pony on the side, looking very upset) Bye, Bill. (Lets go of the pony, and it walks away from them slowly. As she watches him go, she speaks to Jimagorn) You think he'll be all right, Gazer?  
  
Jimagorn: (Shrugging as he touches his chest) Who knows. I think he knows the way home-if not, we could always eat him.  
  
(We now see Rippin Took and Jessie Brandybuck throwing stones in the murky pool in front of them. They both look furious as they throw)  
  
Rippin Took: "Knock my head against the walls"? I'll knock his head against the walls!  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Muttering) Make me look like an idiot! I'll-give him an-idiot! (Rippin Took stares at her, and so she speaks in a furious tone) Stupid Kendalf!  
  
(As Jessie Brandybuck makes to throw another stone, Jimagorn comes from behind the hobbits and puts firm hands upon their shoulders to stop them)  
  
Jimagorn: (Looking out towards the pool and speaking in a low and serious tone) Do not disturb the water.  
  
(We see Kendalf finally throw down his staff in anger. Lizzo Baggins looks up in surprise)  
  
Kendalf: (Angrily) Oh, it's hopeless! (Sits next to Lizzo Baggins on the rock)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (In an effort to help) Have you tried "Abra Kadabra"?  
  
Kendalf: (Looks at Lizzo Baggins with an incredulous stare) Lizzo, I know all of the words in every tongue of Middle-Earth!  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Nodding and still looking at Kendalf calmly) Yes, but did you try, "Abra Kadabra"?  
  
Kendalf: (Looks away as he mutters) Twice, and it didn't work.  
  
(For a while, we just see Kendalf and Lizzo Baggins sitting on the rock. Kendalf has his hands over his eyes, very frustrated at this moment. But, Lizzo Baggins is still staring up at the wall, probably still thinking. Suddenly, Lizzo Baggins' face brightens as she stands up quickly and looks at the door. The camera shows her face work into a look of understanding)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: It's a riddle! (To Kendalf) What's the Elvish word for "friend"?  
  
(We suddenly see the murky pool ripple uncomfortably-almost as if it is a creature alive and having been disturbed. Rippin Took, Jessie Brandybuck, and Jimagorn quickly back away from the pool, and Jimagorn places his hand on his sword hilt. Then, we see Kendalf looking at Lizzo Baggins and then at the door)  
  
Kendalf: (In a blank tone) Mellon.  
  
(The doors suddenly swing outwards, and the company watches in astonishment. Once the doors have been opened, Lizzo Baggins grins at Kendalf, who is on his feet again and looking quite pleased)  
  
Kendalf: (Putting a hand on Lizzo Baggins' shoulder) Well done, Lizzo Baggins. Unfortunately, I said the word, so-technically-I opened the doors. Let's move on, company!  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Face falls into an incredulous stare at Kendalf) WEAK! Really weak, Kendalf!  
  
(The company moves into the mountain, which is quite dark despite the moonlight showing through the open doors. It is deadly silent, and we hear Brimli speaking in a rather smug tone as Kendalf leads the company into the mountain)  
  
Brimli: (In a loud voice, so as not to be unheard) In just a few moments time, we will be in the palace of my cousin, Malin! (In a dreamy tone) Roaring fires! Sweet root beer! Ripe meat off the bone!  
  
(We see Kendalf light the crystal on the end of his staff, and it emits a white light that goes over the area in front of the company. We see stairs going up, and many skeletons of Dwarves scattered about. But Brimli, who is still talking, does not notice)  
  
Brimli: (In the same smug voice) This is the greatest land that was ever constructed by my people. And they call it a mine. (Laughing as she says it) A mine!  
  
Mikomir: (Looking about with fear livid in his eyes) This is no mine-!  
  
Brimli: (Nodding and sounding quite proud) I know! I've been trying to tell people-!  
  
Mikomir: (In a frightened tone) This is no mine-this is a tomb! (We see the hobbits, all traveling close to one another, look down at their feet and scream as they see the decapitated skeleton of a Dwarf. The company is looking about cautiously, looking very crestfallen upon this route. Brimli is looking around at the dead Dwarves and sputtering incoherently, unaware of how to react)  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Pointing to the ground at the dead Dwarf and shouting to Brimli) Brimli, is that your "ripe meat off the bone"? Because if it is, that's sick!  
  
(Brimli, who has gone over to a pillar where the skeletal remains of an arrow infested Dwarf leans, lets out a howl of dismay. We suddenly see Megolas rip an arrow off a nearby dead Dwarf and examine the arrowhead. Her face suddenly scrunches up into a look of pure disgust)  
  
Megolas: (To the company) Goblins!  
  
(Megolas pulls out her bow and an arrow from her quiver and holds them ready. Jimagorn unsheathes his sword and is looking around nervously. Mikomir, who also has his sword unsheathed, is moving towards the door and looking about with severe fear upon his face)  
  
Mikomir: (To the company as he eyes the scene around him) We make for the Gap of Rohan! We should have never come here!  
  
(We see the hobbits, Lizzo Baggins in the back of them all, move immediately to the door, still eyeing the area in front of them. Suddenly, we see Lizzo Baggins fall to the ground with a scream. The hobbits immediately look behind them and start screaming. Lizzo Baggins is shouting and kicking as a huge tentacle grasps her ankle, and is trying to drag her into the murky pool. Rippin Took jumps into Jessie Brandybuck's arms, who looks very surprised and annoyed by her friends behavior to this. Only Kram Gamgee seems to keep her brains as she pulls out her sword and chops off the tentacle with two strikes. We see the remains of the tentacle pull back into the water. For a while, Lizzo Baggins breathes in and out with relief. Then, we see a huge creature, with tentacles almost like snakes, shoots out of the water spraying everything with filthy water. Lizzo Baggins lets out a horrifying scream as another tentacle grasps her by the ankle and quickly pulls her into the air. Kram Gamgee watches helplessly, swinging her sword around angrily at the tentacles that come towards her)  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Shouting back towards the other company members) GAZER! HELP!  
  
(Jimagorn comes running from the mountain, stroking himself in a dramatic way, his sword out and swinging towards the creature. Mikomir follows suit, looking both horrified and furious. Megolas runs out as well, her eyes searching for a good place to aim. We hear Lizzo Baggins screaming hysterically)  
  
Megolas: (Finds a good place to shoot) DON'T WORRY GUYS! I'VE GOT IT COVERED! (Quickly places the arrow, aims, and shoots) (From above, we hear Lizzo Baggins shout out in pain)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Pulling the arrow from her butt and shouting) YOU GUYS MIND NOT SHOOTING ME?  
  
(We see Lizzo Baggins, hanging upside down and kicking, screaming as the massive jaws of the creature reveals itself from the water. The jaws are gaping and lined with rows of sharp teeth. It moves the screaming and kicking form of Lizzo Baggins over the jaw, hoping to drop her in and engulf the hobbit. Lizzo Baggins is screaming hysterically and looking quite fearful. Suddenly, we see Jimagorn plunge into the waters and cut a tentacle from its base with one swipe. The creature lets out a shriek of pain and drops the fear-stricken Lizzo Baggins into the waters below. But with one motion, Mikomir catches the screaming Lizzo Baggins. Immediately, Jimagorn looks towards the others)  
  
Jimagorn: (Shouting as he runs from the creature) THE MOUNTAIN! GET INTO THE MOUNTAIN!  
  
(Still carrying Lizzo Baggins, Mikomir runs into the mountain with the others. The creature follows Jimagorn, who still has his sword out. We follow the company into the dark recesses of the mountain. The creature tries to get through the doors, but it is too big. Instead, it uses the tentacles to swing about the mountain in hopes to pull something out. But this only causes stones from the ceiling to fall. In fear of being buried in rocks, the company speeds up. Finally, they stop; everybody looking as their only entrance-and their only way out-becomes buried behind a wall of rock. For a while, we only see the pitch darkness, and hear the sound of the company breathing from the run. Then, we hear Kendalf speak in a rather calm voice)  
  
Kendalf: Then-we have but one choice. (He lights his staff, and a feeble white light illuminates the company) We must face the long dark-(Begins to head forward, still speaking as he goes) the crappy, dreary dark of Moria. And beware company-for fouler things than Orcs live in the deep. Oh yes- this is the perfect place for really disgusting, make-ya-wanna-vomit stuff.  
  
(We watch the company follow Kendalf into the mountain, the only sound being the sound of their feet scraping against the stone flooring. Everybody looks around in wonderment as they go-probably questioning the prospect of ever getting out of here alive)  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (In a bitter tone to Rippin Took) Nice going, Rippin!  
  
Rippin Took: (Angrily to Jessie Brandybuck) Hey! You were throwing stones too!  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (In a bitter tone) Never able to admit when you've done something wrong, are you, Rippin? 


	17. Scene Sixteen: The Halls of Moria

Scene Sixteen  
  
(The company is traveling through the ruined city that was once Moria, looking behind them and side to side. Nobody is happy about the prospect of meeting Orcs, Goblins, or something else within these mountains. Only Kendalf appears to be less worried about this. He leads the company on, his staff aglow and eyeing the areas as he proceeds. Finally, they are walking along the edge of a great cliff, when Kendalf speaks)  
  
Kendalf: (In a rather upbeat tone) The wealth of Moria was not in gold or jewels-but in mithril.  
  
(Kendalf sweeps the staff slowly along the edge of the cliff, illuminating the precious silver that rests secretly along the cliffs. Megolas looks down with surprise on her face-obviously questioning whether such value can come from a race such as the Dwarves. Rippin Took leans towards the edge of the cliff, wanting to get a really good look, but Jessie Brandybuck grasps her by the back of the cloak and pulls her back to keep her from falling. Once everyone in the company has gotten a good look, they proceed. It is a while before Kendalf speaks again)  
  
Kendalf: (In a simple tone) Milbo had a corslet of mithril-rings that was given to her on her quest to the Lonely Mountain.  
  
Brimli: (Eyes wide at the mention of this) That was a kingly gift!  
  
(Lizzo Baggins looks off to the side awkwardly as Kendalf continues speaking)  
  
Kendalf: Yes, yes. I never told her-(In a rather amused tone) but its worth was greater than the value of the whole Shire.  
  
(Lizzo Baggins looks up at Kendalf with a wide mouth)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (In a quiet tone, a bit angry) And there I was, spending my whole life trying to gain friends like a sucker! I could've just sold the shirt, bought the Shire, and made people like me!  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Traveling behind Lizzo Baggins, looks up when she hears her friend talking) Did you say something, Miss Lizzo?  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (In a far-off voice) No, Kram. Just dreaming of things that'll never be.  
  
(Kram Gamgee merely shrugs and continues walking with the company. Suddenly the company stops as Kendalf stops at a severe problem. There is a wide arch in front of them with three passages leading in the general same direction. But the left-hand one plunged down, the right-hand one goes up, and the middle one just goes straight. We see Kendalf eying the area with severe puzzlement upon his face)  
  
Kendalf: (In an audible whisper) I have no memory of this place.  
  
(The camera shows the company suddenly look crestfallen at this. Then, we see Kendalf sitting on a stray boulder, facing the tunnels. He just sits there-in deep thought as he ponders which route to take. As we hear Jessie Brandybuck speak, the camera moves over to show the company resting on the broken stones as well)  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (In a sharp whisper) What's he doing?  
  
Rippin Took: (In the same whisper) He's thinking.  
  
Jimagorn: (Quietly) Anybody got any hair gel? Maybe some hair spray? Mikomir-I'm lookin' at you!  
  
Kram Gamgee: Shh!  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Looking at Rippin Took) Rippin!  
  
Rippin Took: (Confused) What?  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (In a rather sad tone) I'm hungry.  
  
Rippin Took: (Tears coming to her eyes) I know, Jessie. I know.  
  
(We see a nervous looking Lizzo Baggins look behind her into the deep caverns below. Her eyes widen and the camera closes in on her petrified face. The camera then catches the slithering and silent form of Jenolum climbing among the rocks. The camera shows Lizzo Baggins-looking quite frightened-run towards Kendalf)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (In a whisper so as not to worry the company) There's something down there!  
  
Kendalf: (Not even looking at her as he speaks calmly) It is Jenolum.  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (In a rather shocked tone) Jenolum?  
  
Kendalf: (Still in the calm tone) She has been following us for a long while.  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (In a rather angry tone) And you were planning to tell me this when?  
  
Kendalf: (Looks at Lizzo Baggins with a quizzical expression) Hey! I was going to tell you-one day.  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Deciding to keep from the subject) So-she escaped the dungeons of Barad dûr?  
  
Kendalf: (With a small smile) Escaped-(Turns to Lizzo Baggins with a rather questioning stare) or was set loose?  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (In a rather angry tone) Don't you get questioning with me, buddy! You know I'm not good with symbolism!  
  
(Looking very nervous, Lizzo Baggins looks towards the caverns, and the camera shows Jenolum peeking through a crevice in the rocks-her pale eyes staring at the company, full of hunger. While we see her, Kendalf speaks)  
  
Kendalf: (In a bit of a sad voice) She hates and loves the Movie-much like she hates and loves herself.  
  
Jenolum: (In a low hissing voice as she speaks) I hate myself-I love myself- I hate the Movie-I love the Movie-I hate myself-  
  
(We see Kendalf speaking, Lizzo Baggins standing and staring at him)  
  
Kendalf: She will never be rid of her desire for it. (With a sigh) The life of Jenéagol is a sad one. (Looks at Lizzo Baggins) Yes, Jenéagol-that was what she was once called, not that much different from a hobbit once. She was once normal-before the Movie drove her mad. (Looks towards the entrances again, a grim look playing upon his face) Figures-always the pretty things that make you want to go insane.  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Anger on her face as she speaks) It's a pity that Milbo didn't kill her when she had the chance!  
  
Kendalf: (Suddenly stern as he faces Lizzo Baggins) Pity? It was pity that stayed Milbo's hand. Many that live deserve death-many that die deserve life. Can you give it to them, Lizzo?  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Looking off to the side awkwardly, wondering what the big deal was) No-  
  
Kendalf: (In a very stern tone) Then do not be too eager to rule out death and judgment. Even the wisest cannot see all ends. Something in me says that Jenolum will serve a purpose, for good or for evil-(We see Jenolum back away, her eyes narrowing) before all of this is over.  
  
(Jenolum runs away with a hiss. We see Lizzo Baggins, with a very hopeless expression upon her face; sit down next to Kendalf, who looks at her with surprise)  
  
Kendalf: (In a concerned tone) What's wrong, Lizzo?  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Giving Kendalf and incredulous stare) What do you mean what's wrong? Everything's wrong! I'm on a quest where everything relies on me-I just jumped into this situation without thinking-tons of people are probably going to die in this-and-and-! (Looks away from Kendalf, and looks down at her feet with helplessness) I wish the Movie had never come to me! I wish none of this had happened!  
  
Kendalf: (In a small voice) That is because you're a pansy, and you're aunt was a huge dunder-head that likes to just pick things up off the ground.  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (In a very venomous tone) Excuse me, Kendalf?  
  
Kendalf: (In an understanding voice as he masks it all over) So do all who live to see such times, but that is not for them to decide. All that we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. There are other forces at work in this world, Lizzo, besides the route of evil. Milbo was meant to find the Movie, in which case you were also meant to have it. (Lizzo Baggins looks up at Kendalf, who is smiling fondly at the hobbit) And that is an encouraging thought.  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Looking up at Kendalf with a questioning stare) Really? I think it's more of a downer! That means that I'm destined for this fate! I'll never be able to get rid of this Movie!  
  
Kendalf: (With a simple shrug) Well, that's easy to say when you're the Movie-Bearer. All I can tell you is that the spectators have it much easier than you.  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Furrowing her brow in distaste) Gee-thanks, Kendalf. That made me feel all warm and toasty inside!  
  
Kendalf: (With a small shrug) Eh, it's what I do. (Looks forward and lets out a shout as he notices something) It's that way!  
  
(Kendalf points towards the right-hand tunnel. We see the happy look of Jessie Brandybuck as she leaps to her feet and runs over to join Kendalf)  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (In a happy tone) He's remembered!  
  
Kendalf: (With a small laugh) No, but the air doesn't smell so foul down this tunnel. (Approaches tunnel with Jessie Brandybuck by his side) When in doubt, Jessie, always follow your nose.  
  
(Rippin Took comes in front of Jessie Brandybuck and starts to go down the tunnel after Kendalf. As she goes down, Jessie Brandybuck follows)  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Sniffing the air and wrinkling her nose) Well, Kendalf, I'm followin' my nose, but it's not really smellin' nice. I think Rippin farted again.  
  
Rippin Took: (Turning around to face Jessie Brandybuck, who is looking quite smug) Jessie, I mean it! Quit making remarks on my gas release-I mean-I didn't fart!  
  
(We see the company travel down the tunnel, going quite quietly, but in far better spirits than before. As they emerge into the other side, Kendalf speaks again)  
  
Kendalf: (In a happy tone) I suppose we could risk just a bit more light.  
  
Jimagorn: (Runs up to Kendalf and grasps his arm in warning) No, Kendalf! That's murder on your energy bill!  
  
(Kendalf gives him a scold, shakes off Jimagorn's arm and lets the light grow brighter. The camera goes around to show the marvelous Halls of Moria)  
  
Kendalf: (In a solemn voice) Behold-the Halls of Moria.  
  
(The company stares about the room with open mouths. We see Kram Gamgee staring about with Lizzo Baggins close by)  
  
Kram Gamgee: (In a voice filled with awe) Whoa-this is gonna be the first place I'm looking at when I move out of my parent's house.  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Places a hand on Kram Gamgee's shoulder) Now, Kram, let's not talk about things that will never be.  
  
(Kram Gamgee looks down sadly, and suddenly we see Brimli look towards her right and her face go taut with shock. She lets out a single shout of disbelief and takes off towards a door off to the right)  
  
Kendalf: (Watches her go and shouts) BRIMLI!  
  
(But Brimli doesn't hear, running through the door and into the room where there lies a stone tomb with Dwarvish script upon it. A single sliver of light falls onto the tomb, and once Brimli reads it, her eyes fill with tears)  
  
Brimli: (In a disbelieving tone) No-No! (Kneels down against the tomb and begins to weep at the horrible truth)  
  
(Slowly and silently, the company follows Brimli in the room. They look about, looking both nervous and curious at their new surrounding. The hobbits cautiously move to the back of the tomb, away from the entrance. Kendalf looks at the Dwarvish script)  
  
Kendalf: (Reading out loud) "Here lies Malin, Lord of Moria" (Closes his eyes in dismay) So, he is dead, then. I feared it was so.  
  
(Brimli puts her head against the tomb as she weeps. Then, she looks up towards the ceiling as she speaks)  
  
Brimli: (Through her tears and pain) Why didn't I see this coming? His cholesterol was through the roof!  
  
(Brimli weeps some more. Kendalf then notices the skeletal remains of a Dwarf leaning against the tomb-which clasps an ancient book. Kendalf hands his staff and hat to Rippin Took, who has moved closer to Kendalf. Then, Kendalf carefully takes the crumbling book from the hands of the dead Dwarf. The camera shows Megolas move towards Jimagorn to speak to him quietly)  
  
Megolas: (In barely more than a whisper) We should go-we can't linger.  
  
Jimagorn: (In a sly tone) Megolas! I didn't know you felt about me that way!  
  
Megolas: (Angrily) I don't! I'm just saying that I have a bad feeling about this area.  
  
(Jimagorn looks towards Megolas as if to reply, but Kendalf begins to read and nobody speaks as he reads the eerie message)  
  
Kendalf: "They have taken the bridge and the second hall. We have barred the gates-but we cannot hold them for long"  
  
(We see Rippin Took backing away, still clutching Kendalf's things and looking about anxiously)  
  
Kendalf: (Still reading, squinting to distinguish the words) "Drums, drums in the deep" (Squints to distinguish the other words) "Eggs.flour.one case of Dr. Pepper.a large box of Q-tips.  
  
Mikomir: (Looking bemused) Eh?  
  
Kendalf: (Squinting to distinguish the writing) Oh! This must've been somebody's grocery list.  
  
Rippin Took: (In a hopeful voice) There's a grocery store around here? Sweet! Put down candy bars!  
  
(Lizzo Baggins shushes the other, content upon hearing out Kendalf's reading of the book)  
  
Kendalf: (Desperately trying to distinguish the writing) I think there's an "I" in there somewhere. Oh, no. It's an arrow. (Obviously frustrated about this, turns the page and continues to read) "We cannot get out. We cannot get out-we lost the extra house keys. I think that my Cousin Freelo had something to do with it. Damn ingrate! Always taking our stuff!"  
  
(As silence fills the area, we see Rippin Took suddenly stop walking as she looks behind her and gasps as she sees the skeletal remains of a dead Dwarf sitting upon an ancient well. For a while, Rippin Took eyes the Dwarf with curiosity in her eyes. Then, we see the faces of the company look about anxiously as they wait for Kendalf to continue)  
  
Kendalf: (Camera shows him look up and speak grimly) "They are coming".  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Swallowing) Well-that sucks! Not a very cheery funeral.  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (With a rather deep scowl) What kind of funerals have you been to, Kram?  
  
(Suddenly, we see Rippin Took twist the arrow that is sticking out of the dead Dwarf. The Dwarf's head falls off and plummets down the well, producing a loud bang as it goes. We see the members of the company look up as they see Rippin Took standing rigid with fear, realizing what she just done. For a while, nothing else happens, so Rippin Took turns back to the company)  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (In a logical tone) I don't know-I think that pretty much sums up the definition of "sucks".  
  
Rippin Took: (Looking back towards the well) It's okay. I don't think anything will happen if we just-(Stops speaking as the rest of the Dwarf follows the head down the well, making much noise. And if that's not worse enough, a chain connecting to a wooden bucket follows the Dwarf. She looks at the company with a nervous glance) Ah yes-couldn't have done without that, now could we?  
  
(The camera shows the faces of the company, livid with fear as they hear the horrible sound of the bangs from the Dwarf's fall. There is nothing said or heard besides the bangs as the company waits for the hammer to fall. When the bangs recede and they are left into silence, the company is stiff with apprehension. But, a few fair seconds go by and nothing else is heard. The company lets out a breath of relief. Kendalf slams the book shut angrily and glares at the cowering form of Rippin Took)  
  
Kendalf: (Angrily coming towards the hobbit as she trembles slightly) Fool of a Took!  
  
Rippin Took: (Barely able to look up at Kendalf as she speaks) I'm sorry, Kendalf. I was just-just confused and-  
  
Kendalf: (Losing his temper) Then throw yourself in next time and rid us of your stupidity! (Angrily snatches away his hat and staff from Rippin Took)  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (In a low, taunting tone to Rippin Took) Ha, ha! Kendalf yelled at you!  
  
Kendalf: (Irritably to Jessie Brandybuck) You shut up as well!  
  
(We see Rippin Took look away, obviously very upset with herself. Suddenly, we see the face of Kendalf pull into a look of pure fear as he hears something. Rippin Took looks as if she doesn't understand what's going on, but then her face contorts into fear as well as she hears something. To assure herself, she looks towards the well and suddenly we hear it too: drums. Faint at first, but as the camera goes down the well and into the empty caverns of Moria we hear them grow louder than before. Then, as we hear a strange evil cackling, we go back to the company and see Kram Gamgee and Lizzo Baggins standing rigid with fear)  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Cocking her head as she hears something other than the drums and cackling, looks down towards Lizzo Baggins' waist and her eyes widen) Lizzo!  
  
(Lizzo Baggins unsheathes Sting, and her eyes widen with fear as she realizes it is playing the song, "Every Breath You Take")  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (In a curious tone) Well-that's odd.  
  
(Megolas' face goes into a look of fear as she realizes the truth)  
  
Megolas: Orcs!  
  
Kendalf: (Looks towards Mikomir and Jimagorn and shouts) THE DOORS! GET THE DOORS!  
  
(Mikomir runs to the doors and begins to close them, almost getting hit with a black arrow. Jimagorn comes over and helps him immediately. They push the doors closed and we see Mikomir look at Jimagorn with a grim smile)  
  
Mikomir: They have a cave troll!  
  
Jimagorn: (Barring the door, stepping away, unsheathing his sword, and shouting towards the company) Stay back, everyone! Hobbits, stay close to Kendalf! Megolas, could you possibly hand me a granola bar from my pack?  
  
(Everybody stares at Jimagorn in astonishment)  
  
Jimagorn: (In an agitated tone) What? I'm hungry!  
  
Brimli: (We see her as she stands on Malin's tomb and her face pulled into a look of fierce determination) Let them come!  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Shouting from behind Kram Gamgee) No! Ignore that! Keep them as far away as possible!  
  
(We see the doors, being banged against with axes and fists of Orcs. As an axe breaks through the, Megolas fires an arrow through the hole and a squeal is heard as the Orc is hit)  
  
Mikomir: (In an impressed tone to the Elf) Nice shot.  
  
Megolas: (With a shrug) I get a lot of door-to-door sales' people at my house. It's nothing.  
  
Mikomir: (Looking at the door in worriment) The door will not hold for long! We'll have to stand and fight. (Unsheathes his sword)  
  
Megolas: (Casually) Then we shall fight.  
  
Mikomir: (Still concerned) But what if there are too many?  
  
Megolas: (With a shrug) Why do you think Jimagorn's up front?  
  
Jimagorn: (Angrily) Hey! I strongly apposed the idea of me being used as a human shield! And I think that nobody here would go for it either! (Shouting back at the others) How many here think it's a good idea for me to be the human shield?  
  
(Everybody in the room raises their hands. Jimagorn looks very astonished)  
  
Jimagorn: (Angrily) What? You all think it right that I should be killed?  
  
Kendalf: (In a logical tone) Well-I think it would be satisfactory that we keep your body after you're killed, so that we can use it as a toboggan to ride down the Caradhras.  
  
Jimagorn: (Angrily) You all suck!  
  
(We see the hobbits unsheathe their swords, looking both afraid and determined at what they must do next-except for Rippin Took, who accidentally pulls out a rolling pin)  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Scowling at her friend's actions) Rippin! You're holding a rolling pin!  
  
Rippin Took: (Confused) Huh? (Realizes what she's holding and nodding) Oh- so I am!  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (In an agitated tone) You know that that won't save you from peril, right Rippin?  
  
Rippin Took: (In a defensive tone) Hey! I'm pretty clever! I'll improvise! And this isn't even mine-I took it from Kram's pack a few hours ago!  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Snatching the rolling pin from Rippin Took) Give me that! I wondered where that went!  
  
Rippin Took: (Angrily) Well-what am I supposed to use now?  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Rolling her eyes) What about that sword they gave you in Rivendell?  
  
Rippin Took: (Unsheathing her sword and nodding in comprehension) Oh! I wondered what that was!  
  
(It is a long moment of time before the door is finally broken down and the many black forms of Orcs shuffle into the room, attacking the unknown wanderers. It is a mess of swords and clinking as the company fights for their lives. For a while, the hobbits stay where they are, wondering what to do)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (In a calm tone) Okay, everybody remain calm. We'll go forward on the count of three. One-two-  
  
(Lizzo Baggins stops as Kram Gamgee starts shouting hysterically and bolts into the battle, swinging her sword like a maniac. For a while, the other three hobbits watch her go with wide eyes)  
  
Rippin Took: (In a reasonable tone) Or, we could just follow her.  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Nodding) That too.  
  
(The hobbits shout wildly as they attack the Orcs. For a while, we just witness the fighting of the company. Jimagorn kills Orcs with every swipe of his sword, and it only takes a few swift movements for Megolas to shoot her arrows at approaching Orcs. Brimli shouts angrily as she swings her axe and killing any Orc that comes close enough to her. Then, we hear the thunderous booms and the company ceases fighting for a moment as they watch the entrance to the tomb. Suddenly, we see a huge cave troll crash into the room, Orcs pulling it by chains fastened about its neck. The faces of the company are pulled into a look of shock as they eye the monstrous creature. We see Lizzo Baggins and Kram Gamgee look at the huge creature. Lizzo Baggins looks quite petrified as she sees the cave troll)  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Shouting as she speaks) GREAT GOOGILY-BOOGILY! (Points at the cave troll) WHAT THE HELL IS THAT THING?  
  
(We see Jimagorn and Mikomir staring at the cave troll)  
  
Jimagorn: (In a rather bright tone) Hmm, looks kind of like Mikomir's mom.  
  
Mikomir: (Angrily looks at Jimagorn) Jimagorn, why are you always dissin' my mom? She's a nice person! She made you these brownies for me to give to you! (Pulls out a tray wrapped in plastic wrap and we see the brownies inside, with, "Good Luck On Your Trip, Jimagorn" written in green icing across the top)  
  
Jimagorn: (As he looks at the brownies, he raises his eyebrows in interest) Ooh, she made me brownies? Give me! (Snatches the brownies from Mikomir)  
  
Megolas: (Her hand drawing back the string to shoot an arrow, and looking at Jimagorn and Mikomir) Uh, guys! I think we've got bigger problems, here!  
  
Jimagorn: (Irritably at the Elf) Uh-I think it can wait, Megolas! Gees! (Looks at Mikomir) Some women are so impatient, this age!  
  
(The cave troll lets out a horrible roar, causing Jimagorn to drop the brownies and run over to the cave troll, but he jumps back as he is almost hit with a monstrous club of the troll. Brimli jumps off the tomb as the cave troll tries to hit her with the club as well; the tomb is destroyed in a cloud of dust and debris)  
  
Brimli: (In a speechless tone as she stares at what's left of the tomb) Er- I think that he would have tolerated some flowers, instead.  
  
(We see Rippin Took and Jessie Brandybuck lead Lizzo Baggins behind a pillar to hide her)  
  
Rippin Took: (To Lizzo Baggins) Lizzo, since this mission has so much to do with you, stay here and we'll come and get you once the cave troll is dead.  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Quickly grasps Rippin Took's sleeve) But-what if the cave troll kills you before you can kill it? What if you don't kill the cave troll? What if the cave troll kills me before you can kill it? What then, Rippin, what then?  
  
(Both Rippin Took and Jessie Brandybuck look at each other, shrug, and run off. Lizzo Baggins is left alone, and holds up her sword to protect her if she needs it. Then, we see Kram Gamgee hitting Orc after Orc with her pans)  
  
Kram Gamgee: (In a powerful voice) Feel the wrath of Kram Gamgee and her non-stick pans! (As she bangs a particularly buff Orc on the head, causing him to crumple to the ground) And they said I would never make a good action hero!  
  
(We suddenly see the cave troll bumble over towards the pillar that Lizzo Baggins is hiding behind. Lizzo Baggins senses its presence, and begins to go to another part of the pillar, rather like running around it to avoid being seen. For a moment, Lizzo Baggins believes it to have worked, and breathes with relief. But then, the cave troll's head pops on the opposite side of her and she lets out a petrified shriek. We see her screaming at the cave troll, and then she looks at the camera and screams at that. Then, with one movement, Lizzo Baggins jumps from behind the pillar to avoid the cave troll, but it grabs her ankle and is slowly pulling her towards it. We see Jimagorn finish off a horrible looking Orc and look confidently at Kendalf)  
  
Jimagorn: (In a care-free tone) I guess that takes care of everything!  
  
(We hear Lizzo Baggins scream hysterically, and Jimagorn looks to see the cave troll slowly pulling the hobbit closer to it. For a while, Jimagorn stares blankly at the troll)  
  
Jimagorn: (In a simple tone) Well, damn.  
  
(The cave troll raises its club in attempts to squash the hobbit, but Lizzo Baggins quickly jabs the troll in the wrist with her sword. The cave troll lets go long enough for Lizzo Baggins to make a good escape. She jumps down from where she is and makes to run away towards the company, but the cave troll blocks her off. But, then here comes Jimagorn from off to the side, a huge spear in his hand and he lunges it inside of the cave troll. But the cave troll only gets angrier as Jimagorn tries to kill it. The cave troll reaches over, and with one swat, sends Jimagorn into the wall. We see him slide down the wall, immediately knocked out. Lizzo Baggins shouts out as she runs over to him without a second thought)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Shaking Jimagorn wildly) Jimagorn! Jimagorn! Wake up, Jimagorn!  
  
Jimagorn: (Opens his eyes a fraction of the way and smiles dumbly at Lizzo Baggins) Pickles grow in bunches in the flower fields of Florida.  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Stares at Jimagorn for a while) That's-not good.  
  
(Lizzo Baggins suddenly looks up as the cave troll advances upon her. She screams and dashes away from Jimagorn, but it is too late. The cave troll uses the spear to push Lizzo Baggins into a corner and lunges the spear into her stomach. The camera shows Lizzo Baggins' face go into a look of shock as the spear sinks in. Her eyes go wide and she sputters out a breath. Then, we see Kram Gamgee look over towards Lizzo Baggins and her face pulls into a look of severe shock)  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Shouts) LIZZO!  
  
(The camera shows Lizzo Baggins' eyes slowly close as she slides down the wall, and falls face first upon the ground. Then, we see Rippin Took and Jessie Brandybuck, who were fighting nearby, shout angrily and jump onto the cave troll without a moment's consideration towards their own lives. The cave troll grunts angrily, trying to shake the hobbits off, but they're clinging to the troll like spiders cling to their webs)  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Logically to Rippin Took) You know-I just realized how retarded this is.  
  
Rippin Took: (Looking at her watch) Hmm.five seconds. New record, I'd say.  
  
(The hobbits then try to harm the troll by hitting it with their swords, but this is a useless attempt. Their effort is not in vain, however. This is the perfect distraction for Megolas to shoot an arrow into the cave troll's nostril. Once the arrow reaches the destination, we see the cave troll let out an inhumane growl of pain, and suddenly start to stagger around. It drops the club with an almighty bang, and falls forward along with it. With a shout, Rippin Took and Jessie Brandybuck are flung off the cave troll. The camera follows their fall)  
  
Rippin Took: (Propping herself up on her elbow as she speaks to Jessie Brandybuck, who is straightening her glasses) You know, with all the dumb stuff we do-it's a wonder we don't get killed first.  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Considers this and nods) You know-I suppose you're right. (Looks around the room) Ugh, what a mess.  
  
(And it is indeed a mess, for there are countless dead Orcs scattered about the room, black blood gathers in small pools on the floor. The company is looking about them, obviously stunned by their progress in this event. Then, we see Jimagorn fully awake and shake his head)  
  
Jimagorn: (In a dazed tone as he feels his hair-flip) Hair flip still intact-that's good. (Brightly) Well, on in all, I'd say everything's just peachy! (He looks to his side and sees the still form of Lizzo Baggins) Oh- crap on a crutch.(Closing his eyes in dismay and opening them again) Lizzo.  
  
(We see Kram Gamgee approach him, tears in her eyes as she sees her master finally fallen. We see Jessie Brandybuck & Rippin Took make their way over)  
  
Rippin Took: (In a small voice) I know this isn't the right time, but do you think I could have her pans?  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (In a shocked voice) Rippin! This is no time to be talking about who gets Lizzo's-pans, did you say? But-those are Kram's.  
  
Rippin Took: (Understanding) Oh! Well, in that case, can I get Kram's pans when she dies?  
  
(Jessie Brandybuck shushes the other as they watch. Jimagorn carefully reaches towards Lizzo Baggins and turns her over. We see Lizzo Baggins start breathing heavily as she opens her eyes. Kram Gamgee's eyes widen in astonishment and she runs up to Lizzo Baggins' side. Lizzo Baggins sits up perfectly, grasping her chest as she breathes in and out, Jimagorn sitting next to her with amazement on his face)  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Breathless with happiness) Lizzo! You're-You're alive!  
  
(The company gathers about the scene, pure astonishment and relief upon their faces)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Speaking to everyone, seeing how everyone is watching her) I'm all right-I'm not hurt-just severely winded! (Breathes in and out, and Kram Gamgee puts a hand upon her shoulder for support) Who's up for supper?  
  
Kendalf: (In a speechless tone) Lizzo, I hardly think you should be thinking about what's for supper!  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (In an annoyed tone) What's the big deal? A huge cave troll just stabbed me in the stomach! I'm fine! Gees! Now, are we having roast pig, or some of that boar we caught yesterday?  
  
Jimagorn: (Eyes wide with shock as he speaks) You should be dead! That spear was enough to skew a wild boar!  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Aware that everybody is looking at her with incredulous glances) Are you implying that I'm as fat as a boar? Because I assure you that Kram's the fat one!  
  
Kram Gamgee: (In a hurt tone) Well that just sucks all the sympathy out of me in one shot!  
  
Kendalf: (In a rather cunning voice as he speaks) I think there's more to this hobbit than meets the eye.  
  
(Lizzo Baggins pulls open her shirt just enough for everyone in the company to look at the mithril coat under her clothes. Everyone eyes the coat in amazement)  
  
Brimli: (Mouth practically open as she stares) Mithril!  
  
Kram Gamgee: (In a rather amazed voice) Wow, Miss Lizzo! It sure was a good thing you wore that today of all days, huh?  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Looks off to the side awkwardly) Well-maybe I've worn it longer than that. (Aware that everybody is giving her a quizzical stare and she speaks defensively) Hey! The fabric makes me feel sexy, so what?  
  
Jimagorn: (Rolling his eyes) I swear, the measures people will go through to look and feel sexy! Gees! (Begins to casually comb his hair-flip and touch himself on the chest)  
  
(Suddenly, the company looks up as they hear the sound of many Goblins and Orcs deep within the mountains. They all are thinking the same thing: they cannot stay here)  
  
Mikomir: (In a serious tone) Uh, guys, I know it's a great thing that she's alive and everything, but we gotta get the heck out of here!  
  
Kendalf: (Shouting to the company) Hurry! To the Bridge of Khazad-Dûm!  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Irritably) Oh-that's reassuring! Let's find hope in a bridge with "doom" right in its title! Why is it whenever doom is mentioned in the name, we try our best to run towards it! What would possess us to even consider waltzing into a place called "Mount Doom"?  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (In a cold tone) Well, I don't think that the Eye of Jauron is going to call it the "Happy Mountain of Hope and Gumdrops" anytime soon, Jessie!  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (In a hurt tone) You know, Lizzo, if I didn't know any better-I'd say you were making fun of me.  
  
Kendalf: (Seriously) Hurry! The Orcs will break through the gates within a matter of minutes! We must escape this forlorn tomb-  
  
(Brimli suddenly gives Kendalf a very evil look, causing the wizard to reconsider)  
  
Kendalf: (Quickly) Er-I mean, slightly misfortunate sight of Dwarf tragedy, so that we may continue our quest alive! Hurry! While there is still time!  
  
(And with that, the company makes their exit from the tomb of Malin) 


	18. Scene Seventeen: The Bridge of Khazaddum

Scene Seventeen  
  
(We see the company running from the tomb of Malin as if with wings upon their feet. Kendalf's staff is gleaming as they go. We occasionally see the faces of the company, with Kram Gamgee in the back looking behind her to see hundreds of Orcs and Goblins running after them with cackling voices. As the company dashes over a certain part of the hall, we see tons of Orcs and Goblins crawl out of a hole from the ceiling like vicious spiders. It is therefore no surprise that the company is soon outrun, and the evil forces are surrounding them. Even though they are severely outnumbered, the company members still have their swords out. Lizzo Baggins looks around at her surroundings, and we see the hungry faces of Orcs and Goblins. For a moment, it looks as if the forces will attack, but suddenly-with an almighty shriek-they separate from the group and run away, scattering. The company looks puzzled, and Brimli is looking about with a fierce pride upon her face)  
  
Brimli: (In a loud voice) Look at 'em run!  
  
Jimagorn: (In a rather curious tone) I wonder why they ran so fast?  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (In a joking type voice) Hmm, maybe Rippin farted again.  
  
Rippin Took: (Looks at Jessie Brandybuck with a very angered stare) Jessie, if I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times! I-didn't-FART!  
  
Mikomir: (Speaking to Kendalf, who is looking towards the other end of the hall) What is this devilry?  
  
(Kendalf looks completely crestfallen as he eyes the other side of the hall, which we now see is slowly gathering orange light. There is a strange, type of inhumane growling coming from there. After a while, Kendalf finally speaks)  
  
Kendalf: (In a bright tone) A fire demon.  
  
(There is the sound of a rim shot, and the company gives Kendalf a rather incredulous stare)  
  
Kendalf: (Scowling at the company) What, everyone else can be funny, but I can't be? Screw you guys! (Looks towards the distance and suddenly looks solemn again as he speaks) A Balrog-a demon of the Ancient World. What an evil fortune.  
  
Mikomir: (In a logical tone) Oh.is that what it was? I just thought it was really crappy.  
  
Kendalf: (In a quiet, logical tone) That too. (Looks towards the company with wide eyes) RUN!  
  
(The company darts away from the light, away from the evil that threatens to engulf them. We see Mikomir run through a doorway and stop quickly as he almost topples over the other side. Only the quick reflexes of Megolas saves him from falling into the abyss. Quickly, the company approaches the scene, wondering what to do)  
  
Kram Gamgee: (In a rather hopeless voice) This is hopeless! We walked right into a trap! How're we ever going to get out of here?  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (In a hurried tone, trying to think) We obviously need to get out by using these stairs. But if we only had-Hey!  
  
(We suddenly see-from one of the staircases-David Bowie appear. He wears the clothes he wore in Labyrinth, and even has the big eighties type hair. Lizzo Baggins shouts towards him)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: David Bowie! How do we get down these stairs?  
  
David Bowie: (In a misty, far off voice) I will tell you, little girl, if- you take my crystal! (Takes out a crystal from his shirt and begins to move it around with the waving of his hands-like he did in Labyrinth)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Angrily) Damn it, Bowie! I don't want a crystal! I wanna find a way out of here!  
  
David Bowie: (Singing in his far off tone) How you turn my world, you precious-  
  
(Megolas immediately takes out her bow and arrow and shoots. We hear David Bowie shout as he falls from his stairs. For a moment, the company looks at Megolas with incredulous looks)  
  
Megolas: (In an annoyed voice) Hey! When you've seen that movie as much as I have-that gets really annoying! (Looks to the side and her eyes brighten) There!  
  
(The company goes to their right and begins to descend the stone staircase that leads to the other ones. Before Jimagorn can follow, Kendalf grabs him by the arm and holds him back)  
  
Kendalf: (Ordering) Lead them on, Jimagorn!  
  
(When Jimagorn gives him a worried stare, Kendalf angrily shouts)  
  
Kendalf: DO AS I SAY!  
  
(Jimagorn runs after the company, Kendalf following. The company is descending the stairs carefully, for they are old and crumble easily. Suddenly, black arrows plummet towards the company. Lizzo Baggins screams as one almost hits her foot and looks up. We see Orcs on the ceiling shooting towards the company-hoping to catch them on the stairs. But the spirit of the company is not hindered, for they keep going. There is a gap in the stair in front of them, and the company stops. Being first in line, Kendalf jumps first)  
  
Megolas: (To Kram Gamgee) You have a fear of flying, Kram?  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Looks at Megolas quizzically) I'm not fond of it, if that's what you mean.  
  
Megolas: (Picking up Kram Gamgee in one swift motion) Then, I'm dreadfully sorry about this.  
  
(Kram Gamgee screams as Megolas throws her to the other staircase. Kendalf catches her with a grunt. Next comes Mikomir, who is grasping both Rippin Took and Jessie Brandybuck under his arms as he jumps. Both hobbits look sour about this and wrinkle their noses-apparently, Mikomir has bad B.O)  
  
Rippin Took: (In a disgusted voice) Look-dude, I know we're living in the third age-but there's a little thing called deodorant; you really should invest in a stick!  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Irritably) I'll say.I haven't smelt anything that bad since I got that bag of potpourri from Kram for Christmas.  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Angrily) HEY!  
  
(Then, we see Brimli looking very indignant as she stops Megolas from reaching towards her)  
  
Brimli: (Rather proud) Nobody tosses a Dwarf!  
  
Megolas: (Rolling her eyes as she picks up Brimli) Till now!  
  
(Megolas jumps to the other staircase with Brimli, who is grumbling loudly about this. All that's left is Jimagorn and Lizzo Baggins. It appears as if they can make a clean jump, but from the last jump, the stone in front of them gives way, and so they have to dash away as it falls into the abyss. They both stand and look towards the company on the other side, which is separated from them by a good distance)  
  
Jimagorn: (Awkwardly) Uh-I guess this is a "no" on jumping, eh?  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (In a hopeless voice) This is dreadful! I don't think anything could be worse than this!  
  
(Suddenly, there is a crumbling heard from above as a giant stalactite falls from the ceiling and onto the stair in which Lizzo Baggins and Jimagorn are standing. Now the two people are practically on a teetering staircase)  
  
Jimagorn: (In a bright tone) I dunno-that kind of sucked right there.  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Seriously scared as she looks at Jimagorn) What're we going to do?  
  
Jimagorn: (Thinks for a bit, then comes up with an idea) Lizzo, lean forward. Come on, lean forward!  
  
(The camera shows the two people lean forward on their broken staircase and it teeters dangerously to the left and then to the right. Finally, it goes forward towards the other staircase. With a sickening crunch, it crashes into the other stair and Lizzo Baggins is hurled into the outstretched arms of Mikomir, who quickly sets her down. With one motion, Jimagorn is with the company)  
  
Mikomir: (As he carefully sets down Lizzo Baggins, speaks with surprise to Jimagorn) Nice save, Jimagorn! How were you able to maneuver that so easily?  
  
Jimagorn: (With a careless shrug) When you don a sexy hair-flip, you know a lot about balance.  
  
Megolas: (Rolling her eyes and crossing her arms) Well, I guess that explains balance.but sexy-No way!  
  
(Kendalf then leads them down the stairs, as the one that Lizzo Baggins and Jimagorn balanced on slowly falls to the side and finally falls into nothingness. We now see Kendalf stopped at the end of the stair, sword unsheathed and waving towards the company to continue going. Behind Kendalf, a dangerous wall of flame looms up)  
  
Kendalf: (Shouting over the sound of burning) OVER THE BRIDGE! FLY! FLY YOU FOOLS! (In an off-hand type of voice) OR RUN-WHICHEVER ONE WORKS FOR YOU!  
  
(Kendalf looks towards the wall of flame as he suddenly hears something like a strange BOOM arise from the flames. In one fluid-like motion, the Balrog appears from the wall of flame, red eyes gleaming and writhed in flame. Kendalf eyes it with severe hate, and turns away to join the company. The Balrog pursues him, opening his mouth to reveal the flames within him as well as outside)  
  
Kendalf: (Shouting back at the Balrog) You might want to speak to someone about that heartburn, pal!  
  
(The Balrog still pursues the company, taking monstrous-yet fairly quick strides-towards its prey. We suddenly get an overhead view as the company crosses the Bridge of Khazad-Dûm in the following order: Mikomir, Jimagorn, Megolas, Rippin Took, Jessie Brandybuck, Brimli, Kram Gamgee, Lizzo Baggins, and Kendalf. But we then see Kendalf stop in his tracks-in about the middle of the bridge-and turn around to face the Balrog. We then see Lizzo Baggins join the company on the other side. When she realizes that they're staring at something, she turns around and her eyes widen with fear as she realizes what Kendalf is doing)  
  
Kendalf: (Camera shows his face, flecked with dirt and sweat-but contorted in a look of pure hate-as he shouts at the fire demon) You shall not pass!  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (In a hysterical shout as she watches) KENDALF!  
  
Kendalf: (We see him looking at the Balrog, choosing to block out everything his company is saying) I am a servant of the Secret Fire, wielder of the flame of Anor!  
  
(Kendalf puts up his staff as the Balrog pulls out a whip writhed in flame. We hear the chorus of Rawhide, and then the Balrog snaps the whip on the side of the cavern. Going back to the company, we see Rippin Took bury her face into Jessie Brandybuck's shoulder, unable to watch. Kram Gamgee has a hand over her mouth as she stares at the even taking place, and Lizzo Baggins is watching with extreme fear for her old friend)  
  
Rippin Took: (In a fearful, muffled tone as she speaks) Oh-I cannot watch! This is the scariest thing to ever-(Suddenly sees something on the ground and her voice brightens) Ooh! A penny! (Stoops to pick it up)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Angrily shouting, hoping to detour the wizard's actions) KENDALF! GET YOUR BUTT OVER HERE, RIGHT NOW! GET-!  
  
(Lizzo Baggins stops speaking as she sees that Kendalf's staff has grown very bright as he speaks towards the Balrog)  
  
Kendalf: (Shouting at the creature as it raises its whip to strike) The dark fire will not avail you, flame of Udun!  
  
(The Balrog lets out a horrible hiss as it brings its whip down on Kendalf. Sparks fly as the whip lands on the staff, but no harm is done to the wizard. He staggers a bit, but does not quail in the face of evil. The company is watching with bated breath and Lizzo Baggins has given up trying to shout-her voice seems to have died in her throat at the event that had taken place. Instead she watches as Kendalf shouts angrily at the Balrog)  
  
Kendalf: Go back to the Shadow, you piece of crap! You shall not pass!  
  
(The Balrog lets out a hideous shriek and it makes to advance upon Kendalf)  
  
Kendalf: (Camera closes in upon his face as he lifts his staff angrily) YOU- SHALL-NOT-PASS!  
  
(With an almighty BANG, Kendalf brings the staff down on the bridge, which quakes violently. Then, it cracks in front of him, and the Balrog looks down in confusion. Suddenly, the entire bridge in front of Kendalf falls loose and the Balrog goes tumbling into the dark abyss below. We see the astonished looks of Jimagorn and Mikomir)  
  
Jimagorn: (In a shaky voice) Now-that was pretty cool.  
  
(We see Kendalf look down after the Balrog, and we see him play a faint smirk upon his face. He turns to walk away towards the company. But we see the whip of the Balrog suddenly lash out towards Kendalf, grasping him around the ankles, dragging him to the edge of the bridge. With a startled cry, he grasps the edge of the bridge. We see Lizzo Baggins make an effort to dash towards Kendalf, but Mikomir holds her back)  
  
Mikomir: (In a stern tone) You want to get yourself killed?  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Struggling against the big man's grasp) Let me help him! HELP HIM!  
  
Mikomir: (Tightening his grasp about the hobbit) There's nothing else we can do for him!  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Completely hysterical by now and shouting towards the wizard) KENDALF!  
  
(We see Kendalf grasping onto the edge of the bridge in vain. He looks up and sees the look of Lizzo Baggins, who has tears leaking out of her eyes as she struggles. She stops struggling as she sees the look in Kendalf's eyes-that look that tells her that he cannot hold on for anything and that nothing can save him. We see his face work into a strange smile as he speaks)  
  
Kendalf: (In an effort against the force pulling him away) Fly-you fools!  
  
(Kendalf lets go of the edge, and we see him slowly fall into the darkness below. Then, we see Lizzo Baggins' face pull into a look of horror and disbelief)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Shouting as she tries to struggle again) NOOOOOOOOOOO!  
  
(Mikomir lifts Lizzo Baggins up and carry her to the stairs that will lead them to the gates leading out. Before he goes, her turns around to shout to Jimagorn, who is still staring at the ledge-where just a few seconds ago, the leader of their company clung to for dear life)  
  
Mikomir: (Shouting over Lizzo Baggins' wails of anguish) JIMAGORN!  
  
(Unable to say anything or object, Jimagorn turns away from the scene and follows the company out of the area. We see the company emerge from the gates on the other side of the mountain. This is when we see Kram Gamgee sit upon a rock and begin to weep pitifully at the loss, with Jessie Brandybuck and Rippin Took close by. We see Megolas looking towards the mountain, not knowing how to react and unable to believe what had just happened. Mikomir sets down Lizzo Baggins, who looks gaunt and expressionless-in a state of utter shock. Finally, we see Jimagorn, who is wiping his blade clean, look up at the mountain)  
  
Jimagorn: (In a far off voice) It's my fault. I should have gone after him.  
  
Megolas: (Goes over to Jimagorn and shaking her head in objection) No, Jimagorn! It is my fault! I should have shot at the Balrog with my arrows.  
  
Brimli: (In a small voice) I should have used my axe to attack the Balrog.  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Over her tears and pain) It's my fault! I didn't do anything! And I lost my Salad Shooter!  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (We see her speak to the company in a firm and understanding voice) People! Pull yourselves together! Sure, Kendalf's demise was misfortunate, but we cannot blame ourselves for what had befallen him! (A moment's pause) Because-we all know-(Shouts as she points to Jessie Brandybuck and Rippin Took) IT WAS JESSIE AND RIPPIN'S FAULT!  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Looks up with a very angry expression upon her face) What?  
  
Rippin Took: (Also looking furious) Weak, man!  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Besides herself in anger as she shouts at the two hobbits) If it hadn't been for you two throwing those rocks in the pool, we never would've gone through the mountain! And if you, Rippin, hadn't gotten curious and tinkered with that dead body we never would have gotten caught by the Orcs and the Balrog never would have come!  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Tears still in her eyes as she tries to restrain Lizzo Baggins) Lizzo, this is not good! Stop it! It's not their fault! It's nobody's fault!  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Snapping at Kram Gamgee) Well, it's obviously somebody's fault! Kendalf can't just die without a cause! It's not right! He can't- He can't be-dead. (Stammers and stops speaking as she sits upon a rock roughly)  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Sitting next to Lizzo Baggins, and looking concerned) Lizzo?  
  
(Lizzo Baggins looks at Kram Gamgee, tears in her eyes. As they trail down her face, Lizzo Baggins begins to weep pitifully)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Through her tears) Kram-he's gone! Kendalf's-Kendalf's dead!  
  
(Lizzo Baggins is unable to continue, so she merely weeps. Kram Gamgee pulls Lizzo Baggins towards her in a tight embrace. But Lizzo Baggins merely shakes off her best friend and walks away from her. Kram Gamgee watches her go off with surprise on her face, and then she too begins to weep as well. Then, we see Jimagorn look towards the company, swallowing)  
  
Jimagorn: (In a stern tone) Megolas-get them up.  
  
(Megolas gives Jimagorn an incredulous stare, but she advances towards the form of Jessie Brandybuck and Rippin Took anyways. But Mikomir is not going to keep quiet)  
  
Mikomir: (With anger in his voice as he speaks to Jimagorn) Give them a moment, for pity's sake!  
  
Jimagorn: (In a stern voice as he waves across the mountains) By nightfall, these hills will be swarming with Orcs!  
  
Mikomir: (Face pulls into a look of fright and he turns about and speaks quickly and briskly) Okay, everyone up now! Up, up, up! (Pulls Kram Gamgee up on her feet) How do you feel, Kram?  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Sadly) Empty and cold-like I've lost something more than my soul.  
  
Mikomir: (Pats Kram Gamgee on the back) That's nice. Now, let's get goin' huh?  
  
Jimagorn: (Shouting towards the company) We will head towards the woods of Lothlórien. (Looks over to his right and his face pulls into a look of small sympathy as he shouts) Lizzo!  
  
(We see Lizzo Baggins stop in her tracks, and turn to face Jimagorn, with eyes red from the tears she has shed for the loss of her friend. As the camera closes in, you can tell she is wondering whether this quest was really worth the loss the company has suffered) 


	19. Scene Eighteen: Lothlorien

Scene Eighteen  
  
(We now see the company running through the forest of Lothlórien. Then, they start slowing down to a cautious walk as they realize that the silence of this forest is quite unnerving. Jimagorn signals for the company to proceed with caution and be quiet-that they might be able to simply pass through if careful enough. We see the suspicious look of Brimli come into view, with a curious Lizzo Baggins behind her)  
  
Brimli: (In a hoarse whisper to Lizzo Baggins) Stay close, little one! (Pulls Lizzo Baggins closer, and Kram Gamgee-who follows close behind-comes closer as well) There is fierce magic upon these woods. (Raises axe carefully, looking around wildly) Legend tells of a woman with strange powers that inhabits these woods-a witch. And all those who look upon her- fall under her spell.  
  
(Lizzo Baggins suddenly looks up as she hears the Voice of Lady Ashdriel sound in her ears)  
  
Voice of Lady Ashdriel: (Distant and forbidding) Lizzo.  
  
(Brimli continues talking, having not heard the voice)  
  
Brimli: (In a suspicious tone) These woods are enchanted-changed to suit the lady's every wish. (With a shrug) She doesn't really trust interior decorators, even though she fancies the Home and Garden Network. In fact, I've got an interesting story about that.  
  
(As we hear Brimli go off, we hear the Voice of Lady Ashdriel, and see her eyes come into view and vanish. Lizzo Baggins looks about with sudden fear upon her face)  
  
Voice of Lady Ashdriel: (In the same forbidding voice) Your coming to us-is as the footsteps of doom.  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Concerned at Lizzo Baggins' behavior) Lizzo?  
  
(Lizzo Baggins turns and looks at Kram Gamgee)  
  
Kram Gamgee: (In a concerned tone) Is something wrong, Miss Lizzo?  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (After thinking for a moment) No.I'm just thinking.  
  
Kram Gamgee: (In a low voice as they walk) About Kendalf?  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Looking up at the sky, pained by the memory of her friend) Yes.I do miss him.  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Nodding in agreement and looking grim) I know how you feel, Miss Lizzo. I still expect him to walk right into the company as if nothing had happened. (After a moment of silence) His demise doesn't seem real to me. (Sighing) I can still hear him talking to me, in a way. (In a rough, old-man's voice) "Kram, move out of my way! You're blocking me!" "Kram, you can't feed that to the company; it's poisonous!" "Kram, stop being an idiot and do something right for a change!" (Bright eyed as she speaks next) Ah.precious memories.  
  
(We see Brimli talking again, in a hoarse whisper-but nonetheless very boastful)  
  
Brimli: (In a superior tone) Do not fear, company! I am Brimli! I have the eyes of a hawk and ears of a fox!  
  
(Brimli stops speaking as an arrow is pointed right at her face. We then see the company's faces look shocked as many arrows are being pointed at them. Then, we see Megolas & Jimagorn pointing their weapons at one another; then, they raise their eyebrows at one another and point their weapons at their intruders instead. Then, we see the Woodhunters#1-10 standing around the company in a tight circle, arrows out and ready to shoot. Then, as we hear her speak, Maldir comes to face the company)  
  
Maldir: (In a rather amused tone as she eyes Brimli) And a Dwarf speaks so loudly-we could have shot her in the dark.  
  
Brimli: (A dark look comes to her face as she speaks) Yeah? Well-an Elf is so quiet-you could-not shoot 'em in the dark!  
  
(The company looks at Brimli with raised eyebrows)  
  
Megolas: (Sarcastically to the Dwarf) Nice one, Shorty.  
  
Brimli: (Irritably at the Elf) Shut up!  
  
(We now see Maldir conversing with Jimagorn and Megolas, at some fortress within the woods; it is evening. Brimli is close by, Mikomir is off the side slightly, and the hobbits are in their own group in the back watching the conversation. Maldir also as Woodhunters#11&12 on either side of her)  
  
Maldir: (In a gentle Elvish tongue to Jimagorn) Welcome, Jimagorn-son of Jimathorn.  
  
Jimagorn: (Touching his chest as he speaks in Elvish) I am honored, Maldir.  
  
Maldir: (To Megolas in Elvish) It is wonderful to see you again, Megolas Greenleaf.  
  
Megolas: (In Elvish and bowing her head in respect) The same to you, Maldir.  
  
Brimli: (In a rather agitated voice) For the love of Durin! Will somebody please speak in a language we can all understand? I took over five years of German, and I don't go off speaking it just to spite people! Jimagorn: (Rolling his eyes as he speaks to the Dwarf) We are not trying to spite you, Brimli!  
  
Megolas: (In a disappointed voice) We aren't-well, damn.  
  
Maldir: (Turning to the Dwarf with severe dislike upon her face) We have not had dealings with the Dwarves since the Dark days.  
  
Woodhunter#11: (Tapping Maldir on the shoulder) Uh-was that the year of the light bulb shortage or the years when we fought with the Dwarves?  
  
Maldir: (In a simple tone) The years we fought with the Dwarves.  
  
Brimli: (In a rather tough tone) Well, you know what I have to say about that? Blow it out your.  
  
(At that moment, we hear a bunch of birds fly over the forest, their caws drowning out Brimli's words. Then, we come back to see Maldir looking at Brimli with severe anger outlining her face. Jimagorn firmly places a hand on Brimli's shoulder)  
  
Jimagorn: (In an angry tone) That was not so pleasant!  
  
Brimli: (In a proud voice) Maybe not-but it was a good suggestion.  
  
(Maldir breathes in and out and looks at Lizzo Baggins. Lizzo Baggins looks up and gives a weak smile-obviously expecting recognition)  
  
Maldir: (In a voice filled with forbidding) You bring great evil here, Movie-Bearer!  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Smile falters and she looks quite offended) Hey!  
  
Maldir: (Looks at Jimagorn with anger on her face) You cannot go further.  
  
(Maldir turns away, Jimagorn running after her. The hobbits look at Lizzo Baggins with shock on their face. We then see Jimagorn conversing with Maldir in heated Elvish. Lizzo Baggins sits against a great tree alone. Occasionally, we'll see a member of the company looking at her with a strange dislike upon their face. Then, we see Mikomir looking at Lizzo Baggins as he speaks)  
  
Mikomir: (In a gentle tone to Lizzo Baggins) Kendalf's death was not in vain.  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Looks at Mikomir with a surprised look) Uh-where'd that come from? You should have said that a few days ago-when Kendalf actually died! Now, it just seems awkward!  
  
Mikomir: (Ignoring this and continuing) He did not die needlessly. He obviously meant for something to be gained from his demise. You carry a great burden already, Lizzo-(Shakes his head at Lizzo Baggins) do not carry the weight of the dead as well.  
  
(Lizzo Baggins looks away, taking in these words. Then, we see Kram Gamgee give a small snort of agitation as she hears Mikomir's words)  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Irritably, muttering to herself) Please-I'm the one who's carrying most of the weight in this company? But does anybody give me any sympathy? No! Always, "Kram, do this!" or "Kram, do that!" or "Kram, stop being a ninny and help out with stuff!" I'll give 'em a-ninny!  
  
(We go back to Lizzo Baggins, who is lost in thought. Then, we see Maldir approach her. Lizzo Baggins looks up and blinks when she realizes whom it is)  
  
Maldir: (In a commanding voice) Follow me.  
  
(We see the company walking through the woods of Lothlórien. Having traveled all night, they look exhausted. We see Rippin Took staggering around with Jessie Brandybuck)  
  
Rippin Took: (In a pathetic voice) This sucks! Never have I been hungry, thirsty, tired, and miserable at the same time! I can't even think of anything worse than this!  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (In a simple voice) We could be dead.  
  
Rippin Took: (In an understanding voice) Yeah-that's pretty bad. But it's not as bad as not having tasted a sandwich in a long while!  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (About to object, but nods her head in understanding) Hmm.I guess that is worse.  
  
(Suddenly, we see the face of Maldir brighten as she comes to a stop. Jimagorn stops at her shoulder and looks at her, along with the company. As Maldir speaks, she has the look of pride upon her face)  
  
Maldir: (Waving to indicate the woods of Lórien, which we see in front of the company) Behold! Lórien-the wood of our people for many years and the home of our Lady Ashdriel-and the major sponsors of many local McDonald's!  
  
(For a while, we see the forests of Lórien, touched with a hint of the setting sun and looking marvelous. Then we see the company actually in the woods during the evening. We see the tall trees and the whitish lights of many of the tree houses-and we will also see the McDonald's famous golden arches here and there. Finally, we see the company climbing stairs up a monstrous tree and then we see them climbing upon a great platform on the tree, which is lit by many lamps. There is a stair on the platform leading into a great house, which the company is indicated to stand behind. Then, from the top of the stair, we see the forms of Deleborn and Lady Ashdriel come down the stair to greet their guests. The company stares in amazement at the extraordinary Elves-especially Lady Ashdriel, whose face we close in on. Then, we see Deleborn's face as he speaks)  
  
Deleborn: (Speaking rather flatly and to the point) The enemy knows that you are here-whatever hope for secrecy you had is now lost.  
  
Jimagorn: (Rather gruff in tone) Nice to see you again, too!  
  
Deleborn: (Counting the company with his eyes quickly) Eight there are here- yet nine there were who set out from Rivendell. Tell me, where is Kendalf? For I have much desire to speak with him. (A dark look comes to his eyes as he speaks this) I have to collect a very important bet from him!  
  
Mikomir: (Rubbing his neck nervously) Er-did you need to speak with him right away or something? Because-at the moment-he's kind of-er- preoccupied.  
  
Lady Ashdriel: (Speaking softly and causing the company to look up in surprise) Kendalf, the old but extremely attractive, did not pass the borders of this land. (Face falls into a look of great grief) He has- fallen into shadow.  
  
(Members of the company look down in sadness)  
  
Jimagorn: (Grasping his chest in defense) Well-we weren't going to put it that way, but now that you've said it-(Dramatically) he is dead.  
  
Megolas: (We close in about her face as she speaks with bitterness in every tone) He fell from the bridge of Khazad-dûm fighting an evil of the Ancient World-a Balrog of Morgoth.  
  
(Deleborn and Lady Ashdriel look away in grief. We see the face of Brimli look deeply saddened-suddenly realizing whose idea it was to go into Moria in the first place. Lady Ashdriel looks upon Brimli with a grim smile)  
  
Lady Ashdriel: (In a sympathetic tone) Do not be saddened by the death of Kendalf, dear Dwarf. Even though it was your idea to go into the Mines of Moria-and you started speaking loudly about the death of your fat cousin- and (Furrows her brow as she speaks to the Dwarf) On second thought, it was your thought! You fool, you killed Kendalf!  
  
Brimli: (In a shocked tone) Well-that was rather unnecessary!  
  
Lady Ashdriel: (Speaking to the company in a dramatic tone) Needless were none of the deeds of Kendalf in life. Those that followed him knew not his mind and cannot report his full purpose. (The company looks at one another with confused glances. They each shrug at one another and look back to Lady Ashdriel. We see Rippin Took speak to Kram Gamgee)  
  
Rippin Took: (Whispering) I'll bet you it has something to do with duct tape!  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Considering this before she whispers back) Well, I was going to say something about an electric toothbrush, but you do make a point- Kendalf did fancy duct tape.  
  
Lady Ashdriel: (In a serious tone) This quest stands on the edge of the knife-stray but a little, and it will fail, to the ruin of all.  
  
(Lady Ashdriel fixes her eyes on Mikomir's, and he stares at her for the longest time. Then, suddenly, his eyes behind his glasses show fear and he quickly looks away-leaving Lady Ashdriel looking upon him with a strange grimness that nobody can really distinguish)  
  
Lady Ashdriel: (A strange smile playing upon her face as she speaks) Yet hope remains, while those in the company remain true.  
  
(Lady Ashdriel looks at Kram Gamgee, and the camera closes in about her face. Kram Gamgee gets a smile to her face and looks a bit smug)  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Looking about and looking quite proud) Yeah-she was lookin' at me when she said that-oh yeah.  
  
Lady Ashdriel: (Looking at the company and speaking with concern) Do not let your hearts be troubled, company. Go now and rest-for you are weary with sorrow and much toil. Tonight-you shall sleep in peace for these areas.(She keeps speaking, but we hear her voice speak to Lizzo Baggins)  
  
Voice of Lady Ashdriel: (In a forbidding type voice) Welcome, Lizzo Baggins of the Shire. (Lizzo Baggins looks up quickly at Lady Ashdriel, who fixes her with a piercing stare) One who has seen the Eye! And other crappy things!  
  
(Now we see the company ready to turn in at the base of many trees. We hear the Elves singing a song in remembrance of Kendalf. We see Megolas sitting upon a rock and listening to the tune while the company unrolls blankets and fluffs pillows)  
  
Megolas: (In a surprised voice) They mourn for Kendalf.  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Taking off her glasses to wipe them on her shirt) What are they saying?  
  
Megolas: (Sounding pained) I dare not say. (Looks at Jessie Brandybuck with sorrowful eyes) For me the grief is still too near.  
  
(Megolas gets up to move away, leaving Jessie Brandybuck alone. Jessie Brandybuck gives a sniff of frustration)  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (In a low voice) So in other words, you can't understand what they're saying.  
  
(We see Rippin Took and Kram Gamgee setting up their sleeping spots, while Lizzo Baggins leans against a tree, having already set up her place and looking both weary and sad)  
  
Kram Gamgee: (In a bit of a disgruntled voice to Rippin Took) Bet they don't say anything about his fireworks, though. (Thinks for a moment, then gets up and recites her rhyme, everyone in the company watching) The finest rockets ever seen! They burst in stars of blue and green, or after thunder golden showers came falling like a-bunch of flowers. (Groans slightly and sits back down) No, that's no good.  
  
(Lizzo Baggins smiles in spite of herself, and Rippin Took is thinking too)  
  
Rippin Took: (In a bright tone) I've thought of a rhyme as well!  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Turning about to face Rippin Took with wide eyes) You? Think? I'm shocked, Rippin!  
  
Rippin Took: (Ignores this comment and stands up to recite her rhyme) Is that an idiot that walks by? If it speaks again, my brain shall die! Is it a Goblin, or something more obscene? No, it's just the dumb hobbit- Kramwise Gamgee.  
  
(Jessie Brandybuck and Lizzo Baggins laugh openly, while Kram Gamgee glares at the laughing Rippin Took, who sits down)  
  
Kram Gamgee: (In a rather mean voice) Well-I've got another one, too! (Clears her throat to recite her rhyme) Rippin Took-what's that name? Rippin Took-whose puns are quite lame! Everyone turns dumber, when it is her they pass. Because who can be smart, when you pass an-  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Eyes go wide and she throws up her hands to stop Kram Gamgee from continuing) Now-none of that, Kram! That's totally unnecessary!  
  
(Now we see Jimagorn going over to Mikomir, who sits at the base of a tree away from the company. Jimagorn sits next to him, his sword upon his knees)  
  
Jimagorn: (In a calm tone) You should get some rest, Mikomir. These borders are well protected. And they've got a lot of hair gel-that's an important factor, after all. (Fondles with his hair flip for a moment)  
  
Mikomir: (Shaking as he speaks) It is not the borders that I fear-I know they are well protected. It is-something more. (Looks at Jimagorn, wondering if he should confide in him the emotion building inside him. Finally, he seems to think he can trust Jimagorn and speaks in the same frightened tone) Did the Lady Ashdriel speak with you-I mean, with her mind?  
  
Jimagorn: (Nodding thoughtfully) Yes she did. She was going on and on about my destiny to be fulfilled-so I blocked it out with how I look so sexy.  
  
Mikomir: (Rubbing his neck nervously) Well, I couldn't block out her words- no matter how hard I tried, and I did try. She spoke of my father-the Steward of Gondor. She spoke to me of it falling-falling like all of the other Races of Man. But she said to me, "Even in the darkness, there is still hope." But-I cannot see it, Jimagorn! I cannot see it!  
  
Jimagorn: (Looking to the side anxiously) Maybe-you need to get your glasses checked or something?  
  
Mikomir: (Grasping Jimagorn's arm) My father is a good man, but he's awful stubborn about things-and a real idiot at some times. Not to mention, he likes to put things off. One time, he didn't take out the trash for a whole month! That was rather foul! (In sudden happiness) Jimagorn, you can be the way! Together we can help the kingdom! We will ride into Gondor-and show them that the heirs of Gondor have finally returned! Together we shall cut a new path towards greatness! (Smiles as he thinks of it) Just think of it-great rulers, new architecture fixtures-indoor plumbing! (Nods) Oh yeah, it's gonna be sweet! Right, Jimagorn?  
  
Jimagorn: (After a moment of hesitant silence, gives a weak smile) Uh-sure, Mikomir. Whatever you say.  
  
(Mikomir smiles and leans against the tree to sleep. Jimagorn stays for a moment, looking at the sky-a strange look about his face. It is one that is hesitant about what must be done. It is almost as if he is wondering what is really best for his own people. Finally, he quietly gets up and moves away from Mikomir, still looking troubled. We then see Lady Ashdriel walking graciously in the wood, far from the company to awaken them. But somebody hears her-we see Lizzo Baggins gasp and snap awake from her sleep. She looks to her left and she sees Lady Ashdriel, who walks by gracefully until she accidentally steps on a jagged rock in her path; she curses in pain as she stops, pulls the rock out of her foot, and continues on with her graceful stride, carrying on a bit of a limp. Carefully, so as not to disturb the peacefully sleeping company, Lizzo Baggins gets up and silently follows Lady Ashdriel. We see her walk through down some earthen steps carefully. In the center of the bottom of the stairs there is a great stone table on which lies a silver basin, beside it resting a great silver pitcher. We see Lizzo Baggins start coming down the steps as well, her hobbit feet making no sound with each step she takes. Lady Ashdriel takes the silver pitcher, and from a fountain in an earthen wall, she fills it with water. Lizzo Baggins steps into the area from the stairs and that is when Lady Ashdriel turns about to see the hobbit staring at her. Lady Ashdriel does not seem surprised to see Lizzo Baggins there)  
  
Lady Ashdriel: (In a solemn tone) Will you look into the Mirror?  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Rather offended) Is that supposed to be the rude way of telling me that something's on my face?  
  
Lady Ashdriel: (Angrily) No! I mean-would you look into the Mirror of Ashdriel? (Waves towards the silver basin)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Suddenly looking suspicious, knowing that this is the same woman who spoke with her using her thoughts) What will I see?  
  
Lady Ashdriel: (With a rather mysterious smile) Even the wisest cannot tell. (Moves towards the basin) For the Mirror-shows many things: (Begins to slowly pour the water into the basin) Things that were-things that are- and some things (Stops pouring water and looks intently at Lizzo Baggins) that have not yet come to pass.  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (With an awkward glance to the side) So-basically "past, present, and future"?  
  
Lady Ashdriel: (With an annoyed voice and a scowl) Well, yes, if you wanta be boring about it! (Places the pitcher near the fountain and waves towards the basin)  
  
(Slowly, very slowly-still mistrusting of the Lady Ashdriel-Lizzo Baggins proceeds to the basin. With a swallow, she looks into the basin. Lady Ashdriel stands nearby, her hands clasped as she watches)  
  
Lady Ashdriel: (In a solemn tone) What do you see, Lizzo Baggins?  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (In a surprised tone) Wow-I look really sexy! This Mirror of yours is really cool!  
  
Lady Ashdriel: (Annoyed) NO! Look harder!  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Nodding) Right, sorry.  
  
(Lizzo Baggins bends nearer to the Mirror and we see her reflection for but a few seconds. Then, ripples creep along the surface and her reflection vanishes. It is replaced with the faces of the company when they were waiting to enter Lórien. Each member of the company is looking at Lizzo Baggins with that look of dislike upon their faces. Then, we see a peaceful area of lush green and we see Lizzo Baggins smile as she looks upon it)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (With a happy tone in her voice) It's the Shire! There's BagEnd! And look! There's Hobbitton! How nice!  
  
(Lizzo Baggins' face suddenly goes into a look of displeasure as she sees the Shire in the Mirror being burnt down and Orcs attacking the town)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (In an awkward tone) That's-not good.  
  
(And it isn't good at all. The Shire is a wreck-a mess of flames and Orcs. Orcs are running after innocent hobbits and killing them. We suddenly see BagEnd up in flames. Then, we see hobbits with shackles and chains binding them as they proceed into a horrible looking mill. We see the miserable face of Kram Gamgee as she looks to the gray sky-reminiscing on happier days, when the Shire was the Shire. Then, the lick of a whip brings her back to her senses; she turns around and steps on the Orc's foot, who bounces up and down with pain. The mirror fades and we then see the entire Shire destroyed-stripped of trees and almost devoid of life. Then, the Eye of Jauron pops into picture, hissing and seething evilly as it looks upon Lizzo Baggins)  
  
Eye of Jauron: (In his hissing, dominant voice) You cannot escape me, halfling! You do not stand a chance! EYE! EYE! I-SEE-YOU!  
  
(Slowly blinking, Lizzo Baggins brings up a finger and jabs at the Eye of Jauron through the reflection. The Eye of Jauron gives a great howl of pain and dissipates. The ripples in the mirror stand still, and Lizzo Baggins steps back in shock-sweat beading her face as she looks at Lady Ashdriel)  
  
Lady Ashdriel: (In a calm voice) I know what you saw-for it is also on my mind.  
  
(Lizzo Baggins stares at the other for a moment)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (In an awkward tone) Er-you don't have a lot of pleasant things on your mind, do you?  
  
(Then Lady Ashdriel speaks to Lizzo Baggins with her thoughts, her face unchanging as she speaks)  
  
Lady Ashdriel: (Her thoughts full of warning) It is what will come to pass if you should fail. The fellowship is breaking-it has already begun. He will try to take the Movie. You know of whom I speak-oh yes, he's stupid enough to attempt such a thing. One by one-it will destroy them all.  
  
(Lizzo Baggins looks at Lady Ashdriel with a frightened glance-realizing that the prospect of failure would be quite great)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Speaking to Lady Ashdriel with her thoughts as well, sounding tempting) If you ask it of me, I will give you the One Movie. (Pulls out the Movie to show to Lady Ashdriel, with a convincing look upon her face)  
  
Lady Ashdriel: (Speaking out loud and with a strange shock upon her face) You offer it to me freely. (Slowly, she moves towards Lizzo Baggins, ready to take the Movie from her grasp. She speaks in a shaky voice) I do not deny that my heart has greatly desired this. (She is but inches from grasping the Movie, and suddenly, we see her eyes go hard and she stops) In place of a Dark Lord you will have a Queen! (Extends her arms to the heavens and a fierce wind begins to blow, and a bluish light is illuminated from her, causing Lizzo Baggins to back away in fright. As the lady speaks, she speaks in a deep voice) Not dark of beautiful and terrible as the dawn! Treacherous as the sea! I'll be the prettiest, damn Elf you ever did see! I'll be the envy of that pretty boy, Orlando Bloom! Stronger than the foundations of the Earth! All shall love me and despair!  
  
(Suddenly, the wind ceases, the light fades, and Lady Ashdriel becomes normal again, breathing in and out-looking as if she has just seen death. Lizzo Baggins clasps the Movie in her hand and looks upon Lady Ashdriel in both fear and worry)  
  
Lady Ashdriel: (In a simple tone, looking at Lizzo Baggins) I have passed the test. (Looks off to the side with a small smile upon her face) I will diminish, and go to the west-and remain Ashdriel-and get my driver's license again. About time too-I'll look really stupid going into the West without a new Jetta.  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (In a desperate tone) I cannot do this alone!  
  
Lady Ashdriel: (Looking at the hobbit with a hard stare) You are a Movie- Bearer, Lizzo. To bear a Movie of Power-is to be alone. (Pulls from her white robes the Movie Willow and shows it to Lizzo Baggins) This is Willow- one of the three Movies of Power bestowed upon the Elves. Many do not understand it-with its strange plot and odd actors-but I do. (Looks at Lizzo Baggins with a smile) So, I am its keeper. (Puts the Movie back in her robes and speaks seriously to Lizzo Baggins) This task was appointed to you-and if you do not find a way (Shakes her head in despair) no one will.  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (After much thinking, speaking rather slowly) I know what I must do-it's just that I'm (Gives a grim smile) afraid to do it.  
  
(Lady Ashdriel smiles as she bends to look directly into Lizzo Baggins' eyes as she speaks in a gentle tone)  
  
Lady Ashdriel: Lizzo, that is because you are a pansy.  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Scowling) Excuse me?  
  
Lady Ashdriel: (Quickly speaking, to mask over what she just said) Even the smallest creature alive can change the future greatly.  
  
(Lady Ashdriel smiles upon the hobbit, but Lizzo Baggins looks doubtful- probably wondering if she really has any ability or any strength within her to change the future for the best) 


	20. Scene Nineteen: The Flight of Hesitant U...

Scene Nineteen  
  
(We see the destroyed area of Isengard, with no trees around and it is smoking slightly. The pits are glowing from the action that takes place in them. Then, we see Andraman speaking to Urak-hai Member#1)  
  
Andraman: (Going around Urak-hai Member#1 as he speaks) Do you know how the Orcs first came into being?  
  
Urak-hai Member#1: (After thinking for a few minutes) Uh-I think it had something to do with that awful chemical plant-  
  
Andraman: (Angrily) NO! (Speaking in a very venomous and evil tone) They were Elves once. They were tortured-mutilated-given unnecessary tax raises. (Urak-hai Member#1 growls angrily) A tattered race, now-(Smiles as he looks at the Urak-hai Member#1) perfected. My fighting Urak-hai! Now- (Eyes narrow maliciously) whom do you serve?  
  
Urak-hai Member#1: (In a growling voice) Elves!  
  
Andraman: (Angry) NO! NOT ELVES, YOU TWIT! You serve me!  
  
Urak-hai Member#1: (Shakes his head in embarrassment) Sorry, dude. (Growls as he speaks next) Andraman!  
  
(Now we see the members of the Urak-hai getting armor put on them and the white hands of Andraman placed upon their faces and helmets. We will occasionally see an Urak-hai Member growl evilly as they are handed a massive weapon. Then, we see them all gathered together and looking up at a balcony where Andraman is speaking and Urak-hai Member#1 is standing next to him)  
  
Andraman: (In an ordering voice, filled with evil) Hunt them down! Do not stop until they are found! (Camera goes in on his face as he speaks maliciously) You do not know fear-you do not know pain! You will taste man flesh!  
  
(The Urak-hai Members give great cheer of hunger and glee, but then we see Urak-hai Member#2 raise their hand in embarrassment and everything falls silent as he speaks)  
  
Urak-hai Member#2: (In a rather uncomfortable tone) Uh, about that "man flesh" we're allowed to eat-uh, I'm not saying it's a bad thing, but I- well, some people-it's just that-raised the way I was-  
  
Andraman: (Rolling his eyes in annoyance) Yes, yes, we all know that you're a vegetarian, sir. That's why we packed an extra salad and a big bag of carrots in your lunch bag.  
  
Urak-hai Member#2: (Smiles and gives Andraman the thumbs up) Oh! Thanks, Andraman, you're all right!  
  
Andraman: (Speaking to the army in a diligent manner) Is there any other questions? (Sees Urak-hai Member#3 raise their hand slowly) Yes, you?  
  
Urak-hai Member#3: (In an embarrassed tone as he speaks) Uh-my mother says that killing is wrong. Should I take her seriously?  
  
Andraman: (Speaking in a calm manner) Tell your mother that she is a very nice woman and that we do not think ill of her opinions, but these are very difficult times now! Now-(Speaking in commanding and encouraging manner) go out there and stop those people!  
  
(The Urak-hai Members shout out in glee and turn to leave. We see Andraman turn to Urak-hai Member#1)  
  
Andraman: (In a calm tone) One of the halflings carries something very important. I want them brought to me alive-(Eyes narrow in suspicion) and unspoiled.  
  
Urak-hai Member#1: (Looking bewildered) So-you want me to put them in a cooler after we kill them or something?  
  
Andraman: (Irritably) No! I want the hobbits brought to me alive and unspoiled! They have something of value to me!  
  
Urak-hai Member#1: (Still confused) So-do you want me to cut off their heads and then bring them to you?  
  
Andraman: (Angrily) I would prefer it if I had the hobbits alive-with all their limbs!  
  
Urak-hai Member#1: (Still bewildered) So-when we kill them, do you want us to keep them in a plastic container? Because I know the vegetarian nutter won't get to them, but the others-!  
  
Andraman: (Angry and ordering) No! You're not listening to me! I want the halflings brought to me alive and unspoiled! I don't want their heads cut off-I don't want them in plastic containers! I just want them brought to me alive!  
  
Urak-hai Member#1: (In a logical tone) Well, what's the point of keeping them alive if you're going to kill them, anyways?  
  
Andraman: (Shaking his head in disgust) Look-I don't make these orders! Will you just go out there and find them, already? Kill the others!  
  
(We see the Urak-hai Members running out of their underground fortress and running to seek the company with the One Movie. There are tons of them, and we hear tons of growls and shrieks-like a pack of black wolves running towards a piece of meat-or a severely large carrot, in the case of the vegetarian Orc) 


	21. Scene Twenty: Departure of the Company

Scene Twenty  
  
(Now we see Lady Ashdriel in a swan boat on a river bordering the shores of Lórien. Then, we see the company getting into four regular boats. We see Jimagorn look at the swan boat and get a dark look on his face)  
  
Jimagorn: (In a jealous tone) I want a swan boat!  
  
(Now we see the company standing in a horizontal line, standing still while eight Elves fasten new cloaks onto them. We hear Deleborn speak in a solemn tone)  
  
Deleborn: Never had we clad strangers in the wood-never before have we trusted them. (The Elves step back, their work done, and we see Deleborn looking at the company with a solemn look) These cloaks will help shield you from bad things.  
  
(We see Jessie Brandybuck and Rippin Took. Jessie Brandybuck is pulling the cloak over her face, and Rippin Took looks at her with a rather curious look)  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (To Deleborn in a matter-of-fact tone) Um, Deleborn, I don't think these cloaks work anymore. I say so because Rippin farted and I can still smell it.  
  
Rippin Took: (Looking at Jessie Brandybuck with great anger upon her face) Jessie, if you say ONE MORE THING about me farting, I'm gonna kick your butt to the moon!  
  
(Jessie Brandybuck is laughing, apparently very proud of herself. We now see the company loading things upon the boats. As they do so, we hear Deleborn speak)  
  
Deleborn: We also give you four boats, to have your trip go more smoothly. You will travel more swiftly going up the river.  
  
(We see Kram Gamgee get into one of the boats, which wobbles violently as if it is going to tip over. She grasps the sides in fear)  
  
Deleborn: (In a matter-of-fact tone) Though, we're not really guaranteeing any real reliability in the boats.  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Muttering angrily) Know Elves to give ya crappy merchandise! (With a brief sigh) I suppose I liked Lórien much better than I thought I would. At least there's not a bunch of falling leaves. (A humongous pile of leaves falls on her and she sits there blinking for a moment) Ah, damn it.  
  
(We see Jimagorn walking through the wood, listening to Deleborn intently)  
  
Deleborn: (Speaking very seriously and low) There are other dangers upon the road, Jimagorn. An army of Orc and Elf running through the woods bearing the white hand of Andraman upon them-you cannot miss them. Though- (Turning to Jimagorn with a grim smile) spotting them is only part of your problem.  
  
(Deleborn hands Jimagorn a sheathed dagger. Jimagorn takes is slowly and unsheathes it, looking at it up and down. Then, he looks at Deleborn)  
  
Deleborn: (In Elvish) Go with caution, son of Jimathorn.  
  
(Jimagorn slowly places the dagger in his cloak. Then, we see Megolas coming up to a boat with Jessie Brandybuck and Rippin Took inside it. Megolas throws down some packs, opens one in her hands, and looks inside. Her eyes widen and she pulls out a wafer of lembas to show to the hobbits)  
  
Megolas: (Eagerly) Lembas! Elvish way-bread! One bite is enough to fill the stomach of a full-grown man! (Takes a bite, but suddenly looks disgusted) Oh-now I know why. (Closes the pack and puts it inside the boat)  
  
(We now see the company taking off in their boats, rowing slowly. We see the face of Megolas as she remembers what Lady Ashdriel told her before she left)  
  
Lady Ashdriel: Megolas, I present with you a Bow of Ashdriel. (We go back to see when Megolas was given a beautiful bow) Made of the finest ash, and one that is used by young hunters of wood. You will find much use for it.  
  
(We now see Megolas' face as she rows the boat, looking very pleased. Then, we see the smiling faces of Jessie Brandybuck and Rippin Took as they remember what Lady Ashdriel gave them)  
  
Lady Ashdriel: (As she speaks, we see when Jessie Brandybuck and Rippin Took were given daggers, and they unsheathe them and study them) To Jessie and Rippin, I present to you these daggers. And I also give Rippin Took an economy sized bottle of Beano. (She gives Rippin Took the big bottle of Beano)  
  
Rippin Took: (Quite angry by this) Will everyone just STOP making comments on my-okay, first of all, I'm NOT gassy!  
  
Lady Ashdriel: (Speaking in a serious tone) Use the daggers wisely-for they have already been used in war. (When Rippin Took looks away nervously, she continues in a gentle tone) Do not fear, Rippin Took-you will find your courage soon.  
  
(We go back to the smiling faces of Jessie Brandybuck and Rippin Took in the boat. Then, we see Kram Gamgee smiling as she remembers her gift from the Lady Ashdriel)  
  
Lady Ashdriel: And to you, Kramwise Gamgee, I give you a rope of hithlain.  
  
(We see when Kram Gamgee is handed the rope, and she looks overwhelmed with pride)  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Speaking shyly) Thank you, Miss Ashdriel! Thank you so much.  
  
(Lady Ashdriel smiles softly as she leaves Kram Gamgee, and we see Kram Gamgee scowl after her)  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Muttering angrily) Yeah, thanks for nothing! Rope? Rope? What the heck am I going to do with rope?  
  
(We see Lady Ashdriel approach a nervous looking Brimli. When Brimli looks up and sees who's in front of her, her eyes merely widen-she obviously expected Lady Ashdriel to pass by)  
  
Lady Ashdriel: (Handing Brimli a brand new axe) And to you, Brimli-daughter of Blóin-I give you a brand new axe. I hear you like to break your weapons, so I figured it'd be best if you had all the weapons you could.  
  
Brimli: (Taking the axe with shaking fingers) Gees-you didn't have to give me this!  
  
Lady Ashdriel: (In a simple tone) I know-but Deleborn made me give you something. If it would have been up to me alone, you wouldn't have gotten anything, on account that I really hate you.  
  
(We see the smiling face of Brimli in the boat, looking satisfied nonetheless with her gift. Then, we see the sudden grim face of Jimagorn as he rows and remembers what Lady Ashdriel told him. As she speaks, he remembers her speaking to him, while her eyes are on the Evenstar jewel given to him by Narwen)  
  
Lady Ashdriel: (In a simple tone) I do not know what to give you than the gift you already have. (Runs her hand over the jewel and speaks to Jimagorn in Elvish) I fear that the grace of Narwen Evenstar will diminish.  
  
Jimagorn: (Also in Elvish) I would have her leave-make her go with her people and be safe. But she is kind of an idiot, you know. And she likes to hold on to things.  
  
Lady Ashdriel: (In Elvish) Narwen's choices still remain undecided. I feel she will decide her fate for what is best before all of this is over. (Closes her eyes for a moment, releases the Evenstar, and speaks grimly to Jimagorn in Elvish one last time) We will not meet again, Jimagorn.  
  
Jimagorn: (In a shocked voice) Well-that was rather harsh!  
  
(We go back to see Jimagorn in the boat, looking back at Lórien grimly. Then, we see the face of Lizzo Baggins, looking very troubled as she remembers her gift from Lady Ashdriel)  
  
Lady Ashdriel: And to you, Lizzo, I give you the Light of Eärendil-our most beloved star, (In a firm tone) so don't lose it!  
  
(We see Lady Ashdriel hand the crystal phial of Eärendil to Lizzo Baggins, who is looking at it with a mixture of surprise and fear on her face. She looks up at Lady Ashdriel, who is smiling. We then go back to the face of Lizzo Baggins in the boat. She looks on the shores of Lórien, and is surprised to see Lady Ashdriel watching the company depart. As we hear her voice, Lady Ashdriel raises her hand in farewell to the company)  
  
Voice of Lady Ashdriel: (In a serious tone) Let it be a light for you in dark places, when all other lights go out-and a flashlight is not within reaching distance.  
  
(We now see the company going down the river in the boats, looking rather disgruntled, as they have to leave the beauty and the peace of Lórien. As they proceed down the river, we see them from overhead. Then, when they are far from Lórien and in another part of the river, we see Mikomir suddenly look up angrily)  
  
Mikomir: (In a rather offended tone) Hey! Why didn't I get a gift?  
  
Brimli: (In a snappy voice) Oh, pipe down, ya ninny! You're going to die anyways, so what's your problem?  
  
(Everyone in the company looks at Brimli with surprise, but she looks as if she has said nothing unusual)  
  
Mikomir: (In a low tone to Brimli) Uh-I think nobody was supposed to know that just yet.  
  
Brimli: (Eyes widening as she realizes what she did) Oh-oops.  
  
(The company proceeds down the river, where there are woods on both sides. We then see the fallen tree of a wooded area within. For a while, that is all we see-then, the many footsteps and growls of the Urak-hai Members sound as they crawl over the trees. Then, we get a good view of them running through the woods, searching for the company they have been sent and created to destroy. Suddenly, we hear Urak-hai Member#4 shout out in glee)  
  
Urak-hai Member#4: (In a proud voice) I'VE FOUND THEM! I'VE FOUND THE HALFLINGS! I'VE FOUND THE HALFLINGS!  
  
(The Urak-hai stops dead as Urak-hai Member#4 runs towards the front of the group to Urak-hai Member#1. Urak-hai Member#1 scolds as he sees what Urak- hai Member#4 is actually carrying-two big cabbages)  
  
Urak-hai Member#1: (Smacking Urak-hai Member#4 across the head) You idiot! Those are cabbages! Halflings are people-not vegetables! (Shouts to the group) Keep looking!  
  
(The Urak-hai resumes, but Urak-hai Member#2 hangs back to speak with Urak- hai Member#4)  
  
Urak-hai Member#2: (In a low tone) Hey-how much you want for the cabbages?  
  
(We see the Urak-hai run through the woods once more, and then go back to an overhead view of the company in the boats. Then, we see the company pull up upon the eastern shore. Megolas gets out of the boat and looks about, looking curious but not afraid)  
  
Megolas: (With a bit of a laugh in her voice) I don't know what Deleborn was talking about! The eastern shore's perfectly fine! Hey, Jimagorn, why don't you get the packs and set up camp. Brimli, you and I can look for kindling-  
  
(Megolas stops speaking immediately as she hears something from the woods in front of her-banjos; banjos playing, "The Battle of the Banjos" from Deliverance. We see Jimagorn look livid with fear)  
  
Jimagorn: (Hysterically shouting as he clasps his chest) Get back in the boat, Megolas! Get to the western shore! GET TO THE WESTERN SHORE!  
  
Rippin Took: (Curling up in a ball in fear) Hurry! I've seen this movie-I know what happens! Find a happy place! Find a happy place!  
  
(We see Megolas jump back in the boat, and the company paddles to the safety of the western shore, leaving the banjos behind them) 


	22. Scene Twenty One: Crappy Fight At Amon H...

Scene Twenty-One  
  
(We see the company finally stopping on a shore. It is evening. We see the suspicious look of Mikomir as he peeks around a big rock. He is looking towards the water, and the camera catches Jenolum floating down the river behind a rock, peeking over it. Then, we see Jimagorn join Mikomir, and look suddenly frustrated)  
  
Jimagorn: (Touching his chest) Jenolum-she has been following us ever since Moria. I have tried to shake her off our trail, but she is too clever a watchwoman.  
  
(We see Jenolum on the other side of the shore, holding up a tree branch in front of her and peeking to the side to see the other shore)  
  
Jenolum: (In a kind of crazy voice) Can't see usss! They can't see usss!  
  
Jimagorn: (See him glare across the shore) Damn, she's good!  
  
(We then see Lizzo Baggins, who is sitting on the shore as well, listening to the conversation. She looks a bit nervous at the fact that Jenolum is still on their trail. Then, we hear Kram Gamgee speak up)  
  
Kram Gamgee: (In a friendly tone) Want something to eat, Miss Lizzo?  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Coming back to earth, and shaking her head simply) No, Kram. (Quickly, rather hopefully) Wait a moment-you didn't cook the food tonight, did you?  
  
Kram Gamgee: (With a laugh) No, Miss Lizzo-I cooked the food tonight.  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (In a disappointed tone) Oh-well, then in that case-no thanks.  
  
Kram Gamgee: (In a concerned tone) You haven't eaten anything all day, Lizzo! Haven't slept either! (Sits next to Lizzo Baggins, who doesn't look at her) Don't think I haven't noticed, Miss Lizzo!  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (In an agitated tone) Sorry, mother! I'll be a good girl and eat my vegetables after I go to school like you said! As soon as I destroy this stupid Movie I'll be able to do my chores like a good lass! Whoopy dee!  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Frowning at this comment) That's not funny, Lizzo! You're starting to worry me!  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Trying to get Kram Gamgee to leave her alone) Kram, there's nothing wrong! Why won't you get off my back!  
  
Kram Gamgee: (In a concerned tone) I'm trying to help you, Miss Lizzo! Won't you just let me help you?  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Turns her head to Kram Gamgee slowly and looking very sad) You can't help me Kram-(Shaking her head) no one can. (Practically) Well, maybe Superman, but that's another story entirely.  
  
(Kram Gamgee looks very hurt by this, and Lizzo Baggins looks away from her)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (In a simple tone) Try to get some rest, Kram. Just leave me be for a moment.  
  
(Kram Gamgee gives her an unbelieving stare, a sudden scowl, and then gets up roughly. Lizzo Baggins looks down at her feet, unable to bring herself to say she did a very hurtful thing. We see Kram Gamgee angrily unrolling her blankets and laying them out to sleep in)  
  
Kram Gamgee: (As she takes off her boots, muttering) "You can't help me, Kram-no one can"! "I'm Lizzo Baggins! And just because I have a Movie that could destroy all of Middle-Earth, I can act like a big poop-head and boss people around"! "Lah-ti-freakin'-dah!"  
  
(We go back to see Mikomir conversing with Jimagorn)  
  
Jimagorn: (In a simple tone) I plan to stay as far from the eastern shore as possible. I have a feeling that Orcs are around-a foul evil that threatens to consume the company if we dare go near it.  
  
Mikomir: (With a shrug) It could be anything, ya know. Orcs, Goblins, Richard Simmons-  
  
Jimagorn: (Putting up hand) Stop! Stop! I think we both know that we can outrun them for a while-but for how long is a mystery to me.  
  
Mikomir: (In a cautious tone) The Movie-Bearer will not hold out for long, you know.  
  
Jimagorn: (Looking towards the water) She produces great strength, nonetheless. I have total faith in her.  
  
Mikomir: (In the same cautious manner) Still-the fate of such a big thing given to such a small creature is quite-questionable, you know.  
  
Jimagorn: (Snaps his gaze at Mikomir and has a hard look in his eyes) What are you getting at?  
  
Mikomir: (In a calm tone) Come now, Jimagorn. We both know what I'm talking about. You cannot possibly believe that a young hobbit-  
  
Jimagorn: (In a snapping tone) I would trust her with the Movie with my life. Much more than I would trust you with it-which is what you want, and I will refuse it once again. The Race of Man cannot be trusted with it.  
  
Mikomir: (With a hopeful smile) Can't blame a guy for trying, right?  
  
(Jimagorn gets up and is about to advance away, but Mikomir is not finished. He quickly gets up and speaks to Jimagorn)  
  
Mikomir: (Angrily) Why do you turn away from your own people when they are in great need? Why do you mistrust them so? Yes, there is weakness-yes there is frailty-and yes, we do charge way too much for fabric softener-but there is strength in there as well!  
  
(Jimagorn glares in disbelief and turns away, but Mikomir roughly turns him around to face him)  
  
Mikomir: (Angrily shaking Jimagorn by the arm) You turn away from me, and you turn away from everything that you are! Why do you act this way? Always running! Scared of who you are-what you are!  
  
Jimagorn: (Angrily shakes off the arm of Mikomir and speaks to him in a low angry tone) I wouldn't trust the entire line of Kings with the Movie-ever! Anybody who considers The Fast and the Furious as a great movie is obviously a nutter!  
  
Mikomir: (Furious) Well, now you're just talking crazy!  
  
(Jimagorn walks away, past the still form of the sleeping Lizzo Baggins. Yet, as soon as Jimagorn walks by, her eyes snap open and she looks very frightened at Mikomir's sudden behavior. She touches her chest, where the Movie lies hidden. Then, we see the company traveling up the river again in boats. Mikomir and Jimagorn are in separate boats, but Mikomir will occasionally glare at Jimagorn; Jimagorn keeps his eyes forward, choosing to pay no attention to Mikomir. Then, we see Jimagorn look up and his face brighten. He taps Lizzo Baggins, who sits in front of him, on the shoulder. Lost in her own thoughts, Lizzo Baggins looks up)  
  
Jimagorn: (In a breathless voice as he looks up) The Argonath-the Pillars of the Kings.  
  
(The camera shows the great kings in front of them. Their hands extended forward and their forms massive. The faces of the company are awe-stricken- some of them have open mouths. Rippin Took, who is in the boat in the front, squints towards the bottom of one of the pillars)  
  
Rippin Took: (Shouting back to Jimagorn) There's some writing on the stone here, Jimagorn!  
  
Jimagorn: (Looking up quickly with a furrowed brow) Odd. Legend does not tell of writing on the pillars. What does it say?  
  
Rippin Took: (Squinting as she reads) "Stop-in the name of love, before you break your-"  
  
Jimagorn: (Angrily) Awe, come on! Damn kids!  
  
Mikomir: (In a rather proud voice) I love that song!  
  
(We see the company pass through the Argonath, then they row the boats to the right, which is the area of Amon Hen. We see the company on the shore, resting after a long journey. The only one who seems to be out and about is Jimagorn, who is already laying out plans)  
  
Jimagorn: (In a quick tone, so that nobody will miss anything) We shall wait until nightfall, hide the boats, and continue on foot. Then, we head straight to Mordor-(Allowing himself a grim smile) and the end of our quest.  
  
Brimli: (Sitting next to Rippin Took, and looking rather disgruntled about Jimagorn's plan) Oh yes? That's it, just a simple task of going to Mordor? (Allows herself a laugh) Talk about your impossible labyrinth of sharp pointy rocks, which seems impossible to get through! And after that, it gets even better! Stinking marshland as far as the eye can see-ready to suck down anything that comes within a six-inch radius!  
  
Rippin Took: (Face falling as she hears Brimli speak) That's not better! That's a crappy road! (Looks at Jimagorn) Why're we taking the crappy road, Jimagorn?  
  
Jimagorn: (To Brimli in a stern tone) That is our road, Brimli. I suggest you get some rest and recover your strength.  
  
Brimli: (In an offended tone) Recover my-! Ooh!  
  
(Megolas, who has been looking at the forest, suddenly runs to Jimagorn and speaks in a low tone)  
  
Megolas: (In a serious tone) We should leave now.  
  
Jimagorn: (Simply shaking his head and touching his chest) No. Orcs patrol the eastern shore, and we'll have less hassle with them if we come here. Plus, I've just gotten comfortable, dude!  
  
Megolas: (Looking through the forest nervously) It is not the Orcs I fear. Something else draws near-(Looks at Jimagorn seriously) I can feel it.  
  
(Jessie Brandybuck, who is walking by, looks at both of them and smiles)  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: Maybe Rippin farted again.  
  
Rippin Took: (Shouting angrily) DAMN IT, JESSIE! SHUT UP!  
  
(Still laughing at what she just said, Jessie Brandybuck walks over to where Rippin Took and Brimli are sitting. She looks about. Nearby, Kram Gamgee is snoozing against a tree. Suddenly, we see Jessie Brandybuck frowns as she realizes something)  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (In a curious tone) Where's Lizzo?  
  
(Everyone hears this and looks around suddenly as they realized something that they had been ignorant of before: Lizzo Baggins is gone. Kram Gamgee awakens suddenly and Rippin Took looks over to where Lizzo Baggins' blanket lays out)  
  
Rippin Took: (Suddenly remembering) Oh yeah! Lizzo's gone, guys. She left a while ago.  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Angrily to Rippin Took) And you didn't tell us this why?  
  
Rippin Took: (With a shrug) Didn't seem important at the time! So sue me!  
  
Kram Gamgee: (With a menacing tone) Don't you dare tempt me!  
  
(We see Jimagorn look very concerned at the moment, and then we see Lizzo Baggins deep within the forest. She walks alone, lost within her thoughts. As she walks, you can tell she is deeply troubled. Lizzo Baggins stops and looks at an ancient statue whose head has long fallen off)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Sighs and continues to pace about, talking to herself occasionally) What am I going to do? This shouldn't be so hard, but I don't know. Ever since Kendalf fell, things haven't been the same. What am I going to do? (Suddenly realizing what she's doing) Okay-why am I talking to myself?  
  
(Lizzo Baggins stops speaking and looks at the ground in hopelessness. Then, we see Mikomir walk in front of her, carrying a big pile of wood. When he speaks, Lizzo Baggins jumps)  
  
Mikomir: (Matter-of-factly) None of us should be wandering alone-you especially. Didn't you ever watch Sesame Street when you were a kid? (Looks at Lizzo Baggins) Lizzo?  
  
(Hesitantly, not trusting him, Lizzo Baggins looks up at Mikomir with a suspicious stare)  
  
Mikomir: (Speaking in comforting tone) I know how you feel, Lizzo. You carry a great burden, Lizzo. And you suffer much-I can sense it. (With a rather convincing glance) Are you sure that you do not suffer needlessly? You need some counsel-will you not take mine? Don't doubt me just because I like to burn things-I'm actually a very good listener.  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Backing away quickly, and looking suspicious) I know what you would say-and it would seem like wisdom, but for the warning in my heart!  
  
Mikomir: (Staring off and coming back to earth) Hmm? I'm sorry, what did you say? I saw a big bush over there and thought it was quite interesting.  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Flatly) I'm not so sure I can trust you-something warns me to stay away from whatever aid you have to offer.  
  
Mikomir: (With a small laugh as he moves closer to the hobbit) Warning? What warning that you speak of?  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Stepping back, not trusting Mikomir) The little red siren in my head that seems to flash, "Don't trust him, Lizzo Baggins! He's crazy!" (Defensively) Don't think I haven't seen the panty-hoes in your pack! Jimagorn's not the only one who likes to feel sexy in an awkward way! You're mad!  
  
Mikomir: (With a strange smile) Is it so mad that I am trying to give you another option out of evil-another way?  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Rather firmly as she steps a fair distance from Mikomir) There is no other way! Were there cotton balls in your ears or something when Noelrond was telling us that over and over and over and over again? I don't know how you could miss it-he said it over fifty times. Then he made us listen to it on a recorded tape! (Irritably) Ah.great! Now I've got it stuck in my head!  
  
Mikomir: (A dark look coming to his face as he speaks angrily) I ask only for the strength to save my people! (Throws down the wood)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Frightened at Mikomir's temper) Well, throwing down wood and acting like a git isn't going to get you anywhere! Maybe you should-!  
  
Mikomir: (Not listening and talking in a convincing tone) If you would but lend me the Movie.  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Firmly, and clutching her chest) No!  
  
Mikomir: (In a begging tone) Please?  
  
Lizzo Baggins: No! Mikomir: (In the same begging tone) We can alternate! I'll have it Tuesdays and Thursdays, and you can have it Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays! You get more days to have it!  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Narrowing her eyes suspiciously) What about Saturdays and Sundays?  
  
Mikomir: (After thinking for a moment, sweat coming from his face) We'll flip for it. How's that?  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Angrily, shouting this time) NO!  
  
Mikomir: (His face darkening and he speaks with a low angry tone) What chance do you think you have, huh? What hope do you have of surviving the Dark Lord? He will find you! He will take the Movie! (Shouting as he speaks) And you will beg for death before the end!  
  
(Lizzo Baggins has a moment of fear in her eyes, but it is quickly replaced with hot rage. She glares at Mikomir and turns away from him to walk away. But, as if suddenly triggered, Mikomir advances after her)  
  
Mikomir: (In a maddened tone) FOOL!  
  
(Lizzo Baggins looks behind her and runs when she realizes that Mikomir is advancing upon her. But Mikomir-maddened by his desire for the Movie-grabs her by the cloak and she goes down. Mikomir jumps on Lizzo Baggins and begins to practically claw for the Movie)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Screaming and kicking) GET AWAY FROM ME!  
  
Mikomir: (In a hungry voice) Give me the Movie!  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Shouting) BITE ME!  
  
(They struggle. Lizzo Baggins finally draws out the Movie and quickly pushes the play chip. In no time, she is invisible. Mikomir stops trying to obtain the Movie and looks in wonderment at what just happened)  
  
Mikomir: (In a curious tone) What the-?  
  
(Mikomir shouts as something punches him in the face, and we see the invisible Lizzo Baggins make a dash away from him. Mikomir gets up and rubs his face)  
  
Mikomir: (Camera closes in about his face, as it grows dark) Oh I see! (Shouting) YOU WILL TAKE THE MOVIE TO JAURON! YOU WILL DESTROY US ALL! CURSE YOU! (Stands up angrily) CURSE YOU AND ALL THE OTHER HALFLINGS!  
  
(We hear Lizzo Baggins shout from a distance)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Angrily) YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT! I'M TAKIN' THE MOVIE TO JAURON! I'M GOIN' TO MORDOR, THE ONE PLACE I DON'T WANTA GO! YA FREAKIN' MORON!  
  
Mikomir: (Still shouting angrily) CURSE YOU! (Shouts out in pain as he trips and falls hard upon the earth. When he looks up, he suddenly realizes what has just happened and he looks frightened. In a gentle tone) Lizzo? Lizzo? (Sits up and looks about) LIZZO! I'M SORRY! I LOVE HALFLINGS! AND I LIKE TEA! I DON'T KNOW HOW THAT'S ANY BETTER, BUT I'LL FIND A GOOD ARGUMENT LATER!  
  
(We see Lizzo Baggins running in the world of the Movie. The wind and the mist are thick here. She runs up some stone stairs and looks through a crevice in some stone. We see her looking at a dark tower-it looks as if we are flying towards it)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Frightened) I don't like this! I don't like this at all!  
  
(Then, we are going up the tower at the same speed. Once we get there, Lizzo Baggins lets out a horrified gasp-for at the top of the tower is the Eye of Jauron)  
  
Eye of Jauron: (In a goofy voice) How's it going? (Then, in an evil voice) Give it to me, Lizzo! Give it to me, now! Give me my Movie!  
  
(But Lizzo Baggins is already moving her finger to the stop chip on the Movie, and she is stepping away from the crevice. When she pushes stop, we see her fall back into the normal world. She falls with a hard thud upon a ruined sight of a cavern. For a while, she breathes in and out, frightened out of her mind of what has just happened, grasping the Movie like a life preserver. Then, she sits bolt-upright, knowing suddenly what has happened and what caused it to happen-why Mikomir was acting so oddly. Then, we see Jimagorn enter, looking relieved that he found Lizzo Baggins, yet concerned when he sees the look on her face)  
  
Jimagorn: (In a concerned tone) Lizzo?  
  
(Lizzo Baggins looks quickly at Jimagorn, her trust tattered and fear outlining her face)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (In a quaking voice) It has taken Mikomir!  
  
Jimagorn: (His eyes narrow suspiciously) Where is the Movie?  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Shouting with fright and dashing away from Jimagorn as if he were crazy) Stay away! Get the heck away from me, you ninny!  
  
(As Lizzo Baggins dashes from Jimagorn, he follows, looking very confused about what is going on)  
  
Jimagorn: (In a simple tone) Lizzo!  
  
(Lizzo Baggins stops and turns to face Jimagorn, breathing in and out with fear)  
  
Jimagorn: (Placing a hand upon his chest and stroking himself fondly) I swore I would protect you!  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (In a petrified tone) Can you protect me from yourself?  
  
Jimagorn: (Thinks for a moment) I don't know-I can be very outgoing sometimes and I like to jump into things-and if I'm too distracted with how sexy I am, I'm very unreliable!  
  
(He stops speaking as he sees Lizzo Baggins looking at the Movie in her palm. She looks at Jimagorn with tears building in her eyes)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (In a desperate tone) Would you destroy it? (After Jimagorn does not answer for a time, she asks more loudly and hysterically) Would you?  
  
(Jimagorn looks upon the Movie, the camera closing in about his face as he thinks about it. Then, we see him step towards Lizzo Baggins, and we see Jimagorn reach down slowly as if the take the Movie. But he closes his eyes suddenly, as if aware of what is going on, and instead, he kneels down and closes Lizzo Baggins' fingers about the Movie. Lizzo Baggins is sobbing openly)  
  
Jimagorn: (In a sad tone as he speaks) I would have gone with you all the way-to the very fires of Mordor-and even past the evil people who look like Bob Saggot.  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Holding back her tears to speak to Jimagorn) I know. (For a while, she says nothing, and Jimagorn waits patiently. Finally, she speaks in a quick and concerned tone) Look after the others-especially Kram. (Looks down in dismay) She will not understand-she's not that smart, after all.  
  
(Suddenly we hear the muffled playing of, "Roxanne". Knowing what it must mean, Jimagorn looks down at Lizzo Baggins' sword and his eyes grow wide with fear)  
  
Jimagorn: (In a quick ordering tone as he stands up and unsheathes his sword) Go, Lizzo.  
  
(Lizzo Baggins unsheathes Sting, and it sings loudly the song, "Roxanne". Lizzo Baggins looks up at Jimagorn with fear in her eyes)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Petrified) That's a bad song too! That must mean-!  
  
Jimagorn: (Ordering) Run. (Looks at Lizzo Baggins, who is rooted to the spot, and shouts angrily) RUN!  
  
(Lizzo Baggins takes one last look at the man who had helped her come so far on this-the one that had led the company after the demise of the wizard- and runs off. We see Jimagorn turn around and face the many members of the Urak-hai. The Orcs face him with anger and hate upon their faces. Jimagorn approaches the Orcs fearlessly, his sword raised. With an almighty cry, the Urak-hai attack, and Jimagorn fights valiantly. After a few seconds of fighting, we see Megolas and Brimli join into the fighting. Megolas is shooting arrows off immediately, and Brimli is shouting hysterically as she swings her axes. Then, we see the horrible face of Urak-hai Member#1)  
  
Urak-hai Member#1: (Shouting to the Orcs) FIND THE HALFLING! FIND THE HALFLING!  
  
(A bunch of Urak-hai go off and bump into trees-landing motionless on the ground and groaning from the force. Urak-hai Member#1 rolls his eyes impatiently)  
  
Urak-hai Member#1: (Shouting irritably) OKAY, LET ME REPHRASE THAT! FIND THE HALFLING-IN AN ORDERLY, SOPHISTICATED MANNER!  
  
(We see Lizzo Baggins running into the wood as if with wings on her feet, the branches and leaves on the trees brushing up against her. We then see Kram Gamgee looking in the forest for Lizzo Baggins-unaware with anything that is going on)  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Worried as she shouts) MISS LIZZO! LIZZO!  
  
(We go back to see Jimagorn, Megolas, and Brimli fighting effortlessly. We close in on Megolas, who is smiling)  
  
Megolas: (In a bright tone) You know, fighting is almost like a dance step! (Starts singing as she pulls out an arrow and shoots an Orc) Let's get physical! Physical! I wanna get physical! Physical! (Takes out a knife and stabs an Orc)  
  
(We then see Lizzo Baggins running in the forest again, faster as she hears Urak-hai Members approaching. Quickly, she jumps behind a huge tree and plasters herself against it. The Urak-hai Members run by, leaving Lizzo Baggins unnoticed. She waits for a long time to let out a breath of relief. Then, we hear Rippin Took whisper)  
  
Rippin Took: (In an excited whisper) Lizzo!  
  
(Lizzo Baggins looks over to where the voice came from and we see Rippin Took and Jessie Brandybuck concealed cleverly in some bushes. They are waving at her to invite her to hide as well)  
  
Rippin Took: (Whispering) Hide here! Quick, Lizzo! Jessie Brandybuck: (Whispering as well) It's quite all right! I snuck some Beano in Rippin's breakfast-she won't be goin' off for another few hours!  
  
Rippin Took: (Glares at Jessie Brandybuck) So that's why I feel bloated!  
  
(We close in on Lizzo Baggins' face, which looks very saddened. We go back to Rippin Took and Jessie Brandybuck, who look very confused)  
  
Rippin Took: (Whispering) What is she doing?  
  
(We see Lizzo Baggins simply shake her head at them, telling them she cannot hide with them. This seems to explain everything wordlessly to Jessie Brandybuck, whose face falls when she realizes it. Rippin Took looks at Jessie Brandybuck curiously)  
  
Rippin Took: (Confused) What?  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (In a simple tone) She's leaving.  
  
(We see Lizzo Baggins shrug at her friends simply. Jessie Brandybuck looks as if she understands, but Rippin Took is not going to take this)  
  
Rippin Took: (Angrily) Oh, no you don't! (Jumps out of the bushes and stomps over to Lizzo Baggins)  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (In an angry whisper as she runs after Rippin Took) No!  
  
Rippin Took: (To Lizzo Baggins) You know how much crap we had to put up with in order to get you this far? I did not jump on a big cave troll for nothing, missy! You better straighten up and play with the group because in life, you're gonna have to work with people you don't like! Why do you think they made us do all those dumb group projects in school? For fun? (Puffs up indignantly) I think not!  
  
(Jessie Brandybuck gasps as she looks up and sees more Urak-hai Members coming their way. Lizzo Baggins is horrified)  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Whispering to Lizzo Baggins in an urgent matter) Go, Lizzo! Go! (Looks at Urak-hai Members and shouts) HEY! IDIOTS! LOOKIN' FOR US? COME ON!  
  
Rippin Took: (Catching on and shouting as well) YEAH! YOU SMELL LIKE CABBAGES AND OLD LADY-AND NOT THE NICE KIND THAT LIKES TO BAKE COOKIES! COME ON, COME AN' GET US!  
  
(We see the Urak-hai Members run towards them, and Jessie Brandybuck and Rippin Took dash down the hill and attempt to escape their foes. When everybody's past, Lizzo Baggins peeks from around the tree)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (In a shocked tone) I've been saved by idiots-how embarrassing!  
  
(Lizzo Baggins shudders and makes a run from the tree. We then see Jessie Brandybuck and Rippin Took running from the Urak-hai Members)  
  
Rippin Took: (In an excited tone) Look, Jessie! It's working!  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Angrily) No duh, Rippin! Keep running!  
  
(Both of the hobbits run as fast as they can, but then they realize that their way is being barred off-they are going to be trapped. They stop running and look at the Orcs coming at them. Immediately, both take out their swords)  
  
Rippin Took: (In a frightened tone) Jessie, this is the scariest thing that's ever happened to me!  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Also frightened) Even scarier than when the Phone Solicitors were after us?  
  
Rippin Took: (Nodding) Yeah!  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Still in the frightened tone) Even scarier than the Balrog coming after us?  
  
Rippin Took: (Nodding) Oh, heck yes!  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: Even scarier than the time you got your head stuck in that sweater that was too small for you?  
  
Rippin Took: (About to answer, but then goes into a look of thought. She shakes her head) No-that was pretty scary all on its own.  
  
(Both the hobbits raise their weapons as the Orcs advance upon them. Suddenly we see Mikomir run from the side, his sword out and looking furious. Before the first Orc can raise its sword to strike the hobbits, Mikomir has killed him. The Urak-hai Members attack from all sides, but the three members of the company are fighting as if stricken mad. We see Mikomir attacking Orcs left and right, and we also see Jessie Brandybuck and Rippin Took off to the side throwing stones at the Orcs)  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Grabbing Rippin Took by the arm to stop her) Wait a moment! We have swords-why don't we just use those?  
  
Rippin Took: (Eyes widening as she realizes this) Oh! (Pulls out her sword and dagger) So those are what they're for!  
  
(The two hobbits scream as they attack. Mikomir is fighting spectacularly, but he knows he cannot finish them all off at once. He puts the horn of Gondor to his lips and blows. We see Jimagorn, Megolas, and Brimli look up from their fighting as they hear it from the distance)  
  
Megolas: (Angrily) Did Rippin fart again?  
  
Jimagorn: (His eyes growing wide with worry) No! The horn of Gondor! Mikomir needs aid! Hurry!  
  
(The three set out, and we come back to see Mikomir fighting. Jessie Brandybuck and Rippin Took are fighting as well, tripping Orcs and attacking them when they're down. Then, out of the crowd of Urak-hai Members coming towards them, we see-from out of the trees-Urak-hai Member#1. He looks angry and comes silently; nobody seems to notice him. Urak-hai Member#1 pulls out a massive bow and strings a monstrous arrow upon it. Mikomir fails to notice, too caught up with the Orcs around him to notice)  
  
Mikomir: (Smiling triumphantly as he fights) Ha! Ha! I am Mikomir, heir to Gondor! I am my father's son and I am a man of iron! Nothing can penetrate my soul and the honor that protects me!  
  
(Urak-hai Member#1 fires the arrow and it lands right in Mikomir's chest. Mikomir lunges back, taken totally by shock at what has just happened)  
  
Mikomir: (Looking down at the arrow) Well-maybe except-that.  
  
(Rippin Took and Jessie Brandybuck stop fighting-their faces pulled into looks of horror as they see what has befallen Mikomir. For a moment, it looks as if Mikomir will fall-but with a battle cry, he is upon his feet again, swinging his sword as if unwounded. Then, we see Urak-hai Member#1 shoot another massive arrow at Mikomir, hitting him again in the chest. Mikomir staggers dangerously, sputtering as his life slowly seeps out of him. Yet, despite the weakness building inside him, he fights-a bit more weakly now, but with many shouts of battle cries. Then, we see Urak-hai Member#1, closer this time, shoot another arrow into Mikomir)  
  
Rippin Took: (Tears streaming down her eyes as she shouts and makes an advance forward) STOP IT!  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Tears falling on her face as well as she holds back Rippin Took) Rippin, there is nothing we can do!  
  
(Rippin Took looks at Mikomir, who is on his knees now, too weak to fight anymore-knowing that it is all over)  
  
Rippin Took: (Raising her sword) To hell there isn't! We're gonna try and fight them off!  
  
Jessie Brandybuck: (Looking determined as she raises her sword as well) Yeah! Because we're stupid, and proud of it!  
  
Rippin Took: (With a proud shout) DAMN STRAIGHT! (They both start running towards the advancing Orcs) DON'T WORRY, MIKOMIR! WE'LL SAVE YOU!  
  
(The advancing Orcs scoop up Jessie Brandybuck and Rippin Took in one sweep. The hobbits start screaming hysterically)  
  
Rippin Took: (Shouting hysterically) SAVE US, MIKOMIR! SAVE US!  
  
(But they are being carried off, and the other Orcs follow them-all but the Urak-hai Member#1, who stands in front of Mikomir with the bow ready to shoot another arrow, this one for the kill. Mikomir looks at the Urak-hai Member#1 with sad eyes, waiting for his death to come. But then, Jimagorn runs right into the Urak-hai Member#1, bowling him over. The two immediately begin to fight. Jimagorn is quick, but not quick enough to escape some of the monster's blows. Twice, Jimagorn is at risk of being decapitated. Jimagorn is thrown to the ground and the Urak-hai Member#1 walks over to him, raising his sword to strike, but Jimagorn plunges the dagger that was given to him back at Lórien into the monster's knee. It allows Jimagorn to get to his feet. The Urak-hai Member#1 rips out the dagger, and licks the blood off it)  
  
Jimagorn: (His face pulled into disgust) That is so unhygienic!  
  
(The Urak-hai Member#1 hurls the dagger at Jimagorn, but Jimagorn blocks it by putting up his sword. Jimagorn yells out and runs at the Urak-hai Member#1. Jimagorn is able to cut off the monster's right arm and plunge the sword into the stomach)  
  
Urak-hai Member#1: (Looks at the sword in his stomach) You think that's gonna stop me? (Pushes the sword further in, drawing the startled Jimagorn closer) You really think I'm going to fall from your sword? Yeah right! (Looks Jimagorn in the face) You are so hot right now.  
  
(Jimagorn yells out, takes the sword out from the stomach of the Urak-hai Member#1, and cuts the monster's head off. After that, he kneels to the ground, touching his chest in comfort. Then, he looks over to see Mikomir lying on the ground and his eyes grow wide with dismay. We see Jimagorn run over to Mikomir, stepping on dead bodies as he goes. With each body he steps on we hear them gruffly call out, "Ouch". Jimagorn kneels next to Mikomir)  
  
Mikomir: (In a weak tone) They-They took the little ones! The one wearing the glasses-and the severely gassy one! (Very weakly) Lizzo-where is- Lizzo? Jimagorn: (After a moment of silence) I have let Lizzo go.  
  
Mikomir: (With a grim smile) Then-you did-what I could not. (Grasps Jimagorn's shoulder) I-tried to-take the-Movie-from her.  
  
Jimagorn: (Outraged) What? So that's why she was acting so weirdly! You twit! What were you thinking?  
  
Mikomir: (Weakly) I wasn't-thinking, Jimagorn. The-Movie-took me over. For-give me.  
  
Jimagorn: (With an angry sigh) All right, but I'm only forgiving you because you're dying! If you were alive, I'd kick your ass.  
  
Mikomir: (Weakly) You-were right-Jimagorn. Men-are weak. I will go-and Minas Tirith-shall fall. I told them-that they-shouldn't have built-it on that-cliff! Landslides-are more common-these days!  
  
Jimagorn: (After a long moment of silence, grasping Mikomir's hand) I will not let that happen, Mikomir. I will do everything I can to help.  
  
(Mikomir smiles and grits his teeth in pain. Jimagorn places Mikomir's sword in his outstretched hand, and helps Mikomir move it to rest across his chest, blade down. At that moment, Megolas and Brimli appear from out of the forest)  
  
Brimli: (In an excited voice) Hey, you guys! Megolas just showed me this tree that looked kind of like John Melloncamp! It was so-(Sees what's going on and stops speaking) Oh-sorry.  
  
Mikomir: (Looking up at Jimagorn with a weak smile) One-more thing- Jimagorn: feed-my-dog.  
  
(And with that, Mikomir tilts his head to the side and dies. Jimagorn closes his eyes in dismay and a single tear falls down his face. Shaking slightly, Jimagorn gets to his feet and looks at the body of Mikomir)  
  
Jimagorn: (In a peaceful tone) Rest in peace, son of Gondor. (Looks at the sky and the camera closes in about his face) Rest in peace. (Touches himself on the chest, and on the screen we see the letters, "Oscar Nominee Clip")  
  
Megolas: (Whispering to Brimli) Uh-I guess this isn't the best time to talk about who gets Mikomir's stuff?  
  
Brimli: (Shaking her head) Uh-no. 


	23. Scene Twenty Two: The Breaking of the Fe...

Scene Twenty-Two  
  
(We now see Lizzo Baggins standing on the edge of the shore, in front of a boat. She is lost in her thoughts-wondering what she must do and where she must go. She holds the Movie within her palm)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (In a far-off voice) I've been standing here for two whole hours-and I still don't know what the hell I'm going to do.  
  
(Then, we suddenly see Kram Gamgee running through the forest and shouting)  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Shouting worriedly) LIZZO! LIZZO!  
  
(We go back to Lizzo Baggins on the shore, and we hear Kram Gamgee shouting from a distance. The camera closes in about the Movie in her palm, then goes back up to Lizzo Baggins' face as she remembers something)  
  
Voice of Lizzo Baggins: I wish the Movie had never come to me! I wish none of this had happened!  
  
Voice of Kendalf: (We go in on his face as he says his thing) So do all who live to see such times, but that is not for them to decide. All that you have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to you. (Slightly frustrated as he speaks next) There, I changed it so that it will be more for your liking! You know what you have to do, so get out there and do it! Stop being the pansy that Milbo was and actually do something with your life! And don't remember my philosophies again unless they're really important! This mist is hell on my complexion! Gees! Just because I'm dead doesn't mean I don't care how I look in public!  
  
(We see Lizzo Baggins' face again, streaked with tears-she knows what she must do. With a gulp, we see her put the Movie in her chest pocket, pushes the boat out into the river, and jumps in. Just as she's well away from the shore, Kram Gamgee runs onto the shore)  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Looking crestfallen at her master going away) LIZZO!  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (To herself, rowing towards the other shore) No, Kram. Just ignore her, Lizzo. Just ignore her.  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Shouting very loudly) LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIZZZZZZZZZZZZZZOOOOOOO!  
  
(Lizzo Baggins scrunches up her face, but doesn't turn back. We see Kram Gamgee run into the water after the boat)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Turning around to face Kram Gamgee, tears in her eyes, and speaking rather firmly) Go back, Kram! I'm going to Mordor alone!  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Wading in the water, which is now waist deep, and shouting) Sure you are! And I'm going with you!  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Angrily) That doesn't even make sense, you ninny! (As Kram Gamgee keeps coming towards her, she says desperately) Kram, you can't swim!  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Indignantly) I can dog paddle!  
  
(Kram Gamgee begins to dog paddle towards the boat, but it doesn't seem to be working as well as she would've hoped. She yelps as she begins to sink)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Shouting) Kram! (Angrily, turning the boat around to go back) Damn it, Kram! Now I gotta turn around and save your butt!  
  
(Kram Gamgee is waving her arms about frantically, trying to resurface, but only sinking further. With a muffled shout, she goes under. We close up on Lizzo Baggins, who is leaning off the boat with fear in her eyes)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Shouting fearfully) KRAM! KRAM!  
  
(We get an underwater view of Kram Gamgee struggling to get back to the surface-to breathe air once more. But after a moment of trying and trying, nothing seems to work. We see Kram Gamgee's eyes begin to droop slowly, and we close in on her hand, which is the only thing that is near the surface. Then, we see Lizzo Baggins' hand plunge into the water and grasp Kram Gamgee's. Kram Gamgee grasps it, and then we see Lizzo Baggins pulling Kram Gamgee onto the boat)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Frantically) It's all right, Kram! I've got you!  
  
(But both hobbits let out a shriek as the boat capsizes and they go under. After about five seconds, Lizzo Baggins & Kram Gamgee make it to the surface, clutching to the capsized boat while they catch their breath)  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Choking on water) Lizzo-I didn't know-you were God!  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Angrily) I'm not, you ninny!  
  
Kram Gamgee: (In a simple tone) I guess that makes more sense.  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Angrily) Kram, you big moron! You could have gotten us killed! What the devil were you thinking? (Looks at Kram Gamgee for a moment with concern upon her face) Why would you do something like that?  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Sniffing, and speaking with dignity, tears streaming down her face) Because I made a promise, Lizzo! A promise! "Don't you leave her, Kramwise Gamgee!" And I don't mean to-because even though he's dead, Kendalf still scares the crap out of me! (Begins sobbing)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Tears coming down her face and her lip trembling) Oh-Kram!  
  
(Lizzo Baggins pulls Kram Gamgee into a tight, one-armed embrace. There is nothing said, just tears wept. Lizzo Baggins realizes it: she cannot leave her friend behind so cold-heartily. Lizzo Baggins pulls Kram Gamgee away from her to look into her eyes)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (In a hurried tone) Come on! Help get this boat right side up, then grab an oar and paddle to the other shore!  
  
Kram Gamgee: (With a small scowl) Uh-I just got rescued from drowning; I'll have you know!  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Gives Kram Gamgee an irritated look) Just paddle, you nitwit!  
  
(We see them paddle off from where they were towards the eastern shore. Then, we see Mikomir lying in an empty boat. The arrows have been taken from his body, and he clutches the sword across his chest. We go to the western shore, where Megolas, Brimli, and Jimagorn watch the boat go down the river towards the massive waterfall of Rauros)  
  
Brimli: (Singing her respects in a great, preacher-like way) Amazing grace, how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me! I once-  
  
Jimagorn: (Interrupts her and speaks in a respectable tone) Uh, Brimli, maybe you'd best sing his son. You know, the one he loved so.  
  
Brimli: (Wrinkling her nose) Jimagorn, I don't think-!  
  
Jimagorn: (In a stern tone) He would have wanted it, Brimli!  
  
Brimli: (Sighing angrily and singing rather flatly and gruffly) Up against the wall, Redneck Mother-  
  
Jimagorn: (A smile upon his face and shouting) Louder, Brimli! Louder!  
  
Brimli: (Practically shouting) MOTHER, WHO KNEW US ALL SO WELL-!  
  
(We suddenly see the boat carrying Mikomir go off the waterfall, and we hear him shout from a distance)  
  
Mikomir: I'm not dead yet! (As the boat vanishes within the mist and foam produced the waterfall, there is a sickening crunch and we hear him groan) Now I am!  
  
(We see Megolas taking a boat and putting it in the water)  
  
Megolas: (In an excited tone) Hurry! Lizzo and Kram have reached the eastern shore! (Looks to see Jimagorn look towards the eastern shore grimly. Her face falls) You mean not to go after them?  
  
Jimagorn: (Simply) Lizzo's fate-is no longer in our hands.  
  
Brimli: (Running up the edge of the shore) Wait! I'll get trailer-park mother on them! (Shouting towards the eastern shore) GIT YOUR BUTT BACK ON THIS SHORE! GIT YOUR BUTT-DON' YOU LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT, GIRL! GIT YOUR BUTT-I MEAN IT! GIT YOUR BUTT BACK ON THIS SHORE! I SWEAR I'LL HAVE YOUR BUTTS ON A PLATTER IF YOU TWO DON'T GIT OVER HERE BY THE COUNT OF THREE! DON'T MAKE ME COME OVER THERE!  
  
(We see Lizzo Baggins and Kram Gamgee, head into the forest on the eastern shore. They look back)  
  
Kram Gamgee: (In an awkward tone) Should we go back?  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Looking at Kram Gamgee with wide eyes) I find that very annoying! Why would I want to go back?  
  
(We go back to Megolas, Brimli, and Jimagorn on the western shore)  
  
Brimli: (Shouting still) DON'T YOU WALK AWAY FROM ME WHEN YOU KNOW I'M TALKIN' TO YOU, GIRL! GIRL! GIRL! GIT YOUR BUTT-!  
  
Megolas: (Angrily getting up and snapping at Brimli) Oh, would you quit it? You're pissing me off!  
  
Jimagorn: (In a simple tone) Besides-they are not coming back.  
  
Brimli: (Coming from the shore and speaking grimly) Then it has all been in vain. The fellowship has failed. (Sits upon the earth roughly) We suck! I blame it on Megolas!  
  
(Megolas frowns at Brimli, but Jimagorn goes over to both of them, places a hand on each of their shoulders, and smiles)  
  
Jimagorn: (Proudly) Not if we hold true to one another.  
  
(We see Brimli and Megolas smile at Jimagorn)  
  
Jimagorn: (In the same proud tone) We will not leave Jessie and Rippin to torment and torture.  
  
Megolas: (Her face falling) We won't? Awe-but those are the jinxed ones!  
  
Jimagorn: (Rather incredulously) They're hobbits, nonetheless, Megolas! (Sheathing the dagger) We travel light and proceed on foot. (Looks at Megolas and Brimli with a mischievous smile) Let's hunt some Orc!  
  
(Jimagorn plunges into the forest, heading right. Megolas and Brimli look at one another)  
  
Megolas: (In a rather hopeless tone) I'm taking in the fact that we don't really have a choice, here?  
  
Brimli: (Nodding) I was thinking that too.  
  
(They're about to follow him, but then Jimagorn runs out from the forest)  
  
Jimagorn: (Pointing proudly to the left) I just remembered it's this way!  
  
Megolas & Brimli: (Triumphantly) YEAH! THAT WAY! (Both point to the left)  
  
(We see Megolas, Brimli, and Jimagorn run into the woods, entering from the left. Then, we see Lizzo Baggins and Kram Gamgee standing upon the highest point of Emyn Muil. Below them, a rocky mess looms dangerously. And in the distance-glowing red and with forbidding-is Mordor)  
  
Kram Gamgee: (With a loathing in her voice) Mordor.  
  
(We close in about their faces as they look towards the distance)  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (In a grim tone) I hope the others find a safer route.  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Reassuringly) Gazer will look after them.  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (After a moment of silence) I don't suppose we'll ever see them again.  
  
Kram Gamgee: (With a shrug) We may, Miss Lizzo. We may. (Her face suddenly snaps into a look of realization) Uh, wait a moment-Jessie and Rippin were still with them, weren't they?  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Her eyes widening) Yes-well it was nice knowing them. (She looks in the distance for a long moment-only thinking about what lays ahead. Finally she speaks in a friendly tone and turns to Kram Gamgee) Kram-you're as dumb as a mule and half as ugly.  
  
Kram Gamgee: (Looking offended) Hey!  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (With a smile) But I'm glad you're with me.  
  
Kram Gamgee: (With a smile) Oh! Me too, Miss Lizzo.  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Looking towards the distance with a grim smile) Well, it's going to be a short journey from here now.  
  
(We see Lizzo Baggins and Kram Gamgee begin to go down into Emyn Muil, and the camera zooms out to see them going down at a distance)  
  
Kram Gamgee: (In a rather awkward voice) Uh, Miss Lizzo, I don't mean to be a bother, but I've gotta go to the bathroom again.  
  
Lizzo Baggins: (Sounding a bit annoyed) Or-it could be longer than I thought.  
  
(We black out and see the credits)  
  
The End. 


End file.
